I don't understand the whole having kids thing

[JU27]

I agree that women have the right to choose. By medically induced abortion, are you referring to the "morning after" pill?

[Fudgie]

I agree that women have the right to choose. By medically induced abortion, are you referring to the "morning after" pill?

 

No, morning after pill is NOT an abortion pill. It just prevents implantation.

 

RU-486 is a medical abortion pill. You take it and it induces a "period" and you have a period. You bleed out an implanted fertilized egg. It's for early pregnancies only.

[Batya33]

Thanks for your response. I wonder if part of post pardum depression that many women experience is because they didn't realize the responsibility of having a baby and feel overwhelmed, etc ? I know that's how I would feel. I know part of the reason is because of the chemical changes that the body goes through, etc though.

Also, it bothers me that some people are against abortion when it may be better than having an unwanted child, etc.

 

I think that it's a chemical reaction in the body that triggers feelings of being overwhelmed among other feelings. I think many women feel overwhelmed after having a baby and not because they didn't realize the responsibility -these are smart, insightful women who, understandably could not have really understood what it was like until the baby was born - and that doesn't mean it's postpartum depression -it can be just feeling overwhelmed, it can be regular depression, or postpartum. I do take issue with any assumption that a woman suffering from postpartum depression was not in touch with reality before giving birth or "didn't realize" what it was like. That kind of thinking makes women who are suffering reluctant to seek help because they probably feel like they are bad or deficient mothers. I hope any woman who suspects postpartum is not shy about getting help.

[Seraphim]

Thanks for your response. I wonder if part of post pardum depression that many women experience is because they didn't realize the responsibility of having a baby and feel overwhelmed, etc ? I know that's how I would feel. I know part of the reason is because of the chemical changes that the body goes through, etc though.

Also, it bothers me that some people are against abortion when it may be better than having an unwanted child, etc.

 

Every new mother is overwhelmed. You can not know what being a mother is REALLY like unless you do it yourself. No books and no one talking to you will prepare you. When you get 3 hours of sleep for weeks or months on end ANYONE would feel overwhelmed with anything not just children. Women who usually get postpartum depression also have a history of depression a lot of the time. Some of it is the hormones and some is the support system you get or don't get. I think a big part of it though is the propensity for depression in themselves or exists in their family. I would hope they would get help though. It does not make them bad parents at all. Being overwhelmed does not mean you have postpartum depression either, maybe it means you need some sleep or a little time off to yourself.

 

So to reiterate again, even people who were very well prepared to be parents can be overwhelmed, looking after a new born human being is very exhausting for both parents.

[rocio]

A traumatic delivery can also contribute to the struggle many mothers experience in the beginning. It can also interfere with the initial bonding process. In some cases, the bonding can be immediate and in other cases, it can take weeks or longer. Motherhood is complicated.

 

Many comments in this thread are offensive. Children don't need to be planned or born into wealthy families in order to be loved and happy. And those who don't want children shouldn't have them. To each his or her own.

[Seraphim]

A traumatic delivery can also contribute to the struggle many mothers experience in the beginning. It can also interfere with the initial bonding process. In some cases, the bonding can be immediate and in other cases, it can take weeks or longer. Motherhood is complicated.

 

Many comments in this thread are offensive. Children don't need to be planned or born into wealthy families in order to be loved and happy. And those who don't want children shouldn't have them. To each his or her own.

 

I agree. Traumatic delivery does make life that much harder. It took me 5 months to recover from my son's delivery combined with feeding him every 2 hours 24 hours a day for months and months. There were days I was so overwhelmed because I had no sleep and was literally walking into walls from tiredness. Being overwhelmed though does not make you a bad parent or that you should not have had children. It takes about a YEAR to get used to all the physical and emotional and mental demands of your new role as a parent and the change in dynamics of the new family.

[Princess123]

Grey wolf she was about 19 with her mom and yelling at this kid. Then the mom walked away and the girl continued to scream "shut up your so annoying i hate you"... ya I can make an assumption out of that.

 

I think I shock some people when I bring up that I would have an abortion. I have it covered to not let that happen. But someone asks me what I do if I became pregnant I say I just get rid of it. I get the strangest looks, maybe the way I say it?

 

I think some people... kids just aren't meant to be part of their lives.

 

Even if I had all the money and resources in the world I wouldn't have a kid.

 

You know that Justin Beiber thing that is all over the place? With that 20 year old claiming to have his kid? Wanting 12,000/month in child support... to me that is almost like she had a kid for financial gain. I honestly think some people do that.

