How often do women REJECT guys?

[abitbroken]

Honestly, I want to have some type of connection with a girl who I lose my virginity to. That's why I could never see myself paying for it. Getting a date with a girl gives me more time to have that connection with a girl. Being in relationship gives me a higher percentage rating of getting laid with the girl.

 

Also, I applaud you for you response to my thread...you didn't cut any corners. I really, really, appreciate that. You have know idea.

 

But since you did ask the question, I've actually asked out some girls at work but all rejected me.

 

Oh, and if I get "introduced" by a friend, I don't consider that a cold-approach.

 

Don't ask girls out at work!! Going out as a group to see how someone interacts with you outside of work is the first step. No one is how they are socially at work. Work isn't the best place to meet someone, but if you are - don't ask someone out AT work. You have to get to know them over time and if a natural work friendship comes about and there is a natural connection between you two, then EVENTUALLY maybe..

 

Dougie, you need to get to know other women just to get to know new people. You can't look at every woman as a "mark" and you can't look at every time you talk to a woman being a yes or a no to a date leading to another date leading to a relationship leading to losing your virginity and meaning that you never will. You have to look at every date or every interaction for what it is alone. You can have a successful conversation with a woman and part ways. And that's great. You can have a fun date and that's great. Its a success whether you go out with her again or not.

 

You can choose to see all women you talk to that you don't end up going out with as "rejecters" or you can pay no attention to that and count the good conversations you had with women as good experience for when you DO meet the one. And ignore the bad ones.

 

Honestly, there are many times a woman CANNOT accept a date with a man and it has nothing to do with you not thinking they are nice. They don't date coworkers. They have a boyfriend. They have not talked to you enough to feel that you like their personality. If you ask them out too early, they may think you are just going off of looks, etc.

 

So stoooop creating posts about how often women reject men and focus on continuing to get your life in order and just talking to people.Eventually you will know a woman long enough and see her enough times that she will give you the green light to ask her out. If she tells you what she likes to do and that you should try it, that is a good sign that unless she has a boyfried or unless she is the waitress where you are eating and she is talking about the dessert, that you should ask her to go do the activity she is discussing. It doesn't mean she will accept, but you have a better chance than just asking her out cold.

[abitbroken]

Dougie, I don't even know why I bother responding because its all about the same thing. We can't answer an unknowable. So concentrate on the things you CAN control and don't worry about the other stuff.

[tiredofvampires]

This is about how often women reject guys and if they reject guys all the time, then why are they not the one's asking the men out?

 

Your question doesn't make sense. The men women reject are not the same men that women want to be asked out by.

 

In other words, women aren't going to whine that the men they rejected didn't ask them out. And even if women ask men out that they like, they're going to reject the ones they don't like.

 

So whether or not women start taking the initiative with men, you're going to be rejected at the same rate.

[wsim]

The number of times you are faced with rejection are quite irrelevant, don't take it too seriously. You have to accept that this is reality and move on.

 

I can understand your frustration, as I have been rejected countless times without women ever asking me out either. Although I can get a few dates here and there, I am unable to turn these dates into a relationship of any sort. A lifetime of rejection and lack of interest from women have taken its toll on me over the years and have gradually grown jaded as a result. It is difficult for me to be too invested or excited about dates in general, knowing that they usually never lead to anything meaningful. I am sure I would think much differently if I ever was able to be in a relationship with someone.

 

At this point, all you can do is to focus on things under your control. Expand your social network and go from there. Stop looking to meet women in bars or clubs, they are awful.

[ParisPaulette]

When I was younger and single I rejected a lot of guys, but not because they were asking me out on a first date. It was because either a) the guy was clearly looking to get laid and I wasn't interested in that or b) I'd witnessed him being a jerk or he gave off a needy weird vibe that told me he'd be trouble. Case in point, some guy came racing out of a restaurant one time to jump directly in front of me and shout, "OMG you're so pretty, please, please, please have dinner with me." I stammered out a "What? No." Then ran as fast as I could away from him. Ditto the smarmy idiot who went on and on about how he was a film producer and would I go back to his place to "test" for a film he was casting. I could practically see the chains hanging in his basement and took off when he went to the bathroom. I didn't accept a drink from him either. That's what I mean about not normal.

 

Guys who talked to me normally, who acted respectful and nice to me and others around us both, pretty much always got a yes when they asked me out. What happened after that was between the two of us and whether it progressed further or not.

 

I have asked a few guys out and gotten rejected. I've also asked guys out in the past and had them accept. Same thing happened there as it did with the guys who asked me out. It sometimes worked out and it sometimes did not.

