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I don't know why the No Contact challenge is only posted in "Getting Back Together".


Well here's to Day 1.

Mentally it feels like it has been several days bc we only exchanged several words.


Looking forward to a weekend away with my girl friends. Just a few hours without constantly thinking about IT.

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It has been 6 weeks since I've spoken to you... not even "spoken" but written would be more appropriate. I remember a time when we couldn't even let 24 hours go by without speaking, and now it's been 6 weeks! It's hard to believe, sometimes...but then, since the last words that were said by you were so cold, so typically "you," I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, should I?


I'm not even sure why I'm writing to you now, of all times. I've been doing well. I erased everything from "us" - I don't even have the emails, and I'm sad about one that is missing, not because it has anything to do with you, but it has a bunch of messages from my old guild begging me to come "home" when I left them for your horrible people... and that got deleted when I closed that email account. Maybe that's why I'm sad... I liked having that little memento from all those years spent in that game, something to remember the good things and not be left with all the drama that you caused everywhere you went. Someone reminded me of that the other day... the friendships that you so handily wrecked for me because for someone who "hated" drama, you sure caused a lot of it, and I let myself get caught up in your ego.


Anyway. I still love you. I haven't told you that for a long time now. I don't know how, or why. Sometimes that "love" feels a lot more like hate than anything, but I guess that makes sense. It's just another form of love, not the opposite of it. It's a strong, compelling emotion, and it would be easy to get sucked into, but I don't have that much energy for the emotion itself, or where they concern you. I just let them be. The opposite of love is actually apathy, and I'm not there. There are days where I don't feel much regarding you, but mostly because I don't think of you. But apathy isn't there, and I've come to the conclusion that it may never be. I'm ok with that. I don't want you back. I'm not going to beg, or cry, or lose sleep over the loss of us. I'm moving on, I'm doing what I can. I know that your place in my story, at least for now, is done. I do think, however, that if you ever came around and said hello, if you wanted to talk - I'd be able to listen. I'd be able to show compassion, strength, and dignity that I didn't have during the 18 months we spent together, the girl that I lost when I became your girlfriend instead of just your friend. I wonder if you'll ever feel that way - if you'd ever just be able to listen, instead of digging for something to be angry at... and just listen to the words, see the actions. If you'll ever look back and wonder. There's no sentiment attached to that thought anymore, and maybe that's why I'm here.... I'm afraid to let go completely....I'm afraid of completely forgetting, for the fear that I'll allow myself to be "lost" again, and I don't ever want to be set adrift quite so badly as I was by you. I want to stay aware, while still being able to give my heart, and I'm having a hard time finding that balance.


My tired brain... never did invent that off switch.

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hey you.....guess what?

6 weeks next week...and i am evolving...changing...growing faster than i anticipated.

I have poured my heart to you here, in this forum....and your eyes will never see it.

You will never fully realize what you have lost - the love i have for you will go unmatched in your life.

As i grow stronger...my thought process becomes clearer....i have had a startling revelation:


I dont need you for anything....nothing.

My life isn't based on your poor excuse for "love"


Soon enough, you will hold no place in my heart.


Soon enough, you will realize what you have lost


Soon enough, i will be over you and on with my life.


You loss...hide from it, pretend it away, drink it away.....but you made your decision....let's hope for your sake it was the right one.

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It's been two weeks since we spoke... The last time we spoke you told me you loved me, then the next day you were off to the beach with someone else. Everyday is getting better and better.. I still feel angry and my heart jumps everytime I think about it.. Especially posting it on fb like a child for me to find. You only did that to piss me of, because I sent you a text 10 minutes before saying, I have a good feeling why you ignored me al weekend, i'm not stupid, have a great life.. And I was right...


Gues what honey, you made your own bed.. I will never be there for you again.. you always said you loved me because I was the only one that would help you with your business and anything else you needed..


I am no longer there for you. Nobody will be there for you like I was. thats a fact. and you KNOW this..


