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I didn't think I would feel down today, buy I can't say I'm surprised since there's been a 95% chance I would anyway if it was any other day. I don't believe in this "holiday", but I was looking forward to spending it with you. Who am I kidding though, chance are we would have fought or you would have gotten frustrated at me for something ridiculous to ruin the day. I remember you telling me you took her out to dinner last v-day because a date stood you up. I guess with her being your reliable back up plan, you are doing the same this year. Lucky her.


Still haven't decided if I want this guy to come by to tonight. He wants to make me dinner and is keeping it a surprise. That's all well and good but I feel like I'm just going along with it because I don't want to be alone thinking of you. If he comes I'll still be thinking of you and how he's not you...not at all.


I'm waiting for the acceptance stage to come. I still can't let go and I hate the pain it's causing. I hate even more that you're not even phased one bit by any of it.

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You can't do this to me anymore. You can't just keep turning up in my life every now and then, pretending you still love me, telling me how sad you are, how you miss me. You're LYING. It's nothing but an ego boost to you to know I still love you so much, that I would have you back tomorrow, but you still don't want it. I hate how you do this to me. You make me think you care and then you drop me and ignore me over and over and over again. You should have spared your stupid text message... it's not fair.

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I have a couple of days off work T. I went out for the afternoon for a lovely river walk and hot chocolate and cake and a little browse around the shops. It's cold outside.


I feel the longer time goes on the more I feel you were the one for me. I know this is my mind playing tricks, but still. It's very annoying.


I wish I could pluck up the courage to go dating again. I know I have to try sometime. But I just don't feel ready. WHY are you ready? Why don't you miss me? I cannot believe I still think about you every day? I couldn't take going on dates with people that I don't really connect with. I've been there and done that. But when I did it before I met you, it didn't matter so much. I never got that disappointed because I figured that when I did finally meet someone who was right, I would know. And I did. I met you and thought - this is what it should feel like. You were my first love. I'm 34 and you were my first love. That was so hard for me.


I'm crying writing this now because I feel pathetic about the whole thing. I wrote you a song T. You were so touched by it. When I played it to you on my guitar I couldn't believe I was doing this. I'm not a natural performer and yet here I was singing you a song that I wrote from the bottom of my heart, just for you.


You broke my heart T. I've stuck it back together, but it feels like it's stuck back with sellotape and it just still doesn't feel right. I miss you and how you made me feel sooooo much. I cannot tell my friends and family anymore because they will think I'm crazy for still feeling this way. I don't know how to forget you. I'm trying everything.


I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted. It felt like I was. I hope you are thinking of me today. Bloody Valentines Day! I normally couldn't care less about it.

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Okay.....Maybe some people can shed some light on this for me......3 weekends ago my ex invited me to a wine tasting event we had a grand time and as he was dropping me off he said don't be stranger! Hope to hang out again I tried not to be a stranger texting him random things and he ignored them and that was the last straw! He doesn't want to talk to me guess what I don't want to talk you either and he hasn't spoken to me for 3 weeks now. I am confused.... Why say let's hang out again don't be a stranger and ignore me from here on out? Why didn't he say right then and there Missie I had fun hanging out but it has to end right now. Why lead me on and make me have panic attacks and horrible headaches if it was all a big joke to him? I want to cry.....

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Can I take back that text I sent you last night? I feel like absolute * * * * !


I don't know why I did it. Maybe to see if you still cared? But, the worst part was I even looked on you FB.... biggest, dumbest move I have ever done.

I hate myself. I gave you everything this last year, trying to build your confidence up and now you are almost there... I am nothing to you, i feel like such an idiot.

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Guess what.. I found another man. He's even more complicated than you are! Never thought I could accomplish such a thing. I think I broke my own record..


Anyhow I don't care about your hair, about your cat, about your flair. I don't care that you don't care that I don't care to be fair!



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I miss you. I miss you more than anything. Last night when you told me you missed me I had hope that we would get back together. Then today you ignored me and bragged about all the flowers and chocolates you received. I also know all about you giving your number out to guys at the bar last weekend. I cannot take you jumping back and forth. I am moving on. You were a great person and I wish you the best, but I cannot remain your friend anymore. It is too painful. I will always love you and maybe someday we can love each other again, but for now I need my space. Part of me hopes you come to your senses and see how amazing I am, but the other part of me wants you to get a new boyfriend so I can know we are done for good. I ask myself why you would toss me away? I gave you the world. I treated you like a woman needs to be treated. All you talked about were how abusive your previous boyfriends were and how perfect I was for you, yet you still don't want me? I will always wish you the best. Good luck!

