THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Zickack]

I started No Contact on my own before I found this site, so please forgive me for not starting on Day 1 for my posts.

 

Day 11.

I'm a third of the way through and it's getting a little easier day by day. It's still rough on me but I feel ever so confident that this is the right thing. "You've never waited during another guy" she said, and part of me thinks this is maybe a test. I know that sounds cruel but I honestly deserve it after what I did. The music I've been writing has been coming along well, and the hurt just makes it easier to write. In the end it'll be okay, I still feel like you'll be back in my arms eventually.

[INxJ]

Day 13

 

I hate having to think about you every day. When will this stop?

[AmelieM]

Day 9

 

Yesterday, I was not doing so well. I watched a tear-jerker movie that so reminded me of us, and like us, the characters did not end up together. Though at the end of their lives they were both filled with regret. Spent most of the day sobbing - lowest point since the breakup.

 

Today I am better. Seems I come up with a new coping strategy every day. Right now, I am telling myself, "If he is the person you fell in love with, things will work themselves out in the end. However if he is not, and he is instead the man you sometimes feared he was, and the man that ultimately left you, you are better off without him anyway."

[INxJ]

Day 14

 

Started watching Parenthood where we left off. It was painful to watch Kristina be upset at Adam and him trying to placate her. Sometimes I don't know why I do that to myself.

[INxJ]

Day 14.5

 

I'm going to stop counting the days of NC. There's no point to it anymore. I'm not going to contact you and I don't you're going to contact me either, because I know you're just as stubborn as I am. If you do decide to contact me, I'll listen to what you have to say and we can take it from there, but I don't think that day will ever come.

[Zickack]

Day 13

 

Things are starting to look up for me. I'm staying super busy with my work, music, and writing. I've almost made it to the halfway point too. I feel proud of myself.

[AmelieM]

Day 12

 

This is the first good day I've had in a while. Well, maybe good is a bit strong. But today I am feeling okay. I know it may be fleeting, and I don't want to beat myself up if I have more bad days because healing is a process and it ebbs and flows. But I'm focusing on the present, and at present, I feel okay. Maybe even a tiny bit optimistic. I feel like I have some bright things coming in my future. I am going to stay busy and keep my life full - for myself.

[Lkut8]

Today is Day 5 for me... Any advice on how to get through this awful feeling?

[Graysfan]

Day 14. but only 12 days since i saw you with the girl i had doubts about all along. I don't know if this means you are with her but it all makes sense now. The reason you broke up with me is because 'we don't have the same sense of humour and nothing in common.' and you clearly do with her. So even with everything we had you find the fact that I am not as witty as you more important than all the love and support?? You didn't tell me so that we could work on it together and if you wanna give away everything that we had then i hope you regret it at some point. I am successful, beautiful, caring, supportive, independent, positive and warm. If you want to throw that all away then I hate you for it. I cannot believe you have thrown away everything. And I just know you are fine. I hope karma does its job p****.

[Zickack]

Day 17

 

Today I woke up with an epiphany. This in a way is the universe's way of telling me what comes around goes around. When all you wanted was to get me back, I was clouded by what was in front of me. That of course turned out to be nothing but smoke. In some sort of twisted way it made me feel better, like it gives me a way to explain why this is happening. I spent the whole day hanging out with people, reading, and writing music so I didn't have much time to dwell on things. 13 days till 1 month. I hear the third week is always the hardest, so I guess it's time to strap in.

[Zickack]

Day 22

 

I survived the third week. Which as I've said before is the hardest. It wasn't too bad. I've been really busy with a bunch of stuff going on in my life. I've been transferred to another store to be a manager. It's been silly so far because the level of business they have is so much lower than what I'm used to. Of course I thought of you because the appliances with SPG on them, cause we met at the Sheraton with our SPG program. But more so I just thought it would make you chuckle. Nothing too deep. This week so far has a lot of those moments. I watched the story arc in How I Met Your Mother where Marshall and Lilly broke up. It hit home, but in a pretty good way. I'm excited to see what challenges this new store has for me though. I'm also excited to be getting off at 11 instead of 4 in the morning.

[foreverlost15]

Cocobutter- can you please read my post and comment? its very long but after reading your thread about staying in contact for 1.5 years sounds soooo familiar to what i am going through now... I need all the help i can get

[Zickack]

Day 29.