 

If you want more women to say yes to first dates than reject you, then you pretty much either need to be someplace where the women want to date--i.e an online dating service or matchmaking event--or you already know the woman in some capacity, no matter how small. The cashier who smiles at you and sees you every weekend when you do your shopping is a better candidate for saying yes if you ask her out than say the woman in line at the coffee shop who you never saw before in your life then as a total stranger you ask her out. That's just common sense.

 

And alas men and women both get rejected, because we happen to ask someone out who is already with someone else or in some other way just not ready emotionally or mentally to date. Also those of us who put ourselves out there more probably get more rejections than someone who simply never dates anyone they aren't introduced to through family or friends or some other familiar setting.

[Blue Spiral]

Probably over 90% of the time. For me, it was closer to 95%. But I'm happy to report that I did almost all of it online, so it wasn't quite as painful. (I tried asking one woman out in-person, didn't like how it felt, and never tried again. I've never regretted it. I didn't want to do it, I only did it because I briefly gave in to gender-role pressure.)

 

Women will tell you that all sorts of guys have success asking women out. And, completely coincidentally, these same women will never date you, but may try to pass you off to their desperate, less-attractive friends.

[Fudgie]

I have rejected many guys (online and off) through the years. Mostly because I knew they wouldn't be compatible with me. We're talking incompatibilities on the kids issue, religious differences, differences in lifestyles, etc.

 

Others I rejected because I was not single and thus wasn't interested in dates!

 

Sent from Tapatalk

[mfan]

7/10 times, that guy will say YES to you for a DATE. Those are pretty dang good odds.

There needs to be balance. If guys are not applying standards, then women have to bear the burden of doing it themselves. This makes them come accross as picky. Think about it this way: If 7 out of 10 women you asked on dates said yes, would you continue asking every woman on a date? No. You'd ask fewer and fewer.

[oitnb]

I've rejected probably 5-6 guys throughout my whole life. For two reasons all times : I could tell they were a sleezeball and just wanted sex (saying let me get your number sexy isn't a good pickup line.) or I was in a relationship.

[silversoul]

I've rejected guys I wasn't attracted to. And this doesn't mean appearance, it's appearance+personality+behaviour + how they approached me. If I'm not repulsed by him and he appears to be nice and decent I give him a chance.

[John John]

All.the.time.

 

Probably over 90% of the time. For me, it was closer to 95%. But I'm happy to report that I did almost all of it online, so it wasn't quite as painful. (I tried asking one woman out in-person, didn't like how it felt, and never tried again. I've never regretted it. I didn't want to do it, I only did it because I briefly gave in to gender-role pressure.)

 

Women will tell you that all sorts of guys have success asking women out. And, completely coincidentally, these same women will never date you, but may try to pass you off to their desperate, less-attractive friends.

 

This made me lol big time.

 

Hence why I very rarely approach, online or off. I have to be in a certain mood and have some indication there is interest. When I'm out, my strategy is to chat up a woman for while, and try to read her. I will not ask for her number/first date until I'm reasonably sure I won't be rejected. Usually, if the conversation runs smoothly and she doesn't run for the hills, I am able to score a number. If you use this strategy and don't ask a woman out...instead of being outright rejected ("I'm sorry," "Maybe some other time," "not interested"), you have the chance to get passively rejected (she just walks away, or turns around to her friends), which hurts a bit less (but Dougie, I'm not sure you can take these hints).

 

Online dating, as we all know, is heavily biased in womens' favor. And so, instead of competing in that clusterf*ck, I choose to make an awesome profile with awesome pictures, and have them contact me. I like to be the one with the leverage and ability to reject. Most women I've dated from OLD have reached out to me first.

 

Dougie - if you want to get in the driver's seat like me and have women coming to YOU...you need to work on yourself from every possible angle (career, social skills, looks, confidence, online photos, wardrobe, etc.). But I feel like we're going in circles here, we've all given you the best advice we are able to. So I really don't know what else to tell you.

[Dougie_D]

I consider "passive-rejection" as rejection though...which actually HURTS me more. It takes me back to the time in school when they just ran away from me. I won't ask a girl their number unless I feel like I can get pass that level. Similar to what you said. The sad part is, I'll get that number just to be rejected when I finally ask her out on a date. Then there was the time I actually took a girl out to dinner but when the bill came, she wanted to split the bill. I didn't realize until later that she NEVER considered "the date" a real date. So technically in her mind, it wasn't a date to her.

 

And lets be fair....MCJD4ever --- your worst picture online still beats out my best picture. You are just a better looking person than me.