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I know I could never say this but since this is the post here thread here goes...


Dear Bridgette,

Thank you so much for bragging about the galaxy phone you got how classy of you! I thought you really wanted to wish me a happy valentine's day but instead you bragged about your new gadget. Bridgette you are a golddigger! I thought you should know this I am calling it as I see it and sweetie let me tell you are a golddigger! I treated you like a princess I might not of had the cash flow but I took you to nice restaurants when I saved up all my money just for you! I had so many common interests with you and the new boyfriend you have nothing in common with him I know this because you told me this once. I think you might of forgotten but you said one night on AIM you said Travis and I might not have much in common but whoooo he has a nice job where he can travel and get discounts it is so awesome! He is also rich! Sometimes Bridgette you never think before you talk or when you do talk you suddenly forget what you said and I know what you said darnit wish I would of saved those AIM messages so I could prove you are into his cushy job and his wallet but dumb old me didn't save those. I hope one day you learn cushy jobs and all the gadgets in the world doesn't make one happy it is the love and common interests that mke one happy. Bridgette it is your loss sweetie and hopefully someday you will realize it but by the time you realize it I will be over you and happy with a new girl or just being happy.

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Exactly 4 months ago you "abandoned" me. I wonder...I think....I feel....it still hurts...but it's more melancholic than anything...but I still wish I could turn back time. You are still the "familiar" one. The hand I want to hold. The chest I want to lie on. A pity or a lucky escape? Will I ever find out? As much as it pisses me off, I still love you.

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For the first time in 4 years, I haven't said Happy Valentine to you. Does it make me sad? Yes it does. BUT, I l know what kind of a person you really are.. You are cruel and a rotten human being. I never have any intentions of speaking to you again.. Everything you left at my house is in the trash!


Good luck to the next guy.. Le'ts see if you can fool him for as long as you did me.. I hate you!

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I thought you'd contact me today. I did think so after your heart breaking call. I really don't get you at all..why do you cry like this and not get in touch? I must really stay NC, you think I am so strong and that what you do I will overcome but it does set me back your contact.

I went on a date tonight and initially I thought it was maybe wrong or not approapriate but I had a good time. Nothing like last year of course but good time. The guy is weird but practical, quite a nice combo. And I do fancy him. I do find myself yearning for what's familiar of course but I can only look at the facts of today and move on. I wonder what you're thinking, the past days I felt that I am starting to forget how you felt..quite sad that is. I do remember things but it's like there's not much left of our love. I am still surprised at what's happened believe it or not..

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My love for you amazes me...it still burns so bright for you after all you have done to me.

That flame in my heart- the one that reminds me each day of your presence...it just wont extinguish itself in this old heart.


i see your ghost here....i feel you...i look for you everywhere and nowhere all at once.

When i close my eyes, I remember the woman i fell so deeply in love with....the one that will own this heart for always.


i feel like i am betraying you by trying to let you go and get over you; i want to hold onto the love i have for you forever...it is real...pure...it is like none i have ever known in my life.

Even tho you don't want this old heart, even tho you left me so coldly and without remorse, i still belong to you.


i see women everyday...on the street in the city.

i see taller ones. shorter ones, ....but i don't see you.

sometimes i see a glimpse of someone with your hair...or i smell you in the air, your perfume.......my heart seizes in my chest wondering: is that her? then the reality of my heartbreak reminds me, that no, it isn't you....and won't ever be again.


I have been told my ol' green eyes tell a sad story.

i have been told by many that i have shared my heartbreak with that a love like i feel comes around once in a lifetime; in the face of all the hurt, it perseveres and burns bright......they wish they had a partner so firmly rooted in his/her life, his/her career, and STILL has that kind of love to offer...but i offer it to one who so clearly doesn't deserve it.


You are my one and only...i love you still completely and without concern for my own well being.

This love is all consuming - it swell in my chest...it fills my mind with visions of you, us....what we could have been...what we should have been.

I don't dream anymore....when you took the love from me you seemingly took that too.

I drift off asking myself the same questions, wondering...searching for your face in my mind.......then nothing... black and empty, until i open my eyes again.


