K's Dating Journal

[thejigsup]

You checked up on what he was doing. He didn't post those things to hurt you, he didn't know you would see it, nor did he expect you to do that. I'm sorry, but you have only yourself to blame. You did so good in making the decision to break up with him, that took guts. Now, don't backslide and turn into that ex who tracks his every move and paints imagined pictures in her mind as to what he is up to emotionally. You are better and stronger than that. Done is done and I'm glad you blocked them.

[reinventmyself]

Oh my heart hurts when I read your posts.

I too have had the same thing in the past. No matter how much you say you may or may not be done, detaching is always a process.

Sometimes it takes longer than not.

To see men move on or make attempts to do so, so quickly feels like a gut kick. It makes you question whether anything was real.

 

Saluk put it simply. .Women grieve, men replace.

Just think of it this way. If he is shopping for a replacement, he's no sooner ready for that one either. He has two to recover from.

Try not to take it personally.

 

It's silly and simple, but in moments like these I say to myself over and over `One, two, three, it's not about me' It somehow gets thru and help me stay focused.

Hang in there WL. . .

[itsallgrand]

K, to tell you the truth since you first got with this man, I thought "this dude is one of those who can't be alone". And those kinds of people are bad news, IMO. Really bad news.

And since he showed that with his choices to get involved with you while still all messed up in another relationship, it shouldn't be all that surprising he is doing it again. Hopping right in to the frying pan.

 

Instead of it hurting you, it can inspire you to avoid chumps like this again.

 

Well that's just my take.

[WithLove]

You checked up on what he was doing. He didn't post those things to hurt you, he didn't know you would see it, nor did he expect you to do that. I'm sorry, but you have only yourself to blame. You did so good in making the decision to break up with him, that took guts. Now, don't backslide and turn into that ex who tracks his every move and paints imagined pictures in her mind as to what he is up to emotionally. You are better and stronger than that. Done is done and I'm glad you blocked them.

 

I commented on another mutual friend's status and both J and this female friend commented as well - then J and female friend went off on a side tangent. It wasn't me checking up on him. I hid his and her posts for a reason - although, no, I did not unfriend or block them. They are both unfriended now.

[WithLove]

Oh my heart hurts when I read your posts.

I too have had the same thing in the past. No matter how much you say you may or may not be done, detaching is always a process.

Sometimes it takes longer than not.

To see men move on or make attempts to do so, so quickly feels like a gut kick. It makes you question whether anything was real.

 

Saluk put it simply. .Women grieve, men replace.

Just think of it this way. If he is shopping for a replacement, he's no sooner ready for that one either. He has two to recover from.

Try not to take it personally.

 

It's silly and simple, but in moments like these I say to myself over and over `One, two, three, it's not about me' It somehow gets thru and help me stay focused.

Hang in there WL. . .

 

I know he's lonely. He admitted to me that it's his biggest fear. So I know that no matter how much he needs time to get over his exes, he will 99% likely never allow himself time to do so, because he feels like he's in a time constraint to find a wife and have children. Or at least have children. So he will continually get stuck in relationships that will end without him taking time to heal from them. So, this break-up is probably for the better. Doesn't make it hurt less.

[WithLove]

K, to tell you the truth since you first got with this man, I thought "this dude is one of those who can't be alone". And those kinds of people are bad news, IMO. Really bad news.

And since he showed that with his choices to get involved with you while still all messed up in another relationship, it shouldn't be all that surprising he is doing it again. Hopping right in to the frying pan.

 

Instead of it hurting you, it can inspire you to avoid chumps like this again.

 

Well that's just my take.

 

Thank you for pointing this out. In the beginning, this did sort of flit through my mind for a moment, but honestly, I liked him too much and conveniently forgot about it. Or maybe just hoped it wasn't so.

 

Another friend called him a scumbag for flirting with someone over social media so soon after the break-up. But the thing is, I know he's not. I know he's just lonely and scared of being alone. But that's not my issue. I feel sad for him, sometimes. Because that's what his fear is, I guess. Even though I have a lot of fears, ending up alone isn't one of them. I'd be unhappy, I think; but it's not a fear of mine. I don't believe he is destined to be alone. Maybe because he's like IAG said and can't be single (although he has told me that prior to his last girlfriend, he was single for years). I don't think I am, either. But if I am, then I am.