[Batya33]

I consider "passive-rejection" as rejection though...which actually HURTS me more. It takes me back to the time in school when they just ran away from me. I won't ask a girl their number unless I feel like I can get pass that level. Similar to what you said. The sad part is, I'll get that number just to be rejected when I finally ask her out on a date. Then there was the time I actually took a girl out to dinner but when the bill came, she wanted to split the bill. I didn't realize until later that she NEVER considered "the date" a real date. So technically in her mind, it wasn't a date to her.

 

And lets be fair....MCJD4ever --- your worst picture online still beats out my best picture. You are just a better looking person than me.

 

 

I'm still not sure why you're using the term "rejection" to describe someone simply declining to go on a date with you. And big deal that there are women who gave you their numbers and then declined a date - sometimes people change their minds, meet someone else, felt awkward about saying no to giving the number ,whatever. No biggie.

[Blue Spiral]

I like to be the one with the leverage and ability to reject.

 

All people have that, regardless of gender and circumstances. The key is to be happy on your own. Don't let other people control or define your self-worth, and you'll create your own leverage. Obviously, as men, we're fighting an uphill battle, but you have to remember to think four-dimensionally. Circumstances and dynamics change, over time. As I've gotten older, I've had more leverage in my involvement with women--not because I became more mature (I sure as bleep didn't), but because my outlook and circumstances changed, and so did theirs. The "women as all-powerful, heavily-in-demand sex goddesses" phenomenon we saw in our twenties...well, it isn't like that for most of them in their thirties. Don't let past lessons blind you to your present reality.

 

Also, someone declining to go on a date with you is absolutely rejection. The idea that it isn't...well, that's just ridiculous.

[poetryandlyrics]

I agree with everyone's advice and honestly, I wouldn't like it if you approach me because you'd be approaching me with the intention to get laid. A relationship's goal for you is to get laid , not love. It's all for you. I'm not into that. I'm not a object to be used like that. I'm a living person with thoughts and feelings.

 

I actually do reject guys pretty frequently but that's because they usually look at me as a pretty thing, and that's it. They don't look beyond that, and that makes me feel like I'm a sex object. I prefer guys that would chat up with me, build up some rapport, and connect on interests and similarities. Right now, I actually like this one guy simply because we chatted and it was basically like, "what? You too!?" kind of vibe. I reject guys who only see me for my looks, who just wants to get laid, if I'm already taken, if I'm not attracted to looks/behavior, if we don't have similar beliefs/viewpoints, or if I don't feel respected as a person.

 

So... Those women you go up to, do you see them as a person to get to know or just a woman to possibly get sex from? If it's the latter, it can be obvious.

[John John]

I consider "passive-rejection" as rejection though...which actually HURTS me more. It takes me back to the time in school when they just ran away from me. I won't ask a girl their number unless I feel like I can get pass that level. Similar to what you said. The sad part is, I'll get that number just to be rejected when I finally ask her out on a date. Then there was the time I actually took a girl out to dinner but when the bill came, she wanted to split the bill. I didn't realize until later that she NEVER considered "the date" a real date. So technically in her mind, it wasn't a date to her.

 

And lets be fair....MCJD4ever --- your worst picture online still beats out my best picture. You are just a better looking person than me.

 

Dougie, rejection sucks no matter what. Trust me, I know. I've been rejected a lot more than you might think. It took me many years to get to where I am today in terms of my overall "package"..and most importantly, my ability to deal with women. I was the guy in college who (mostly) stood back and watched other guys plow through women left and right. Any women that I got in college were just based on pure dumb luck. I had no idea what I was doing.

 

You have more potential than you may think. Aside from the pics you have posted on here, I'm really not sure of what you look like. I would try to get some feedback from girls you may know who will be honest with you. Do they comment on your wardrobe, hair, fitness level, etc? You're not a bad looking guy. You just need to learn how to pose in pictures better and work on your confidence. Yes, my main photo online was a professional shot from work, but the rest of them (and I had a LOT up) were all real life shots. If you look at my profile pic on here, I'm actually posing a certain way because I learned over the years what angle works for me. You can do the same! You'd be amazed at the wonders that learning how to pose properly (even in real life action shots) will do for you.

 

I was with a girl the other night (a date I got tricked into going to that was awful), and she busted my chops on my "Justin Bieber" hairdo. I'm at the point where I really don't care what girls think about me, but at the same time...I don't want to look like Justin Bieber. Even though I didn't know I was gonna end up on a "date," it made me realize, maybe I should've made the effort to style my hair properly? Women notice everything dude? From our shoes, to our hair, demeanor...everything. They evaluate us holistically and also on an attribute by attribute basis...it is what it is.

