Another online daing journal

[WithLove]

Why don't you block him on all fronts and save yourself the hassle?

[reinventmyself]

Why don't you block him on all fronts and save yourself the hassle?

 

I have deleted his numbers and blocked fb.

It's not his contact that makes me nervous. . .it's the emotions I think I am stuffing and are about to spill out unexpectedly.

[faraday]

The last time I broke up with 2.5 year guy...(we had broken up a few times and had a relationship where I was always dealing with his insecurity and walking on eggshells)...I was oddly calm at the end. I thought there would be crying...but it didn't surge up at a later date. I think it was easier because it wasn't the first time and I knew in my heart (as much as it hurt) that breaking up was the right thing.

 

Maybe you're in a similar headspace. You might not have to go through the whole break up process again.

[WithLove]

When I broke it off with the first bf of 3 years..... it was the same as Faraday. It came as something that needed to happen way earlier, so I was ready for it. I think you were, too, Reinvent. As much as it hurts.

[Sportster2005]

I have deleted his numbers and blocked fb.

It's not his contact that makes me nervous. . .it's the emotions I think I am stuffing and are about to spill out unexpectedly.

 

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

[reinventmyself]

I was having a dream just about the time the alarm ought to wake me up. I took my Mom to a restaurant and was thinking how much S might like it.

It was painfully present moment that woke me up and now it's set the tone for my day.

I didn't carpool today and drove in alone. 90 minutes of windshield time ruminating. Ugh. . I can't shake this off.

 

I visited my Mom last night and I hadn't seen her in a week. Last week this time I told her S and I were struggling. I told her the whole story and she was adamant. As much as she liked S and was hopeful, he's not someone I can be in a relationship with. I respect my Mom. At 83 she's sharp and shrewd.

[WithLove]

*poke*

 

How're you feeling? I'm glad it's Friday.

[reinventmyself]

*poke*

 

How're you feeling? I'm glad it's Friday.

 

You're so sweet. Happy Friday

 

I am feeling a little bit of a shift today. Trying not to be over confident. I know it's never a straight line.

It helps that I am busy. Last night is our typical girls happy hour night.

Tonight going with 4 friends to see a laser light show to Pink Floyd music?

I hear it's phenomenal.

Tomorrow morning I get my haircut, tomorrow night dinner and a play with some friends. Breakfast with my younger Son on Sunday.

All and all I am exhausted and not sleeping well. I am just saying yes to everything and at some point I'll just drop from exhaustion. . lol.

 

It's a mixed bag of feelings . . the emotional part of me misses him but the mental side of me is starting to overcome that

with the sense of relief I am starting to feel.

 

I am looking back to the past year and half and I have been on edge. Afraid of upsetting him, needed to be accountable. .

Anything short of blowing rainbows and butterflies out my a** (had to steal that from my friends interpretation last night. . lol) wasn't acceptable.

 

I wasn't being myself or feeling at ease and I was having an internal struggle with it.

 

The schedule just to maintain an LDR, where he travels and I commute was grueling and now I have all the time to get to things I have been putting off for over a year.

I have two leaky bathrooms that need remodel. I have the loan to do it. . but never the time. I need to clean my garage.

I've had this craving to nest and redo my tired townhome, but never the time. Now this is my new boyfriend. . my home.

I'll put all the energy I wasted into walking on egg shells and recreate a safe, cozy space to come home to.

 

I was pricing some new bedroom furniture yesterday. I still have the same bedroom set from my marriage.

It's beautiful `Victorian Mansion Bed' reproduction.

Well made, perfect condition. . But I am soooo over it! Aaargh!

It's such a beast I don't know how I'll get it out of my upstairs bedroom. My son suggested an ax.

 

Typical, something gets in the way. I have a work project that will take the better of two weeks so I am holding off getting estimates.

It's hard when the very thing you need to do at home is the thing you do every day at work.

 

But I am better today than I was last time this week

[WithLove]

You do sound good. You're doing projects and keeping yourself busy, and that's good. On the downtimes you will have time to think and mourn, and thats good, too - just as long as you don't spend all your time doing that.

 

For the show, is it called Britt Floyd or something like that? It comes to my town every so often and I hear great things about it, too.

 

Your bed sounds incredible! I can't wait til I can have a grown-up set, haha. Mine is just a mattress on a boxspring... it sits literally next to the AC window unit, so I can't have a headboard or even raise the boxspring any, otherwise it covers the AC unit. And I don't want to move the bed because the studio faces west and I get that hot afternoon heat.

 

Maybe if K asks me to move in, I'll try to talk to him about getting fancy stuff. He's got one of those Sleep Number beds! It's heavenly, but the Lego-like contraption that you put together to rest the bedding on is boring, lol!

[reinventmyself]

S had a firm Temperpedic. Heaven! And your bed partner can jump up and down and you don't even know they are there.

 

I had a brilliant idea that I don't need to get the bed out of the house,

but wait for #1 son to leave the nest (again) and just move it in his room.

