What are you views on gender roles?

[Catherine_3]

Then I would suggest not looking at women who have high-powered careers.

 

...Or just having that conversation early on in the relationship.

 

Many of my friends had high powered careers which they chose to take a few years off from once they had children.

 

I believe Batya would also fall into that category.

[Ms Darcy]

Many of my friends had high powered careers which they chose to take a few years off from once they had children.

 

Needhelp can correct me, but I don't think he's talking about taking a "few years off."

 

His ex was not working and I think they broke up when their daughter was like 10 or 11.

[Thorshammer]

But didn't you bristle at the traditional girl who wanted you to take care of her financially?

 

Yes... but you cut off my post right under what you quoted... which explains things...

 

I honestly dont care - i think i thrive in this world compared to what i think i would have if i was in the old. Besides that, i also think the players and womanizers are the ones who benefit the most with these changes - i have posted-this to death on this forum.

 

And finally, it said in the opinion of OTHERS, and its how i analyze my friends (both men and women) and how they cant manage the dating world. As for me, I cant be with a woman who doesnt have her future goals, this has changed in the last few years. I actually can understand women who wont date a guy without a good career, i see and feel what they see and feel when a woman works in a "job". I am fine with these shattered roles, i give two farts, if anything i am surfing by just fine. And i am attracted to women with passion and creativity, imo- thats easier to find with an educated or broad-skilled woman.

 

But.. to be fair... the girl that wanted to be taken care of.. was old colombian country... a manipulator (which i would counter in a way to let her know i was aware - made me laugh, made her angry until she left), and she was a barbie doll who was still secretly married the whole time. She is the only exgf i had that didnt have a college degree or future, and anything that resembles her i would steer away from. The women i have dated have paid for dates, get upset when i mention protecting or providing, they were all really prideful women, there are a lot of them in nyc.

[Ms Darcy]

Yes... but you cut off my post right under what you quoted... which explains things...

 

Well, I think this post (#53) explains it more fully. Thanks!

[happpybear]

Oh, excellent thread and quite entertaining!!!

 

I agree with whomever it was that wrote that nobody knows what is going on anymore with regard to gender roles and so everyone is confused when it comes to dating. I have had quite a few convo's over the years with confused guy-friends about this.

 

In my family, traditional gender roles (on my mom's side) were non-existent going back to my grandparents. My grandpa was a police officer, and so the risk of him not coming home one day was pretty real. My grandma had to hold down a job just in case, she also cooked and cleaned. My grandpa sewed, darned socks, baked bread (darn good bread too, I miss it!), cooked dinners, cleaned...etc while also being a cop.

 

They raised my mom to be this way too, they said it was just common sense--you never know what can happen in your life so you better learn to take care of yourself. My dad came from a super old-world European family where the woman stays in the kitchen, the man goes to work. But my mom and dad were super egalitarian raising us, and instilled those values in me.

 

I had a relationship with a guy for a few years who leaned toward these super old-world gender roles, it was the way he was raised. It was frustrating for both of us. When we discussed the possibility of having children, he said that "changing diapers was the woman's job" He didn't believe me when I told him that both my father and grandfather took equal roles in "changing the diapers" and everything else. It was just really shocking to me to hear that in someone who was only 30 years old at the time, I don't meet too many men my age that subscribe to these traditional gender roles. Things are definitely changing.

[needhelp6]

Needhelp can correct me, but I don't think he's talking about taking a "few years off."

 

His ex was not working and I think they broke up when their daughter was like 10 or 11.

Ms Darcy you're correct, she stopped working after she gave birth. While I wouldn't say she had a high powered career she definitely had a fulfilling one, one that she was invested in and excelled at, which she gave-up to be a mother and what I call a Home Manager. She excelled in this role too, from birth until we broke-up (about 1.3 years ago). She also had a daughter from a prior relationship that she raised. She ran our home in an efficient manner; was involved at school, after school activities/lessons, a couple of charities, held several officer positions in our HOA over the years, planned our vacations, managed all auto and home maintenance. All while taking incredible care of herself through yoga, tennis, aerobics and other activities. Also took many classes, everything from cooking to decorating to landscape architecture. My point is, although she didn't "work" as we traditionally define it, she definitely worked and I wouldn't have traded her responsibilities . . . we made a pretty good team.

