What are you views on gender roles?

[Sweetestsin92]

Do you believe in old school gender roles? For example the girl stays home and cooks and cleans, the guy is the hunter and asks out the girl. Etc.

 

What's qualities are you attracted to in the opposite sex?

[mhowe]

No --- they are outdated.

And there is very little left to hunt.

Also, most girls don't know how to cook or clean.

[Cheetarah]

Also, most girls don't know how to cook or clean.

 

Everyone should know how to cook and clean.

 

I think a lot of people still subscribe to the whole 'hunt' idea. From what I've observed on this forum, there are plenty of women who won't ask a man out, feel men should pay for the first dates or that if a man doesn't ask you out he must not be interested, if he doesn't contact you first, he's not interested...etc..

[John John]

I really don't believe in gender roles per se. I don't think that a woman's place is "in the kitchen" and I personally would have no problem taking a paternity leave to help raise my kid while my wife worked. I also wouldn't care if she earned more than I did. Nowadays, given the cost of living (especially here in NYC), I think it's important that both parties be earning income. I also think that both people having a career can help maintain a longterm relationship...each of us will have something going on in our lives outside of the relationship and "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I also have no problem doing chores...in fact, when I was with my ex, I cleaned our place much more than she did.

 

Nevertheless...I am still a man, and she is still a woman. I would still want her to be/look feminine just as I am masculine. In other words...I would never be with a woman who looks "butch." Note that this is NOT a slight at lesbians (there are very feminine lesbians, like Portia de Rossi)...I personally just don't like that look. Just the way many women don't like the metrosexual look in men.

[John John]

Also, most girls don't know how to cook or clean.

 

I can personally attest to the fact that this is SO true.

[BrianH46]

No --- they are outdated.

And there is very little left to hunt.

Also, most girls don't know how to cook or clean.

 

It's true out of all of the women I have dated, none knew how to cook. Asian, white, latina, it didn't matter... thankfully I enjoy cooking.

 

As for gender roles it is becoming more and more apparent to me that they are getting blurred and soon any distinction will be gone. Which I am glad about. However I always want to be the one that provides, but that is my personality not expected role. I doubt I would let gender dictate it if I was born a woman instead.

[mhowe]

While I do not hunt, I make a very good living.

My bf is a culinary trained chef.

I hire a cleaning lady.....

[superfan]

Nope.

 

I can take care of myself. I do not need a man to "protect" me and men are perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning - it is not my "job" to do those things.

 

I believe in true partnership - my husband and I share equal responsibility in household tasks, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. We have both decided that childcare will be an equally shared responsibility once we decide to have a child. He will actually opt to take parental care rather than me taking maternity leave.

 

Gender roles have no place in the modern world.

[BrianH46]

I would still want her to be/look feminine just as I am masculine. In other words...I would never be with a woman who looks "butch." Note that this is NOT a slight at lesbians (there are very feminine lesbians, like Portia de Rossi)...I personally just don't like that look. Just the way many women don't like the metrosexual look in men.

 

 

Definitely agree with this as well. I love me a strong woman into sports and the outdoors, I don't care about cooking or cleaning but I like women that take care of themselves.

[chr8st8na]

I dont think 'traditional' rules apply any more. All girls dont know how to cook and clean, and not all guys ask the girl out.

 

I'm also with MC about looks. If he shows any feminine looks/expressions I will not want to be with him. I noticed that about me from looking at online profile pictures.

[Catherine_3]

I think rules based on gender are outdated but whatever works for the couple is fine. Many people prefer more traditional roles.

 

I'm definitely the "mom" in our family. I braided my daughters' hair this morning and then baked banana bread while my husband took out the garbage. So I guess we're traditional to some extent.

 

Meh, whatever works I guess. At the end of the day, women tend to be more motherly in a way and men tend to be more fun. My daughter and I were brainstorming on descriptive words and I asked her what word she would use to describe her dad, then we looked at each other and both blurted out "fun!"

