THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Heavy]

I ended up just deactivating my account just to really make sure I wouldn't see anything. But thanks man! I have been doing better and keeping her out of my head a lot more than I would have expected myself to be so far.

 

It takes time but it does get better. Some days there is nothing others days it all comes back. Find a hobby or something that you used to do before you meet her. Get out, into the sun helps heaps (beach) that is where I have been hitting, got a wicked tan at the moment and my friends have noticed I'm so much more happier. I have been posting again on FB, tonight being Friday here in Australia already going out with a few friends as we all have hotted up cars for a cruise then Saturday (Valentines day) myself and another group of mates are going out for the day then hit the town for the night for a few drinks. Sunday will be xbox day and catch up on stuff around the house before heading out with another group of cars for a meet.

 

I have also been getting up at 4am every morning and hitting the gym, been feeling good about myself confidence is back, smile is back, when and if my ex ever sees me again she will get the shock of her life at the transformation of me

[Orpheus85]

Day 7 NC. BU 6 months ago.

 

I have been feeling angry towards her for a few days now but I think it's due to Valentine's Day approaching. I'm so angry she has been intimate with someone else. That someone else saw her naked etc. That she enjoyed it. My heart continues to ache. I was thinking some pretty depressing things last night ha ha such as I hope she gets fat(ter), unhealthy & uglier as she ages, struggles to find a relationship (She'll be 26 when we finalize the divorce) and if she does - has to settle for some loser gronk because she's desperate for a baby, that she always struggles to find full-time employment and generally that her life never improves ha ha bad I know but she's made me so angry!!!I want her to have a crappy life. I feel so rejected and she has not given a Sh*t about leaving me. I think she thinks our whole relationship/marriage was dream. I do feel guilty though and I find myself wishing I had treated her better before she left. I wish I had been stronger at the time but her leaving for good was the last thing I would have guessed would have happened.

 

I feel hopeless with my own life too. I feel like becoming a recluse (pretty much turned into one anyway) and giving up on women. They all leave in the end and there's no loyalty anymore. I feel that women are just one giant headf**k and will stay with a man as long as it's good for them or until they find someone better. I couldn't go through this again. I feel like I'm starting to hate the idea of ever being in a relationship again and I feel like having nothing to do with women ever again. I'm trying not to be so bitter but it's just these thoughts keep creeping in my head. I'm 30 years old in a few months and just feel there's no point doing it all again. I don't think I could marry again and have now been turned off the idea of even having children. It's safer to just live the rest of my days out alone and just focus on work. I think if I ever do get into a relationship (we all need sex) that I would just keep that person at arms length so that when they eventually do up and leave it doesn't hurt so much. I think if I just secretly assume they're gonna lie, cheat and leave then I will be prepared to let them go and it won't hurt. I never thought my wife would leave me and if she can, any woman could. Sorry to be so depressing but I think I hit that depressing "I hate women" stage I'm hoping it's a temporary feeling and it goes away. Otherwise I will get my wish and end up a lonely bitter man.

 

I feel like dropping off the face of the planet

[palmer14]

I have been finding new things I like to do, and spending more time with my friends like you said. The gym is the next step eventually haha.

[Natmendez]

I didn’t do anything to you bad enough to have deserved this. You probably didn’t know it, but I did hold you in high regard. You were the best girlfriend I had up to that point. Yes, I had issues, but in the end I was right about you. You’re more than capable of doing the same stuff they did. I’ll never look at you the same. I’ll never respect you. You’re integrity has all gone to . I never what to touch you or hold you again. I never want to be your friend. I never want to cook enchiladas for you. I never want make love to you. I never want to tell how beautiful you are. I never want to take a bath with you. I never want to share a life with you. I never what you to have my kids. I don’t want to love you anymore. You don’t deserve it.

 

This is what I want to say to her. So hard not to send it.

[palmer14]

Day 18

 

Each day is a little bit better, but I just really, really miss her today.

