THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Orpheus85]

Hi Guys,

 

Long time lurker but I've decided to do this properly. Here's a quick run down on where I'm at.

 

I'm a 29 year old male who was/is in a relationship for 9 years, married for less than 1. First 7 years where good but had their ups and downs. We have broken up once when I was 25 for about 6 months and then I gave things another shot at her insistence. We went overseas for a few months in 2012 and I proposed to her that October. We came back to Australia in January 2013 and we relocated to the coast. We got married in October 2013 and things fell apart between May - July 2014. I admit I'm difficult at times but who isn't really. My wife is currently 25 years old suffers from depression and she has been unemployed whilst she studied a Teaching degree for all of 2013/2014. I've never cheated on her but she has severe trust issues and has always been insecure around this. After we got engaged I commented on a female work colleagues photo saying "looking good" and that seemed to just send my wife into a spiral of jealous and mistrust despite my innocent intensions. So we got married anyway in October 2013 despite our trust issues. However due to our new found isolation due to moving, money troubles, miscarriage, a horrible old rental property, and me hating my job things went down hill extremely fast. I was depressed myself and I put up a wall around me which now I know was the worst thing to do. So in August 2014 we had a really bad week and she was accusing me of cheating (I had been working late) and I said enough is enough. I told her if things didn't get better we should divorce (I meant it as a threat) and the next day she had her parents come and pack up her things and she left for our old hometown. We had labelled it a break so we can get perspective.

 

Within 3 weeks I had a new fantastic job and I found us a new cheaper and better rental. However she came with her family whilst I was at work and collected her remaining things. I told her not to and that I was looking at reconciliation. She said that it was a little too late and that she had already given me a chance (unbeknownst to me it was apparently when we had moved to the coast), that she shouldn't have married me and that she hadn't been in love with me for 2 years. Absolutely destroyed me. I spent from September to the end of November working on myself and my negative qualities and working on how I could get her back. I did all the classic mistakes and begged etc to no effect. I then kept LC from December until Jan 2015 but was still trying to get her back. The entire time she has been cold and ignored me. I found out she has been on Tinder since September and in October she told me she had been on 2 dinner dates. The past 4 - 5 months have been the lowest of my life and I feel like I have been walking through hell. This is from a woman who appeared to be my soulmate and who I had apparently meant the world too. I've done everything possible to get her back but it was like talking to a brick wall. I have thought about her everyday since she left and it's been driving me crazy. I have never cried so much in my life. I've also never been so angry. Anyway despite that I'm still love her.

 

However things took a major turn Friday before last. I was contacting her as usual (I can usually only go 2 weeks without contacting her) and she told me she had slept with someone off Tinder. Absolutely gutted me. I spewed and cried. The next day I travelled up to our hometown to see her. I was met with coldness and her telling me how she's changed and that her family dislikes me now. She told me to "Go find someone who doesn't think you're a scumbag". She has crucified me over our difficult period back in May-July and has blamed all her negative feelings on me. I know that one day she will regret the way she's treated me but that won't be any time soon. She was also kind of smug when I saw her because obviously it's an ego boost when your ex is asking for another chance. Anyway I spent a few days in a dark place with thoughts running through my head of her having sex with a random man and essentially cuckolding me. But I woke up after that weekend very calm. I decided last Wednesday to go NC to at least 30 days but I'm aiming for 3 months if I can. Her sleeping with another man was the straw that broke the camels back I guess. I feel turned off her and disgusted at her behaviour. Ironically it was her in the end who started sleeping with other people even though it was her who had the trust issues. So I actually feel a bit better. I think I'm moving on finally now after hearing that news. I actually don't feel sad about her and don't want another chance. She emailed me on Friday to get the password for my link removed account so she could get the work off it that she had done on her own family tree, SO I had to break NC but I've restarted and I'm on day 3. It still hurts but oddly not as much. I don't care what she does with her life now and she can go off and be with as many men as she likes. I'm over it. I've tried for 5 - 6 months to get her back and have gotten absolutely nothing in return. I may feel like relapsing so I joined the board finally and I'm going to do it properly. Stuff her

[Natmendez]

Oh brother it appears you're in a similar boat to me. Music does soothe the soul. I recommend the following songs to you mate. I've pretty much had the following on repeat this fortnight.

 

What goes around comes around - Justin Timberlake

Cry me a river - Justin Timberlake

Apologize - Onerepublic

Remember 2 forget - Murs

F*ck it- Eamon

Same damn life - Seether

Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5

F*ck You - Ceelo Green

Gives you hell - All American Rejects

 

Thanks for the playlist. I'll give em a listen.

