THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Seankbq]

Day 25. Straight killin it. Miss you, but other than that...

[ZenZenny]

Day 8

 

I haven't had a problem with not contacting her. I've been pretty busy with a new friend on mine and have been enjoying myself. I still do however think of her often in a sense of, I wonder if she ever thinks about me kind of way. What does she think? Does she feel bad? Does she feel like she's missing out? Did she see my last tweets etc.

 

Still haven't wanted to reach out though or check her social media surprisingly. That feeling went away after like day 3-4. I also find myself having her in my dreams from time to time. Last night in the dream I had somehow become friends with a guy she used to talk to and she called him saying how much she missed him while he had her on speakerphone so I could hear.

 

Feeling: Happy, still have her on my mind, not so worried about what she's doing/who she's doing it with, I don't get excited or still mentally plan about possibly seeing her. Unfortunately I still wonder if she'll text me.

[janut1]

Day 22

 

Just another day without him in it. Different, but okay.

[t1lersm0m1]

I love that I have to find my last post to know what day I'm at. Wednesday will be four weeks. Friday will be 30 days. Not trying to wish my life away...I'm having a great summer so far. I'm visiting lots of city/state parks and spending time outdoors playing with my DSLR.

 

I'm joining Overeater's Anonymous tonight. I'm disgusted by my body. I'm so tired of treating it like this. I gain weight in every break up. I eventually lose it again, but I'm tired of yo-yo'ing. I want to get to a healthy, happy weight, and not hate my body.

[overthemoon86]

5 months to the day....

 

WOW, I cannot believe I am here...5 months later and if I was to take my own inventory, I would say that I have so much more to do to work on myself. I am definitely still on the rollercoaster of emotions and I am sure my crazy partying isn't helping at all, it only numbs the pain temporarily. I woke up at 4:30am this morning to go for a run, for a split second when I first woke up I thought you were laying there with me...then my reality snapped me back to my lonely apartment. Today was tough, but I did get some great news. I am looking to relocate to a new city and I have a second interview request for a job in that city. A glimmer of hope that I will be okay. I just miss you more than I ever thought I would. I hope you think of me sometimes.

[Seankbq]

Day 26

 

Today, with my brother leaving, and you sleeping with someone else... It has been really hard. I feel so disappointed in you... and in myself.

 

Still, day 26, and tomorrow is a new day.

[JA0371]

Day 17....

[ZenZenny]

Day 9

 

Things have been going well. When I chill and smoke sometimes my mind goes to what she's doing but not a strong enough urge to want to look at any of her stuff. I've been through a few decent experiences with women since I've broken up with her and I'm becoming more desensitized to BS as time goes on and I am learning how to chop feelings off and thoughts off for people who aren't worth the heart ache.

 

Looking back on our last conversation I wish I would've told her more of how I truly felt in a sense that when she goes out there and gets played a few times or when she finally is looking for a good guy to really be with and not just a temporary fling she's going to look back on me and realize that she once had someone who not only deeply cared and looked out for her but for her family as well and anything related to her life. And when she's wanting that and thinks of what she once had she'll realize just what she let go. That's the only thing I would change about the way that the last conversation went.

[t1lersm0m1]

4 weeks tomorrow

[hurtinheart]

Day 34.

 

Keep movin' forward!!

[JA0371]

4 weeks tomorrow

 

Awesome job!! You're on your way to true happiness!

[janut1]

Day 23

 

The game we were supposed to go to together was last night. Our team lost big time, which just reminded me of how I lost him too. I still get sad sometimes even though I know deep down that he was not the ONE. I wasn't happy and had thought about breaking up with him many times this last year but kept hanging on because I didn't want to be alone and we did have fun together when we went out.

 

Oh well, therapy starts on Thursday.

[missmymikey]

I'm was really happy to find this response on ENA this A.M. It's nice to know that there doesn't have to be hatred, denial and negative connotations in every NC situation, which I have grown used to reading in ENA over the years......but today, this challenge and response below has talked me into the NC challenge.

 

Yesterday, after struggling through hours of hate texting, which made a long excruciating day at work, I placed my ex on the blocked list on my phone. It has almost been 24 hours. I feel rested from an uninterrupted sleep....something I cannot remember feeling for 2 years.....I love my Mikey....and our puppy.....and my heart strings call out for them.....but I am going to remain silent for a while.

 

Today I feel sad....but without the twisted insults from my schizophrenic ex, and the death and prison threats from his crazy family who made him this way.