I know you are telling everyone lie to make yourself look better.. Thats a shame, because you know better..


Anyway, I'm just writing down thoughts.. you know nobody will ever love you like I did.. You even told me that.. it must have been a lie.


I just got off the phone with a girl that I met the other day.. We talked for about 2 hours. we are really hitting it off. She knows my situation and wants to be my friend.. maybe more but who knows..


Anyway, good luck with your pathetic life of lies.. Hope it works out for you.


GOOD BYE, forever and ever..

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Overall having a really tough time today. I wish so badly that I could just be over this already but I feel like I keep having setbacks. Maybe I'm just upset because I know you're at that concert tonight. The one I was supposed to go to with you and your friends. You're probably lying to them about what happened and trash talking me. They never liked me, they're probably relieved that I'm gone now.


It's tearing me apart knowing she's there instead of me. I can just envision you getting drunk and dancing and having fun with her. Meanwhile I'm here thinking about you, I haven't stopped thinking about you, not a day goes by that I don't. It makes me feel like such an idiot when I know I'm dead to you and you couldn't care less about me.

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Here we go again...NC. Ugh, I was doing so well when you decided to weasel your way back in. I'm happy that the end result was amicable, although your display last night made things a little weird. I've told myself that at any time from this point on that I feel like contacting you, I'll just remember how foolish you looked punching yourself in the head and pulling your hair out. Wow! That was crazy. I do feel sorry for you. I do still love you very much, I can't turn that off like a light switch. Here's the thing...I love me too. I want and deserve more than what you've been giving me. I still hold hope. I'll still have the door open for you for some time, but only if you can come to me with EXACTLY what I want. I'm not holding on to that hope for long though. I wish things were like they were. I know you told me that you pushed all of the other important things in your life aside to be with me and how you had to get that back. You're such a coward. You shouldn't have pretended to be something that you weren't. I was so clear with what I wanted in my life, and you played like you were exactly that. Screw you for faking it!! You should've been more honest with yourself and me. You need professional help, you really do. I won't let you back in this time. I want you to truly feel what your life is going to be like without me. You said you've never had an emotional connection with anyone like you have with me...time will tell if that's true. I won't crack. I won't budge. I won't let you have all of the power. I'll wait, patiently. If nothing more, just for the chance to see that you'll regret this...again. Except this time, you won't win be back like before. You'll have to earn the awesome person that I am back into your life. Oh man, that's gonna be hard for you. Not just the pride, but the fact that you will have to really make me believe it. I want to see the changes. This is going to sound horrible, but you will have to grovel. I won't make it easy on you, and I know my day is coming again. Every dog does have his day...get ready for the emptiness that you've put me in once again. I love you, sleep well. Not talking to you will certainly suck, but you'll see how much I love me...more than I love you.

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Whats it like to never be responsible for any actions & abuse? Does it make u feel good to not only tell me my thoughts are wrong/feelings are wrong but when i cry its my fault? My tears& depression not real? Calling me stupid &telling me to shut up not real? I couldnt even come to u with any issues because u screamed &yelled at me twisting my words, telling me what ever hurt me was actully what was hurting u! it was u whos sick!I hope it hits u like trees hit light poles,I was genuine &u took me 4granted!

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Miss you. Went out last night with work. Was my last day there. I wish I could have text you and told you. That place has been my safe haven for all these months.. a place I could go to forget about you, keep busy and occupied, and achieve things using MY skills. Anyway, new job on Monday. I'm quite nervous. I wish you could be there on Sunday night to wish me luck. I won't get any sleep! I hate you not being in my life anymore, I really really do.

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Got drunk last night, cried a bit in the pub in front of my work mates and boss, but as they are nice people I got lots of hugs and comfort. I have friends and I have a heart. You probably just have some trash bag sl@pper for comfort. I know which I'd prefer.


Note to self - don't get drunk again until your totally over it

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I never thought I would say this but in all seriousness - thank you.


