Coldarmy13 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Here is an update beginning yesterday. Wish I had more than text message but that's all I have to work with. Id really like to see her and, most likely, break up in person. Now I feel im getting mixed signals. Heres what I have Yesterday morning Her: Sorry I fell asleep. Me: Is there anything you wanted to say since I sent you a bunch yesterday? Her: I think we should probably just not talk over text. Me: I agree! That's why I was asking you in person last time I saw you because something didn't feel right then you texted me what was the equivalent of breaking up a couple hours later after I left. (The texts I posted from Monday) I can swing by after work tonight, but if not id rather not be left in limbo. Her: Im not sure what you want me to say? Me: That we can talk tonight? If this doesn't work for you then id rather come to a conclusion one way or the other in person. Her: Might have to be when I get out of work tomorrow (today) Me: I may have plans. Her: Alright well the day after that? Me: Well I don't have anything set in stone just yet but its hard for me to put this off when all you've given me is that this isn't going to work out. Arent you off work today? Her: That's not exactly what I said...and I cant today let me know about tomorrow (today) I guess? Or the following day. Me: Sorry for being frustrated but im probably talking about an hour of your time. When do you get out tomorrow? Her: 10 Me: That's fine. Ill make it happen. Have fun tonight. (Since she wouldn't say why she couldn't get together for something I thought would be important.) At this point all I want is closure and I really really don't want to do it over text. I want to hear her out but then be able to explain my point of view then we can go from there. Im content with NC at this point until I was going to see her after work the next day (today). Heres where some mixed signals come in. About 8 pm last night: Her: Just want you to know I really do care about you. Me: Appreciate you saying so. I really care about you. Then today when I get into work in pretty decent spirits, knowing that by the end of the night ill have it all figured out one way or the other. Then I get this when I pull into work. Her: Will have to meet up tomorrow or another day. Didn't want to meet up yesterday bc I was running a fever and still feeling crappy today had to call into work. Me: Shouldve just said so yesterday, I would've been more understanding than I was. You should probably see the doctor. I could be busy at least some of this weekend. how about you let me know when you want to see me? Her: Didn't want you to worry about it. Me: About you being sick?? Her: Yea. Didn't want to complain. Me: You can complain to me.. just saying that you cant yesterday with no reason is more worrisome than because youre sick. Her: Im sorry. Me: Don't be sorry, all I ask for is for communication. If youre sick and still going through your cycle still you should really call your doctor though. That's where im at. I suggested to doctor because shes apparently being going through her cycle for 3 weeks and now is running a fever. Why she just didn't say she was sick yesterday instead of just saying I cant is weird to me. Because you didn't want me to worry? Didn't want to complain? The last thing I ever want to do is break up over the phone without face to face discussion, but im starting to think I wont have a choice. I still have that small grain of hope but im realistic. Im an adult, and would like to be treated as such, therefore doing it in person. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 If you are basically clear that it is over...what difference is a discussion going to make? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 I'm not completely clear. If it's true about her cycle then she could be acting this way and legitimately be having issues and not feeling right, and not feeling right for a long time. If it's been 3 weeks then that's pretty much when she's been acting strange. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 She mentioned not wanting talk but not through text and drops a random "I really care about you" text so I wanted to hear her out before leaving. I'm the type to prefer to do that in person. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 That's fine. Bit you really should be prepared for the outcome. "I really care about you" is very much the sign that the relationship is over...she feels bad about it..but that doesn't mean she wants to work on it. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 That's fine. Bit you really should be prepared for the outcome. "I really care about you" is very much the sign that the relationship is over...she feels bad about it..but that doesn't mean she wants to work on it. That's honestly all I expect to happen. Would like to get it over with instead of waiting. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I get that. What I don't get is what difference meeting and talking about it will do. Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I think it is best to meet and talk it out. I don't understand why anyone would want to end it over text. Even a phone call is better. Im with you coldarmy, do what you think is best to end this. