Springs

Stop saying I'll always be your love.....god i won't ever be your love again. I just want you to tell me it's over...you are such a coward. You're making it so hard for me to move on. I love you so much..but you won't have me. You're a complete puzzle.

I hate you for doing this to me. Have you got any idea how * * * * ed up my life is now?? Have you got any idea how much I gave up for you? I hate you i hate you i hate you for coming into my life and making me so happy then tearing it all away. You are so cruel and heartless.....I could never do this to someone. Did I mean nothing to you? Stop treating me like i'm nothing, like im dirt. I deserve answers and for you to be honest with me. Tell me I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU....you coward. My heart is so beyond repair. I am over. Everything is over because of you. I wish to God I never met you. It just wasn't worth all this pain and suffering.

I just can't let go There are so many things to say... I can't move on until you tell me it's over. Please understand. When you cry and tell me you miss me, it kills me and only makes me so confused about why you don't seem to want me. I need to have that conversation with you about what I'm going to do..should I stay here or go. You are a massive part of my life and I need you to be part of that decision. You still love me.................please come back to me. I will love you more than anyone else on this earth. I absolutely adore you.

It was magic to hear your voice again but it tore me up to hear you cry...I called you for answers and all I got were more questions. You love me. Why can't we be back to us again.....I don't get it

What should I do....you must understand...you know me and know what I am going through. You know my past...you know my options. You must understand how hard this is for me. If only you would have me back and all this awful pain would go away....what should I do, please god tell me what to do. I feel I am just existing, just floating around in the darkness and I can't find my way. Please give me the strength and courage to face this and make the right decision. People say 'do what is right for you' but what is that? If I knew I would be doing it....

God, me too!!! It feels ok in the short term then makes me feel horrible when I realise he is not my boyfriend anymore and just as he is texting me he could be texting another girl at the same time...even though I feel exactly the same way I did when we were in a relationship and love him so much. Ew ewwww.....

Well said. I want to be happy again...and if not happy, just ok will do.

Thanks Aleina...I'm so grateful I can come here and know that others understand what this feels like. I've slipped back into the grief stage and am continuing contact with him. I would not let him know how much i am hurting but instead we text a few friendly messages acting as though we are both fine with this awful situation. I can tell he still wants to keep me here and likes a little bit of contact. I know he misses me but it is hurting so much that I can't tell him how much I want him and love him.....tell me to stop....I just love him so so much

Thank you north pickle...I know, it was a ridiculous thing to do and actually only the first or maybe second time I've done it since the terrible day. I will no longer look at them for definite, and I tried to delete them but...sod's law....my phone won't let me!!!! How ironic!!! Hope you feel better soon dearest, thank you for the support

I woke up crying this morning. What is wrong with me. I have family visiting and had a lovely day and night with them yesterday and a nie one to look forward to today.... Nothing matters though, it is all so hopeless and futile without you. I am stupid and looked at the texts sent between us the week before this nightmare started. God we were so happy. I feel like an idiot for ruining it but I need to be strong and think of the reasons why. I feel I can't move on until you tell me we will NEVER be together again, and you know that. I will always always love you.........I just hope and pray to God that you are not going to be the death of my happiness. I have no idea which path to choose now. I am so lost. God, please help me find a way.

Get out of my head for at least one minute of the day.......How can it still be this way after 3 months. I want myself back again.

HELP i need help

\i just want to totally erase you from my mind and i wish i never met you.....I can't take the pain anymore...I won't tell you or contact you in any way, but I wish could be me for a day and see what it feels like....I'm so tired of being strong and putting on a brace face and pretending everything is fine when inside, i'm completely broken. How much longer is this going to take. I am so so alone and I want my best friend and darling back

I just got back from the gym and for about 2 hours I didn't even think of you...and now it's all come crashing down around me again. It seems so insane to me that we were so happily in love and now we're nothing. I know I ended this...but you understand why. I couldn't do it anymore...you understand, I know you do. How could you not? It was so obvious I compromised too much of me for you.. But I still wish it was the beginning of August. When we went to that wedding and I looked at you accross the room and was 100% sure that someday that would be me and you taking those vows. I was so proud of you. I keep reliving you picking me up on the dancefloor and kissing you deeply while ''run' was playing. I can say it was truly the happiest moment of my life. I've never felt such joy and complete happiness. I love you so incredibly much. 5 days later we were nothing. And you're gone. I am dying inside....and it hurts so badly.