For all the heartbreak, the pain and the soul-searching. For you ending our relationship has brought me to a point in my life that I am overwhelmingly happy with.


You weren't right for me, I can see that now. Yes, I loved you. I loved you deeply and honestly. But it was never going to last forever, we didn't click right. You never wanted to mesh with me like I did with you. I was never that important to you, was I? And I can say that now without feeling any hurt at all.


I let myself be duped by you because I loved you. I never stood up and said what I wanted or needed because I knew you would never give it to me. I will never let myself get into that position again. All the pain I have gone through has made me realise so much about myself. I found myself after the pain has ended and inner-strength and a bit of fate has brought somebody fantastic into my life.


And as I enter a new relationship, I couldn't be more optimistic! He adores me, ex, he thinks I'm amazing and he shows it. And although I'm being careful about things, I can feel myself falling for him too. I already know more about him, what he wants and expects and thrives on in a relationship, his past relationships, what makes him happy, what he wants from the future, lots of things. I know more about him already than you ever divulged to me! That's bizarre! And his honesty combined with the knowledge I gained from us about what a relationship shouldn't be like has resulted in my new boyfriend and I forming a quite quick and strong bond. We both agree that it feels like we have known each other a lot longer than we have. Everything clicks.


So thank you again, you taught me a lesson in love

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I prob shouldn't even be on here anymore, it's been THAT long...I'm okay for the most part. Valentines day was surprisingly good. I didn't hurt very much. I was actually in a great mood unlike last year so that's really great. But the day after, I don't even know WHAT got me upset. Literally nothing. But I just started crying. I missed you....and just as suddely as it came I was fine. Weird. Then last night I was in the city with my best friend. Great day, we got dinner and were just walking around lower Manhattan...and then we passed a Whole Foods. Of course that store makes me think of you every time....but it's just a store...but as we turned the corner I did mention how I missed you a bit and how that store reminded me of you to my friend. Then I was like 'Okay Robin, stop...it's just a dumb store' and as I was saying that the very bus that I always took to go visit you passed us by. All the times I've taken that bus we have never gone down that block....it was just...weird. I was kind of freaked out like 'OMG WTH universe!?! Why are you trying to rub things in my face that remind me of him??' but I guess stuff like that is bound to happen....still it was a weird coincidence. The romantic inside me wants to find some kind of deeper meaning in this 'coincidence'. If I was still the same naive hopeless romantic of a girl I probably would....but the jaded part of me is like STOP THAT.


I'm a little blehh tonight....been thinking of you a bit. But I'm okay. Comes and goes but I am a zilllliooon times better then before. I am almost greatful for this last go around with us....in a weird way it made it easier to get you out of my system. After the initial 'weening' period I am usually good. It's a little ridic at this point though that I have this whole 'routine' when it comes to you....you come back into my life, I get my hopes up. I get attached to you again, we have this crazy go around, lots of tears on my part and then you go again...and I have to ween myself off you again...and I do. And I'm usually good for a while, but then I miss you after a while...I'm not totally there yet though....I really hope this was the last go around. I really hope I'm strong enough to stop this cycle. Bleh.

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C ~

you lost me today.....my "a-ha moment" has happened.


I am done with the pain and the attachment to the ghost of you.


I am far from coming out the other side of this just yet.....but the sands in the hourglass of us are running out....day by day....I see this clearer....you for what you are....and me for who I forgot how to be...what I want to be...what I will be again without your chains around my heart.


I hope that you and him are happy - you deserve to be, even after all you put me thru - you deserve to be happy and if it's him that finally gives you that Sweetness, , then so be it.


I will never forget what you did to me....you have left a mark on me for always......you have branded me with a scar that forever will remind me what i DON'T want in a person - what to stay away from, and what to avoid at all costs in the future.


I will make someone very happy someday...but it will at the RIGHT time, when I can give myself fully and without the baggage of us still cluttering my soul and thoughts.....unlike you, who jumps form one guy to the next, never healing...never learning...just ....being....being what you are and how you are for always.


