janut1 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 "Hope you're having a good day" NC being tested already. Is this a text from her? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Yes. No contact since she cancelled yesterday. I don't know what to do. Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Oh boy... she is wondering what you are up to. Don't reply! She needs to site and wonder, just like you have for months now. Sorry to say. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Thanks for the advice. I was going to just answer that I hope she's doing okay (assuming she has actually been sick) Just have to find the strength. Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Thanks for the advice. I was going to just answer that I hope she's doing okay (assuming she has actually been sick) Just have to find the strength. It is so very hard to not reply. I know! If you feel like you have to, wait a few hours or maybe wait until tomorrow morning. That way you have time to think about if you really want to answer her or not. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 I knew enough to not reply for a few hours. Maybe tomorrow? Have to think about it you're right. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 My feeling is and always has been that what made you so interested in her was exactly what doomed this thing to begin with. She was attractive, elusive, and somewhat distinterested. It was kind of exciting at the beginning but anxiety-producing over time. I'd encourage you to really learn from this experience. Go back to ALL of the times where you said: well, I know she's not reciprocating or maybe not as interested, but I am too invested not to keep trying. Maybe learn not look at people's actions and take that as the real signal of interest. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Ugh... Finally been able to log back in after the site went unstable, so sorry for the delay in posting. I think you are stuck in the worst state of the relationship where you can't move forward and be happy with one another, yet it's even more painful to let go. If you allow yourself to stay this way (and it's easy because the default path to take is no action), you'll feel the same pain every day. It will torture you every day. In addition, she will likely sustain this mode of constant pain, and before you know it, it's just painful every day and you can't even escape. So I advise you to make a decisive action: either spend all your effort and work it out with her no matter what the cost. Or break it off cleanly no matter what she says. The first is difficult because you have no control of her actions and cannot predict if she will cooperate, but it will give you hope and you'll feel more motivated to do so. The latter is more painful as of now and harder to enforce yourself to do so because it seems that you have problems going completely cold turkey, but it will release you from the chains of eternal pain. So how the big question you have to ponder is: which path will you take to lead yourself to a better future? Remember you can take some time to decide. Don't contact her until you are ready, because you'll have to decide on your own. Life sucks right now but it doesn't have to be in the future. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Thank you. I didn't respond to her text and went out and had a good time. I also have plans to catch up with an old female work friend tomorrow night, nothing romantic but it will keep me busy. I have thinking to do. But I had a good night with friends tonight that all insist she's either playing games, stringing me along. Might even have a guy in the side she's trying out and jut keeping me around. I have a hard time believing the latter since I'm pretty sure she's been at home since been sick since I've seen her online on her ps4 playing video games. Doesn't mean she's alone, maybe I'm just naive or believing what is like to believe. Either way, I have thinking to do. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Good for you! Keeping yourself busy with other friends is a great way of dealing with this situation, and you'll find other surprises as connecting with friends can open up a whole world of opportunities you didn't know before, and may give you the spiritual satisfaction you have been craving. As for what your friends speculate, I fear it may very well be true... I don't want you to turn you into a jealous ball of fire, but I have suspected as well based on what you've posted. But they are just speculation and there's no evidence of that, and don't go chasing after evidence, it's just not necessary, because there are so many other theories to explain the situation. You have enough facts and enough on your plates to handle right now, so focus on dealing with the facts first. So think about the future, what do YOU want? What will make YOU happy? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 As the day progresses.. and still not a word from her.. im leaning towards just breaking up with her over the phone since she hasnt left me any other option. Its getting to the point of being disrespectful and im starting to feel like a real idiot. Like im being screwed with. Its still going to be really hard to let go. I still dont want to, but i dont see any other option here. What has she done for me? Id approach it from my own strength, instead of my long mess i posted before that was coming from weakness. Anyway, hope my plans stay in place tonight with the old work friend and see how that goes. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Sounds good. Give it time for your mind to be made up. Once it's made, you'll be able to draw strength from it, and you will have no problem telling her your decision. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Sounds good. Give it time for your mind to be made up. Once it's made, you'll be able to draw strength from it, and you will have no problem telling her your decision. Exactly. Thank you. I can feel my mind starting to head that way now, no harm in waiting. Not like she has the ability to pull the trigger evidently. I dont plan on being anyones plan B. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 She's throwing you a tiny crumb (the "good day" text), which IMO is just about the most microscopic crumb you can get...thinking that will be enough to keep you holding on. I seriously have no idea what's on this woman's mind. Is she keeping you as an ego boost? Is she dating other guys? Why can't she just "woman up" and end this? She must be getting SOMETHING out of your attention, but what, I can't fathom. I agree that you should muster your strength to end this. Think of how you're feeling right now...do you want months or even years of this misery? I certainly hope not. I wouldn't give a long drawn out explanation. She's very well aware of how she's treated you, so rehashing it would be pointless. I would just say you've decided you two are not compatible, you wish her well, and that you'd appreciate it if she wouldn't contact you in the immediate future so you can get on with your life. The right woman for you is out there...but this one isn't her. Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 This is awesome and I agree with all of it! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Her: Do you have plans tonight? Me: Yeah at 830. Probably wont be late though. Her: Alright well if you want to come over im out at 10. i guess let me know. ..didnt see that coming. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 So you have two options: 1. Go see her, explain you two are not compatible, wish her well and ask her to please not contact you for the time being (not even a text to "say hi"). Can you be strong enough to do this? 2. Go see her and spill out your feelings. See how she reacts. Potentially she will say she doesn't want to end it. You cannot stay strong while seeing her in person. She says she will try harder to be who you want, but can't promise to "change" because this is who she is. You agree to "keep trying" because you can't bear the thought of never seeing her again. The relationship continues exactly as it is, you continue to be stressed, anxious, have doubts, be dissatisfied with the level of contact and with her demeanor when you do see her. You potentially could have the exact same conversation again and again (seems to me you've already had some form of this conversation with her previously). You end up right where you are now. I'm sure you see which option I'm in favor of...but this is not my life. It's yours. If you can't imagine letting her go without giving it "one last try", then do so. But be prepared to deal with her exactly as she is, not how you wish her to be. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Not sure how this will go. My feelings have hardened.. Probably from seeing her twice in two weeks and the lack of any sort of affection. Then getting called overbearing when showing affection the last time I saw her. Of course not until after I left through text if you remember. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I don't think you need to go see her. If you need closure, send her a text that says you are moving on. That's what I would advise. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I agree with the above advices. But just to let you know, I foresee her wanting to try at least one more time before giving up, because people usually start appreciating things once they lose it. But do not confuse it with genuine affection, meaning even though she will miss you and wish you two could get together, doesn't mean she will love you more, it doesn't mean she will show affection the way you want her to be. It's just human nature to not want to relinquish what one once had, and start appreciating things more once we lose it. Just telling you a heads up so you can plan how to approach her better. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 So...have you decided to give it another try? Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Curious to find out what happened. Let us know when you have a chance. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 Well.. I went over there Saturday night. Fully intending to have the talk and break up. I got over there about an hour late since my plans went later than expected. I apologized but said it was fine. My problem came.. Probably because she had an idea of what I was doing, is that she all of the sudden seemed a lot happier to be around me and actually did show affection. We had wine, better conversation than we had in awhile. Both had a lot of laughs, like we did at the beginning. I turned the tables so to speak and was physically distant. She'd then out her hand on my arm, put a leg over my leg while watching tv, told me a couple times that I was cute. It actually felt like i was with a girlfriend. We both initiated making out, It felt like she actually wanted me when we were kissing. Something that I hadn't felt from her in weeks. We slept together and it felt like it did back on her birthday. The next morning I got us food and it was still all good.. Sober and she still was complimentary and reciprocated things like holding hands, etc. I left awhile before she went to work and went in with my Sunday plans. She texted me an hour into her shift and said she was feeling sick again and left early from work again. I don't know what her story is with this being sick all the time thing. I asked if she felt fine last night(Saturday). She said her head was still bothering her then but that it got worse at work. Am I a complete fool for believing any of this? That was the last I heard from her. I went out with an old friend Sunday night, it was awkward because it was obvious that she liked me and was very flirtatious. I felt bad because I knew I wasn't going to do anything and didn't see it coming since she had said before we were just friends. Anyway we parted ways with a hug and that was that. I texted the gf this afternoon asking if she worked today. She just answered that no and it was one of her days off. That's where I am right now. I feel like drawing a line in the sand today, and going in together or our separate ways. It annoys me that she was giving me what I wanted froma relationship as soon I was ready to leave, that shred of hope. Maybe some of you guys were right and I shouldn't have gone over there since I obviously wasn't strong enough yet. At the 3 month mark I was going to send a relationship status request in Facebook and lay it all out. That I needed a relationship and don't have interest in what started to feel like fwb. That I feel she isn't into me or this relationship that much and/or she is hiding something. Neither of which works for me. That I'm starting to feel like I'm almost a secret and that if she can't do that, I have to walk away. That I don't need some super serious relationship, but I do need a RELATIONSHIP. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Hm... See my previous comment above. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.