Springs

Really really unhappy and sad tonight. I just don't understand you at all. How are you this cold, cruel person who once loved me so much..I don't get it. I don't want to go back there and be so alone again. I really really don't. I want to stay at home. It makes me feel better. I don't care if it's a step backwards moving back home with parents..if it helps me get myself back again then that's what it's gonna take. I can't believe you're willing to let me go for good. What the hell is it you're not ready for? If there is someone else I just want you to tell me. I never ever would have thought that was remotely true but now, it's the only thing I can think of.

Well, I kinda don't even know what to say to you anymore. I am so weary of this continued small talk and pleasantries, being kept at a distance, shot down when I move too close but being given reassurance that you do love me and care for me, and you never know, eh? Lovely little position for you to be in, when you don't want commitment, not so lovely for the one who would have it all back tomorrow, without all these ridiculous 'steps' (evidence of which I have yet to see). With all my friends leaving to travel this year, and hearing about all the amazing things they will see and do, I remember that was me once, and I am going to work towards that goal. You'll regret it someday, you will. Noone else will ever ever love you as much as I do. That's a fact. Hope you have a great 2012 without me chuck, knock yourself out.

I wish Christmas would go away

I want to have you in my life as my sweetheart, my partner, my love. I don't want this. I want you to love me again how you used to. I miss you so so much. I wish we were sharing this Christmas together. I am just so sad darling I love you.

My heart is shattered. I'm hurting so much. I love you. I love you so much.

I keep getting more and more hurt. It's a dead end. You have told me openly that you are not sure we will work and don't even want a girlfriend right now. But you want me in your life, you love me, you want me to be happy and you don't want to let me go. I need to go. I can't stick around feeling that I'm not good enough. I was enough for you one day and now I feel like a toy for you to play around with, to keep you amused for a while and then to be dropped again. Let me move on. Please God help me to move on, help me to gain the strength to get through this. Why wasn't I enough? Don't you remember us and everything we had. I will always love you but for once I need to love me more.

I am in so much pain. I just changed over to my old phone cos my new one is broken and there it was. Our life a year ago. Reading those texts and seeing the pictures was like a knife cutting me through my heart. Do you remember how much we loved each other? Even I was surprised at how besotted we were when I read them. It feels like those words have never come from you. Now all I get are cold, lifeless small talk texts...pushing me away from you when one year ago I was your absolute heart and soul. I am so hurt. I can't believe all this. I just want our happiness back. Don't you remember??? How can you be so cold. God what I would give to hold you close to me and smell your skin and hold your beautiful hands I just can't stop crying.

Where to go from here... I have no idea, but I know I need to let you go.

I really need you today. I feel like such a terrible person. I feel so alone and unwanted in this world. I wish you could be who I thought you were, someone who would never leave me. I regret the day I decided to move over here with you. It was a terrible mistake and now my whole life is ruined. I'm so sick of this torture...I feel like I'm being punished for being an awful person. I just want to go home to my own bed, in my house where I grew up, where people care about me. I'm so so sad

Miss you..want you...love you...can't stop thinking about you. Know you love me too and just don't understand. My heart is aching for you. I pray for the day you have me back, never mind getting over this. Don't want to get over you. You're wonderful...the most special person in the world. The bond we share, noone knows. I love you love bug xxxxxxxx

I'm so so sad today. I miss him so much. I am really struggling. I am in such a sorry state. So sad and lonely

I just heard Adele 'someone like you'..... * * * * ....the tears are just streaming down my face. I've tried to avoid it for 4 months. Remember when that song came on in the car and you cried, saying you couldn't bear to think that would ever be us?? And I cried beside you in your car because I was so so afraid of that day and through relief of not seeing that as an option. It wasn't working out and we both knew it but we both didn't want it to come to this. God I love you. That song is Satan and I am never ever listening to it again. Pain

Hope is the only thing keeping me from crawling into bed and sobbing.