[Fudgie]

I think no one would should be pressured to fill a traditional gender role. If they want to, sure, but I get angry when people are put down for not wanting to do the traditional things.

 

I know how to cook and clean, quite well actually. I can even sew a whole outfit and I have. However, in my life and current relationship, I also fill a lot of male gender roles. I do a lot of different things and call the shots.

 

Sent from Tapatalk

[Thorshammer]

Gender roles are strong in the Latin community. I was raised pampered by my mother, while my sister had to clean and cook for herself (she still brings that up). I on the other hand had other rules, and even though my family never really supported fighting or being tough, they hinted at me having to be strong, aggressive, and charming.

 

But, I always end up with independent women, so I've never really experienced gender roles, except that I would defend them and protect them. I once dated a Colombian women that was straight from the country, and she expected me to be the provider and she stays home cleaning... I was like hell naaaa... The minimum I dated was a bachelors or made double more than I did, I couldn't deal with this woman. Even my parents now see things different and told me to forget oldworld roles.

[superfan]

There's nothing wrong with someone opting to CHOOSE to fulfill a "traditional" gender role. If you are a woman and wish to stay home and cook and clean, then more power to you.

 

As much as it bothers me to hear people claim that certain genders should fall under specified roles, it bothers me just as much when people criticize those who actively choose them.

 

I think you should fall under whatever role suits YOU.

[peter]

Hi,

 

my view on gender roles is the same as on different races, nationalities, religions etc. : It makes some funny jokes but in real life I really see no difference between dark skinned or light skinned, Muslims or Christians, men or women, Americans, Europeans or even that little cheese-eating flag-waving French

[Ms Darcy]

I do think most people believe in gender roles in terms of behavior and looks. So, a lot of men want women who look feminine (dresses, makeup, longish or feminine hairstyle) and act feminine (smile, flirt, occassionally act 'demure' and sweet). And a lot of women want men who look masculine (taller, bigger than them, strong-looking) and act masculine (does chivalrous stuff like opening the door, protecting them in bad weather or from bad guys).

 

I think we are so PC though that we don't like to frame that as gender roles.

 

In terms of family life, this is one area where gender roles still abound for MOST guys in a way I don't think they understand. For example, I have a co-worker who says he would be willing to take paternity leave and help out with changing the diapers. WT....F!? Having babies should be 50/50. It's only more of a burden on the woman because of the biology - carrying the baby and breast feeding. But the husband should see himself as an equal partner.

 

As such, paternity leave should be an expectation and not a nicety. I understand if couples need to stagger the maternity/paternity leave though, but both should take it (in my opinion). Also, men should not be "helping out with changing the diapers." They both need to be equal in taking turns of taking care of the baby and the woman should not be the lead on this and instructing the husband on what to do.

 

I have a lot of female friends who complain about their husbands in terms of their involvement with children. One friend gave an example. When her husband and kids go on a vacation, her husband automatically packs for himself only. The unconscious expectation is that she packs for herself and the kids. That would drive me nuts.

 

I think some of the lack of clarity around roles results in (some) women taking on much more of the burden ... working full time, being the primary child care giver at home, and sometimes nagging the husbands to "help" around the house.

[peter]

Hi,

 

my view on gender roles is the same as on different races, nationalities, religions etc. : It makes some funny jokes but in real life I really see no difference between dark skinned or light skinned, Muslims or Christians, men or women, Americans, Europeans or even that little cheese-eating flag-waving French

 

but France is great country!

[Sportster2005]

Do you believe in old school gender roles? For example the girl stays home and cooks and cleans, the guy is the hunter and asks out the girl. Etc.

 

What's qualities are you attracted to in the opposite sex?