 

The way I see it...you shouldn't be going after women until you've really worked on yourself and gotten to a place where you're more confident in yourself. You have to do the work before you get the results. You definitely have what it takes Dougie...just gotta put in the work

[John John]

All people have that, regardless of gender and circumstances. The key is to be happy on your own. Don't let other people control or define your self-worth, and you'll create your own leverage. Obviously, as men, we're fighting an uphill battle, but you have to remember to think four-dimensionally. Circumstances and dynamics change, over time. As I've gotten older, I've had more leverage in my involvement with women--not because I became more mature (I sure as bleep didn't), but because my outlook and circumstances changed, and so did theirs. The "women as all-powerful, heavily-in-demand sex goddesses" phenomenon we saw in our twenties...well, it isn't like that for most of them in their thirties. Don't let past lessons blind you to your present reality.

 

Also, someone declining to go on a date with you is absolutely rejection. The idea that it isn't...well, that's just ridiculous.

 

 

Agreed on all fronts!!!

[Wayfara]

In our society, most women want the guy to ask them out, make the move, do all the leg work, etc..

 

I know many men think women expect them to do the chasing but in real life I've never heard a woman express the view that initiating was the man's job, my guess is that men think women want men to do the chasing because women chase less than men (but maybe it's more gender conservative in the US and thus more of an expectation there?). Anyway in my opinion chasing less is not the same thing as expecting the man to do the chasing, I think the reason women chase less is simply because they are less afflicted by instant attractions and feel less need to act when the attraction is fleeting. Most of my female friends have approached men so while men might approach them more in my experience women do approach when they really like the guy. Half of the relationships I know it was the woman who took the first step so my theory is that men go for more quantity (less selective about the women approach) and women more for quality (focus mostly on the guys she has a crush on) and that both methods generate about equal success.

 

I'm just wondering, in a typical month, how often do women REJECT guys?

 

There are many factors involved, like how approachable the woman looks, how many men she meets in her daily life, where and when. One woman I know has never been flirted with so she has never had the chance to reject anyone, she isn't ugly, just so painfully shy she looks like a scared bird in public so people avoid her as not to scare her even more. For me it fluctuates, sometimes there are many men approaching me and some periods not many at all, depends how out there I am. Anyway I reject all strangers who asks for a date or number even when I'm single. I need to have a sense of how the guy and like him before I'm comfortable giving him my number, plus if he cold approaches me for my number then that demonstrates he is not my type as I like guys that are selective.

 

If a woman keeps on rejecting guys and/or whine why the man hasn't "asked them out yet", how come the women don't ask out the guy they want to?

 

The whine I hear from my female friends mostly go "I smiled, tried to make jokes, but he didn't smile anything back, I don't think he likes me" so they don't ask the guy out as he doesn't seem interested. I think many women are cautious and want to feel the interest is mutual before they put themselves out there.

[Lonewing]

Many men expect they have to do the chasing because they have spent enough time not doing the chasing to figure out that if they don't, they never get anywhere, but as soon as they do chase, they get dates. It's not much more complicated than that.

[Wayfara]

I can only speak for me but when I'm not making a move it's because I'm not interested. When I'm interested in a guy I have no problem walking up to him and make conversation, I'm just picky. Many women I know are picky so I think if men would let women do the chasing, men would have to get used to wait until a woman gets a crush on him, which might take time, maybe even a few years, but will most likely happen sooner or later. Maybe men just don't have the patience for it?

[abitbroken]

I consider "passive-rejection" as rejection though...which actually HURTS me more. It takes me back to the time in school when they just ran away from me. I won't ask a girl their number unless I feel like I can get pass that level. Similar to what you said. The sad part is, I'll get that number just to be rejected when I finally ask her out on a date. Then there was the time I actually took a girl out to dinner but when the bill came, she wanted to split the bill. I didn't realize until later that she NEVER considered "the date" a real date. So technically in her mind, it wasn't a date to her.

 

And lets be fair....MCJD4ever --- your worst picture online still beats out my best picture. You are just a better looking person than me.

 

Ok. What if the woman did NOT know that this was supposed to be a date? If you don't know her and had only one conversation with her, she could think she was catching lunch or dinner with you to get to know you a bit more in a friendly way. She could think that you just wanted someone to try a particular restaurant with or wanted to be friends.

 

A lot of women I know go for coffee or lunch with a guy if they met online or just talked to him once in person sort of as a predate to see if there is anything there. It would be rude to expect the first time out be at an expensive with lobster tails followed by dancing under the stars. Nowadays with people being so careful, its not the way it is anymore. They might even split the bill.

