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INxJ

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Everything posted by INxJ

  1. Ever since you've broken up with me, I haven't had a proper day of mourning. No time to really reflect about what has happened and allowed myself to shed the tears that I needed to. Writing to you here, helps me do that. Writing this here for some reason makes my mind to try to connect to you and express how I feel, and it really hurts. I think about all the times we've gazed into each other's eyes, smiled, and embraced. How can everything move so fast? Was it even real for you? I don't know. How can you tell me that you needed a lot of alone time when you were with other guys, but not with me, but then suddenly you needed space and didn't communicate that to me well? Or was I not listening? I've tried to think of all the negative points about you to try to get you out of my mind. To take you off that pedestal and look to someone better, but that hasn't really worked out so well. I hate that you made me feel like the woman in the relationship and that you were the guy. What the hell was going on with us? I'm sick of thinking about it and really, really want to get over you.
  2. Day 14.5 I'm going to stop counting the days of NC. There's no point to it anymore. I'm not going to contact you and I don't you're going to contact me either, because I know you're just as stubborn as I am. If you do decide to contact me, I'll listen to what you have to say and we can take it from there, but I don't think that day will ever come.
  3. Day 14 Started watching Parenthood where we left off. It was painful to watch Kristina be upset at Adam and him trying to placate her. Sometimes I don't know why I do that to myself.
  4. Day 13 I hate having to think about you every day. When will this stop?
  5. Day 12 Couldn't sleep well last night thinking about the things you've said that bother me. I don't know how many times I've replayed the scene where you told me that your feelings for me changed and how crestfallen I was from hearing that. Please don't try to contact me. My feelings for you are changing too...
  6. Day 11 Looking forward to getting out of the Rage phase and into the Lifting one. It helps me to cycle through your faults as I lay in bed thinking about you.
  7. Day 10 Remember how you fixated on all the negatives before you dumped me? Well, now I'm starting to think about all the negative things about you.
  8. Day 9 You once told me that tend to be 'out of sight, out of mind' for you. I guess that means you probably don't even think of me, eh. At least I'm not losing sleep over you anymore.
  9. Day 8 I guess I'm still in the angry phase. It's best that you don't try to contact me as I might lash out at you.
  10. Day 7 I guess I'm stuck thinking about you every day for however long this will take to get over you. I wonder if you ever think about me and the good times we've had?
  11. Day 6 It's been three weeks since our breakup. I keep fantasizing about you realizing your mistake and asking me to try again. Do I want to go through that pain again? I don't really know.
  12. Day 5 Do you even think about me? Any good thoughts in there at all? You said you wanted some space so that you can miss me. Are you missing me now? What is it with people and space, anyway?
  13. Remember when things were fine and you told me how hard it is to find someone who is a match? If you saw me as a match, why wouldn't you want to work things out? How can you change your mind so quickly? I was willing to change a lot of things for you. Didn't you understand that? Was that too much for you? I don't understand. Would you rather have someone who's not a match and you change yourself for them? What is going on...
  14. Day 4 I hope you never contact me, so I don't have to reset this count...
  15. Day 3 Why do I keep thinking about you every day? It's been three weeks since our breakup and I want to stop thinking of you...
  16. Day 2 Stopped looking at the threads of people getting back together. I think if you'd asked me back, I'd tell you that we should try seeing other people first. I'm listening to my audiobook on the journey from abandonment to healing and learning to cope with being alone.
  17. Day 1 Argh! Why did you have to email me for your parking permit? I already put in the mail for you! By letting you know it's on its way, I have to reset the clock.
  18. I mailed you back your parking permit yesterday. I didn't want to include a message in it, as I don't know what else to say. No need to thank me for it, Casey. I think about you asking to talk about getting back together and I don't know how much of a good thing that would be right now. It bothered me that you asked me if I was trying to get a rise out of you that one time, or whether I was being sarcastic in my text to you. I don't know you brought that over from a previous relationship or whether you developed that perception in ours, but I would never do that to the person I love. I'm not that manipulative...
  19. Day 9 One of the ladies I've reached out to on Match responded and we're exchanging messages. Starting to feel better about myself. If my ex ever decides to want to get back together, it will not be an easy decision on my part.
  20. Day 8 The desire to get back together with her is starting to wane. I'm starting to receive some interest on Match and it's helping me to feel good about myself again.
  21. Day 7 I continue to imagine the day she might ask me to try again, but part of me thinks that is not going to happen. I just don't understand how one can go from love to out of love so quickly? Going to start to read up on abandonment, because one thing I got out of this relationship is that I think I must have a fear of abandonment.
  22. Day 6 I keep reading "Getting back together really does happen!" thread and fantasizing about her asking me back. The scenario keeps changing in my mind from day to day...
  23. Day 5 For some reason, I keep hoping one of the emails in my inbox is from her. She said her feelings changed. Why can't I cut the chords? Only saw one profile on Match that interested me, but can't bring myself her right now...
  24. Day 4 Was able to sleep last night, surprisingly. Reactivated my account on Match just to browse through profiles. Working out more at the gym and starting to feel better about myself.
  25. Day 3 By no means will I be contacting her since she was the one who broke it off, but my mind keeps trying to run scenarios of what to do if she were to ask me back.
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