In the Here and Now.

[redrose85]

I love you guys. Seriously.

 

We got to spend time together last night. I got home and he had made this amazing soup. Beef vindaloo with coconut milk and yams. We each had two big bowls. At first I was miffed because the bathroom didn’t get cleaned, but then I said, you know what, I’ll just do it tomorrow. I have way more free time than you do right now.

 

Shawn was out, so it was all us and it was really cozy. We put up the tree and got halfway through decorating before we wound up in the bedroom. We talked a lot, listened to classical Christmas music and finished decorating. I finally got that warm and fuzzy Christmas spark, and I think he did too.

 

I love having Shawn here. I’ve loved being able to get to be friends with him because for years I felt like he didn’t like me. In reality, it just takes awhile for him to warm up. Since he’s come back from China, he’s really been a member of the house here. I am so pleasantly surprised at how well this is working out. That said, it is nice just having the house to ourselves sometimes

 

We did our tree differently this year, with only fragile ornaments–– just white lights, no tinsel, and a lot of glass snowflakes and angels. It’s refreshing to have a uncluttered tree, and to leave all the plastics in the box.

 

I made a mistake buying the PS Move stuff. I woke up this morning realizing that his existing games won’t work with it, and that in addition to the three things I had to buy for it, he will also need a new game. That, and the Move games leave a lot to be desired. So, I am going to take it back and it’s back to the drawing board! I was way over our $50 limit anyways LOL. Any ideas from the peanut gallery?

[hers]

I'm really happy to read that, Sherry!

 

I'm glad you guys were able to talk and get that cozy feeling. Post a pic of your tree!! We have a hand-me-down tree and ornaments right now but I think after Christmas I want to craft up some homemade "us" ornaments for next year. I want it to be customized to us.

 

I find that i want to complain about waht Jared hasn't done at home so much that I don't see what he does...so I have to change my perspective. "Ok, he emptied the dishwasher this morning, so Id on't mind scrubbing the toilet tonight" even though I'd asked him to scrub the toilet. I'm not too great about picking my battles (I'm the type where everything is a battle to fight) but I'm getting better b/c I'm actively trying to have a different perspective. Makes him happier and makes me happier when I do that.

[OptomisticGirl]

Aw! This made me so happy to read! I think it def. speaks volumes as you guys as a couple that you can work through something like this and come out the other side. honest communication as I always say. But yes, post a picture of the tree!!!

[Seraphim]

Vic, if you don't mind my asking, how have you gotten past that with your husband (almost getting divorced I mean)? Like with me and Jared, we're doing well now, but when we first got married (granted taht was only 8 months ago) and we were coming off of such a difficult beginning with the realization he had been unfaithful and such, it was very toch and go--I'd even looked into annullment and divorce. We're much better now, thank God (and with the help of God, actually) but at times I feel guilty that I even had those thoughts. How has your marriage gotten through that feeling of possible divorce? I'm not sure what your issues were but I was just curious (just a newlywed looking for something to relate to from a not-so-newlywed! )

 

 

My husband when he was young was captain save a hoe. He would save every damsel in distress going and leave me sitting all over the place. Eventually being captain save a hoe got him in trouble. This older woman at work in her 50's kept whining to him about her abusive bf and making my husband cookies and what not. I thought it was nice at first and then I started putting pieces together and my radar started going off. We had been having troubles. We could not seem to have anymore kids and my grandmother had just died and around the same time we were in the process of adopting a little boy. We had taken the courses and paid our fees and were a week away from the boy coming home when he told the agency he did not want the kid. He did not tell me however. He let the agency call me down and tell me because he was THAT balless. Then just after that I found this gift bag in our car. I asked him what it was.He said was nothing and ran in the house with it. However he was retarded enough to leave it on the bed and I looked inside it. In it was men's silk undies and a card from this broad saying she loved him. Well my brain exploded and I went down stairs and threw it at him and started screaming in his face. He had every lame ass excuse you find. I told him he was going to be a spineless excuse for even a pathetic man he could get the F out of my house. So he went to his parent's house for a week. His dad threw him out and he came back to me. I laid it out, I said you either want to be captain save a hoe or you want to be married. If I EVER see symptoms of captain save a hoe, I will divorce you so fast your head will spin. I think our son was about 3 at the time. We worked on it because we loved our son enough to and I guess he loved me enough. He has always told me I am his best friend and the only human on this earth who understands all of him and has put up with him his entire adult life and he loves me to death. I never lost my love I think. I was VERY angry and dejected and empty inside for a long time though.( a few years)Eventually my love grew back to what it was and we have a peace with it. Basically I had to learn I am the strong one in this relationship and always will be and I just have to learn to let some stuff go. The only thing I WON'T live with from him is captain save a hoe. He can have all the friends he wants but the nano second he is more considerate of them than me and or he is inappropriate he knows I am gone. Do I sometimes still doubt? Yeah. I probably always will. He has not given me any reasons to in a long time though and I do not go looking for any reasons.

