bkelly89

So I decided to take part in No Contact Monday evening, so yesterday was my first official day. I've managed to hold to no contact... however I can't say the same for him. He sent me a few pictures over Snap Chat and text me twice between Monday night & yesterday, but they weren't actual texts, they were just sending me two funny picture things. It makes it difficult; I opened the texts & his snap chats but didn't respond. I know I am trying to be strong and not respond, but its hard when he reaches out. He never reaches out to actually talk, it's usually been a snap or a funny text over the last months since November when things started falling apart. I feel like when I would reach out to talk it's like i would be annoying him, even though he said he wanted to stay friends. But then he does go and send me pictures from time to time, so there is that stupid part of me that has hope like: hey look he thought of me. Obviously I still have feelings for him, I don't want to do more damage by not responding. I had a really rough day; my grandfather's wife, who has been a part of our family for close to 14 years now went into the hospital last night with the final stages of congestive heart failure and it's not looking good. I'm hurting and my heart is breaking. I was in the hospital visiting her today and my mind was busy, but underneath it all I was just thinking about him and wanting to reach out to him and tell him what's going on and just have him be there. But ever since things got screwed up and he threw in the towel there has been this distance and weirdness between us. I'm trying to stick to my no contact and not reach out, but going through something hard right when I decide to start the no contact is definitely testing my strength. Also, he works in racing and is in Daytona. They have the duels tomorrow night and the big race coming up on Sunday; i know already that is going to be tough for me because we were always in constant contact when he was away with the race team and what was going on with him and them and my always wishing them luck. Again, I just want to have hope that we can at least form a real friendship again, or maybe I'll have a chance in the future one day, so I worry that no contact or not at least wishing him and the team good luck will do more damage. Like I don't care or am not thinking of him anymore, which is definitely not the case. Blah, I don't know.

Thanks for the encouragement. I know many people have been through this. I've had a difficult past with relationships and was on this forum probably about 4 years ago with issues with a guy. I tried to do the no contact and failed miserably. It was a long road but finally I did what I needed to do and removed the guy from my life. In that instance, he was extremely unhealthy for me. I can't say that is the case this time, but my past obviously still has a very strong hold on me and led me to make mistakes that my current guy did not want to deal with and he threw in the towel. He was the first guy I let myself open up to and feel something for in a very long time after what I went through in the past; I know that is partly the reason why I am struggling so hard with letting go. But like you said, I have to trust and believe I am strong enough. One day, or even one moment at a time is how I must take it. Leave it to my luck that after I decided to have no contact he sent me a picture on Snap. I opened it but was strong and did not reply... I've got to start somewhere I suppose. Reading the rule of no contact, I hope I won't be dumb by posting everyday or at least close to everyday in the forum about what I'm thinking and feeling as i go through the no contact.... But that's the plan and hopefully the support of just writing my thoughts and feelings down, and other people maybe taking part in no contact will be part of the strength and encouragement I need.

Not sure if anyone can join this whenever they want, but I saw it pop up, so I thought I would try. I posted a thread earlier today and received a bit of feedback, the biggest was letting go and allowing him to have space. Our situation was difficult and I definitely have not been handling it well, the way things have gone down. So I guess I will give this 30 day thing ago... I'm almost certain it will be a total fail. I'll count tomorrow as day 1 though... since I did reach out to him earlier today just to say hey and check in and see how things were going... I didn't receive a response, but we did talk over the weekend. He works in racing and was in Daytona for the first weekend of the season, so I just wanted to wish them luck & we small talked a bit back and forth. But more often than not I reach out and hear nothing or he is really short and makes me feel like i'm annoying him. Since things fell apart, he had said we could be friends, and I continuously tried to reach out to him, text, email, and try to talk over what happened and if I could fix it and have another chance. I suffer from trust and insecurity issues and ultimately he threw in the towel because he was fed up with it. We have a long distance bit of a weird relationship going on, so our real contact has always been through the phone and text, so I'm struggling with not talking to him since we did everyday almost all day. Anyway, I'll give this a try. I hope I'm strong enough. I doubt it. It hurts, I miss him & the way things were, I just want another chance to prove I am strong enough to work through my issues and make us work. Here goes nothing.