[Natmendez]

That sounded rough man!! SMH! I hope you're really done with contacting her any further. She doesn't deserve your attention after treating you so harshly after you guys broke up. When times get tough just know that other people have been where you are. They have been able to overcome this low point in there life and so can you. There's another thread within this site about things you would say to your ex. It's a good outlet to use, so you can avoid contacting her. Keep up the no contact and do what you need to do for you. It's time to find your happiness. -N

[Heavy]

6 days NC for me with my ex second time round. I have not even been thinking of her, I had my 2 boys (no kids with my ex) over the weekend and we went to the beach had a ball playing in the ocean fish and chips on the beach and me checking out the cute chickies running around in not much. Wow I had not been to the beach in ages and the girls that hang out there man why did I not go there more????

 

Well one girl had a dog that ran away from her and came running my way, well I bailed him up, gave him a pat and grabed his lead. I walked the dog back to her where I had a bit of a conversation with her and found out that she comes down all the time. I said bye and my brother who was with me asked if I got her number... I said "no". He told me she was into me by the way her body langauge, eye contact and the smiling. Me thinks I will be heading back to this beach a little more to see if there is in fact something with this one as she was stunning

[Natmendez]

Still miss you and all that Other s***. Wondering if I'll ever here from you. It's 8 am and I tempted to uncork a bottle of my fancy $5 wine.

[palmer14]

Day 14

Almost halfway there! Missing her slightly less and less and each day I feel more in control of the situation. If she ever decides she wants to be with me again, then great. If not, then I think I'm going to be okay

[Brokenhart84]

I'm not sure what day it is but it's pass 30. The fact that I didn't hear from him only bday has put closure on this story. I'm feeling a lot better. I've decided to move, I'll probably live closer to him but that's not something he would know.

[Natmendez]

I had a dream about her last night. Well I guess it wasn't a dream because it was about her hooking up with other people and kicking me to the curb. I woke up feeling so hurt and meaningless. I can't stop thinking about how she's been hooking up with someone since our breakup 2 months ago. Why? How can you do that so soon? It's like I meant nothing to you. It feels like day 0.

[Brokenhart84]

It really does get better! I haven't cried for the week. 38 days my goodness!

[palmer14]

Day 15.

Halfway there, feeling slightly better every single day. I still miss her and the good times, but things are a little more clear as to why it ended. This feeling of missing her is better than what she was making me feel the last month of the relationship. She really was such an amazing person, and whether or not we end up back together someday, just have to remember that this is for the best.

[Glen1987]

Good thread!

I'm on day 17. I had got to about 2 weeks previously but then she messaged me and like an idiot I replied. To be honest I felt great after and thought maybe it was a sign that she was thinking of me romantically, but sadly I've not heard from her since. I didn't really engage in the text message conversation though, maybe that's why.

Anyway, it still hurts like hell.

[palmer14]

Good thread!

I'm on day 17. I had got to about 2 weeks previously but then she messaged me and like an idiot I replied. To be honest I felt great after and thought maybe it was a sign that she was thinking of me romantically, but sadly I've not heard from her since. I didn't really engage in the text message conversation though, maybe that's why.

Anyway, it still hurts like hell.

That's what I'm worried about. If she does ever message me I know I won't be able to just ignore her

[Orpheus85]

Day 5 NC. 6 months since she left...

 

I still think about her all throughout the day and I hope that stops soon. I wish I could get amnesia. I try not think about her and the fact she's out there trawling to find another man. It kills me deep down that she hasn't attempted to reconcile or give our marriage another go considering we've been together a decade and I was her supposed soulmate. I'm trying to move on Just been trying to get through each day and distracting myself. I actually wish for/can't wait for the day she contacts me (which won't be any time soon, if ever to say she regrets everything and that she's made a huge mistake. Only so I can tell her it's too late now and I wouldn't take her back after what she's put me through the past 6 months and how she's essentially treated me like a stranger and so eager to sleep with other men. She acts repulsed by me. Killer!

[palmer14]

Day 16

 

Feeling better, one of the best days so far. I know I have to move on as much as I can and improve myself if I want to get her back. Still not sure if I am going to try to start talking to her after the 30 days are up or if I should wait longer.

[Natmendez]

Found out she has been lying to me since our BU two months ago. She slept with a coworker 2 days after we broke up and has been ever since. We tried working things out twice since the BU, but the first time I called her out on texting him so much and she didn't like that. I was being my old insecure self and she said they were just friends and nothing happened with them. Well we had a huge fight and it didn't work out. She made me feel like I was crazy and I was the one causing problems. I found out everything she had been lying to me about through iCloud. They've been having a sexual relationship rhis whole time. Also she lives with him. After our lease was up she moved in with him, but stated she slept on the couch and he was again just a friend. I feel so betrayed. I feel so hurt. I'm infuriated. How could someone who supposedly loves you did this? She made up elaborate lies to not get caught. I feel cheated and miserable.