[Brokenhart84]

Day 18

 

Each day is a little bit better, but I just really, really miss her today.

 

It gets better .

[Brokenhart84]

It's 42 days. Wow. I was a bit sad yesterday when I saw two gentlemen reading valentines day cards for their girlfriends/wife. I will not be leaving my apartment today. I just don't want to see the cards, flowers etc.

 

I'm not sure I want to be with him. However, I would like to talk to him.

[palmer14]

Day 19.

Valentines Day, I'm just thankful that this day was never really a big deal for her when we were together, so it is mostly just another day. Spent a lot of time today wondering if seeing people celebrate made her miss us at all, but I know it probably doesn't. I miss her but I have to stick with this. The worst part is not knowing if she regrets anything at all or is having second thoughts, or if she is totally fine with everything, but it will get better.

[palmer14]

Day 20.

A month and a half ago I could never have even imagined not talking to her for this long. But now the urge to talk to her is almost gone, and I can see why no contact really helps. If I tried to be friends with her and kept talking to her I never would have started to get better. I still want her back, but I know the only chance I have at that is to move on and be happy without her.

[Nope09]

I dont know what day I'm on I stopped counting at 30 but yesterday was vday and it was awesome I went out with a friend and it was fun this morning I woke up not thinking about my ex at all then I get an email from one of my girls I'm virtually training in fitness I just so happened to look at my filter folders and saw a message from him that said happy vday....yeah I didnt respond lol not ready to plus I like feeling in power and having him wonder when and why I fell off the face of the earth I have a date this week though and I'm excited about that..good luck folks no contact is for you to pick up the pieces and begin to get your life together

[shamyprecious]

I would like to say I had 48 days of NC during my break up before me and my ex worked things out. I felt like it was the only way to get over him. I still had him on one social network which was face book.. But the No contact was worth it he messaged me first and back to me wanting me so badly after he dumped me out his life. It took time for him to realize NC works.. but even if we didn't get back with me and I kept NC going I still would of been better off in the end, cutting off communication is the best thing you can ever do for yourself.. you feel GREAT! keep up the good work everyone

[Glen1987]

I would like to say I had 48 days of NC during my break up before me and my ex worked things out. I felt like it was the only way to get over him. I still had him on one social network which was face book.. But the No contact was worth it he messaged me first and back to me wanting me so badly after he dumped me out his life. It took time for him to realize NC works.. but even if we didn't get back with me and I kept NC going I still would of been better off in the end, cutting off communication is the best thing you can ever do for yourself.. you feel GREAT! keep up the good work everyone

 

I love reading stuff like this, well done you. I am off work this week and so I suppose I'm thinking about her more during the day as we'd probably have spent this week together. I still really really want her back more than anything, but it has to be NC for me now. I've bought books on how to get over a break up etc to read this week. I just hope I feel better soon.

[bugatti]

It is 6 weeks from last contact with her. I was doing really good and I started to enjoy my single life. I thought that my emotions are stable. But. I found some paperworks with her handwriting today and I broke down in tears.

 

I keep going, because it gets better. I just feel stupid about what happened. Silly paper with her handwriting can create so big mess... Just venting, thanks for reading.

[palmer14]

Day 21.

Missing her a lot today but I have to stick with this and I know I can. I wonder if she is thinking about me at all or if she is completely happy without me. That's the worst part.

[palmer14]

It is 6 weeks from last contact with her. I was doing really good and I started to enjoy my single life. I thought that my emotions are stable. But. I found some paperworks with her handwriting today and I broke down in tears.

 

I keep going, because it gets better. I just feel stupid about what happened. Silly paper with her handwriting can create so big mess... Just venting, thanks for reading.

 

It sucks that the littlest things mean the most sometimes. Seeing one thing can really just set me off.

[bugatti]

I wonder if she is thinking about me at all or if she is completely happy without me. That's the worst part.

