bugatti Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Why do you need to ask her to tell you that though? If she was happier with you in her life, she'd contact you. That's just my opinion. If you give yourself deadlines to contact her, you're just going to be disappointed. I disagree. For example (it's just my opinion, because it worked for me) it helped me to be disappointed. I reached out to my ex multiple times, and I was disappointed always. But it helped me, because when I met her somewhere I wasn't under stress and I was cool. But after first period of NC when I saw her (she didn't see me) I almost fell on my knees from fear and stress. Everybody is different. Somebody can go NC right after day 1, somebody needs to be disappointed and crushed multiple times. Everybody needs to find what it's good for him/her to move on Link to comment
Glen1987 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I disagree. For example (it's just my opinion, because it worked for me) it helped me to be disappointed. I reached out to my ex multiple times, and I was disappointed always. But it helped me, because when I met her somewhere I wasn't under stress and I was cool. But after first period of NC when I saw her (she didn't see me) I almost fell on my knees from fear and stress. Everybody is different. Somebody can go NC right after day 1, somebody needs to be disappointed and crushed multiple times. Everybody needs to find what it's good for him/her to move on I totally agree, and I am/was only in NC because like you say, Id tried to initiate several times and not got the responses Id wanted, and that hurt. So after a while you just have to asses what's best for you, initiate contact and feel like s**t for 24 hours, or just suck it up and get on with life. Still feels like s**t but maybe just that little bit less. That's how it was/is for me anyway. Link to comment
Glen1987 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 That makes sense, I think it's okay to talk if they contact you first and you're ready for it. Thanks man. I actually don't really feel that much today. I think I was kinda blasé and nice enough at the same time to her. Last time she initiated contact I was thinking "This is it, she wants me back", but today I don't think that. I still don't know why she reached out. It's not going to make me break my own rules on initiating contact. I know I still have feelings for her, so I won't let myself do it. Link to comment
Glen1987 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Just to add to what I've said, I do still want her back. But as many people say, it's got to come from her. She said she didn't want to talk to me if its gonna bring feelings back - so that's quite clear she's not looking for reconciliation. Link to comment
palmer14 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 That is pretty much what my ex did/said to me. She wanted to be friends because we were so close but I couldn't keep talking to her if she was just going to be a friend. So far she hasn't reached out but I think she knows that will just make it harder for me. Link to comment
Glen1987 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 That is pretty much what my ex did/said to me. She wanted to be friends because we were so close but I couldn't keep talking to her if she was just going to be a friend. So far she hasn't reached out but I think she knows that will just make it harder for me. Did you say that to her? Or did she just assume? Link to comment
Orpheus85 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Day 28. I keep going back and forth between having almost feelings of hate for her and being close to happy that we aren't together and wanting her back more than anything. Anybody else experiencing this? I think it's best to try to stick to those feelings of hate as much as I can so I don't get my hopes up. Amen. Yeah mate this is how I feel currently. I've been using the anger/hate to stay away from her. Link to comment
Orpheus85 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Day 18 NC, 6 months since break up/separation. Having a flat 24 hours I haven't Facestalked her even though I want to but I know that will upset me. I just hate how easy this has been for her. I haven't received even a late night "miss you" message the entire 6 months. She's like a boulder rolling down a mountain. She just keeps gaining momentum and nothing will stop her. I flip between hating her, missing and loving her, disbelief that we've even split up, guilt towards how I treated her towards the end of our relationship, happy that we aren't together anymore etc etc it's like a rollercoaster. I think she has a boyfriend. I know she's been dating and sleeping with people and I have a feeling she's found someone. It's just been way to easy for her to exit this marriage and her silence makes me feel like she has a "distraction". I also hate her family they have encouraged this divorce and have been in her ear. Ah well I'll get there one day. Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Wow 52 days!! Almost two months since I contacted him. I'm very proud of myself. Link to comment
palmer14 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Day 29 Every day gets a little easier, for sure. I know that whatever happens, if she comes back or never does, I am going to be okay. Pretty pumped that tomorrow is 30 days. Link to comment
sieviete Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 day 90 I still have strong feelings for her and that may never go away. Some days I'm great and some days I still get very sad and I miss her deeply. Link to comment
Orpheus85 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Day 25 NC, 6 months since break up. Wow this is the longest we've gone ever without talking in 10 years. She hasn't reached out and I don't even know if she's noticed ha ha. Feeling a lot better and more positive even if I still have the odd sad day. Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Wow tomorrow makes 60 days. Times goes by fast! Haven't heard from him which is fine. I've met some new people but I'm not interested in dating. Looking forward to moving. Link to comment
hopefulandhurt Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 day 30 today! proud of myself for making it this far - i never thought i would! I'm over 5 months out from the break up and i feel great still thinking of my ex a lot but no desire to reach out really. Link to comment