 

Almost there. I went to go see my dad today and he told me I looked good. Happier, healthier. He was happy to hear how good I was doing. I guess I haven't noticed it physically, But I've definitely felt it.

[DexterM]

Day 10.

 

It's a new record for me. I have never gone more than 6 days before messing up. I definitely feel better. A lot better physically as well. I don't know if you are ever going to contact me since you have someone in your life and to be honest, I wish you don't. You have hurt me far too much, at a time, I needed you the most and you have shown no remorse at all.

 

It is super hard to forget you but I know it is the right thing to do and I will do my best to do it.

[blanco]

Day 1

 

About four months to the day since I left and kicked off this bizarre, challenging period in my life. Things had been rocky for a long time, and we'd had many false breakups or near breakups. This felt different, even though I never ruled out reconciliation. I mostly felt guilt for giving up on the three-year relationship, and leaving her to raise her two young children alone for the first time in her life. I stayed present after, helping with the transition. Thing is, she moved on a lot faster than I did. She's been dating someone else for two months, while I've not even been on a date. I just hadn't been ready. I needed to focus on reclaiming who I am. Who I was.

 

I initiated NC on my 30th birthday seven weeks ago. That lasted a whopping nine days, easily the longest we'd gone with no communication. But I drove by her place nearly every day, checking to see if the new guy's car was there. So in short, it wasn't really NC. After putting off NC for seven weeks, I've accepted that I won't feel healed until I remove myself from her life entirely. Maybe not forever, but certainly for now. I can't keep torturing myself with her new-found relationship with a guy who has all the makings of a rebound. In fact, it feels like this is a double rebound, since he has just finalized his divorce.

 

So here it is. I gave her the NC letter a few hours ago. Now it's time for the hard part. No communication. No checking online. No driving by her place. Not thinking too much of her dear children wondering where I've gone or when they will see me again.

 

It's time to focus on me and accept that the last three years of my life was just a phase. An important one, but not one to keep holding on to. It's served its purpose. And now it's time to grow from it.

[praisechange]

I accept the No Contact Challenge.

 

This has actually been Day 7. I have cried a lot, read his letter over and over to make sure I understand every word and every line. However, nothing new have I found other than what I already know.

 

He is stressed with his life, he needs a break and some space to man up and handle them all.

 

My question is whether when he is ready, am I THE WOMAN he would seek out the first? Am I still going to be the lucky girl, who gets his good morning and good nights, who gets to celebrate his success in professional development, and who get to offer arms for him to rest in when he is tired and needs comforting?

 

I want to be that person. I really do. But I am not going to be there unless he wants me as his significant other and I cannot make it happen on my own. It takes 2 to tango.

[blanco]

Day 2

 

Bit of an odd start to this NC thing. About an hour after I posted my Day 1 updated, she texted asking for clarification regarding the letter I gave her. I felt it was really succinct and clear as to how I was feeling (i.e. I thought I could handle remaining around, but I know now I was wrong). Sounds like she doesn't get that it means I also can't see the kids for a while. I didn't acknowledge that part, because in the same text, she told me she had been in a car accident right after I saw her. Everyone was OK and she was not at fault, but it was still obviously a scary thing.

 

I haven't communicated with her since. I would think she will follow up on her clarification request since I didn't respond to that, but who knows. I just need to be away from it all, as much as it hurts. It hurts more to be around. I woke up in the middle of night, my throat on fire, my body week, and my nose stuffed up. It was almost as if my body was saying, "I can't handle the emotional stress you've put me through the last two months." I know I'll still care, but in my hazy state, I remember thinking, "I just don't care about this anymore. I want it to be done with."

[hopelessincan]

Day 1. Almost 24 hours. I need to let you go. I need to leave you alone. I thought we could do it. You couldn't say it, but your actions did. Everyone saw it. I said it, yet my actions proved otherwise. Funny. And I'm the heartbroken one. My insecurities at work I guess. I suspect if you don't come back, that'll you'll be the one who got away. I couldn't get my crap together and trust in us.....But neither could you. No wonder we fought.

 

I don't want to talk to anyone either, and their constant checking in messages aren't helping me. They are making me feel worse.

