katrina1980 Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 Re my bf's vocation, I try to not mention too much for fear of being judged for it, however I *will* own that on some level it did influence me. But considering the fact that I am thinking of ending the RL after four months, due to his lack of emotional responsiveness, and as such not being "right" for me, it's not influencing me too much. Thank you for clarifying, my perception of your RL is different since reading it. Sounds good and solid! Much happiness reinvent, to both of you! Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 Katrina, Came back to add. . That intense passion will subside. Do not doubt that. Be sure that what you are left with in its place is something that suites you. This is where I get to tell you not to settle ;) reinvent, I think you have misinterpreted my post. I DON'T feel emotional intensity with my BF I thought that was clear in my post, but apparently not. He does *not* inspire those feelings in me and am considering ending the relationship because of it. It's something I need (which I think is ok) and will not settle for less no matter what he does for a living. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 ^I am however physically attracted to him, and the sex is off the charts, so as I said in my post, confusing for me. I also found myself feeling dependent on him for awhile too, while at the same time, not experiencing that intensity of feeling, which only adds to my confusion. No need to respond, this is YOUR journal. I may start my own or a separate thread. I only mentioned this in my post as I thought you could relate but apparently not, which is definitely a good thing! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 14, 2018 Author Share Posted February 14, 2018 December I see my dentist. I want a crown replaced. Crown comes in. Wrong color (according to dentist). It's sent back and three weeks later it's put in. I get to work, look in the mirror and it's dark grey! If this better what did it look like before? Round 3, mid Feb (today) new crown debacle is over. I'm heading to work. I have 2017 Honda Accord Hybrid. It was a concern of mine when I bought it that they no longer supply hybrids with spare tires because the battery takes up most of the trunk. I'm on a heavily traveled freeway in downtown Los Angeles and my front tire literally explodes. Metro Tow tows me off the freeway to a not so nice area where I wait for Honda road side service to tow me again. Grrr. I'm cranky and hungry. I grab a McDonald's happy meal cheeseburger while I wait for my 2nd tow. My new crown falls off *sigh* Not sure what I did to deserve this. . But it's almost 2pm and I'm sitting at the dealership and the estimated turn around for a new $240 tire is 'A few hours" The dentist office is on notice and waiting for me if I can get there before 5. *sigh again* Good thing I'm not smiling because I'm missing a freakin' tooth. This may carry over 'til the morning. Happy Valentines Day - Not. SL is cooking me dinner. I forewarned him to have alcohol available. 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 What a day! And i felt like complaining when I realized that my cleaning person cleaned my coffee maker and changed the selection from bold to regular. Of course I had to re-brew it. Regular ain’t gonna cut it in the morning. Hope dinner is lovely and relaxing. Sorry about all this! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 14, 2018 Author Share Posted February 14, 2018 changed the selection from bold to regular. Of course I had to re-brew it. Regular ain’t gonna cut it in the morning!Thx for the giggle Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Thx for the giggle My husband has been going through intense dental work as I did a few years ago. It’s no fun and sometimes the crown doesn’t fit right — so even when it’s not painful it’s so often annoying. Hope they can fix this and enjoy your evening. Link to comment
dias Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Good thing I'm not smiling because I'm missing a freakin' tooth. Couldn't stop laughing. Sorry! Link to comment
Jibralta Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Holy cow. What a day! Link to comment
SherrySher Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Aw man, what a day! I hope things got resolved and you had a relaxing drink when you got home. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 Leaving tomorrow for the 3 day weekend to go up north visit wineries and golf. Excited! Check out these flowers SL got me for Valentines Day. . Yes, the are real. Crazy, huh? Link to comment
Jibralta Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Whoa.... AMAZING! That is really so pretty. And interesting. How do they do that? I thought for some of the dyed flowers, they put food coloring in the water. But that can't work to dye individual petals.... Anyway, what a lovely gesture :) Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 Whoa.... AMAZING! That is really so pretty. And interesting. How do they do that? I thought for some of the dyed flowers, they put food coloring in the water. But that can't work to dye individual petals.... Anyway, what a lovely gesture :) I was googling you tube videos with one of my coworkers yesterday. They take white roses and with a razor blade split the bottom of the stem into strips. Depending on how many colors you plan on using. They place each strip into a vile of die and the flower pulls up the color into the petals, taking typically 24 hours. It's incredible that each petal is different. Yesterday I rushed home to check the stem but apparently they cut off the split parts. They just get prettier each day. The are actually more vibrant than the photo. The photo lightened it up a little. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 They take white roses and with a razor blade split the bottom of the stem into strips. Depending on how many colors you plan on using. They place each strip into a vile of die and the flower pulls up the color into the petals, taking typically 24 hours. It's incredible that each petal is different. You know, that crossed my mind for an instant, but then I thought, how do you know which piece of stem goes to which petal? I guess it doesn't matter. They just get prettier each day. That's cool! Link to comment