Heavy Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Nice work I'm at 30 days second time round. Feel really good about myself, a memeber on here has listened to me rant and rave endlessly via Fb msg likewise for them too so it has helped both of us. I have just booked a holiday for myself and a few friends to go to Bali for 11 days and just party, my last breakup I went away for a couple of weeks and came back refreshed and a new outlook on life this is what I need again so it is all in place Link to comment
UnluckyLove Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Day 1 NC...even though I work with her. No 'out of sight out of mind' for me, UGH! Link to comment
Orpheus85 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Day 1 NC, 6 months NC. Today I was meant to be on day 27 NC (SOOOOOO CLOSE! and last night my ex sent me an email saying "I really hope you are doing okay.". It's her second email during the NC and so I felt bad for not writing back so I caved in this afternoon. I wrote back "I really hope you are too and that things are all going good for you". Gah I'm too nice and perhaps I shouldn't have even written back but I didn't want to come accross as the bitter ex husband (ha ha even though I am). I don't even know why she contacts me. It sets me back Anyway.... I feel 27 days was good and I actually felt amazing for it. Writing back today makes me feel like sh*t. So I'm restarting and aiming for 30 days. Link to comment
palmer14 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I think today is Day 38, things are looking up. I'm doing lots of new things and made a couple of friends. I'm getting to be able to be happy without her. I still want her back, but it doesn't consume me anymore and I know that I am probably better off without her. I never expected that I could last this long or how much better I would be feeling after what feels like a short amount of time Link to comment
Orpheus85 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Well yesterday I was a little ahead of myself. Today is actually Day 1 NC, 6 months since BU. Well the ex didn't reply to my reply which doesn't surprise me. Feeling better than I did yesterday. I guess as long as I don't see a photo of her, see her in person and don't hear from her I'll be fine. I haven't looked at her FB in weeks and it's been the best thing for me. If I don't see her or hear from her I can almost get through the day without feeling like crap. Bring on the weekend Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 63 days since no contact. About 87 days days since breakup. I still think about him almost everyday and it hurts. But I definitely don't feel the same way I felt when I first came on this forum. I miss him so much. I have yet to go on a date because I'm not interested. I swim every week which has relieved so much stress. Also on a strict workout plan. Trying to be stronger and muscular. I'm focusing on moving out and putting a lot behind me. Link to comment
Hugwolf Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 First post to this thread... 5 days NC, 7 days since breakup. Last time we communicated she was livid over something I had done. The day before, she was letting me go with much guilt and love and said it was a hard decision because she was giving up the best guy to come into her life, but now I think she hates me. The past week has been absolute hell. I feel guilty for making this much worse for both of us. Anyway, posting here for a bit seems like a good idea. I'm anxiously waiting for her to return my things because I half expect her to want to talk about what happened. I'm afraid to hear what she may say. I know it will be nothing good. I guess the best possible outcome would be her saying she isn't mad- I don't know. If she doesn't reach out though, I know part of me will want to check on her and the result of that would probably set me back. Link to comment
Orpheus85 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Day 7 NC, 7 months since BU. Feeling alright. I think of her everyday but it's not as intense. I don't think those real hate thoughts to the degree I used to and I find I don't miss her as much as I was because I'm slowly starting to forget her. I still have a big fat ball of guilt and sadness though that I feel will never go away. BUT I believe I'm moving on. Link to comment
rainmistdb Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 NC 0 Hi. First time here. I guess the reason I'm here is because I've reached the critical point, where further contact with my ex is just going to hurt me. It has been 2 months since we broke up. We were together for almost 5 years. Lived together for 4. It has been really rough to say the least. We still have a few things in common that are necessary to keep for the time being, so we're probably going to have to have some sporadic contact. It's been more like getting divorced because our life has been so intertwined emotionally, financially, socially, etc. It took two weeks to just figure out where I was going to live etc. So we have had contact. We've also did some debriefing about our relationship, I told him everything I needed to say, we both apologized so I feel like this is truly the end of the road. I love him and he loves me. He messed up a lot. I did too. Sometimes, I think I want to get back together, sometimes I don't. I honestly don't know, I'm still so mired in my grief. I've never gotten together with an ex before, never wanted to, but I am not as decisive about this relationship. However, I genuinely feel like any further contact after today will just prolong the pain and will be ultimately unhealthy and I am scared that I will continue to reach out. SO, I figured I could hold myself accountable here. It's going to hurt Link to comment
bugatti Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Every time you'll think about reaching out to him just remind yourself that it will hurt you. And it will hurt only you, not him. Nothing good will come from reaching out and since you can't control this situation it's not worth of your precious time Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Just do it when you are ready. So as of now you are doing limited contact. You will truly feel better when you go completely no contact. Link to comment
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