The cord is cut now.


You no longer have that hold on me.


Logic has replaced emotion......clarity has replaced pain......my life has replaced my sorrow.


And you know what?


You will never know just how much you meant to me....a love like I have never felt before for anyone, and most likely wont ever again.


You will never know how badly hurt me...the sleepless nights, the tears, the questions.


I will no longer suffer in silence.

I will embrace the day...feel the sun on my face....smile at the world and realize that the worst of this is almost over.......and you can continue to pretend the 6 years meant nothing, force yourself to forget by drinking and running from your feelings.....I am sure that in time, you will be forced to face what you have done with your life.


Will you have regrets?


I don't care and wont be around when you do........that will be your cross to bear.....i will be over you and on with my life.



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Well I guess I knew it was going to happen...I saw the pictures from last night. You look happy. Happier than you ever looked with me. And in one picture it seems like you're holding her hand. It literally ripped me to shreds when I saw it.


Doesn't help that I saw it while he was here. The more I see him the more I realize I'm just not ready for this. It's not fair to him. I have so much hurt still inside of me, I can't fully give myself to him. I'm not over you. Tonight I couldn't stop thinking of you while I was with him. The only explanation I can come up with for what you have done to me, the way you left me, the way you were to me even when we were together, is that you just didn't care about me. This realization hurts. You were the most important thing to me, I gave you all of me. And it was just stomped all over.


I know it isn't fair to base this off of ONE picture, but it just reaffirms my thoughts that you're off living happily like nothing ever happened. It stings, bad.


And this night with him was absolutely terrible but its irrelevant to this thread. We can't work right now, we're not going to work because of ME. As much as I want to let go, I can't. It's like I just want to get over it so I'm trying to do what you're doing, but it isn't panning out quite right. I know that I'm looking to fill the void when I really should just be focusing on myself. I know. But the loss of you is so huge and the loneliness kills me. Then again, seeing him doesn't seem to be making me forget about you AT ALL. Quite the opposite.


I miss you. So, so much.

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I know you don't care... You havent for a long long time... BUt, I don;t know why I do. You have shown me the ugly person you really are.. I'm sure this is a big joke to you.. You have no idea crazy you've made me..


I can't stop obsessing over you. You are my constant thought. But I know deep down in my heart you are just a user.. I can't believe you asked me to move into my house a few weeks ago. I'm sure the guy your with now will fulfill your housing needs until you get your own place. After all, you're a user. You used me for soo long. I was good to you and your kids.. I was very generous to you and your kids.. And your boys don;t even appretiate me for being soo generous.


All my friends have said, dude, don't contact her, she doesn't deserve someone like you.. You are a good person.


I know oine day you will miss me.. Maybe you'll try to get into contact with me, but guess what? I won;t be ther for you. You suck!


I despise who your are as person. Get lost and stay out of my life!!

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Another day and everyday I get stronger and happier. In fact I'd say I'm 98% there. I don't think about you that much, feel a bit sorry for you really as I have friends and hobbies and a life, you don't have friends and you don't have any money.


You are probably drinking way too much as always. Me well I am looking after myself, drunk just twice since BU, have joined Yoga class, am looking at doing another massive thing for charity, I'm exercising and losing weight, generally making the most of myself as well as lots of reading trying to grow.


All your growing no doubt is kidney failure and an even bigger belly.

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Part of me is expecting a text from you today, or tomorrow. To wish me luck with the new job. I know you know. You probably won't get in touch and it's best if you don't, but I can't help but hope I see your name light up on my phone. Whatever though, I get it now. Anything you say is just words and nothing more. They mean as much as what silence says, so it's best to stay silent.

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If only you could see me now, I wonder if you would recognize me. I've thrown out 90% of the things I used to think and say, I eat differently, I look different, I dress completely differently, completely new friends, new job. And most of all I stopped caring about what you think of me.


but I still wonder why you were ever part of my life. Same goes for so many of my exs. WHY? I don't like any of you. Why can't I actually get someone I really want?