hidden_kitten Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Just dropping in to say, what gorgeous flowers! Last year the shop I work in sold 'rainbow' roses in the run up to Valentine's Day, they were snapped up very quickly. We didn't seem to get any this year. Really felt for you reading about the day with the tyres and crown falling out. Hope your weekend away makes up for it! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 Really felt for you reading about the day with the tyres and crown falling out. Hope your weekend away makes up for it! Thank you :) Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 dye not die I hate that I have typos! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 The trip was great. We spent 3 days and nights together. We got home Monday, late afternoon and I could tell he didn't want me to leave. I had to get home to my cat, laundry and groceries for the week - and a moment to myself. Last night he offers to bring me soup for dinner. I declined because I wanted to go the gym, but when I got home I just wanted to sit alone and watch TV - by myself. Tonight we are taking my mom out to dinner. With that he will stay the night and I have to get up at 5:45am. It's been non stop for about 3 weeks now and between him, my family, friends and other obligations I have zero time for myself and I am about to hit the wall. SL, much like SS retired very early. I get they have a lot of alone time and would enjoy the company of someone in the evenings. But this has been a struggle my entire adult life that I have to put my foot down and say no to things and I can tell they don't understand. I am not retired, I am pretty much married to my job and I'm rarely ever alone and rarely get the chance to get my own personal stuff done. I'd be perfectly happy seeing him on weekends only, to be honest. I realize there are not a lot of men out there that would agree, at least not the ones I have met. I am keen to check for their tolerance for alone time and they start off showing signs of being very independent, or though it may seem and about this time. . .rounding 6 mo's, they start to shift. I spend about 90 min's in the car to and from work. SL feels he needs to keep me company by phone for the majority of my drive, which is not the case. I can't possibly think of enough to talk about, especially in the mornings when I am not morning person to begin with. I know we had this conversation about time together vs alone time and preferences early on. I've had the same conversation in previous relationships only to find out that people rarely state their needs honestly and will in turn sell me how independent they are. . when they really aren't. I've been cheated on before because I didn't provide enough attention to a very demanding bf about 9 years ago, so there are some anxious moments when I am trying to hold this boundary because of that experience. That and other unhappy bf's in my wake. It's all about compromise but I am not willing to compromise myself to the point that I feel resentful. I just don't know anymore. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I know we had this conversation about time together vs alone time and preferences early on. I've had the same conversation in previous relationships only to find out that people rarely state their needs honestly and will in turn sell me how independent they are. . when they really aren't. So he's done a sort of bait and switch? If so, that isn't fair. I would feel resentful too. Perhaps even a bit turned off. Perhaps it's time for another conversation? I did that recently with my bf. Which is interesting because for awhile there, I felt I was one the one becoming too dependent! But then I got "back to myself" and realized I needed some lone time. So I talked to him, told him a couple of weeks ago I needed the weekend for myself. Explained why (my nature mostly). He completely understood! Since then each of us have no problem telling each other when we need space. I even adopted a dog! She's mine, she will live with me. Which means less time at his since he has two big black labs. A Yorkie mix (her photo is my avatar). Love her to death, her name is Bella. So again perhaps another talk is in order reinvent; I mean needing to keep you company while driving to/from work? That would drive me nuts personally. I don't have a car anymore but when I did and did the long commute, I actually enjoyed that time, listening to music, enjoying the drive. That's ME time; everyone needs that. Please don't feel guilty about it (if you are). Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 Cute pup. I noticed it earlier. Congrats! My mom has a Yorkie and we grew up with 3 of them. They own you, bytheway. Not the other way around :) I don't feel guilty at all. Mostly frustrated. I am just tired of having his conversation. I tend to over sympathize with someone. I get he's alone a lot, but when I first met him I was careful to watch how he conducted his life. And he is busy, he does have friends and a life of his own. . but being retired is a factor. Even with that, he's still got a lot of free time, where I have little or none. He seems to slowly be ramping up for more time and making little comments. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Cute pup. I noticed it earlier. Congrats! My mom has a Yorkie and we grew up with 3 of them. They own you, bytheway. Not the other way around :) I don't feel guilty at all. Mostly frustrated. I am just tired of having his conversation. I tend to over sympathize with someone. I get he's alone a lot, but when I first met him I was careful to watch how he conducted his life. And he is busy, he does have friends and a life of his own. . but being retired is a factor. Even with that he's got a lot of free time, where I have little or none. He seems to slowly be ramping up for more time and making little comments. Thanks! She's not a pup though, she's seven! I know she looks like a pup, all Yorkie's do. She's been through A LOT, I may start a thread as we get to know each other better. I learned all about her from the shelter, I will write more on that later. I am glad you don't feel guilty, but re feeling frustrated, that's tricky as the resentment can easily turn to loss of attraction. Not sure if that's standard for everyone, but for me it is. I understand feeling sympathetic, but it's important to be true to yourself too though, right? And yeah compromise is important too, but too much compromise from one person isn't healthy either. Don't lose yourself. Link to comment
Larkin Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 I spend about 90 min's in the car to and from work. SL feels he needs to keep me company by phone for the majority of my drive... Yow, that alone would make me crazy! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 Which part, the drive or the phone call? Link to comment
Larkin Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Which part, the drive or the phone call? The phone call. My commute is similar to yours, time-wise, and I tend to blast the music. Link to comment
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