Brilliant

 

I just don't know what his plans are. . .but he's 2 weeks away from finishing probation. Unfortunately, I've made it too easy for him to stay.

[WithLove]

How's your weekend going?

[reinventmyself]

I'm good. Thx for asking. Being a couch potato at the moment. I went out 3 nights in a row and had breakfast with my youngest this morning.

 

I came home and slept for another hour. My intention is to lay low and my friends are at a water front restaurant having a Sunday funday and trying to get me out. It's bright and sunny and here I sit contemplating whether to stay put or get cleaned up.

 

I have a long work week with some late overtime hrs, so I'm trying to recharge my batteries.

 

I'm thinking of S less and less and comparing my days now, compared to spending the days with him.

 

Figuring out what to do together was a colossal chore. He's was passive and just went thru the motions. I can't say I ever sensed he enjoyed anything. I imagine he did but I just couldn't tell. His participation was that of a flat line.

 

No more "I don't know what to do, I don't have good ideas, I'm boring that way" and then giving all the

power to me and feeling like I'm dragging him around.

 

I still haven't cried and the last break up I hoped he'd

call. This time I hope he doesn't.

 

I'd tell him he never faught for this and I don't want to be with someone I can't count on and can so easily walk away over a minor misunderstanding.

 

Someone who doesn't create a safe environment for me to say what's on my mind and punishes me for

doing so. I can't navigate someone's reaction that is so disproptionate to the moment. It literally stuns me.

I can go on but I'll stop.

I'm pretty much over thinking and talking about it.

 

That's progress.

 

Hope your weekend was good (;

[reinventmyself]

My 16 yr old cat is drooling blood tinged saliva. I called an animal hospital and they told me I can bring her as a walk in at 10:45 and wait. They close at midnight. I don't know what to do. I can pretty much guarantee they won't treat her but keep her overnight.

She doesn't seem to be in any distress so I'm thinking of waiting til the morning rather then traumatizing her by leaving her there?

 

Neither option feels right and I'm afraid of what they'll tell me.

Either way I have 2 hrs to think about it.

I hate this

[notalady]

Will they not be able to attend to her when you bring her in at 10:45? Still have an hour or so?

 

I can share your stress, when my cat had trouble peeing it was almost midnight (semi blocked urethra), the only option was to see an emergency vet which was expensive, and I saw advice online that I should take him in to see the vet immediately instead of waiting. I debated waiting to morning but ended up taking him in that night, it costed more than it should've otherwise and turns out I could've waited till morning, but I didn't want to wait and regret it if it turned out to be more serious.

 

So, sorry I can't advice if you should wait, but I say follow the option you won't regret (or will regret less).

[reinventmyself]

She's asleep on my bed. I am pretty sure they'd keep her and do what for her at midnight?

I hate the thought of leaving her there and I'm also afraid the choice is to likely put her down.

I just don't know if I can do that, not tonight.

[faraday]

Awww I'm sorry No advice, but I'm sorry that you're kitty isn't doing great tonight. Do you think the blood could be from her gums or something? I mean, she's older, she probably has gingivitis. I hope it's something easy like that. Keep us updated

[WithLove]

Sorry to hear about your kitty! I was gonna suggest what Faraday said. How is she this morning?

[reinventmyself]

She's the same. Tried to eat a little soft food, but no water. I know she's hurting when she won't drink water. She's a water baby.

I sat on the floor swirling my finger around the water bowl trying to make it more enticing.

She's not having any part of it.

Waiting for the vet to open. She's such a sweet heart.

There is something about these vulnerable little creatures that are totally reliable on us that makes your heart ache when they are suffering.

It's 7am here and the vet opens at 8:45. Assuming I can get in at a reasonable time.

[Batya33]

I hope she is ok.

[reinventmyself]

Xena♡ ]

[faraday]

Awww she's a fluff ball!

 

It's so hard when they sick. Like children. Because they can't talk and tell you what's wrong...they just look at you like you should be able to fix them.

 

I hope Xena's okay.

[reinventmyself]

Thanks. She's got so much hair its hard to tell her weight. She hates to be picked up, but I picked her up last night and she's half the cat she used to be

[WithLove]

My girl Marilynn Monroe was a fluff ball just like Xena! I hope she's alright. She also hated to be picked up, too. But she loved being in your lap

 

Let us know how your girl does at the vet!

[reinventmyself]

Turns out she has broken absessed tooth. Because of her age they ran $400 worth of tests to see if she was fit for surgery and then another $700 or more there after.

My mom started to question the cost/benefit/quality of life when it comes to spending that kind of money on a 16 yr old cat. But we're not talking cancer here. It's a tooth. She deserves to be taken care of. Mom quickly backed down.

[WithLove]

She does. She's given you love and affection and nothing equates to the love of a pet. It's in a category all on its own.

 

Have you thought about pet health insurance? It sounds silly but since she's getting old, it might be worth considering!

 

I'm glad she's okay. It must've been very painful for her and that's why she wasn't eating or drinking. I hope it gets sorted for her soon!!