 

PS Ms Darcy you have an incredible memory!

[John John]

PS Ms Darcy you have an incredible memory!

 

Nothing gets by Ms Darcy

[Blue Spiral]

I think that people should be able to pick whichever gender roles they feel most comfortable with. If a man or woman wants to be traditional, go for it. If they want to be modern, go for it. The worst thing a society can do to people is to jam square pegs in round holes. "You're a man/woman, ergo you have to be _____!"

 

I'm biased, obviously--outside of a few key areas, I'm not conventionally masculine at all. I've lost count of the number of women that have asked me why I don't do this or that stereotypically-masculine thing. And the looks I've gotten when they find out I love to watch Gilmore Girls reruns, my god...

 

Besides that, i also think the players and womanizers are the ones who benefit the most with these changes - i have posted-this to death on this forum.

 

Sshhh!! The first rule of the hedonistic conspiracy is, we don't talk about the hedonistic conspiracy.

[John John]

 

Sshhh!! The first rule of the hedonistic conspiracy is, we don't talk about the hedonistic conspiracy.

 

Hahahaha!!

[dobbin]

I will never ask a guy out, the man needs to hunt! If he doesn't hunt he can go hungry! I like to be chased!

I would be a housewife if I have small children, but I would do this only to spend time with the children. I believe both the man and woman should share household chores when both are working. It's more balanced this way.

As for now, I do all my cleaning, cooking, paying bills, taking care of my pets and climbing the corporate ladder while giving back to the community I can do it all but I would still prefer to be in a relationship with a good man (if he ever finds me)!

[shelty24]

2 YEARS breastfeeding? Dear lord!! I thought it was like 6 months! Babies eat normal food at 6months.. plus their bottle..

 

I could not imagine breastfeeding a toddler.

 

Anyway gender roles..

 

I think many women are still expected to do more. I've noticed it in my own relationship. We were both working 6days a week but he did longer hours. Mine were 7hour days whilst his were 9 hours.. but I did the bulk of the housework which irritated me at times.

 

Even last night, I wanted to clean up after dinner to get it over and done with. He said come and watch a film with him and he will do the dishes in the morning.. but dishes are still sitting their waiting for me..

[ALovingKitten]

Do you believe in old school gender roles? For example the girl stays home and cooks and cleans, the guy is the hunter and asks out the girl. Etc.

 

What's qualities are you attracted to in the opposite sex?

 

If living together I feel both should cook and clean especially if both work. When I grew up dad always did the mowing and snow shoveling and bbqing lol. My mom did the cooking, grocery shopping and gardening veggies etc. I think both guys and girls can ask the other out or call the other first that isn't about gender to me...

I'm attracted to a sense of humor, a nice smile and eyes, kindness, compassion, loyalty, honesty, nice arms intelligence without arrogance, arm tattoos and short hair or shaved.

[Catherine_3]

Globally more than half of all 2 year olds are still breastfeeding. It's only in the U.S. that people think its abnormal to breastfeed beyond 6 months. Health canada also recommends at least 2 years, but the longer the better.

 

You should really look into it. Babies don't need bottles, ever. My babies never even owned a bottle.

[Batya33]

Globally more than half of all 2 year olds are still breastfeeding. It's only in the U.S. that people think its abnormal to breastfeed beyond 6 months. Health canada also recommends at least 2 years, but the longer the better.

 

You should really look into it. Babies don't need bottles, ever. My babies never even owned a bottle.

 

I think it's great if you can breastfeed. Because of post-pregnancy complications as well as my son's problems breastfeeding we chose not to and he thrived on formula thank goodness. With great difficulty and an amount of risk that was questionable I could have put in even more effort beyond the 10 days we attempted breastfeeding but for health reasons, family peace, and my own best interests emotionally and physically we chose not to. We were very comfortable with my choice.

 

I was unhappy with the pressure to breastfeed and the judgments by some when I did not but my husband was so supportive as was my family. Many women in the U.S, breastfeed and understand that the minimum suggestion is 6 months -that's not a maximum as you suggested.

