Is it true that you never really forget the one you lost V to?

[yeawutever]

Some claimed to have already forgotten their first but I don't know. Isn't there something that just doesn't let you forget.

 

Ok this is what briefly happened: I was filling an application form for my classes, which will be starting Jan. 24. On the one questionaire that asked for my cell #, I accidentally wrote down his.

 

Apart from that, he recently send me a request to add him on facebook and well I accepted him as friend. Lastly, till this day I can't really forget about the exact date it happened.

 

Somehow, both that date and his cell number are there on my long-term memory. Even if I'm moving or in another relationship, it just follows me from time to time just like it did on the application form.

So is that proven true, that it's always there even if you were destroying everything reminding you of them, it's still there?

[Jd1983]

I guess it really depends on how you lost it and who you lost it to.

[tunnelsunshine]

Did it happen recently? To be honest, I lost mine 7 years ago and sometimes I forget I even dated the kid it happened with, and I dated him for over a year. It might depend on the relationship you had with them. Mine ended with my being disgusted with him. So maybe thats why. I really think of him..never. So maybe over time, you wont. I dont think its something thats proven true, it really just depends on the situation

[yeawutever]

No it's not recently, this was way back in Jan. 4 2007 that I lost it. See what I mean? More years can pass by and I still know the date.

[LightbulbSun]

I wouldn't know.

[Theankh]

I remember the date I lost my virginity, and some details. Most people can remember who it was with and roughly when but obviously over time, you forget things, as with all memories. I remember which school I went to, but I don't remember my tutors last name. Probably because it's not relevant anymore. If you were still with your first, you'd probably remember it, the same way you remember anniversaries for the person you are with, but not for your previous relationships after a certain amount of time has passed.

 

I remembered my exes phone number for ages after we broke up but now I couldn't guess at it. It's hardly something to worry about, memories decay over time but important stuff lingers longer.

[Cheeks18]

I highly doubt I will ever forget who I lost it too, or there phone # for that matter. But hey its good memories and she is a good person so I have no regrets, I only hope that one day we can be friends. Which atm seems like a long shot!! LOL.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

When you are with someone new that should be the last thing on your mind. When in a good relationship where there is love and connection, the person you first had sex with and you are no longer with should not be of any importance that it is something you remember forever.

[Fudgie]

I agree with crazyaboutdogs. I will not forget my first time nor the person I lost it to but I don't dwell on it or think about it a lot. Right now what matters is the guy that I am currently with.

[newwave]

I remember the guy I lost it to and it still haunts me almost 24 years later. I lost it on Saturday, March 21, 1987 (before many of you were born and this is creepy) to a guy who had been a friend but whom I discovered I had feelings for. So we went to the mall, saw a movie, then went back to his house. His father left the house when we came back, which is creepy thinking of it. I was in bliss and told all my friends Monday (they all lost their virginity before me). For almost two months I was in bliss thinking I was in love. Then on May 11, I called him to ask if he was taking me to a school party. He then told me he preferred not to because he started seeing someone else. He hadn't had sex with her then but was planning to. I was completely devastated. So heartbroken that I didn't want to date anyone else for almost a year. I think this really affects me even to this day and because of it I dated guys I shouldn't.

 

In a very strange coincidence, he broke my heart on May 11, and many years later the one I want now (who was also a long time friend turned boyfriend)told me he couldn't live without me on the same day many years later. Only time will tell if it follows the same pattern.

 

I don't remember the names of every guy I slept with but will never forget this guy.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I won't forget him (it's not like I slept with many guys), but it doesn't mean that I think he is special in any way at all. He is just an ex and the fact that I lost my virginity to him doesn't make him any different in my eyes. Interestingly, he was very happy to be my first because he thought I would always love him or think about him because of that, little did he know.

[Fudgie]

My ex felt the same way, Sparkly. I was the ONLY virgin he has slept with. Yeah, it was special for me but just because I lost my virginity to him doesn't make us "omg 2gether 4evr" and ALWAYS compatible. We ended up not being compatible.