I'm reading The Help and have been for the past 2 months!! I'm enjoying it but just have so much crap going on now I can't concentrate on it for too long.

It's so sick and twisted, but in a way I don't even want to let go of this pain, because then it's like letting you go. And I don't want to let you go. I wish I could take the hope away. I know only I can do that. But it would help if you flat out told me you don't want to be want me anymore, but I know you do want me, you just don't want the effort of compromising on a few things. If only you woke up and realised how much I will love you and care for you for all your days. I would be there through all the hard times and never leave your side. I would never let you down. But you let me down. You're not strong enough to sacrifice your own comfort and routine for the one who will love you more than you will ever know.

You're right. It seems when I am alone with my thoughts I can't see what went wrong and the reasons for why I am here now are so unclear. Then talking to friends and coming here makes me open my eyes a bit and realise it wasn't all a bed of roses. And yes, Aleina I am not looking forward to christmas this year at all!

I know Moonchill...it makes it very hard. The thing is that I know my ex still loves me very much. During the text convo we had on Friday he said he is very sad much of the time, that he cries a lot and dreams about me, that I am so special. Saying these things makes it so hard for me because I just can't understand why we aren't together anymore. We were so happy so much of the time. It was a great relationship. It was nowhere near perfect...I was the initial dumper, just because of his refusal to compromise on a few issues that were important to me. I know and he knows it has nothing to do with not loving each other. That sucks...anyway, deep breath...and exhale...it's good to vent! Thank you for your support

Aw thank you ninja...that is really sweet of you and it made me smile. I understand all the advice people give, and I give to others...I know what I need to do I just can't seem to actually do it. He is my first love, and my first time and I am so deeply in love with him. I would have done anything for him, and I did...I moved away from all my family and friends cos I was so blind to think that one person could be all I need. I can't let go of him. But I guess I need to be sure that someday the cookies will be a distant memory and I'll move on to ice cream which will be much sweeter and more fulfilling

Thank you Aleina, I appreciate it. Your support and others on here is giving me strength and helping very much. I have just had a miserable Sunday all alone. Need to be strong though..sometimes I just need to vent it and get it all out from inside.

My eyes are sore from crying. I don't resent you or hold any grudges at all. I wish you had been an awful boyfriend and had lots of horrible qualities cos then it might be easier to be mad and move on. But you are gentle, handsome, patient, kind and loving. I want to wake up from this nightmare. I'm so tired.

I want you back in my life. I feel so scared about the future. I am so lost and so alone. What am I going to do? How am I going to get through this? You still love me so much, you said. Why can't we try. Why does it have to be this way? Almost a year since the big move, and thinking back to the girl I was then breaks my heart. She was so full of hopes and dreams. I would tell her she doesn't know what's coming and that the most painful thing is ahead of her. I don't know if I would tell her not to go, because there have been so many amazing times this year. But oh my god, this pain. The loneliness. The emptiness and total fear of what lies ahead. I just want to be back to myself again. I want to be happy again. I'm crying my eyes out because I just want you with all my heart. It is so broken. I am so broken. I wish someone could just take this pain away.

I wish I was waking up at your house, with you kissing me good morning. I can't believe all those days are gone. It tears my heart in two. I miss you darling, so so much.

Oh I miss you darling I saw the photo of you on facebook...the new one. You look gorgeous. It kills me to think that someday, probably soon, some other girl will be getting butterflies when you walk into her life. It really kills me. You are a wonderful person. You were a great boyfriend, but you just want it your way. If you don't change that, no relationship will work for you...I don't want you to be unhappy so I just wish you would see...you NEED to compromise. If only you met me half way, then none of this crap would have happened. You texts last night made me feel all warm inside, but today I just feel cold and lonely. I hope someday you come back to me and realise if we just tweak a few things, there is no reason why we can't be happy. I hope you have a good evening darling...Love you millions xxxxxx

I am so sad. I miss you very much. It's so dark and cold outside and I am all alone in here with my pain...I never ever thought such happiness could lead to so much heartbreak. We were good. We were best friends. We loved each other so much. We still do. It doesn't make sense. I want to reach out to you so much but I am so scared of getting no reply or something nasty back to me. I did nothing but love you with all my heart. I just couldn't go on how we were doing. I felt like I was screaming at you and you couldn't or didn't want to hear. I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want this. You know I didn't want this. Did you? You haven't fought for me, for us. Why not? I gave up everything for you. Can't you see that? Please contact me...please. I feel so lost again and I was doing so well. It hurts