 

I think these classic roles are outdated. Unfortunately double standards are not. When I hear women say they like to be 'old fashion' what they really mean is they want the best of both worlds. They want their meals paid for, they want to be chased etc. But don't expect them to take on an old fashion role like staying at home cooking. Not that I want them to. Not my type. I avoid these 'old fashion' women like the plague. You want to make good money, fine, I think you should. But stop expecting men to pay your way. I like independent modern women. I suppose there's enough old school gentlemen to court the old fashion women.

[Sportster2005]

I think some of the lack of clarity around roles results in (some) women taking on much more of the burden ... working full time, being the primary child care giver at home, and sometimes nagging the husbands to "help" around the house.

 

In my experience women will remain quite about this imbalance and expect men to read their mind. I'm not joking. And the response is always women shouldn't have to communicate it. And round and round we go.

 

But your point about equal burden is dead on.

[Batya33]

There's nothing wrong with someone opting to CHOOSE to fulfill a "traditional" gender role. If you are a woman and wish to stay home and cook and clean, then more power to you.

 

As much as it bothers me to hear people claim that certain genders should fall under specified roles, it bothers me just as much when people criticize those who actively choose them.

 

I think you should fall under whatever role suits YOU.

 

Totally agree with this. I do find the nature/nurture stuff interesting in how gender roles develop. My son is almost 5, he prefers traditional boy games and toys, but he also loves pink because his "girlfriend" in pre-k loves pink. Then he sometimes rejects pink with "ewl" because it's for girls. He asks me if certain colors are for girls/boys/both and he asks why he has to go to the womens' restroom with me. Etc. I try to answer all his questions at his level and as casually as I can so that he can develop his own sense, if any, of gender roles.

[Catherine_3]

As such, paternity leave should be an expectation and not a nicety. I understand if couples need to stagger the maternity/paternity leave though, but both should take it (in my opinion).

 

I don't know what paternity leave means in the U.S. context. Here in Canada parental leave is 12 months but the parents can split it. For example, maybe she takes 9 months and he takes 3 months.

 

The issue I would have with that is breastfeeding. The World Heath Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years. If the dad took parental leave, the mom would have to return to work sooner which would reduce the chances of successful breastfeeding beyond that point. Not impossible but would reduce chances of success.

 

I don't think involved dads are less "manly" or traditional. They can do different things. They might not pack suitcases but maybe they play sports with the kids, help them with their homework, wrestle with them, or even just watch t.v. with them and take them to McDonalds.

[mhowe]

Watching tv and playing with them is not the same as feeding/bathing/laundry.

It is the fun part of kids --- and why often fathers are the good cop, while mothers are the bad cop.

[Catherine_3]

It is the fun part of kids --- and why often fathers are the good cop, while mothers are the bad cop.

 

I don't think that's necessarily true. Often fathers are more strict in terms of discipline. So it can balance out. And I think that contrast is important. It's the contrast in interaction between the mom and the dad that help develop a multi-dimensional personality in the children.

 

Yes, playing is the fun part of raising kids but it's also the most important part, the part we should try to spend more time doing. I've learned so much from watching my husband. We can learn as much from them as they learn from us in terms of how to take care of the children.

 

I think one of the mistakes some women make is they take this equality thing too far and try to turn their husbands into "moms". It backfires because the more you boss your husband around, the more you confirm the myth that men are inferior parents. You have to let them do it their way. Even if "their way" is to let the laundry pile up for 3 weeks until the kids run out of matching socks before they finally wash it... Or taking the kids to McDonalds... Or letting the dishes go unwashed for an evening and instead choose to chill with your kids.

 

If the father just isn't doing his share, that would be a problem for me. (Although I wouldn't try to determine what is appropriate for another couple.) If he is pulling his own weight but doing it his own way, that's fine with me.

[pl3asehelp]

I think rebelling against these roles is all that's left of them and the result are a bunch of people who can't take care of themselves. Women need to cook and clean just like men do.

[pl3asehelp]

That's increibly misandrist to say men's 'style' of parenting is to be lazy and not cook, clean, or do laundry. All this does is raise more people who think someone else will do their work for them while they enjoy themselves.