[Yaz]

I remember the guy. I remember everything except the date it happened.

 

It was fairly awful. I didn't love him and he wasn't a virgin. I ended up being with him for almost 6 years - enduring abuse, cheating etc. and we eventually broke up.

 

I wish I had waited for the ex that had just dumped me (that would mean waiting 10 years). He was a virgin - I hope he remembers me Even though he wasn't my first, it was the first time I'd 'made love' if you know what I mean.

[Dragunov-21]

I don't have a choice... Little wench gave me a scar to remember her by >_>

[The_Seeker]

I don't have a choice... Little wench gave me a scar to remember her by >_>

 

LMAO

 

;] Is this a new version of a tramp stamp for guys? LOL

[ClarenceRutherford]

I don't think you'll ever forget, unless you were intoxicated or something.

 

I lost mine in HS in 1980.... I'm 48 now.

 

I wasn't really interested in pressuring girls for sex... until she told me "I never try anything...." So I tried and you can guess what happened in the back seat of a car in a drive-in movie theatre..

 

It wasn't a good experience not for any of the 3 or so times we did that. I know she loaded up on a lot of guilt like I.

 

I visited with her while a sophomore in college. I was stunned how different we were and how much each of us had changed. Made me glad I didn't become a parent with her! I really couldn't see being with her then.

 

Though I'm not friends with her on Facebook, I see we have some friends in common and know she likely sees my posts on the HS FB reuniion page.

Interestingly, she didn't attend the 30th reunion this summer though she lives in the city!

 

If I could get a mulligan, I would redo that. It really affected my later relationships.

 

Honestly, I rarely think of her but trust me, you won't ever forget the other person you gave it up to.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I can't edit above post.

 

She's married now, has kids, a hubby and is a strong Catholic, so I read online.

 

She prob. has some resentment towards me. Not totally undeserved, as I wasn't anything at all like the man I should have been towards her. I wasn't a Christian then, but became one later in college. I can't recall if I apologized to her when I saw her at the 20th reunion. I will at the next reunion 10 years from now..

 

I think the expeirence which was AWFUL affected how I viewed women. I think I became scared of them and was never really good at entering relationships until I got closer to 30....

[Fudgie]

I don't understand FloridaMan...it doesn't sound like you pressured her...why would she be resentful? It sounds like it was just your typical teenage sex in the back of the car...

 

That being said, I didn't lose mine that way, I lost it in a cheap motel room to a man 15 years my senior who flew all the way from Cali for me. But I do remember having make out sessions in the back of my mom's minivan with highschool boyfriends.

 

I understand you feeling regretful, and maybe her too...but I just don't see where all this SHAME is coming from.

 

I am not Christain but I used to prize virginity. Perhaps too much. I made it like if I lost it, I'd be totally different. I wasn't. YES it's important experience but losing it doesn't make you any worse or better of a person. You don't become "tainted". Last time I checked, I don't have a "safety seal" on my vagina that says "DISCARD IF OPENED".

 

We humans are lovable creatures. We love and receive love. It is not that one time that "taints" us for all others, it's our own thoughts and guilt that taint us. The good news is, you have control over this.

 

You don't have to be condemned because of one mistake in your past. And I'm sorry you let it affect you as long as it did.

[greywolf]

I don't think it makes a difference who was the first or who is the last. Everyone I have been with, even just relationship-wise, felt like the first.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Thanks for the understanding.

Yeah, prob. as much her doing as mine.

Still, you get loaded up with a lot of guilt.

 

I still think it was wrong at that age, and not only for moral and religious issues. If it is so okay, then why weren't we or others more open about it?

Why did she and I get worried when my dad walked in on us doing some heavy petting with a lot of rubbing, if you know what I mean, on the living room floor after school?

 

It's bec. of the natural shame you feel when you know you're doing something wrong.

 

But you make some good points and I admire you for not giving in too young.

Your advice is comforting.