 

At least I'll have my video games.

[reinventmyself]

Just be prepared for him to glob onto to someone else, then. Sad but true.

By just assuming it's a foregone conclusion lessons the blow a little.

I've met so many of these guys, I try to flush them out but they aren't always honest about their timeline.

 

It feels like they can unscrew one head and replace it with another.

As long as someone is breathing and vertical, it will do.

 

Not saying J is this guy. . just me making noise, that's all

[Fudgie]

I'm really sorry, K. I feel for ya.

 

I think you have a good, mature outlook on it. Yes, you're sad and that's normal, but it doesn't sound like you're taking it personally. You're just sad but you know that this is how he is. He even told you. It's sad that his motivation for doing so is because he thinks he's on a major ticking time clock to find a wife and have children. Which is a fine goal yes, and I get that it's better to try for kids before, I don't know, your mid 30s, but he's going about this in the wrong way and you know that. If he keeps bouncing from one to the other, he won't get over his past exes and he may end up having children with someone without it being a truly healthy, lasting relationship. And I feel bad for those kids if that comes to be the case. I hope it doesn't. I hope he wises up before then, you know?

[WithLove]

There were times that I felt like... maybe he settled for me. That I had enough of what he was looking for in a woman, that he simply stopped looking because of his self-imposed time limit. I kept thinking that that feeling would wear off, and it was starting to. And then we broke up.

 

Sigh. Rehashing prior relationships is beneficial, and I actually like doing it because it teaches me what to look for next time. But sometimes, it just makes me tired of dating, lol.

[WithLove]

I will be SO GLAD to get this topiramate out of my system. It is definitely the one responsible for all my side effects. Didn't take it yesterday and I felt just fine physically. Took it today and taking stock: I can't feel my face or hands; even my ears are tingling! The tops of my arms feel like they burn a little. I have a headache. I'm extremely thirsty. And the back of my neck has been itching all day long. It seems like skipping one day has exacerbated the symptoms greatly, exactly as if I was back to taking them on Day 1. So the plan is to take one pill every other day for one week, then one pill every third day until I run out. I have about 10 pills left.

[WithLove]

Anyway - my father has been extra attentive to me since that whole thing. Texting or calling me without me initiating it, and his messages are long and thoughtful. Making jokes. Hugging me, telling me he is glad I came over and could spend time with me. He doesn't usually say things like that. My guard is way up. I almost don't believe any of it. Because I know it's fleeting.

 

Dad has been texting me on and off today. He told me he's excited to be seeing me for the holidays. He told me I'm looking well and that he's noticed the weight loss, but more than that, he notices that I carry myself differently and style my hair and do my make-up, so I am perceived to care about myself more than before (whaaattt??). I told him that I'm still upset over the break-up and that I don't feel happy with my life right now. And he told me "you spend too much time alone". Huh???

 

I mean, I don't feel like I do. Do I? I go to work and go home, but I see my mom sometimes, and I talk to my friends when I play video games.

[Seymore]

Talking to friends while playing games online doesn't count as spending time with others, and I'm a gamer. That's just my opinion. My dad is like that too. "You need to get out and do stuff, meet people". Yeah, that's how I met my ex. Look where that got me lol. Now he's like "Get a cat." Has an opinion about everything. I don't listen to him half the time.

 

Your dad may know you, but what do you FEEL?

[WithLove]

I count it as both, maybe because I know them IRL, too. I haven't seen them in years, though. They live in PA - met them when I lived there about 5 years ago.

 

I feel that I'm a pretty solitary person. If I feel lonely, I just go see my mom. I do wish I had more local friends sometimes, of course. I don't know a lot of people locally that are interested in the same things as me.

[Seymore]

I'm not too sure what you like to do other than games, but I know when games was all I did, I'd hang out at Gamestop an hour or so every other day - got to know the employees, the other regulars etc. Made some friends that way. And midnight releases are full of raging nerds - sometimes they do the whole pizza and pop thing, make it a social event. You could definitely meet people at those.