[Batya33]

Some people do lots of things -so what? I don't think it's a good idea to share with people that you'd "just get rid of it" if you got pregnant by accident. If you do choose to share such personal information with other than your closest friend, family or doctor, perhaps you can say it in a more sensitive way "I would have an abortion" or better yet "sorry ,that's too personal" or "why do you need to know?"

[rocio]

I Agree. Although I do ultimately support the right of a woman to chose, and have supported friends through the extremely difficult process of terminating a pregnancy, I would find it distasteful to hear someone talking about a pregnancy as something you just toss away. It's also possible that some people in your audience have had difficulty conceiving. Those people would find those comments especially awful.

[Seraphim]

I find sometimes people add to their own difficulties when they announce their intentions to lots of people when the intention is controversial. Why not keep it as private? One gets less challenges that way. Like rocio said some people really have a hard time hearing things like that. As someone who has had 4 miscarriages and can not have more children and would have loved more than anything it really pains me when people announce to all and sundry their intent. Some things should just be personal and talked about with people closest to you. It also garners less problems with confrontations with others of differing opinions.

[JU27]

Not to get too off subject, but I wonder why the media is so interested in celebrities having kids? For example, Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie, Gwen Stephani, Christina Aguilera, etc....? It seems like so many celebrities are having kids these days! It is their choice, of course, but I wonder why the media seems to be so interested, or is it just because the media is interested in anything to do with a celebrities life? Does anyone have any opinions on this?

[Seraphim]

The media just presents what they think people want to see. Most of it is the dumbest crap imaginable and keeps people from doing something constructive and stuck to a TV or trash magazine. I could care less about celebrities and what they are doing and they have ZERO impact on me or anything I think about.

[Princess123]

Something to do, there are magazines where that is their income source. Like hey this kid is going to have some famous parents and look at this extravagent nursey they are having, and this amazing baby shower... I see it as bragging rights.

[OptomisticGirl]

Some people want kids, others don't. I have known I wanted to be a mother since I was a kid myself and I have known other girls my age who said they never wanted kids and have yet to have them. I have heard girls my age swear they didn't want kids and then accidentlly got pregnant and turned out to be the world's greatest mom - life is a very funny thing.

 

i want kids. If that means I can't jet off to Paris or Tokyo, fine. I'm okay with giving that up. I'm okay with not getting any sleep the first few months - or years -, of changing dirty diapers, cuddling them when they are sick, constantly worrying about them... I'm okay with giving up the right to just travel some were or bug the newest fandangle gadget. i'm okay with it because I want to be a mom. It's my dream in life and as Petite said, I want to experience all there is to being a mother, both the good and the bad.

 

Why do I want kids? I'm sure there is some basic, animalistic drive to it - to put forth my own DNA into the world, to continue our family... but simply put, you can never understand why people want kids unless you yourself want them. it's a desire you just can't explain with words and one you can't tell someone about - they have to experience it for themselves.

[sidehop]

I don't get it either. But I want another Boy or girl I don't care...

 

In all honesty some people will just experience it differently, want it at a different time and once as parents the whole world changes. To me the way "life" works really made sense after becoming a father.

[Unknown1607307972]

Some people do lots of things -so what? I don't think it's a good idea to share with people that you'd "just get rid of it" if you got pregnant by accident. If you do choose to share such personal information with other than your closest friend, family or doctor, perhaps you can say it in a more sensitive way "I would have an abortion" or better yet "sorry ,that's too personal" or "why do you need to know?"

 

I've had people ask me "what would you do if you accidentally got pregnant" and I tend to respond with "I hope it never happens but if it did I would have an abortion". I really only state it when people directly ask me. I don't want to upset anyone who has had difficulties and issues such as miscarriages but at the same time I want to show that I am serious about my views, seeing as they directly asked me that question, as it sounds a bit like they are trying to find loopholes in my wish to be childfree.

 

 

Not to get too off subject, but I wonder why the media is so interested in celebrities having kids? For example, Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie, Gwen Stephani, Christina Aguilera, etc....? It seems like so many celebrities are having kids these days! It is their choice, of course, but I wonder why the media seems to be so interested, or is it just because the media is interested in anything to do with a celebrities life? Does anyone have any opinions on this?

 

I feel sorry for the ones who get pictures all over magazines of their "baby bump" when they're not pregnant.