 

So I guess, what I am saying is; forgiveness A LOT of it, I am sure on both our parts. I am no where near perfect either and he has forgiven me a lot of things too. The other thing is persistence. We WANT to succeed. No one in my husband's family has ever divorced ever. So he does not want to be the first. My parents tried to be together so many times and failed it was a horrendous life for a kid. I NEVER wanted my son to be on the receiving end of that. We have a lot in common we like and believe in that makes life so much easier.Lastly is love. I think it has survived everything and there has been so many things.

[hers]

Thanks for sharing that, Vic. I'm glad you've been able to work through it together.

 

I feel that forgiveness is for yourself and not for them...I've had to work through a lot of forgiveness with my mom for how we greew up but with Jared, I wasn't sure how to begin the forgiveness process. I think for me, the awakening of sorts came when my sponsor said I was choosing to stay with him today, and I am allowed to make a different choice tomorrow, but don't make tomorrow's choices today. I am a very one-day-at-a-time person when it comes to difficult issues and that's what I did--took our marriage one day at a time till eventually I had some sort of peace and even gratitude for what happened. We're much better with everything now, though I still think about it and get upset. I just don't let myself take it out on him now.

[Seraphim]

Really that is all you can do Hers. Everything is one day at a time. Today is ALL we have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow we may never have. We can only deal with what is at hand today. Sometimes you have to get through things one minute at a time because they are that hard. I have done that too. Forgiveness IS hard especially when someone has done something SO awful to you that you can not even wrap your head around it. Sometimes too personalities clash and that is equally hard. I know for sure I don't have all the answers and I am sure I have not seen the end of our troubles because life is not trouble free. I just hope and pray and live each day as it is given to me.

[hers]

that's basically it for me too, vic. i try not to focus on yesterday and not look into the future b/c i tend to try to predict what will happen in the future based on what's happened in the past. it's a deep grave i dig myself sometimes, and i have to make sure i don't do that.

[Seraphim]

that's basically it for me too, vic. i try not to focus on yesterday and not look into the future b/c i tend to try to predict what will happen in the future based on what's happened in the past. it's a deep grave i dig myself sometimes, and i have to make sure i don't do that.

 

This is a bad habit for me too and sometimes it is overwhelming and I have to stop myself.

[redrose85]

I’m so clucky right now. So many beautiful babes out there. I want to have kids to take Christmas tree hunting and to wrap gifts for. One day!

[OptomisticGirl]

I feel your pain. Every time I see my nephew mu womb literallys does somersaults....

[redrose85]

I think I’m done Christmas shopping. I hope I am, at least. I’m leaving Shawn’s gift up to Alex.

 

I talked to my bestie who works at a gaming store and she said the PS Move stuff is not worth it. Instead, she suggested that I pay off Alex’s Star Wars game that is being released in a day or so. Now when he goes to pick it up and pay for it, he will see that it’s already paid off. I basically told him I didn’t get him anything to unwrap and I changed his present. When he asked, I told him it was PS Move stuff. He agreed that we don’t need it at all. I will find him something small to unwrap on Christmas eve maybe. He’s most excited about having two days off in a row. I’m so glad! He was so upset at the thought of another 10 day workweek.

 

I got my Mom a nice frame for her photo of us, as well as a pocket sized Spanish phrasebook for the trip to Guatemala in Jan. I got my sister a book about London, with pull out maps and everything, for when she goes in Feb for her course. I got my younger brother a multi-tool to take with him on his adventures. Not sure about my older brother yet. I got my niece a cute little beaded bracelet set, a colouring/activity book and a snowboarding santa ornament, since she is a good little shredder.