[Fudgie]

I lost mine when I was almost 19. I guess some would consider that young but I felt ready. I planned for it, lol. That relationship did not work out but I don't regret what happened. I'm glad I waited until college. I'm with someone else now (so 2nd partner) and I love him dearly.

 

Here's something to chew on....

 

What if sex/sexual acts aren't "bad"...but that's what we were raised to believe.

 

See, many children are raised to believe that sex is "wrong"...dirty, naughty, shameful, something you can't share. I think it's a scare tactic. You're raised to believe it's something to be embarassed about and you'll "get in trouble" for doing it. My parents raised me to believe that sex was precious and wonderful, and someday i'd experience it.

Sure, I held my make out sessions in car, only because I didn't want to have awkward moments at home with my parents. I didn't feel shameful or gross. When I came home, they knew what I had been doing.

 

Anyway it's sad for me to see how sex and other acts have been demonized. I would never advocate doing it in public (lol) but why the shame? It's a loving act where you become "joined" with another, where you can touch each other's souls, where you essentially touch their heart. What is bad about that? In my mind, when you're with someone you care about, it's a wonderful spiritual experience, a true act of love.

 

I'm really sorry that you feel feelings of shame. I've heard of virgins on their wedding nights who start to cry and feel ashamed even after years of marriage. The shame follows them. I am sad to see that this is a point of hurt for you and I hope someday, you can resolve it. You don't deserve to feel this way.

[OptomisticGirl]

I agree Fudgie. I lost mine when I was 14 (yikes!) to a guy I wasn't even in a relationship with. I suppose there is a word that comes to mind for me at that particular moment in life but I was rebelling and dealing with a lot at home. I regret it in the fact I wish I had waited to at least be with someone I was in love with and not so young. I will most def. tell my daughters (and sons) the story of how I lost mine in hopes they will learn from my mistakes, maybe wait until they are in a solid relationship and not so young at least.

 

I also won't hide sex from them. It's like the whole drinking alcohol thing. If you tell them no and put a negative spin on it, when they come of that age and everyone else is drinking they are going to want to know what the hype is about and possibly over due it. I was given small amounts of alcohol as a child (like a sip once a year) and when I became a teenager and everyone else was out partying because they were always told they couldn't, I knew there was nothing big about alcohol.

 

Also, I would much rather forget the guy I lost mine too.

[Fudgie]

Yeah, I agree OG. When you "demonize" something, you make it more attractive for the wrong reasons and then they feel shame even when they do it for the right reasons!

I too had alcohol sips when I was a child and didn't party.

 

I feel bad for one of my relatives. She was raped in her teens. She kind of liked the guy too and so she went into his home, as a friend. That shame has haunted her for decades. It stemmed from thinking sex was "dirty" and that somehow, she played a part in doing it. It makes me so sad.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I lost mine when I was almost 19. I guess some would consider that young but I felt ready. I planned for it, lol. That relationship did not work out but I don't regret what happened. I'm glad I waited until college. I'm with someone else now (so 2nd partner) and I love him dearly.

That's a responsible thing you did. 19 is an adult and it was something you were ready for, not like when another poster here said she went to her boyfriend's house, his dad left and she lost her virginity at 16. Of course, she may have consented but it wasn't what she wanted. Great parent there.

 

I'm not meaning to imply that those who didn't wait have something to be ashamed of, or did some great wrong. I know not everyone holds the same feelings on this, feelings often rooted in culture and reglious attitudes.

 

I once dated a 30-year-old politically (not sexually) "liberal" Christian virgin. I was 26 and had like 4-5 sex encounters - not LM (there is a diff. in how you put your heart and soul into your partner)... She was visibly upset I wasn't at her level. So I know the condemnation from that end.

 

And I didn't strictly adhere to the "no sex until marriage deal" in my late 20s and early 30s...

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm still with the man I lost mine to and I don't even remember the date.

 

The sex was great but I don't feel the moment is somehow more special because it was my "first".

 

I lost my virginity long before that moment and never really put that much stock into virginity.