I'm so sick over all this. What happened yesterday? That was so messed up.

 

You made me want to be a better person. You brought out that part of me that has been hidden for so long. You brought me back to life. But you'll never know. You never knew me before.

 

We've been through this before....let this time be the time we figure it out. Please. I cant handle the heartache. There's a reason we keep coming back.

 

I figure I will hear from you in a few days or weeks now, but don't be late. I've been told you will regret this. You'll realize it hasn't been bad. We are just frustrated. I miss you and you are so far away. If I move on, I will be the one ignoring you, so please figure something out. xo

[tsa902]

Day 3

Got a text from her saying "Hi____ nice car. I hope youre happy. You look really nice"

I want her back ): but I still need time. Not sure if she wants me back or just friendly. ..

[praisechange]

Day 8:

 

Today I went to a picnic with some newly met acquaintances from the weekend. It was kind of an awkward silence because I haven't spoken my third language for a long time. I just quietly sat there and laughed at their jokes, as well as chiming in once in a while. I want to make friends and meet new people. I want to be that multi-cultural, fun, exciting, beautiful human being who he fell love in with at the beginning.

 

Winston Churchill said: This is not the end, this is not the beginning of the end; but, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

 

The beginning of our infatuation has come to an end. I pray to Lord that I will develop the patience needed, the strength lacked and the trust necessary in both of us becoming the "ideal self“. I pray His plan will be revealed to me, His guidance will be extended to me and I will find a way to his heart.

[Graysfan]

God, I miss you. I miss the feeling of being secure and loved. But I guess I will have to find that within myself again. I just wish you hadn't been so awful when breaking my heart. I didn't deserve it and now I am only missing someone who no longer exists. I keep thinking I am doing better and then I have a day like today where I miss you and cry a little and feel a big gaping hole in my heart and know you don't feel this way at all and you have completely moved on. *sigh* I wish you hadn't changed. I miss you. and i hate to admit it but i still love you.

[blanco]

Day 3

 

This isn't really working so far. I've communicated with you each day of NC, but not by my own design. She seems to be intentionally not understanding my letter. My cynical side says she had planned to ask me to watch her kids while she went to Europe with the new guy in a few weeks, and so I'm blowing up her plans.

 

At any rate, these last couple of days, I've had no real desire to see her. I had to go to her house today to get the kids, but my body felt tense the whole time I was there. Thankfully, she was in another room the entire time.

[praisechange]

Day 10:

 

Yesterday I spent a wonderful evening talking to a friend and had french food. Lobster Ravioli was so good and I need seafood to put me in the nostalgic mood. To ease the pain that arises from within no matter how hard I try to suppress. The moment I saw the empty front yard without him standing there waiting for me, as he often does on a weekday evening, simply brought me to tears and I know I have just failed to live another day without thinking about him.

 

I need to let go, I need to pack up his stuff both emotionally and physically. I still have his business card on my vanity, with the "I

 

I don't know how long it will take me to finally remove him from my consciousness. Maybe totaling 2 months isn't our relationship very long. But it literally has given me everything I've dreamt of and I couldn't believe it has ended so soon.

 

I pray that it's going to be a peaceful day for him. I pray that we both live healthily and happily, despite the lingering thoughts over each other (?) Last time I saw his instagram picture-he looks miserable and has taken it the angle I've taught him to, which I told him would make him look cute. I can't say it was intentionally done for me. But I am glad he is trying to sort out himself and trying to live a balanced and happy life. At least that's what he's promised to do in the closure letter.

[praisechange]

Day 11:

 

Just read an awesome blog named BaggageReclaimed. Here is an article that I found very useful and I want to share with you all:

 

link removed

 

I did really miss him today and wanted to "apologize" for things I thought that could have been dealbreakers for him. The fact is that those are tiny details that shouldn't have been exaggerated and I by no chance have responsibility over his words or actions. I need to stay strong and remain calm. I am going to win this battle against self-denial and I will eventually come out sadness-free.

[hopelessincan]

Day Five. Yay me. Except this sucks. I had a decent day today. Even got comments that it was nice to see my smile. I haven't smiled in weeks. Then I got home. And it went to $hit.

 

Yesterday sucked but the evening was ok.

 

This. Sucks.