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 I told her tomorrow would be fine, that I rescheduled plans from tomorrow to tonight. Said to let me know. If she doesn't see me tomorrow I'll probably be forced to try to set up a call. Im really feeling that she's avoiding the it, despite not wanted to talk about it on the phone, she sure isn't trying very hard to talk in person. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Because it is going to be awkward and uncomfortable...and changes nothing. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 I'm already in the mourning stage. I have no faith I'll be able to see her tomorrow. On Tuesday morning I cried out of absolutely nowhere for a good 5 minutes. I've teared up a couple of times already today even while doing random things. I guess I'm just really going to miss her. The way her eyes lit up when she smiled, her laugh, the face she makes when she's lining up her pool shot.. A lot of things. How intoxicating it was when I'd smell her hair or kiss her neck. Okay, now I'm going to break up again but it was my fault talking about her. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I guess I don't get why she's too sick to meet up with you for an hour (at her home no less) but feels well enough to go out with friends/coworkers. Are you wanting to talk in person in the hopes of changing her mind? Keep in mind, even if she does back off from breaking up, the relationship will most likely continue on EXACTLY as it is now, with you having doubts, anxiety, analyzing every word and every text, etc. To me, it doesn't sound like the kind of relationship that would make me feel secure and loved. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Perhaps I didn't get the order correct in my post. Monday night she was out with friends. Tuesday was her day off when she said she couldn't hang out, later saying she was running a fever. To my knowledge she stayed in. Then today she said she couldn't hang out because she was still sick and called into work. She did ask to reschedule both times. She works until 11pm tomorrow night. I told we to let me know before I get out of work at 9 tomorrow or I'll consider it a no go. Implying no word until real late isn't going to work for me. What gets me is what she texted me came off as obvious and blatant break up speak. But when she's asked about breaking up, again through text, says that "isn't exactly what I said". Yes it is!? Then suggests we talk about it.. But of course not on the phone and when it seems like it's convenient for her to see me. She's basically left it all out there since Monday afternoon. I don't know what I'll do if I hear nothing before 11 tomorrow. Actually yes I do, as much as it hurts it will say to me she doesn't care nearly enough and I need to leave. Id feel better breaking up in person, but ill need closure either way. My problem is, if it's in the phone, God forbid text, I'm afraid I still care too much about her and get too wordy and expressive of how sad I am that it couldn't work out, that the idea of not seeing her ever again breaks my heart even though I know I cannot remain as friends, for my sake. That a part of me will always miss her and the times we did have in each other's company, I'd probably even thank her for the last 3 months. Etc. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 So if she doesn't "break up", are you content with the relationship continuing on EXACTLY AS IT IS NOW? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 So if she doesn't "break up", are you content with the relationship continuing on EXACTLY AS IT IS NOW? No, that's why I'm 98 percent sure it's over. i don't feel like anything I'm asking for is too much. Space is fine, but this is distance. Don't see me for a week? No problem, but you can't act distant and non affectionate when we do get to see each other, you know? I also need more contact in between dates, for me to be comfortable. I'm not sure I'd even word that.. But that's what's going to damn it if it isn't already damned. It's hard because Odds are she's trigger shy, backing off of her text a bout us wanting different things a couple of times. I can't think of a time where I've had to break things off with someone I still really am into. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 So, would you say this relationship does NOT make you feel secure and loved? Because for me, feeling secure that I'm loved is the major part of being in a relationship. I'm not sure what other reasons there could be, or what could replace those things. Seems to me what you want and need are 180 degrees from what she wants and needs. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 i agree. I Did my best to compromise to what I thought she wanted and needed but she never reciprocated. I liked her enough to leave my comfort zone. I just need that clear break up so I can try to heal from this. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Maybe this is her best. And if it is, it simply doesn't meet your needs. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Maybe, would like to find that out. I guess I'd just like to do this in person so that I know when I say something she'll hear me and Not just send some long sad break up message and never know when she read it. Call her, she answers(?), won't get to see her reactions or expressions when she talks back. Or there's simply NC but not much closure from that. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 She should be at work by now and she hasn't confirmed the plans yet. Which means it would have to be later in her lunch break or else she just ignored my request to let me know before I get off work at 9 or I'd just assume it was a no go. It feels so empty to end up having to send a text or try to call her later to essentially end things and get closure. I guess it just isn't my style at all. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Ive also made sure to make plans for Friday and Saturday night at least. To stay busy for this weekend and to give myself a cut off date as tonight. Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Ive also made sure to make plans for Friday and Saturday night at least. To stay busy for this weekend and to give myself a cut off date as tonight. Thats good! You will need to keep busy no matter how this plays out. It seems like this "talk" is not a priority for her. So maybe it is best to just let it go. Go N/C now and if she reaches out, maybe you will get closure. I didn't get closure with my last BF when we broke up 10 months ago, actually it really wasn't ever stated that we officially broke up. But he was a coward and never wanted to talk about anything that was difficult to deal with. She may be the same. It was hard at first, but then when I saw that he had met a new gal while we were still together on Facebook, I had my closure. LOL! We never spoke again and looking back I am so glad it did end. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Thats good! You will need to keep busy no matter how this plays out. It seems like this "talk" is not a priority for her. So maybe it is best to just let it go. Go N/C now and if she reaches out, maybe you will get closure. I didn't get closure with my last BF when we broke up 10 months ago, actually it really wasn't ever stated that we officially broke up. But he was a coward and never wanted to talk about anything that was difficult to deal with. She may be the same. It was hard at first, but then when I saw that he had met a new gal while we were still together on Facebook, I had my closure. LOL! We never spoke again and looking back I am so glad it did end. In retrospect, didn't you feel like you wish you had ended it earlier and had closure instead of finding it the way that you did? Its hard to just go NC because I would like to remove her from social media and all of that, as I already have removed anyone I knew through her. I feel not right about removing her before breaking up is stated. Even if its written all over the wall. I actually wrote what id send her through text on my phone if it came to that, unless I decided to just go NC and not say anything. Its pretty wordy and puts my thoughts out there. Ill post that in a little bit. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 "If im sending this, I haven't heard from you about seeing each other tonight. First, I wanted to tell you that I haven't been myself lately. I haven't been myself but I know why. The last 3 weeks or so I felt like you checked out of the relationship. The space between our dates didn't bother me so much, I understood that's something you needed. Its when I would see you I felt that you didn't enjoy my company, which in turn made me wonder why, ask questions, unfortunately act unlike myself, making things worse. It it was only stress and or your health issues currently all you had to do was tell me and I would've understood and backed off and been supportive instead of what did happen. I was overbearing as you put it, I know my mistake but I cant change that now. I just wanted you to know that I never enjoyed being that way and only wanted to understand and go back to having fun like we had before. I never wanted to do this through text, but I feel like I don't have a choice. I don't want this hanging over me all weekend. I understood a long time ago that we were very different in what we wanted from a relationship. I did my best to compromise some of my needs in order to give you what you needed and be with you because I thought that much of you otherwise. It isn't realistic to think you might do the same, especially after your texts Monday. So youre right, id only be happy if we both liked each other enough to meet in the middle and that doesn't seem to be the case. I never wanted to end this, as I still care so much for you, but I cant feel like im not making you happy or that im just something else on your plate stressing you out. I wanted to add to your life, not hinder it. I know that I cant continue as just friends, it would be too painful on my end. Even if the thought of not seeing you again breaks my heart. Thank you for the last 3 months, I really hoped this could have been something special. There will always be a part of me that misses you. Take care, [name here]." Theres what I have. I don't know if its entirely too much but it explains my point of view. Link to comment
notalady Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I've given up on the idea of seeking closure long ago when it comes to ending a relationship. A lot of the time you can't get it from the other person, and you should get closure from yourself rather than leave it in the other person's control. It's good that you already have a plan of what you would do if you don't end up meeting tonight. I would simply text then delete her from my social media and everywhere. don't have a drawn out text chat about it. Link to comment
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