[WithLove]

Well, I did join Meetup last year and I went to a local gaming store that held DnD games every week on Tuesdays. I would love to do that again, but it's over half an hour away from where I live now, so unless there's a closer one, I can't really do that. I'm going to check. I started going to the gym again last week, but I keep to myself in there and I always have earbuds in. I don't listen to music, though - I watch Youtube videos while on the treadmill. (I'll switch to music once I start lifting.) I love Gamestop, but it's awkward being in there as a female when you're alone. Plus, there's no such thing as "window shopping" in a Gamestop.

 

I'm really hoping that I'll get a decent raise so that I can look into other things. I'd love to go to a kickboxing class. I think that would be tons of fun.

[WithLove]

Going to get my blood work today at 1:15. It'll be on my lunch hour from work. I hope it goes by smoothly - I always get light-headed and feel like I'm going to pass out. I'm stupid like that. But the lab I'm going to, I went to last time and the girl was so good. She got what she needed on the first try, I hardly felt it, and I didn't even feel faint, at all. I took several deep breaths before she did it, and I think getting that last bit of oxygen into my system was really helpful.

 

Good thing I'm on weight loss meds that suppress appetite. Fasting til 1 would have made me a bear before.

[Fudgie]

I used to hate getting my blood drawn until I started doing it on other people and now I'm like "Oh here, use this vein" and I'll watch the needle go in. I guess I'm a masochist.

[WithLove]

I can watch it and likely even participate with other people - but when it comes to my own blood, I can't even look at it! When I was a kid and I would get into accidents and start to bleed, I would freak out so bad to the sight of my own blood. And I still do. I have to turn my head when they do it, lol.

[WithLove]

Funny story time: When I lived up in PA, I starting having all these gynecological problems (when they first told me I had PCOS and all that) and was referred to the Reading Hospital to their Women's Center part. Apparently it's a pretty decent hospital for baby deliveries etc. So anyway, I had to make the hour drive there early in the morning for some blood work - my first ever batch of blood work, in fact. 16 vials!! Didn't know that at the time. I was so nervous and scared. I was sat in the chair (the one that has the two arms that fold down to prop your arms up) and they started - and I immediately felt all the blood whoosh down out of my face. I must have swayed a little because next thing I knew, I heard my nurse call for help from more nurses; they helped me over and sat me down into the doctor's rolling chair and rolled me into the recovery room, where there were like half a dozen pregnant women in there recovering from their own blood work, too. They, of course, were well used to it by this time! They had to finish drawing my blood in the reclining chair in the recovery room because I wasn't able to stand yet. It was so embarrassing! Then another pregnant lady came in and said "Oh, so you're the reason they yelled for my nurse and made me wait to get my blood done..." She was joking, teasing me, but I was still so mortified! I was 18, I believe. All these pregnant women well used to all these invasive exams and here I was, 18 and fainting over stupid blood work.

[Seymore]

I cannot have blood drawn without passing out. Last time I looked out the window, not even at my arm. Next thing I know I'm waking up to a view of the ceiling.

[WithLove]

Grown-@ss men and women and we can't even handle getting blood drawn... It sucks! SMH.

[Seraphim]

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA . When I was medic in the army they used to use me as a pincushion. People used to practice giving injections and doing IVs on me. It never bothered me. Not even one one young fellow messed up the IV on me and my blood was spraying across the room. The Sargeant yelled, holy crap, raced across the room and pulled the tourniquet so my blood would stop spraying across the room and myself. I didn't even bat an eye. Lol.

[WithLove]

Dang, Vic, can I send you to get my blood work done for me?! Hahaha! Strange to think I hate it so much, and yet I have two tattoos....!!

[WithLove]

Ted posted some pictures on social media from karaoke last night. Guess who was included. Yep.

 

I just saw them. My chest feels like it has collapsed a little on itself. It's really no consolation that he doesn't really look happy in any of them.

 

It's gonna suck, but I'm hiding Ted's posts now. His are ones I comment and like all the time, so he'll know something's up. I just hope he will infer that it hurts to see J's picture and he'll know I don't want to see any on the holidays.

[mhowe]

Since they live together, it would be a bit much to expect him to stop posting pictures of his housemate.

 

This isn't aimed at you.