Day 1 AGAIN..................I admit that I am doing this to get him back, but aftr being treated so poorly I wonder do i reaaaally want him....Please help me to keep to no contact people...4 months and I have not been able to do it at all so far. But I need to.

As of now....I am not contacting you ever again unless you say you want me back. I am sick of feeling like dirt. You want our space, you'll get it and plenty of it. Let's see how much you love me when you realise I am not putting up with the * * * * anymore. No contact can't be as difficult as this.

Bull * * * * you love me. Stop saying that. You are so arrogant and loving the fact that I'm in pieces for you. When will it be over...please I just want to not care about you anymore. Why is it so easy for you?? Were you not in the same relationship as me? Do you not remember actually caring what happened to me, caring that I was ok, happy...now you are so cold and self righteous and cruel. I hate you and I hate me for being so weak. I wish I could get over you and run away from all this pain. I just want my life back. I wish you never came into my life...you've ruined it

I don't understand you claim to love me so much...but how can you do this to someone you love. I really just do not understand.

someone tell me not to contact you

Spent the evening with lovely friends in a lovely place. Tried to look at other men and trying to be attracted to them. Trying to think about what it might be like to kiss them, to have some flirtatious banter with them. Not one of them looked even close to how gorgeous you are. I am so not interested. Might as well as me to be attracted to a woman, I haven't been attracted to anyone else at all since we ended. You were too perfect.

Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your hand. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I am a dreamer and when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We've had our doubts but now we're fine, And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you.

Hugs Aleina x

It feels like I've been stabbed in the heart with a knife. The thought of anyone else, especially her, having feelings towards you, or worse, you for them is making me feel sick. You are mine and I'm yours. You still have all of me, every bit. If only you knew how much I adore you. This is agony...I don't understand how you can say you love me so much, yet can't make the decision you want me back. Please please don't shatter my heart all over again. I can't take it. I just want to fall asleep and wake up in a world where it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm sick of hurting.

I see that stripper 'liked' your friendship on facebook...stupid me for looking but * * * is that all about. I can just imagine your cheap little fb chats...she has always fancied you and you do too..'oh she's funny'...yeah right, get a grip you loser. Careful you don't catch anything. Gahhhh so angryyyyy.

You better hurry up or you will lose me forever...and I won't come back. You are taking such a risk and you don't even realise it, because I have let you walk all over me for 4 months and it stops soon. I wish I didn't love you so much or I would have done it long ago. 'It's not as easy as yes or no?'...bull * * * * ...give me an answer or I am done.

I know I am totally abusing this thread but I am so angry right now I just need to vent it. I hate you. I hate that you came into my life and made me so happy, gave me all the best times, made me think I was loved and valued, then just go and throw me away like I'm nothing. I hate that I fell so blindly in love. I hate that you were my first love and the first person I ever slept with. I hate how much I gave of myself to you. I feel I've given it all away and now you have all of me and I am left with this shell. I hate so much that I sacrificed my whole life for you, took a loan out to pay for the move here and am now paying off more than I can afford for the next 3 years. I hate that everything reminds me of you. I hate that you are not the person I thought you were. I hate that I feel shellshocked still after 3 months. I hate that all I can think of is you. I hate that I allow you to treat me like a doormat, ignore me, discard me, use me, be nasty to me and then say i love you and have me falling at your feet all over again. I hate that you live in your lovely house with your family while I suffer here alone in this empty place I moved to just to be close to you. I hate that you will never know how it feels to love someone more than you love yourself, and I hate that you are selfish and self righteous. I hate that I have yet again been ignored by you, after requesting a straightforward answer from you after all the time we invested in our past...I hate that you are a coward who can't bear to tell me the truth. I hate that I love you so * * * * ing much and that I would still take a bullet for you and probably will feel the same for all my life. I hate that you are the one that got away and that I might lie in my bed as an old woman thinking of what could have been. I hate the person I have become. I hate myself.