 

She is probably busy with life without you. Please, be busy, too. Don't let thoughts like this control you! I sometimes think about this too, but as there is no 100% answer, it doesn't make sense to think about it. Try to think about things which she loved about you and focus on these...

 

It sucks that the littlest things mean the most sometimes. Seeing one thing can really just set me off.

 

Yeah, you're right. But it's weird, because I can see photos with her and I'm okay with that. But stupid piece of paper with her handwriting will remind tons of memories.

[palmer14]

She is probably busy with life without you. Please, be busy, too. Don't let thoughts like this control you! I sometimes think about this too, but as there is no 100% answer, it doesn't make sense to think about it. Try to think about things which she loved about you and focus on these...

 

 

 

Yeah, you're right. But it's weird, because I can see photos with her and I'm okay with that. But stupid piece of paper with her handwriting will remind tons of memories.

 

Photos were what really got me, seeing her face really set me back, and I made sure I put everything that would remind me of her away where I can't see. She is definitely busy without me, and I am trying to stay busy. I am trying to just make myself a more well rounded person and fix the flaws I had in the relationship.

[bkelly89]

Not sure if anyone can join this whenever they want, but I saw it pop up, so I thought I would try. I posted a thread earlier today and received a bit of feedback, the biggest was letting go and allowing him to have space. Our situation was difficult and I definitely have not been handling it well, the way things have gone down. So I guess I will give this 30 day thing ago... I'm almost certain it will be a total fail. I'll count tomorrow as day 1 though... since I did reach out to him earlier today just to say hey and check in and see how things were going... I didn't receive a response, but we did talk over the weekend. He works in racing and was in Daytona for the first weekend of the season, so I just wanted to wish them luck & we small talked a bit back and forth. But more often than not I reach out and hear nothing or he is really short and makes me feel like i'm annoying him. Since things fell apart, he had said we could be friends, and I continuously tried to reach out to him, text, email, and try to talk over what happened and if I could fix it and have another chance. I suffer from trust and insecurity issues and ultimately he threw in the towel because he was fed up with it. We have a long distance bit of a weird relationship going on, so our real contact has always been through the phone and text, so I'm struggling with not talking to him since we did everyday almost all day. Anyway, I'll give this a try. I hope I'm strong enough. I doubt it. It hurts, I miss him & the way things were, I just want another chance to prove I am strong enough to work through my issues and make us work. Here goes nothing.

[Brokenhart84]

You have to realize that we all have been through this. He is being short with you and is annoyed because he no longer wants to hear from you and he is no longer a part of your life. It doesn't matter how much you show that you care or that you will change. He does not want to hear it! Do you think he wants to know how you are doing? The best thing you could do is remove yourself from his life.

 

Trust and believe that you are strong enough to get through this. Your life does not surround around each other. Don't defeat yourself and say that you can't. Start focusing on goals and creating an amazing life for YOURSELF. He is not the only great guy out there.

[bkelly89]

You have to realize that we all have been through this. He is being short with you and is annoyed because he no longer wants to hear from you and he is no longer a part of your life. It doesn't matter how much you show that you care or that you will change. He does not want to hear it! Do you think he wants to know how you are doing? The best thing you could do is remove yourself from his life.

 

Trust and believe that you are strong enough to get through this. Your life does not surround around each other. Don't defeat yourself and say that you can't. Start focusing on goals and creating an amazing life for YOURSELF. He is not the only great guy out there.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I know many people have been through this. I've had a difficult past with relationships and was on this forum probably about 4 years ago with issues with a guy. I tried to do the no contact and failed miserably. It was a long road but finally I did what I needed to do and removed the guy from my life. In that instance, he was extremely unhealthy for me. I can't say that is the case this time, but my past obviously still has a very strong hold on me and led me to make mistakes that my current guy did not want to deal with and he threw in the towel. He was the first guy I let myself open up to and feel something for in a very long time after what I went through in the past; I know that is partly the reason why I am struggling so hard with letting go. But like you said, I have to trust and believe I am strong enough. One day, or even one moment at a time is how I must take it. Leave it to my luck that after I decided to have no contact he sent me a picture on Snap. I opened it but was strong and did not reply... I've got to start somewhere I suppose.