This sucks. I don't want to be doomed to fantasizing for the rest of my life. Why can't life be more exciting?


I guess I'm just writing to you because it's comforting to feel somewhat connected to my old life, because from this vantage point all the decisions I have ever made in my life seem so stupid and not even close to what I want. Instead I'm suffering from exhaustion from all the work I have to do, as well as all the disappointments I've endured up to this point. It makes no sense--things should be better

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No text from you. I thought you would have sent a 'good luck' message but it doesn't bother me that much. Though I have spent a lot of the day in tears, thinking about the past, worrying about the future, wondering how I wasn't enough even though I gave everything I had to give. Been so close to reaching out but I can't, I really can't. I swear, I wish I never met you d, it really wasn't worth this.

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Well, I went the whole weekend without texting you. It's a miracle I suppose, considering the condition I found myself to be in Friday night...a puddle of sappy mush. I want to hear your voice so bad right now, and I don't even know why. You did and said some really mean things. I keep telling myself its just some sort of weird co-dependency that I need to get over. I don't want you out of my life, I hope you know that. I just HAVE to have you out of my life for my own well being. We both know you can't give me what I deserve right now and I honestly refuse to settle. Have you looked at me lately? Who do you think will bounce back the fastest? I might be emotionally scarred, but I'm putting myself back out there. I signed up for a dating sight just to get my mind off of you since this roller coaster has been going on for so long. My friends encouraged me, and I've been asked out several times already. Stupid me, I just haven't said yes yet. I'm going to though, I'm making myself do it.


I did have fun with my girlfriends last night...a lot of fun and laughing. Some of it was at your expense, but you deserved it. They couldn't believe that I was ever even with you; they kept telling me how much of a catch I was and that you really didn't deserve me. I suppose that's what friends do. The rain kept us in. We sat at Jane's, ordered pizza and had wine; it was a good time. All of them are single, so it makes me feel like not such a complete failure. And guess what? They LOVE being single and pointed out how amazing their lives are for being so. I don't know why I'm so compelled to find my life partner; its not like I don't do really well on my own. I always have, before you. I think you made me realize at some point during the relationship that life can be so much better when your best friend is by your side. When you have your rock to fall back on, even if its just from having a bad day. The guy that listens to your fears and tells you his. But you're not him anymore, are you? You chose not to be that guy anymore. You did a complete 180 and became less than what I thought you were. That's the only thing that keeps me from contacting you. I'm still in love with the guy you WERE, even if it was all a facade. Maybe you just changed; maybe I brought out a change in you.


Tell your parents and siblings hello when you're there in two weeks. Ugh, it sucks that I can't be a part of that....I really had a great bond with them. And by the way, it was a dirty trick on your part to show me all of the resorts that you wanted to go to in the tropics with me right before you picked our last fight. You've never offered to go to a resort like that, and you know how much I wanted the two of us to do it. That was MY fantasy vacation, and you just couldn't wait to offer one more thing to me and snatch it away! You're an * * * * * * * !! What is that...like the fifth time you made some grand gesture, faked your way through the details of how it was going to be and then took it away?? And you DID pick that fight, you wanted it. I don't care what you say.


You're a nerd....my friends even said it.

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I secretly hope you do think of me and recall all the good times even though you are with someone new. You'll wake up and realize what you threw away but it will be too late. Just like Adele said "rubbish relationship" sad but looking back I guess that's all it was. So much for delusions...... I'm ready for reality even if it does hurt.... I'm happy to just selfishly focus all on myself for now. oh and NO you can't come visit the dog. You never took care of her either. Even the dog was too much for you . GROW UP!!!!

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I just went out with my friends to the club ....but now I am feeling like trash ...because I was thinking of you for the whole night....

It is not fair because when you go out ...you get drunk ...you have fun...you flirt with other guys....but I can not do the same...and I get jealous of you !!!

I thought you loved me !!! I hate you !!!

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