Springs

I am happier than I've been for years. I thank God for pulling me through the hell I was in because of you and allowing me to see my true value and the amazing things that still lie ahead for me. I'm over it now. I'll probably always love you, but I know for sure we will never be again, and that is how it should be. I'm done on this forum now. I don't need it anymore. No more.

I'm beginning to think I'm deep down some sort of sadist for repeatedly inflicting pain on myself over and over again. I'm sick of you and your constant let downs, never giving me a straight answer, avoiding my calls and then pretending you were busy. We both know you have a * * * * social life so don't lie to me. I am just so angry right now. And so hurt. Why did I have to fall so hard for you and continue to rub salt in a wound that is so deep I wonder if it will ever heal.. I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm in pain. I mean I really feel like my heart has been broken down so much it's barely beating anymore. That's how I feel. It's been so long and I am so worn out with this. What the hell is wrong with me?? There must be something seriously wrong for me to still feel so much intense pain because of you. I am exhausted. I am so so tired of always feeling pathetic, always wanting more, always being built up to be spat on over and over again. And I never learn. Why couldn't you just leave me alone. You saw me making plans and being happy. Moving on. Then you come right back in again, look in my eyes and make me feel so loved only to say 'what's the point'.. I honestly wish I'd never met you. The amount of pain you have caused me is insane. I hate myself. I just want to disappear.

I truly love you crinkle pops.. I dreamed and hoped for so so long to be beside you again curling into you. And now it's happened and I have to leave. I know it needs to be this way, for now. This is how it needs to be. But it's nearly been a year since we were in a proper relationship together and I have not lost one ounce of love for you in all that time. I wish I really knew how you feel. I know you hate facing your feelings and you just try to block it out, but I wish you would have come to get me rather than let me go. I only hope that when I come back we can see each other again, and who knows, maybe try this out again. I know I will never feel this way about another person as long as I live, and that terrifies me. I know we weren't perfect together. At times we were awful together and you drove me mad. But you're like a part of me now. When we're together I feel like a complete whole person again. I want to spend my life with you. I only hope you listen to whatever it is in you that keeps you hanging onto me, and realise that I will be so good to you, I'll love you more than anyone could. It's killing me to be going to the other side of the world, so far away from you. I know I need to do this, but I love you and it's hurting me so much to do this. I hope to God that this isn't the end of our story.

Been a long time since I posted here.... but I miss you and I wish we were spending this day together. I have loads of good friends and family but you are still the one I long for even though I try to block it out. I love you.

Oh my word.... I'm HAPPY!!! I'm moving on, I'm getting over you, I realise there is such an amazing world out there full of wonderful people and opportunities. For the first time in sooooooo long I feel like me again. I'm getting there I knew it would come but it's about time. Couldn't care less if I hear from you again. Whatever. You missed out and didn't realise how valuable it was to have someone who loved you as much as I did. Too bad. I'm happy

Someone else is interested in me, d. I like him too. I admit I am too hung up on you to progress anything and am not really interested in pursuing anything, but still, it reminds me there are others out there who will treat me well and make me feel close to how you did in the early days. I wonder if you have found any new girls to be the next 'me'. I shouldn't care, but I do. I still love you. I still think noone could be my little soldier like you were. But those feelings are fading, I suppose. It's happening.. I'm getting there.. part of me doesn't want to get 'there' because then you really will be my past. Just somebody I used to know. I know that's the reality but I don't want it to be that way. I really don't. Love you.

I can't believe I am still in tears over you, when you are clearly happy without me. Please God when will this just stop

No text from you. I thought you would have sent a 'good luck' message but it doesn't bother me that much. Though I have spent a lot of the day in tears, thinking about the past, worrying about the future, wondering how I wasn't enough even though I gave everything I had to give. Been so close to reaching out but I can't, I really can't. I swear, I wish I never met you d, it really wasn't worth this.

Part of me is expecting a text from you today, or tomorrow. To wish me luck with the new job. I know you know. You probably won't get in touch and it's best if you don't, but I can't help but hope I see your name light up on my phone. Whatever though, I get it now. Anything you say is just words and nothing more. They mean as much as what silence says, so it's best to stay silent.

Miss you. Went out last night with work. Was my last day there. I wish I could have text you and told you. That place has been my safe haven for all these months.. a place I could go to forget about you, keep busy and occupied, and achieve things using MY skills. Anyway, new job on Monday. I'm quite nervous. I wish you could be there on Sunday night to wish me luck. I won't get any sleep! I hate you not being in my life anymore, I really really do.

You can't do this to me anymore. You can't just keep turning up in my life every now and then, pretending you still love me, telling me how sad you are, how you miss me. You're LYING. It's nothing but an ego boost to you to know I still love you so much, that I would have you back tomorrow, but you still don't want it. I hate how you do this to me. You make me think you care and then you drop me and ignore me over and over and over again. You should have spared your stupid text message... it's not fair.

