Is it true that you never really forget the one you lost V to?

[Fudgie]

FloridaMan,

 

Interesting, I never felt that I was "losing" a part of myself when I have sex with someone.

 

I've only had 2 partners and I consider myself pretty picky but I never felt that I was "losing" a bit of myself when I have sex. My most emotionally devastating moment was losing my first love - whom I didn't even have sex with.

 

I think feeling like you "lost" a part of yourself is more about having a strong emotional bond with someone and then losing them, which may or may not happen with sex. I was much less devastated when I broke up with my ex, who I lost my virginity to. It was different.

 

My parents told me to treat sex seriously and that it was an expression of love. They didn't put as much stock into "virginity" I don't think. They told me that when I was ready, I'd lose it and they would trust my judgment. They also advocated premarital sex and living together before marriage because they said it was important to "test drive". That's what they did.

 

I treat sex seriously and don't take it lightly but in the end, it is a phyiscal EXPRESSION of love, not the emotion itself. It's sad that people feel shameful with it and feel guilt for years after having it. I'm glad I don't have this attitude because I think it would cause me a lot of unneeded hurt.

[Dragunov-21]

The reason most don't forget is that with every sexual encounter, you lose a little part of yourself.

As you give yourself sexually to your partner, (your emotions), he/she takes a little of that from you.

 

Yeah. Usually about 5ml.

 

Seriously thugh, not everybody does. The point I'd make is that "yourself" is not a finite quantity.

 

I love the connection, and don't ever feel as though I've lost something, but more that I've gained.

 

I think I started when I was around 5 or younger. It's very natural because you think "oye, this feels good....keep going!"

 

Which is really the point, isn't it? Social responsibility aside, that's what it's all about. Pleasure, and in a lot of cases, sharing that pleasure with someone you care about.

 

I think it's disappointing that it's been demonised throughout history. On the other hand, repression can make for great sex too >_>

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yeah. Usually about 5ml.

 

Seriously thugh, not everybody does. The point I'd make is that "yourself" is not a finite quantity.

 

I love the connection, and don't ever feel as though I've lost something, but more that I've gained.

 

 

 

Which is really the point, isn't it? Social responsibility aside, that's what it's all about. Pleasure, and in a lot of cases, sharing that pleasure with someone you care about.

 

I think it's disappointing that it's been demonised throughout history. On the other hand, repression can make for great sex too >_>

 

I agree with this.

[greywolf]

Well I was kind of left in the dark about it, sex was regarded as negative for me growing up. Coupled with I was abused as a child, when I finally DID realize what masturbation was it took me a while to get use to it. I could never sit down and answer specific questions from my child about technique >.

 

I think that if I were to ever talk to my child about masturbation, I'd tell them that it's ok and normal, and that it has to be done in private (two things that I didn't know when I was a kid. How embarrassing >_>).

[Fudgie]

Yes, I feel the same way....that having experiences, even sexual encounters, ADDS to me, not takes away from it.

[Stay_home]

Who???????????????????????

[ClarenceRutherford]

Somehow, both that date and his cell number are there on my long-term memory. Even if I'm moving or in another relationship, it just follows me from time to time just like it did on the application form.

So is that proven true, that it's always there even if you were destroying everything reminding you of them, it's still there?

Yeaw, I still vaguely recall the phone no. of a girl I dated for 6 mos. in the late 80s!

If I think hard, I might also remember her street address. (We nearly got engaged, so a special memory there that's etched in my mind...).

 

I don't think of these things often but they have come up. So are some less favorable memories of her judgementalism which brings me back to reality that I had no choice in her ending the relationship.

I made it clear I didn't agree and begged her not to walk out. Immature, I know, as I was new at real relationships. If that happened a couple of years later in my dating, I would have reacted far differently.

 

Though it hurt, I am glad that I'm not with her anymore as "all you-know-what" broke loose when she turned 30 and there wasn't anything she couldn't find wrong with me....

She dumped more shortly after.

FloridaMan,

Interesting, I never felt that I was "losing" a part of myself when I have sex with someone.

Fair comment. I won't claim everything I say is right and everyone should view things like I do. I'm not close to most of your ages but have some life experience here.

I have read women on web forums say they have regretted giving themselves too much physically and fearing they may not have much to offer if and when they meet their true love... I searched my browser history for that page but wasn't successful in finding it.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Fair comment. I won't claim everything I say is right and everyone should view things like I do. I'm not close to most of your ages but have some life experience here.

I have read women on web forums say they have regretted giving themselves too much physically and fearing they may not have much to offer if and when they meet their true love... I searched my browser history for that page but wasn't successful in finding it.

 

I have plenty to offer. In fact, I have more to offer than I did when I was a virgin.

 

My first time was simply wonderful and I would have regretted it if I would have waited longer, to be honest.

[Lamour detruit]

To be honest, I never got the fuss about virginity and who's the first one. You'd think the only thing that matters is who you do it with and when you do find that special person, that is the one you'll remember. The rest before that is just...practice. Fun practice, at that.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

Fair comment. I won't claim everything I say is right and everyone should view things like I do. I'm not close to most of your ages but have some life experience here.

I have read women on web forums say they have regretted giving themselves too much physically and fearing they may not have much to offer if and when they meet their true love... I searched my browser history for that page but wasn't successful in finding it.

 

I have plenty to offer. In fact, I have more to offer than I did when I was a virgin.

 

My first time was simply wonderful and I would have regretted it if I would have waited longer, to be honest.

The woman's post I was referencing was one that had numerous sexual encounters, trading her body in her search for affection.