 

LOL Alex has got weddings on the brain. We’ve reached our January savings goal already, and while we’re not rushing out to book things, the other day we were watching My Name is Earl. It was an episode where Earl and Billie got married. Alex was like, pfft with $70,000 (insurance settlement) they could have had a much better wedding! At the time I didn’t even clue in, but now I’m lol’ing. Oh and tonight he made me a drink, and hunted around for a coaster before putting it down. I was like holy $^%& I’ve trained you! bahahah

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping. Got my niece and nephew's all squared away (except for one I'm making my niece but that won't cost but like $5). I'm watiting on those photo cubes to arrive before I make my mom's and best friend's and a whole bunch of other people. I don't have 2 of the stores I'm getting gift cards from down here so I have to get them in my home town at some point.

[redrose85]

My internet has gotten even worse! If Alex doesn’t call the provider and have my name added, I am going to strangle him. I can’t even reply to ENA (VERY important lol)

 

I took my coffee maker back to the store. Didn’t want to get the same model, and found myself drooling over the Tassimo... Forced myself to leave it there. Regular coffee just doesn’t look good enough anymore lol. I would like foamy cappuccinos and gourmet hot chocolates please santa

[Seraphim]

Hahaha you gotta love internet addiction. Yeah I hate it when the provider is being a PITA.

[redrose85]

I got up early this morning and worked out. Enough of this sleeping in till 11. The next two days I work at 6 am so I figured I may as well get up earlier today. I did 30 mins of cardio and some stretching. It felt like just the right amount.

 

This morning is my glaucoma test. Dun dun dunnn.

[redrose85]

That was weird! My eyes are just fine, as I thought, but now I have to go back in 6 months and then once a year, just to make sure.

 

They put anesthetic, dye, and dilating drops in my eyes. I wish they had explained what they were going to do first! It was a little nerve-wracking to be told I’d need my eyeballs numbed... My pupils are still as big as dinner plates, but I can see better again finally. I couldn’t read or anything.

[redrose85]

I feel like crap. I feel unloved and ignored.

[hers]

What's Wrong?

[redrose85]

Just being a drama queen. Hating the new Star Wars game. I am a gaming widow again.

[OptomisticGirl]

I use to be a gaming widow. My ex could sit and play games for 10 hours STRAIGHT, no break or anything aside to grab a quick snack and bathroom breaks. I know the pain. It can get so tiring so fast. I'm gong to be a football widow for the rest of my life now!

[Huntress0527]

I heard the new Stars Wars is good! Why don't you join in with him!? I am a gamer and my husband and I play together. I'm telling you it makes life better if you join in then sit on the side lines and wait for him to be done with it.

[redrose85]

I’m a terrible gamer. Gaming actually stresses me out! Reading is my escape. That or a marathon of a favourite tv show or a nice long walk. Although, in the spirit of learning new skills, I got Little Big Planet and have been figuring that out.

 

Anyways, listening to the girls at work today, I realized that I have a really great guy. He treats me like gold, is a good provider, is supportive of my... everything, and he stayed with me even when I was bath%^$ crazy on birth control pills and then again when my depression got really bad.

 

Speaking of depression, I think I need to keep a regular sleep schedule in order to be healthy, both physically and mentally. When I sleep till 11, so much of my day is shot, and I usually don’t make it to the gym. When I get up in the morning, I go to the gym, have breakfast, get some fresh air, and stress less. Today I worked an 8 hour shift after probably 5 hours of sleep, but I feel good. I was sore after work, but I went to the gym and then went to a christmas party for my newspaper group. After a jolt of coffee, I was good to go. I’m really happy because it was a fun party and we all got bonuses (double paycheque!)

[redrose85]

A- and B+ so far. Three grades to go. Not terribly impressed with the B+, could have done better.

[redrose85]

link removed

 

I wish I hadn’t looked. I miss our “baby” a lot, especially now. How exciting it would have been to be expecting a baby this christmas. Urgh. Why did I look.

[redrose85]

Alex overpaid all of our bills (on purpose) by $100, AND took money out of savings to pay the credit card bill because he didn’t want to take any more from chequing. I was like umm...why are you overpaying and then worrying that we don’t have a lot left in chequing?? I emphasized NOT to take any more out of savings and to stop this bill overpaying thing, especially at christmastime! Men.