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I wish I could turn back time. Everything just seems to get worse. It's all been downhill ever since you left me. I'm done with trying to be happy. My optimism got me nowhere in the end. I hate knowing that my best is apparently still worse than her half-hearted attempts. She treated you like crap. I treated you like gold. So why her? Why did I make you so unhappy? Why did everyone agree that you should leave me for her? Why have so many of our mutual friends treated me so coldly after you left me? What did I do that was so despicable?

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I may be broken, I may have lost my self worth, I may be lost..... but one thing that I never lost was my morals.

 

At least I can hold my head high, walk away and know that I NEVER changed who I was.... Does it feel good to chat to * * * * * * online? Does it feel good to go to strip joints? Make you feel more of a man?

 

You have forgotten who your friends are, you treat them like * * * * ...... yet crave attention from the most undesirable sources. My friends and I have tried for the last 2yrs to help you on your life journey and you have treated us all like crap.... One day you will look back and cry, because you lost the most important people in your life.......... the people who care for you!

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so were you lying to me this whole time? why were you doing that? you lead me on just because you were lonely. once you got what you wanted you tossed me aside. once someone boosted your ego you probably felt you could get better. I don't care what you may think, you're still a horrible person. why me? why did I trust you so easily? I never want to see or talk to you again and that's what hurts the most. I thought you were someone I could be with for a long time, but you were just using me. I should have known but I was so blind to the wonderful things you were telling me and the way you were making me feel. I hope you feel guilt for what you did to me, and I hope I can forget about you.

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All I ever wanted you to do was fight for us. To show me that you cared about me as much as I did for you. But you never did, ever. It was always me who was trying to work things out, not wanting to give up. You just went along for the ride.

 

I know it's a process but this is really getting old. I feel stuck today. I don't want to do any of this anymore, it's so difficult without any support.

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I hate you. You fat low life useless drunk. You should set your kids a better example in life.

 

I was too good for you, too special, too wonderful to you and for you. I did too much. I'll buy Arsenal for somebody that appreciates it.

 

Go wallow and enjoy sleeping with and in the * * * * * as that is clearly where you are more comfortable.

 

And perhaps in your next relationship, don't pretend to be something your not and think about someone else for a f***ing change. FU.

 

 

 

grrrrr and "all together" BREATH

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Itz Been a week of NC..or maybe 10days.. But Regardless, I Still have thz feelings.. When i relive some memories, i ask myself...Y did thz happen..? 2-1/2yrs went downhill in d space of 2weeks..on d 9th wud make it 2 months when i re-activated my FB n found u were flirting with him n was even going to see him too.. I was so distraught..i did d stupid thing..i tried to convince u by showing u all we went thru n all we worked thru thz past years... We laughed, cried, shared alot thru d best n d worst times.. n even though i did carry alota responsibility/ bearing in the relationship, it was to make u realize that i was for-real..it was to show that i really loved u and cared n wanted to make u comfy.. Sometimes, i felt like i cared too much that i wud even wanna talk n discuss any issues but u kept bottling em up..kept hiding ur feelings... yes, maybe me doing thz pleading/begging was a bad thing esp from d 27th of dec to sometime in january '12...maybe it pushed u but u already pushed urself to him prior to then..u started fading b4 then but i just thought it was one of those hi-low moments in a relationship.. he preyed on ur emotions n u fell..

Today all that hardwork i put in is being reaped by someone elz.. Itz crazy that i still hope u doing well n whenever i say a prayer or two, i include u in it.. U definitely broke my heart.. Im going thru d emotions today just as somedays.. but I dont know when it'll finally end..or fade.. Idk what elz to say..

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Although i dont know what went down with urs SOYBEANS ..but from ur post, i can relate to it.. I tried hard to make things work out..i never gave up on her even when her own family didnt.. i was there for her when she didnt even ve much..i did it outta love, cuz i cared, cuz i gave a damn.. Pushed her to graduate from HS, Took her to work every morning even after just getting off work at 8am, picked her up, call off work/school to be with her by her sick bed(when she was sick) even her family didnt even want her over for christmas ..did everything possible with my resources n power n time to make her see i was d same guy who was there since day one..i didnt just love her, i was in love with her...Yes, the same love that's gotten me into thz sh*t-hole; alone, sad, questioning.. She copped out on me..n now dating thz guy for maybe id say 1-1/2 months now.... Anyways, continue to keep strong.. As much as it could seem hopeless on some days, u re building ur mental n psychological state much better... Sometimes, WE lose something..in order to Gain/Receive Something Better!.. n Sometimes we go thru thz, to help us down d road.. Stay Strong..

Edited by mbem86
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Mixed day today. I felt sad this morning. Got my hair cut and coloured - my grey roots were looking bad! Went shopping this afternoon with my mum and treated her to tea and cake. She asked me why I was grumpy. We had a pretty good chat and I told her about how I'm doing so much better but still think of you a lot and that it's simply going to take time to come out the other side. I don't talk to her about this stuff a lot because she has always been fiercely overprotective and would probably kill anyone who hurt any of her kids (lol!) but I've had two pretty good conversations with her recently about this stuff and for the most part she has been understanding and not said anything to make me feel worse. She knows that having met you, you were a truly decent guy. She also knows I wouldn't have gone for anyone who wasn't decent. She is upset (and rightly so) that I've been so hurt. But she understands the ins and outs of it all. It helped me talking to her. My urge to contact you has lessened, although it is still there.

 

My cold is nearly gone and I'm back at work tomorrow. I hope you are o.k. and still single - haha!!! I told you I'm not perfect and not as lovely as everyone thinks!