Her case wasn't in any way like you fine ladies, Cognitive or Fudgie. And this isn't a condemnation of either of you or anyone else here.

 

Perhaps I could have better expressed it by saying "some women...."

[Fudgie]

I agree FloridaMan, I think women who "trade their bodies" FOR affection (or looking for love) are really going to end up disappointed in the end and I feel bad for them.

 

I believe sex is something you do when you already HAVE love/affection/relationship and just want to express it further with that special person. I've heard it before "if I have sex, we'll be closer and he'll love me." It doesn't work that way and then people get hurt.

[greywolf]

My ex and I had only known each other for a couple of days, and hadn't even been dating before we had sex. I don't regret it.

[newwave]

I agree FloridaMan, I think women who "trade their bodies" FOR affection (or looking for love) are really going to end up disappointed in the end and I feel bad for them.

 

I believe sex is something you do when you already HAVE love/affection/relationship and just want to express it further with that special person. I've heard it before "if I have sex, we'll be closer and he'll love me." It doesn't work that way and then people get hurt.

 

I had a friend who was raped by her dad, and she was always looking for love in the form of sex. She would sleep with men early and they dumped her. While I wasn't as bad as her, I did sleep with a few guys too early. I regret this and made the vow years earlier to be abstinent.

 

People mentioned parents, and they still think I'm a virgin. I don't want to disappoint them so I never mention it.

[Fudgie]

My ex and I had only known each other for a couple of days, and hadn't even been dating before we had sex. I don't regret it.

 

Yeah but you probably had feelings/affection already, right?

I've heard of some couples have sex way early and hey, it can work.

 

newwave,

 

I feel bad for that woman. Thinking that sex = love and using with the mindset of "if I have sex with him he will love me" is always guaranteed to hurt.

[Dragunov-21]

I agree FloridaMan, I think women who "trade their bodies" FOR affection (or looking for love) are really going to end up disappointed in the end and I feel bad for them.

 

But those women never really wanted it in the first place. If you're trading your body for affection, then you don't want to have sex, you're putting up with it so that someone will stick around. Is it any wonder that a situation like that would give cause to regret?

[Fudgie]

But those women never really wanted it in the first place. If you're trading your body for affection, then you don't want to have sex, you're putting up with it so that someone will stick around. Is it any wonder that a situation like that would give cause to regret?

 

They may still enjoy sex...they just think that sex = love and if they have it with a man, then they will be loved and have affection. Sadly, this isn't true.

They may very well enjoy sex with the man but then they find in the end, that he doesn't love them or has respect for them, which was their intended result.

[Dragunov-21]

Ah, I completely missed that. Good point.

[greywolf]

Yeah but you probably had feelings/affection already, right?

I've heard of some couples have sex way early and hey, it can work.

 

Not really. I was mostly curious and horny.

[Dragunov-21]

Not really. I was mostly curious and horny.

 

And plastered.

[newwave]

Yeah but you probably had feelings/affection already, right?

I've heard of some couples have sex way early and hey, it can work.

 

newwave,

 

I feel bad for that woman. Thinking that sex = love and using with the mindset of "if I have sex with him he will love me" is always guaranteed to hurt.

 

It really was sad and I don't think she ever enjoyed it. I know she never let a man go down on her because it reminded her of what her disgusting dad did. He basically did everything to her that was possible and he raped her brothers too. Very sad and I don't think she'll ever be happy.

[greywolf]

And plastered.

 

hmph -.- It gave me an excuse to do something I normally would have never done.

[Dragunov-21]

hmph -.-

 

Post deleted by Greywolf. Reason: epic burn.

[sweetpea03]

I believe sex is something you do when you already HAVE love/affection/relationship and just want to express it further with that special person. I've heard it before "if I have sex, we'll be closer and he'll love me." It doesn't work that way and then people get hurt.

 

I have to agree. Though I do see many girls/women who sleep with a guy early on looking for affection.. For the most part, it doesn't work out. I think it's sad. Though my view on sex isn't everyones. I just think sex is something that should be shared between two people in love, not just with anyone.

[Unknown1607307972]

My ex and I split on bad terms, I don't think back on him with nostalgia or affection. I remember him, sure, but as nothing more than a person of my past. I remember that he was my first, I don't hold any special feelings towards him because of this.

 

My ex and I had only known each other for a couple of days, and hadn't even been dating before we had sex. I don't regret it.

 

My boyfriend and I had sex very early on too, we've been together for over two years now. To me though I don't believe sex = love and therefore while I don't exactly hop into bed with every guy I meet, I don't feel I have to wait for love because even if it doesn't amount to anything it doesn't really matter to me.

[yeawutever]

Well she was right... he did turned out to be an immature loser who didn't even know what he wanted. As the years passed by and every time he called me, it felt as if I was talking to a 15 year-old boy from high school making promises after promises and never really getting to the point.

Though my relationship never involved drug addiction, alcoholism, cheating nor abuse as I wouldn't have tolerated either (he was into the ''no hitting women'' unless it's a life-threatening case) but it did cause too many drama and my ex was just too immature. At some point I just saw this going nowhere and the whole ''going to come to your country and marry you'' wasn't proceeding. I got sick of waiting and him not putting much effort and got tried of him being sooo cheap (he gave me nothing for Christmas when we were in the same place).

 

I guess some people are only good as occasional friends but aren't ready for relationships and real commitment where it's not just words being said but actions. However, I don't regret it because I was really in love at the time but now I just have gotten older and think differently as well as have other expectations of my ideal man.