I wanna text you sooooooooooo much...But I won't.. I won't I won't I won't. Wonder if you'll be saying happy valentines day to a girl who isn't me tomorrow. Ughhhhh.. I really miss you so so much.

I miss you. I want to text you and tell you, and I know you would reply. I know you would say you are happy to hear from me and that you miss me too. But it's all a load of BS and I'm realising it more and more every day. You wanted me out of your life therefore that is exactly what you will get... absolutely nothing. Thinking of the good times and the memories still gives me pain and if I dwell on it I know I would cry. But I need to accept that what is gone is gone and will never come back. This is opening new doors for me, unexpected ones that I didn't think I would be walking through. But it's good. Still wish you had the courage to say you don't want to be with me because you don't want to accept just being with one girl for the rest of your life.. I'm not stupid. But you're a coward and made me do the dirty work for you. I still love you, and I want the best for you. You're a really great person and deserve happiness. But so do I.

You're nothing but a stranger to me now. It's sad. We used to be each other's best friends, now nothing. Hope you are enjoying your freedom.

I am really upset.. the family dog died I know I didn't appreciate him and complained at how he barked so much and would jump up on me and cover me with mud and get under my feet when I was trying to leave in a hurry. But even though I don't even live at home anymore, he never forgot me and was always so happy to see me come home. He was so protective of all of us. Now he won't be there at the door anymore when I come home to wag his tail and welcome me back. I feel so guilty about getting angry and frustrated at him when all he did was sit on the front step being happy.. Pathetic, that I am 25 and still feel like a child sometimes. I know you would make me feel better and would understand this. It sounds so silly but it makes me miss you even more. I wish you were here to hug me.

I wish I was waking up in your house this morning. I miss our old Sundays together. It was like a completely different life. I look back and think 'was that really me, did it really even happen'. I forget what holding you feels like. The thought of you still gives me pain in my chest and tears in my eyes. Was I just nothing to you that you could throw away someone who loved you so much? Life is crap at the minute. I hate the weekends. I'm not happy and so lonely. It will get better, I know. I have good times to look forward to. But I still wish you were a part of my future. I love you so much and my love for you hasn't changed despite all of the heartache.

I miss you so much

Just got back from a run... I did really well.. managed a little further than I have been doing. Going to make that 10k run in May after all. Wish I could tell you of these trivial little things, the old you would have been so proud and supportive. The new you doesn't give a rat's ass. Well, this time next year I will be on the opposite side of the world from you and I PROMISE myself I will be living life to the full and enjoying the experience that I put on hold for you... so many sacrifices, so many mistakes. I hate that I loved you more than you loved me. No matter what you say, this isn't love...it certainly does not feel like this. I hate that you are the most important person in my life and that my thoughts still revolve around you. I can't lie to myself.. I have to go through these feelings to come out the other side. I know you will never find anyone else to put up with your ridiculous commitment to your disgusting noisy car, your mean and nasty mother and your inability to spend the night anywhere else than your childhood bed. I know I'm mean but I am allowing myself to revel in the reality that is 'you' rather than this prince I seem to view you as. Good luck.

You just make me so angry..you're weak and a coward. You blatantly don't love me but are too scared to say it. This isn't love you twit!!! You're a liar and not who I thought you were! Aghhh |I'm so angry with you!!! You don't deserve someone who gave up so much to be with you, someone who would have been there til the end. Just disappear from my life and let me move on

Why did you call me now my mind is just filled with you. I was doing so well. Better than ever. Then you had to come and * * * * all over it. I know you're upset and sad but the bottom line is and will always be that you don't want me to be your girlfriend anymore. I wish I didn't love you like this. I was so strong and now I'm crying over you again. Leave me alone to get over you if you're not coming back for good. Just leave me alone.

I'm still thinking of you almost every minute of the day bumbles...

Hope you're ok Northpickle...I completely understand how you are feeling. On day one no contact 5 months after break up. Sucks.

I really don't understand you. It's turned into a weird game of cat and mouse. You love me but you don't want me, and you can't even be honest about it. I'm not letting you hold me back. By the end of the year I will be on the other side of the world living out the dreams I had before I met you. I love you d but I just can't hang around for you. I hope we will work it out some day and that some day maybe we will be living our lives together, the way it was meant to be. I can't imagine you will ever find another person to love you as deeply and selflessly as I do. If we are meant to be together it will happen and we will fall back into place. Need to move on for now...

I still love you every bit as much as I did when we were together. That hasn't changed, in fact perhaps it has become stronger. I love you and I know I always will. I really really miss being your little lovey. I miss your voice, your hands, your lips, I miss the things we used to do, I miss being cuddled into you and feeling so safe, I miss laughing with you and talking about the future. You're so special.