[Miss Firecracker]

But someone asks me what I do if I became pregnant I say I just get rid of it. I get the strangest looks, maybe the way I say it?

 

Maybe you don't quite understand what abortion means to a lot of people. If you did, I think you would understand the looks you are getting.

[avman]

Maybe you don't quite understand what abortion means to a lot of people. If you did, I think you would understand the looks you are getting.

 

Moderator note: Don't take this thread there or we will close it.

[lostnscared]

Everyone wants children for different reasons. It's not up to you, or me, or anyone else to say if a certain "reasoning" is right, wrong, good or bad. It just is. Some people truly don't want kids, and their reasoning is fine too. I have two month old twin girls, and I LOVE being a mom. It was difficult the first month or so. And it still is now, but I absolutely love it. And it's better than what I thought it would be, honestly. I'm young too btw(24). Prior to getting pregnant and having kids, I REALLY wanted to be a mom for a variety of reasons--a lot which I discussed on this board. When I got pregnant, I panicked and started to wonder if my "reasoning" for wanting kids was really "good enough" or if it would be like I thought it would. And as I said, it's better than what I thought it would be in many ways. It isn't even that hard(to me) as time goes on. Of course I'm dealing with babies, not toddlers, so I expect things to get harder as they get older--I'm also a SAHM who gets help so it could be that as well. There are sometimes when I get annoyed of course, or just want "me" time, but for the most part it's fun and really wonderful. Matter of fact, one of my best friends just had her baby last night, and first thing I told my bf was "I want to try again SOON". And this is after a traumatic labor, an irritating pregnancy, a lot of family problems that occurred once I got pregnant, and caring for twin babies. For me having children has brought me joy, and completed my life in a lot of ways. But I know other women who have kids and they don't enjoy it. Just so happens that all of the women I'm friends with, love being moms, and find it challenging but more rewarding more than anything. But again that's just ME, I realize that not everyone wants children and that is fine to me. I'd rather you not have a child, if you don't want one, or can't find a "reason" to have one. Society often pressures women to "want" to be moms, and have kids, and have families, etc. But it truly isn't for everyone, and nothing is wrong with not having a child, or not seeing the pleasure or joy in having a child. Just like nothing is wrong with wanting a child--no matter how much you may disagree with the reasoning.

[JU27]

I worked at a daycare for a long time. When the infants cried or anything I felt anxious, and overwhelmed...I felt annoyed and frusturated when the kids screamed, etc....and I was like that's not something I would want. But, I'm wondering if it would be different if I had my own child? Am I feeling I don't want kids because it was other people's kids that I was frusturated with and because there were a lot to deal with at once? Would it be different if it was just one, and my own? Then maybe I wouldn't have those emotions if it was my own? I'm just wondering if working there so long influenced my feeling that I don't want kids. Because, prior to working there I loved babies, etc. I still like them, but just see that they're a lot of work and now I feel kindof bitter sometimes. Would it be different if I had my own, or is it just best for me to not have kids? What do you think?

[Miss Firecracker]

I think you shouldn't have a baby with those feelings. It's still very hard work when the baby belongs to you, even more so I would think. You don't go home after a few hours, it's always and forever.

[Seraphim]

Some people only love and get along with their own kids. Some love all kids. I think though if working in a day care made you anxious and irritated you should wait to have kids. I would not rule it out. Some people learn patience later on some learn it early. Some never at all. Like Miss F said though you will be hearing that crying and screaming and whining for forever once that child is yours and they do not stop as an adult either......lol. Parenthood is FOREVER.

[Batya33]

I agree with Victoria's insights and wanted to add that sometimes one child can be just as much or more work than three children -it all depends.

[Seraphim]

^^ OMG I can agree with you there. When little my son was 10 kids all by himself........lol. He routinely wore out 4 people every single day. He wore me out his dad out and my parents and he was still going even when we were all dead. He was the engerizer bunny and just never let up.

[Batya33]

^^ OMG I can agree with you there. When little my son was 10 kids all by himself........lol. He routinely wore out 4 people every single day. He wore me out his dad out and my parents and he was still going even when we were all dead. He was the engerizer bunny and just never let up.

 

Yes. When I see other 2 year olds sitting on a mat and not budging for 20 minutes during story time I think - wow there are kids who do that at 2 years old? (which my toddler will do when I read to him, he just prefers to go exploring if he's in a different location where there are other objects/kids, etc.). That 20 minutes of being able to sit I am sure makes a big difference.