 

As far as gender roles I think women should be supportive of other women's decisions to breastfeed or otherwise (and men especially their partners). I think women should have access to education about the benefits of breastfeeding and then be supported in the choice that is made without the commentary of "my baby never owned a bottle" - that's not going to encourage anyone to breastfeed and of course it's no big deal if someone's child used a bottle at one point or not. There's no science that a baby/toddler drinking from a bottle from time to time (other than if it will confuse during breastfeeding) is harmful nor is it something to be proud of just because your child never held a bottle to his mouth and drank from it.

[Seraphim]

2 YEARS breastfeeding? Dear lord!! I thought it was like 6 months! Babies eat normal food at 6months.. plus their bottle..

 

I could not imagine breastfeeding a toddler.

 

Anyway gender roles..

 

I think many women are still expected to do more. I've noticed it in my own relationship. We were both working 6days a week but he did longer hours. Mine were 7hour days whilst his were 9 hours.. but I did the bulk of the housework which irritated me at times.

 

Even last night, I wanted to clean up after dinner to get it over and done with. He said come and watch a film with him and he will do the dishes in the morning.. but dishes are still sitting their waiting for me..

 

Toddlers still a need to drink along with their food. We drink with our food don't we? There is nothing wrong with breast-feeding a toddler. Most of the world does it because guess what they are too poor to buy a bottle. It is only in the Western world that we think it's " ewwww and creepy." Sometimes I think the western part of the world ( first world countries)just really needs to get over it's self.

[Catherine_3]

I'm sorry you couldn't breastfeed Batya and I applaud you for trying so hard.

 

My comment about bottles needs to be taken in context. It was in response to a post stating that a baby is supposed to take a bottle after 6 months. Babies obviously don't need bottles if they continue to breastfeed. Our doctor recommended never giving her a bottle or sippy cup for dental reasons. Here they recommend that you go straight to a regular cup.

 

Obviously you do what works for you given your circumstances. It's just good to be fully informed. Given that Shelby was shocked by the notion of a 2 year old breastfeedinf, it was clear to me that she is not informed on the issue.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you couldn't breastfeed Batya and I applaud you for trying so hard.

 

My comment about bottles needs to be taken in context. It was in response to a post stating that a baby is supposed to take a bottle after 6 months. Babies obviously don't need bottles if they continue to breastfeed. Our doctor recommended never giving her a bottle or sippy cup for dental reasons. Here they recommend that you go straight to a regular cup.

 

Obviously you do what works for you given your circumstances. It's just good to be fully informed. Given that Shelby was shocked by the notion of a 2 year old breastfeedinf, it was clear to me that she is not informed on the issue.

 

I've never ever heard that a baby needs a bottle after 6 months. And I'm in the U.S. Of course if after 6 months of breastfeeding (the minimal suggestion) the parents choose to give formula then the baby needs a bottle to take in the formula of course. Thanks for your encouraging post -I very much appreciated it. I didn't see the post about needing a bottle. I agree that a baby who breastfeeds till toddler age can go right to a lidded cup, straw cup or a real cup.

[Sportster2005]

I dated a woman who changed the battery in my Harley. She also did body work on my truck. In return I gave her good sex. It worked quite well. Should have married her.

[Cheetarah]

I dated a woman who changed the battery in my Harley. She also did body work on my truck. In return I gave her good sex. It worked quite well. Should have married her.

 

This cracked me up. Thanks.

[Thorshammer]

 

 

 

Sshhh!! The first rule of the hedonistic conspiracy is, we don't talk about the hedonistic conspiracy.

 

I've been spilling the beans since I got on this forum, I've been a marked man since.

 

I can't stand players, ill be honest and say its not me wanting to be a hero for women, its me just hating their character. Plus, I pay for their mistakes all the time.

 

This is a new world, many traditional men are confused, many see them as weak or compensating now. This is the generation of the players and cheaters, sexual freedom, etc. And its both men and women as stats show cheating numbers are neck and neck now when it came to surveys. The roles are on life support, and we all have to adapt.

 

I honestly think gender roles are embedded in us, its just modern civil society and the belief in freedom that changed things. I am all for freedom.