 

If you did not know the woman prior to the "date" and only had one conversation with her, it is pretty standard to go for coffee or lunch or dinner and split the bill as the "predate". If you have known a woman for awhile and the attraction between the two of you has been mutual and goes both ways for quite awhile, then by all means do something really date-y the first time.

 

My tip to you: If you go on what you think is a date with a woman and YOU are the one who asked her out (my rule is whoever asks for the date has it in their mind that they will treat), don't let the bill just sit on the table - take the receipt and open your wallet. Never let the bill just sit on the table because then FOR SURE she will offer to split because she is not sure if you are expecting her to pay since you didn't grab for it. The person who has been asked out should never be expected to pick up the tab the whole way. That's just tacky. After you grab the bill, if she asks to split it, tell her that you insist. Or tell her she could treat for dessert or tip. if she presses, then give in and let her pay half of it. It is fine if she ends up splitting it - it doesn't mean its not a date.

 

Also, if you had a good conversation with her and she splits the bill with you - do not take that as a rejection. Ask her out again. Tell her before you part ways that you had a good time. Throughout the conversation, try to get her to talk about other stuff she wants to do or other places she wants to try and then follow up with a call asking her to do those things. or even do a trial asking out for a second date during the first date "that sounds like fun, I would love to try that" and see if she bites on that, etc.

 

Anyway - moral of the story . Don't shut down just because she splits the bill. Try and ask her out again unless she tells you that she doesn't want to see you again. Honestly, there are women who give a guy at least two dates because most people are awkward the first time.

 

 

Again - control what you can control and don't worry about the rest. Dating is a learning experience. Women are just as confused as men and if a guy didn't call me ever again because I split the bill and thought I was not interested - i would figure HE was not intersted. I wouldn't have realized what i did was the wrong signal.

 

When I met my boyfriend, he picked up the bill, even though I did offer to pay. I knew he considered it a date because we met online where people were looking for relationships - but this was more of a we "predate" of meeting for coffee/light lunch. I knew he was intersted because he asked me if I liked to do a particular thing and asked me if I would like to do it the following week. It was bold on his part perhaps, but he found that there was mutual interest because we had a lot to talk about and in common on the date. Even if we ended up not being a match, I would have wanted to see him again because i really enjoyed the conversation.

[Lonewing]

I can only speak for me but when I'm not making a move it's because I'm not interested. When I'm interested in a guy I have no problem walking up to him and make conversation, I'm just picky. Many women I know are picky so I think if men would let women do the chasing, men would have to get used to wait until a woman gets a crush on him, which might take time, maybe even a few years, but will most likely happen sooner or later. Maybe men just don't have the patience for it?

 

AKA, wait until all her other options are exhausted... AHA, no thank you, we're not going to sit around and wait for a woman somewhere to figure out her requirements are too picky...

[Dougie_D]

Both really. If I get the feeling that she's not into me sexually then yes, I can see us talking and getting to know each other.

Someone you talk to, know very well, and there is no sex involved are strictly friends.

[poetryandlyrics]

Both really. If I get the feeling that she's not into me sexually then yes, I can see us talking and getting to know each other.

Someone you talk to, know very well, and there is no sex involved are strictly friends.

 

Forgive me if I doubt you because it seems the common thread from your posting is your goal of getting laid, not love or getting ton know the person. Either that or you go back and forth as if you don't know what you truly want, and that dissonance isn't well received as well. Know yourself, be confident.

[notalady]

You remind me of a friend of mine who was a "nice guy" years ago, never had any luck in the ladies department well into his late 20s/early 30s. He used to always whinge to me about women in general and about being rejected, his main objective was to get laid purely because he couldn't, it's not that he didn't want love, but how can you ask for something so much more complex and enjoyable when you can't even get the basic needs fulfilled, it's like asking for wine when you can't even get water. I get that. But what he and you don't understand is that most women want love not just sex, you are not offering to them what they want. And those that want just sex? Forgive me but I think they're going to go for really good looking guys with a hot body no matter how much of an as*hole they are, because they meet their needs.

 

The aforementioned guy finally realised one day that complaining about how unfair things are isn't getting him anywhere and neither is being bitter. In fact it worked against him. So he decided to just be himself, took up a new hobby - salsa dancing, absolutely loved it and was good at it, that really helped his confidence, he met lots of women through that. And lost lots of weight too. He has had two serious gfs now and quite a few casual relationships, and got laid plenty. And trust me, he is not good looking by society standards.

 

A couple of guys on here gave you really good tips on improving the whole package, down to the point of how to pose for your profile picture! Take their advice, and stop dwelling on what you consider to be rejections. Stop being bitter and do something about it, starting with working on yourself.