 

I hope one day I can find someone with good morals and shared values who can still ignite that spark in me like you did. Trust me that you were incredibly special to me - many before have tried and failed with me. It took an incredibly lovely guy to finally set that part of me free. This is why it is so hard for me to get through this, because we were so similar and understood each other in that sense. It was fun to experience the newness of everything as if teenagers, even though we were in our 30s. God I wish you missed me just a wee bit (-:

 

Incidentally, my mum thinks you are confused about who you are too. I so wish that you could one day confide in me. Even if it is a long way from now. I would support you wholeheartedly.

 

Take care and don't be afraid chook x

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i am trying my best to live my life without you in it.

when will the colors come back into everything i see?

when will my food taste like it used to?

when will i stop worrying about you and your self destructive patterns and impulsive actions?

when will you come back to me?........if i count to 1,000,000,000 will you?

1....2.....3.....

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I hate you. I hate everything you've done to me. I hate how you find joy in seeing me suffer. I hate what you've become, but more than that i hate what you've turned me into. I am an emotional wreck and i want to tell you to your face that you suck at singing, you suck at dancing, and you suck at love. I hope you never find happiness. I hope you get hurt as much as i am, and when you look back at me, at what you had and what you lost, don't you DARE come crawling back. You made me weak and i will never let that happen again.

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I'm feeling lonely, but my heart knows that the best I can do is to avoid you. We broke up 5 months ago, the last time I saw you was 4 months ago -remember that last kiss?, and the last time you told me you loved me was 3 months ago. So, apparently you've moved on. You've got your best friend living with you now, and she seems to be telling you how relieved you ought to be for getting rid of me. I don't really care anymore, I'm excited for the things that are coming up this year... I'm going to get a new job and I'm hoping I can move out soon. In the meantime, I'm going to retrain my brain so that it understands once and for all that you and I just aren't meant to be.

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i am trying my best to live my life without you in it.

when will the colors come back into everything i see?

when will my food taste like it used to?

when will i stop worrying about you and your self destructive patterns and impulsive actions?

when will you come back to me?........if i count to 1,000,000,000 will you?

1....2.....3.....

 

Brought tears to my eyes..

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FU loser. Don't expect a call from me. You changed and for what exactly so you can drink in that nasty dive of a pub and watch football, how wonderfully exciting and forefilling, not.

 

You are an idiot and deep down I think you know what you have lost, why would you have said you ruin everything good that happens in your life. You could have had a great life with me, you decided not too.

 

YOUR LOSS - truly have you looked at yourself in the mirror and what you actually have to offer? You will never find anyone as wonderful as me. Hahahahahahaahaha

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I feel like I'm finally letting go...and not by choice. Time and reflection has forced me to feel this. But I still think about you every day, some good and some bad. I still just can't believe you never even apologized for what you did to me, or something...anything showing you were a half decent human being. But no, I don't think you ever will. You never even did apologize when we WERE together, why would you now?

 

I still wake up thinking about you unfortunately. Going on yet another date today, but it really isn't helping, not even temporarily.

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Alright. I miss you - again. Ugh.

 

It's been what?!.. 1.5 months? plus 2 years. I should be done but it comes and goes. I like to think its bad for you too but that would require thinking about you.

 

Pissed off a lot of people by contacting you. They seem to think I am weak and spineless but a true friend would see through it and still be there for me. So no big loss, I'll find others.

 

I think I miss the chats. Its not that I'm lonely but I miss sharing what we experienced together; all those crazy out of the way spots, the obscure casinos on at whim travels. I miss eating chicken fried steak at 2 a.m. while tired truckers check you out. I wasn't jealous but proud that I had such a beauty even though it annoyed you.

 

I'm okay now. Pushed you back into that box I keep in my head, gonna torch it shut and get on with life. I met some people and they seem to like my jokes and the way I treat them, I shall give it a shot and maybe I'll be happy again. You made your choice and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. I must remember that.

 

So goodbye. I may be back here in a month but maybe a month will stretch into a year.. a decade.. etc.

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With anger and bitterness I remember your smug indifference as you walked out the door.

I hope you realize what you did to a man who opened up his whole life to you.

I know you are not emotionally capable of feeling anything....you are dead inside...a balck swirling vortex of nothingness......you have no soul....no heart.

You are the opposite of love - you are the embodiment of hate.

You are the opposite of light - you are the dark that fills my old heart.

 

And even with all that in my head about you, You are still my everything....and each day i submit myself to this never-ending heartache......all over someone who hasn't a clue it's even happening....and could care less if you never heard from me again.

 

Post on your facebook how great your life is....tell the world how happy you are now.....

While you prented it all away.....i will suffer in silence.

 

This is hell...this is what it must be like.....I am sure now, with all I have endured at your hands, that i could sit at the right hand of the devil himself and consider myself in a better place.

Edited by secondchance67
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I am really upset.. the family dog died I know I didn't appreciate him and complained at how he barked so much and would jump up on me and cover me with mud and get under my feet when I was trying to leave in a hurry. But even though I don't even live at home anymore, he never forgot me and was always so happy to see me come home. He was so protective of all of us. Now he won't be there at the door anymore when I come home to wag his tail and welcome me back. I feel so guilty about getting angry and frustrated at him when all he did was sit on the front step being happy..

 

Pathetic, that I am 25 and still feel like a child sometimes. I know you would make me feel better and would understand this. It sounds so silly but it makes me miss you even more. I wish you were here to hug me.

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Starting to feel hate for you, it is a forced hate, but I have to do it. You don't deserve me being nice to you and I think you know that.

 

I have so many questions, so much bottled up anger..... I will never find my peace from you, alls I can do is heal myself and walk away with no answers.

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