Have you any idea how much i love you, sweetness?

have you any idea how i hold onto the scraps you left me with?


i just don't think I'll ever shake your hold on me - then one you have that you don't even know about because you are gone and on with your life.

i want to let go....just let go...drift...disappear into the nothing...become invisible....live no longer in the here and now, but somewhere i can just love you and have you be happy to have my heart as you once were.


i want to feel nothing as you do; i want to be empty and soulless and guilt free for always as you are......maybe then the flame will burn out?


On this Valentine's Day, here is my wish for you, sweetness:


I wish you all the love in the world....a love that will fill your heart, heal the hurts, and make you smile every second of the day.

A love that will fill in your cracks, clear your demons, bring you hope of a future free of your past.

I wish for you all that a heart can offer....you deserve a love that will change your world; one that will cherish you and never, ever give up on you, no matter how hard you test it's resolve or worth....a love, for you my sweet thing, to last you forever......


Smile that breathtaking smile for him now....kiss him with that mouth and full lips....lay naked with him and make love like you were the last 2 people on earth.

Do that for me.

Do that so i know that you are glowing...loving...happy again.


Its a simple Valentine's Day wish from this old heart to you.


No matter ho much you tried to break me.....I am still standing ...still loving....still yours.

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These last few days have been especially hard. Just when I thought I was making progress, you pop up in my dreams and it makes me feel sad for the entire day.


However, I am proud of myself for going NC, despite having to see you in class. Do you know what it's like to have to see the person who broke your heart every other day? I feel sadness and anger but I will never let it show.


I no longer blame myself for the breakup because I know I was the best girlfriend I could possibly be. I am not holding onto hope of getting back together. If we are meant to be friends in the future, then I am sure we will find our way to each other. Right now, I need to heal.

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I hope you enjoyed your night. I did. I thought of you but not as much as I feared I would. I'm glad I decided to see him after all. I'm starting to let my walls down a little but it's going to take some time. I want you to be dead to me. Now when I think about you I envision a ghost...that's all that is left of you now.


I don't know if what I am doing is wrong by seeing someone new. But he treats me well, is very respectful, and different from you. At first I felt uncomfortable that he wasn't you, but I'm slowly starting to see that it's a good thing now. You weren't right for me. I honestly hope you are with her now because I guess you were always meant to be. I couldn't be what you wanted. I wasn't good enough for you and I wasn't special enough for you to love completely.


It hurts. But I'm seeing now, slowly, that there may be someone out there who is capable of giving me the love I deserve. Maybe I should be saying that you didn't deserve ME. That I was too special for you to have. And that you would never be able to be with me in the long run based on your own selfish ways. What was it about me? I gave you everything, I just don't understand.


I'm hoping I can turn my thinking around now. And I hope you are happy with your choices.

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I shouldn't love you any more, but I do. I have been completely erased from your life, and yet, I still wake up every morning and the first thought I have is you. Will you ever leave me alone? I don't know how much longer I can live this way. This pain in my chest, the sadness, the longing... just feel like I can't breathe most of the time. I really meant it when I told you, you were the love of my life. I did everything I could to try and make things right, but it was just not enough. I still can't believe sometimes that you are not here. I forget that I'm not supposed to call you, or wait for you.. and have to catch myself. It seems wrong to feel this way about someone and not be their soul mate.

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I feel so low. I feel angry. I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like I don't know how to move on. I know I can only move on when I fully let go. I haven't let go.


I hate how I'm not a harder person. I wish I wasn't so emotional and confused. I'm treading water.


How could you want me so much and then run away? I have never experienced anything like this before.


I know you and how you would be devastated to know I'm feeling so bad still. But maybe I don't really know you at all.


I'm scared. I'm 34 and it took me till this age to find someone special. I feel like there is something wrong with me. You told me I'm beautiful and sexy and how much you wanted me, you told me I'm so lovely and kind and giving and witty and that you're sure I will find someone special. If I'm all those things, why couldn't you want to be with me? You told me all of that right up to the end. I know this isn't about me, it's about you. I wish you could have let me in. No-one will match my ability to empathise. You are a fool for letting me go. But it's your choice and you have to live with it.


I hate how I've slipped backwards. I wish I could just go out and date and have fun but I don't want anyone else - yet.

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Hey, guess what?