 

Reading the rule of no contact, I hope I won't be dumb by posting everyday or at least close to everyday in the forum about what I'm thinking and feeling as i go through the no contact.... But that's the plan and hopefully the support of just writing my thoughts and feelings down, and other people maybe taking part in no contact will be part of the strength and encouragement I need.

[palmer14]

I think today is Day 23. My feelings haven't changed much in the past 5 days or so. Today I am just really confused at to why it seems like I don't mean anything to her after all of the things she has told me before, and all of the time we spent together. I don't know what made you to start acting differently. I am getting to the point where I know in time I will be better, and I am not sure if I really truly want her back or not.

[Brokenhart84]

I do miss him today 46 days. Time does go by. Sometimes I can't believe we are not together.

[bkelly89]

So I decided to take part in No Contact Monday evening, so yesterday was my first official day. I've managed to hold to no contact... however I can't say the same for him. He sent me a few pictures over Snap Chat and text me twice between Monday night & yesterday, but they weren't actual texts, they were just sending me two funny picture things. It makes it difficult; I opened the texts & his snap chats but didn't respond. I know I am trying to be strong and not respond, but its hard when he reaches out. He never reaches out to actually talk, it's usually been a snap or a funny text over the last months since November when things started falling apart. I feel like when I would reach out to talk it's like i would be annoying him, even though he said he wanted to stay friends. But then he does go and send me pictures from time to time, so there is that stupid part of me that has hope like: hey look he thought of me. Obviously I still have feelings for him, I don't want to do more damage by not responding. I had a really rough day; my grandfather's wife, who has been a part of our family for close to 14 years now went into the hospital last night with the final stages of congestive heart failure and it's not looking good. I'm hurting and my heart is breaking. I was in the hospital visiting her today and my mind was busy, but underneath it all I was just thinking about him and wanting to reach out to him and tell him what's going on and just have him be there. But ever since things got screwed up and he threw in the towel there has been this distance and weirdness between us. I'm trying to stick to my no contact and not reach out, but going through something hard right when I decide to start the no contact is definitely testing my strength. Also, he works in racing and is in Daytona. They have the duels tomorrow night and the big race coming up on Sunday; i know already that is going to be tough for me because we were always in constant contact when he was away with the race team and what was going on with him and them and my always wishing them luck. Again, I just want to have hope that we can at least form a real friendship again, or maybe I'll have a chance in the future one day, so I worry that no contact or not at least wishing him and the team good luck will do more damage. Like I don't care or am not thinking of him anymore, which is definitely not the case. Blah, I don't know.

[Orpheus85]

Day 13 NC, 6 months since break up.

 

My previous record with NC is 15 days and I feel like I'm in a place where I can actually go through to 30 days minimum. Last Friday my Ex girlfriend from when I was 20 years old sent me a picture of my wife having dinner with another man after she had spotted them. It hurt me but I think I'm moving on because I didn't react. I didn't break contact even though I wanted to. Anyway I think my wife has noticed a change in the wind (I'm usually contacting her every fortnight/week to talk and work things out, but not now). She sent me a pointless "hope you're ok" email 2 nights ago which I haven't replied too. I think she thinks I'm a safety net for her. But telling me you've been with other men and having people spot her out and about with another man has absolutely killed that. I'm curious to see what happens once she notices I'm ignoring her. She's too used to me being in the palm of her hand and probably still thinks I'm still here pining after her. I think her email was to "keep her finger in the pie" so to speak.

[palmer14]

Day 24

One of the things I have learned the most from this, is to never think that you are getting better. I thought I was doing okay, and was surprised at how happy I felt sometimes. Then the last 2 days have just been constant waves of anxiety and sadness. I will come out of this stronger, and happy without her.