[Heavy]

Day I don't know anymore second time round. Feeling a bit anxtious today as I have a feeling something is going to come up again. Thing is am I strong enough to not respond this time and just leave the past as the past. I have also pushed her brother who is one of my best friends out of my life and have not heard from him or me contact him for a week now. Feels weird not having the 2 most importnat people who where in my life not there. But hey I'm breathing, the sun is glowing and it's another day under my belt.

 

Natmendez,

Sorry to heat that you found out the truth, don't you just wish instead of the sugar coating BS they tell you that they just say it out at the start. It hurts more when it all comes out, but I knew about my situation.

[Brokenhart84]

Even a bigger reason for you to move on. No one deserves this type of treatment.

[Brokenhart84]

Good for you! Keep it up. It gets better. I really don't miss my ex that much. Mind you, last Friday I felt different. No urge to call him. Life truly goes on! Have Faith ;-)

[Natmendez]

Talked to her for about an hour on the phone. Questioned her about everything. Of course I can't really believe anything she says so I'm left with only wondering about stuff. There was hope that one day we'd be together again, but when I found everything she has been lying about it was shot to s***. I loved her so much and was willing to go above and beyond to prove I could change and be a better person. Now I'm left feeling angry and empty. The sad part is is that I still love her and would want to be with her, but I'd never be able to look past all the lies and betrayl that shes committed. Man O man does this suck. I feel heartbroken all over again.

[palmer14]

Day 17.

I only really feel terrible in the mornings and at night. I miss her, but I don't miss how she was the last month we were together. I don't understand what I really did wrong to make her not want to be with me, I would have done anything to make it work out but it is almost like she had given up on it. I need to let her go and make myself happy without her. I keep wondering what she's doing, and if she really is happier without me.

[palmer14]

Just went on Facebook for the first time in a while, and saw a picture of her. I think even just seeing her sent me back to about Day 5 mentally haha. Deactivated my account right after that.

[Glen1987]

Just went on Facebook for the first time in a while, and saw a picture of her. I think even just seeing her sent me back to about Day 5 mentally haha. Deactivated my account right after that.

 

That's the biggest mistake you can do man. I was doing ok last week, then I saw some pictures of my ex on the weekend and went backwards. I haven't looked at her page now for 4 days, and I feel better for it.

I hate to admit I texted her last night. Just a quick back and forth about something trivial. I felt I needed to do it because the last time we spoke I was quite short with her and that's not like me. NC is good, but I'd never ignore someone who texted me, or be short with them just "coz that's what you're meant to do", I just thought even if I never speak to you again, I want the last thing we said to each other to be something normal, no games, just me being myself. And that's it. Do I think she'll get back in touch with me now? No I doubt it, our texts ended last night, she could have continued it if she was interested. Maybe in a few months, but I accept that it's in the past now. It's been 5 weeks since the break up. So back to day 0!

[palmer14]

Yeah I have been staying away from her page but it was just something that kind of popped up and I wasn't expecting it. I know what you mean about wanting to talk to her one last time, I'm surprised I haven't reached out to her yet. But I would definitely reply if she got in contact with me, but I doubt she will.

[Heavy]

Yeah I have been staying away from her page but it was just something that kind of popped up and I wasn't expecting it. I know what you mean about wanting to talk to her one last time, I'm surprised I haven't reached out to her yet. But I would definitely reply if she got in contact with me, but I doubt she will.

 

Best thing you can do is any mutual friends you have just unfollow them on social media (not delete) this waht she will not pop up on your new feeds by mistake. My best friend is my ex's brother so I had to do that as she tags him in heaps and it was coming up in mine all the time. For the first time in ages I have not even thought of her at all so unfollowing has helped me big time.

 

If she was to contact me I'm not one to ignore but this time round the replies from me will be short and to the point. You are doing well keep it up, if you need to vent pm me to get it off your chest

[palmer14]

Best thing you can do is any mutual friends you have just unfollow them on social media (not delete) this waht she will not pop up on your new feeds by mistake. My best friend is my ex's brother so I had to do that as she tags him in heaps and it was coming up in mine all the time. For the first time in ages I have not even thought of her at all so unfollowing has helped me big time.

 

If she was to contact me I'm not one to ignore but this time round the replies from me will be short and to the point. You are doing well keep it up, if you need to vent pm me to get it off your chest

 

I ended up just deactivating my account just to really make sure I wouldn't see anything. But thanks man! I have been doing better and keeping her out of my head a lot more than I would have expected myself to be so far.