[superfan]

In the opinion of a lot of people i know, the demolishing of the gender-roles is whats screwing up relationships, and also... a lot of men are completely clueless about dating because there is a whole new world- and their traditional mom and dads cant teach them 'squat'. Both men and women seem to be winging it really, and we get a lot of "i dont know what i want".

 

I honestly dont care - i think i thrive in this world compared to what i think i would have if i was in the old. Besides that, i also think the players and womanizers are the ones who benefit the most with these changes - i have posted-this to death on this forum.

 

I am not sure how players and womanizers benefit most here. I would think that women who are no longer being forced to abandon their career paths or sacrifice having a family or a career would benefit most. Certainly I feel I benefited by not feeling as if I had to graduate high school and "find a man", get married and pop out a bunch of kids. I grew up knowing that I could take all the time I wanted to find a job I liked and live my life and be satisfied with or without a partner. I was able to have FWBs if I chose without worrying about being a "traditional" or a "good girl". Eventually I did get married, yes, but on my terms and my husband and I are (as I said) preparing to eventually have a child in which he will likely stay home in the first year not me.

 

Personally I see this as a huge benefit to women. As I said before, not all women will necessarily choose to go this route. Some might prefer traditional gender roles and that is fine, but the key thing here is that we have a CHOICE.

 

I am not sure how it is "screwing up" relationships for men. If you aren't sure what a woman wants, ASK HER. Don't know if she wants to you to open the door, then ask her. Simple.

 

I can open my own doors and pay for my own meals. I have no problem asking a guy out (or I didn't when I was dating).

[Thorshammer]

With less emphasis on gender roles, we break barriers... And there is less focus on certain things. When people talk about not following gender rolesx means not following tradition, and basically embracing the modern. I'll save you the history lesson, but there was a reason for Greece to create the enforcement of the nucleus of a family, and for religions laws of marriage.

 

So women are more open sexually, which doesn't bother me, the traditional man gets confused-, lots of examples on this forum, the traditional woman scoffs at her (read all the forums about how posters barrrage the poster about not sleeping with a guy on the first date). So, to make things short since I'm on my phone- again, the womanizers have it easier now, traditional women/men wonder where they fit in, what role do they play, what the new rules are.

 

When we talk about gender roles its notonlya about work and holding doors. There is a whole new persona that comes along with the changes for most people, new viewpoints and agendas.

Then there is the creation of more emotional and needy men, and more masculine acting women. I believe thats called masculine and femine polarities that change - too much to get into right now considering I'm around machines that are banging and clanking around me.

 

I am all for it. No sex should have a strict guideline enforced for behavior. Now women can act like men of old, and some can say there is no such thing, its just them being human. I wouldn't want to go back to woman being forced into gender roles and the man having it easy to do as he will and still keep his marriage with forced social pressure, but there are a lot of people thrown out of the loop, and others who thrive.

[Catherine_3]

I think you have to be careful about making broad statements about "traditional" gender roles, as if they represent all time periods and all cultures that came before, like 1980.

 

The point of reference for most people in the Western world is the Victorian era, which really wasn't that long ago, when women were thought of as lesser creaters whose purpose in life was to sit indoors and look pretty like a flower.

 

And even during that era, it was only the wealthy and elite (the ones who wrote the version of history that we know) who had this luxury.

 

The regular women from the masses still worked outside the home and slept around and fixed bicycles I'm sure.

 

In many cultures, it was the women who controlled the finances and worked outside the home (children in tow). The men stayed on the farm in the fields.

[mhowe]

Women made up the majority of the workforce in the USA during WWII. Any man left at home due to disability was expected to work the house/farm when his wife went to work.

 

The gender roles are a societal construct. Clearly...men cannot birth children and male/female bodies differ in musculature by design.

 

The are patriarchal as well.as matriarchal societies throughout history and throughout the world.

 

As I stated in my first post....the gender roles are outdated. And they are roles...not RULES.

[chr8st8na]

Very true about women being able to act like men now... I have a very close friend who has no 'shame' admitting that she has slept with +100 men and I have another who doesnt mind telling people that she usually will do one night stands but they have tons of friends and the guys still flock to them.

 

I think it's the times... where people just think about themselves and dont care what others think. I admit I am a product of my generation but sometimes I do wonder if our morals and values (when it comes to dating, sex and relationships) have just gone down the drain.