I'm not going to be a turd like you and pull the "I never loved you," BS. I don't have to lie. I did love you--but I don't think I do any more. For some time now I've been saying, "He's nothing to me." It's only now starting to ring true. You are nothing to me. We're not friends, never were. You were one of the worst people I've ever known. You were a liar and a COWARD. I pity your new girlfriend. Say, how many new guys has she friended on FB lately? A dozen or is it two? Hehe. Oh, don't worry--I'm sure she's just "really friendly." I'm sure it's perfectly normal for a guy's girfriend's pics to be liked by multiple strange men every time she posts it, yet no females. Oh yes, they're all just buddies I'm sure it has nothing to do with her being desperate for male attention or her flirting with every man she meets. I mean, I routinely have multiple men "like" my pics--Oh wait, no I don't, because I respect my partner and don't feel compelled to befriend every male I meet under some guise of being friendly, when it's really just to feed my ego. Husband knows the people on my friends list, and there aren't any of them posting sleazy drawings of me either--but don't worry, that was him posting that, it's not like she identified with a girl with her boobs hanging out--oh wait, yes she did! But don't worry about that, a woman can dress sleazier than a two-dollar hooker and still be moral and trustworthy. -snicker- And now you can see the difference between the two of us. Lady in the street, freak in the sheets, or freak on the streets, nothing [for you] in the sheets--one is me, one is her. My husband's a happy man. I'm so glad I didn't listen to your lies, your BS, your ridiculous attempts to convince me to leave him for YOU of all people, truly one of the lowest men I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. He's smarter than you, funnier, more talented, a better person, better looking, more well endowed, more confident, handier, more responsible, more trustworthy, more moral...altogether a prize, thank God he forgave me for my year of utter stupidity with you. I should probably be thanking you--thanking you for helping me get my marriage back together by trying to destroy it, thank you for making me appreciate my husband by being so far inferior to him. And as inferior as I've felt to your girfriend all this time--I know I am not. I won't say I'm superior, no reason to think that despite all my previous comments. But I know I hold my own against her. I think we both know she's doesn't hold a candle to me intellectually. I mean seriously. I've seen the mindnumbing garbage she posts on her page. I'm not going to lie--she seems like a sweetheart (probably way too good for you--did I say probably? I meant definitely.) But you're not ever going to find much depth with her, let's be honest. She seems more like a child than an adult--even more of a child than you, and that's saying something.


So goodbye for now. I still check your page sometimes (frequently), but I'm starting to control myself, to understand that there is no reason for me to be looking, there's nothing there for me to see. I'll get there. And when I get there, you and your girl will probably be starting to have problems (I mean....MORE problems), as your "honeymoon" phase winds down....ah, it's gonna be great. I look forward to your desperate attempts to reopen the lines of communication. I know you'll do it (again), sooner or later. You'll have a down day, some day when you miss having me to talk to, and you'll think of coming grovelling back, begging for me to forgive you. Not gonna happen.

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You are just unbelievable. I wish I no longer cared. Why do I still miss you....why do I still expect something to happen....when I think about all that I went through for you and how you have just disappeared...it just makes me so angry...but I am proud of myself, I have proved I can stand on my two feet. Yes I did plead on and off for a month...you can't understand, you are a cold heartless little creature...

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cannot believe I wasted my time and energy on loving you, when you really weren't in it. You were just stringing me along to get what you wanted i.e. to boost your self esteem and then dump when we start on a "relationship" that you friggin pushed for. I was happy just dating and going with the flow but no you wanted to "live with me and grown old together" but that was all BS. You just wanted to feel secure.


Well I hope you will never find true happiness. Hate you, hate what you stand for and who you are, in fact now you make me want to vomit.


One day you'll see, and even now its too late. hahaha - you loss fat boy.

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I have nothing much to say to you. It has been one month and if you haven't reached out by now then I doubt you ever will. I'm done wondering why I wasn't special enough for you or blaming myself. Despite all this, I still feel discontent/angry about the way things ended, and even more so because I know I will never talk to you again. I hope in another month I will be feeling better.

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This has been a really mixed week T. I have felt very emotional, all over the place, crying a lot, yet inbetween I'm getting these periods, just a few hours at a time, when I feel my old self. I feel like this healing process is so strange. I still think about you way too much. I think I have obsessive complusive disorder or something lol!


I need to figure out how I let go. Is it really just time? I don't believe you have forgotten about me, but I'm sure you don't think about me everyday (-: I wonder if you will ever have the courage to talk to me about the things that trouble you? I mean it, I will always be there for you, if you need someone to confide in. Some people will think me mad, but I'm just me. I'm not a doormat. I would never take crap from anyone. You know that.


I do worry I will never find the right person, but that is more about me than you.


I'm rambling and must get back to work.

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