 

 

Good idea,

missmymikey

 

[Seankbq]

Day 1.

 

I looked. It wasn't as painful oddly, but I saw her Instagram... and him on it.

 

Day 1. Happy I made it as far as I did.

[JA0371]

Day 18:

 

It seems like forever. It's kinda surreal. I almost don't even want to keep posting because it's almost like it keeps bringing everything back to the surface, but for the sake of the challenge, I'll post up to 30 days. At this point, I feel confident I will finish. There have been no 'breadcrumbs'..and he is out of state working, so no temptations to see him. I guess this situation is ideal for NC. I do miss him a lot...but I know that's part of breaking up. I'm not going to die, and I'll be stronger, but I'd be lying if I said there weren't some struggles. For me...night time and early mornings are hardest. It's when my mind isn't tied up and I have time to just think. I guess a small comfort is knowing he must be going through the same thing......but ultimately I want him to be happy.

 

I have actually wondered if everyone doing this challenge was guaranteed that their ex would definetely want them back, or contact them if they finished the entire 30 days...if it would be any easier to stick to? Im guessing it still wouldn't, but I bet more people would. I guess everyone needs to have hope..and if it makes someone get through something that much easier, then let them have it. Im all about being realistic and not giving someone false hope, but who am I to crush that hope? I am believer that sometimes things do work out....but most of the time it takes lots of positive change and yes...a positive attitude that it will.

 

Hope everyone is doing well..

[John John]

What kept me motivated to maintain my strict NC (now a year and a half - not even a single drunk text) at first was my anger and hatred toward her. That then transcended into just acceptance that the reconciliation ball was just in her court. Now, I harbor zero hope, and if she did try to reconcile, I would turn her away for never being able to trust her again.

 

JA, in your case, I think it's ok to have a little hope, but just let things ride. Unfortunately, we aren't always in control of our lives. Absence makes the heart grow fonder...and if you guys are meant to be, you WILL be. If not, and NC ends up being indefinite (as in my case), then you will have maintained your pride the whole time.

 

Hang in there. Feel free to text me if you feel like texting him!!!

[t1lersm0m1]

Awesome job!! You're on your way to true happiness!

 

Thanks!

 

I have actually wondered if everyone doing this challenge was guaranteed that their ex would definetely want them back, or contact them if they finished the entire 30 days...if it would be any easier to stick to? Im guessing it still wouldn't, but I bet more people would. I guess everyone needs to have hope..and if it makes someone get through something that much easier, then let them have it. Im all about being realistic and not giving someone false hope, but who am I to crush that hope? I am believer that sometimes things do work out....but most of the time it takes lots of positive change and yes...a positive attitude that it will.

 

Hope everyone is doing well..

 

For me, in the past, my inability to maintain no contact was my anxiety. I have abandonment issues. I've come a long way. But before I knew I had abandonment issues, I could not control my anxiety. It sounds simple, "Don't text him, call him, drive to his house, etc". That sounds so simple. But when my abandonment issues would kick into high gear, I could not control my actions. It sounds sad, but I was like an alcoholic trying to quit drinking.

 

I've come a long way. I still have work to do, but I've made improvement. But with my abandonment issues, if I was guaranteed my ex would come back if I stayed in strict no contact, I think back then it would have been easier.

 

There's a saying I read on Facebook, and I love it. "I never lose, I only win or learn."

 

I truly think if things are meant to be, love will find a way. If they aren't meant to be, we will find someone else, and that someone else will be even better, because from every broken relationship in our past, we learn something. For me, each man sets the bar higher for the next man. I used to date manipulative losers.....my last three boyfriends were great men who treated me the way a woman deserves to be treated.

 

I know your question was a general question, but wanted to answer. I think everyone has their coping skills. If having hope is how someone copes, then they should have hope. If reading ENA 3 hours a day helps someone cope, then read ENA 3 hours a day. Each person has to decide what works for them.

 

But, I truly believe in No Contact. There are people that rationalize contact. They somehow think their ex will forget them if they are absent from their lives. If an ex moves on quickly, is that someone you really want anyway? I know I wouldn't. If my ex picked up two weeks after our break up and had a new girlfriend, then logically I would no longer want him.

[t1lersm0m1]

Four weeks ago today we ended our relationship for good. Remaining friends and "seeing where it goes" wasn't working for me, it was hurting me, so we ended it and have been in no contact ever since.

 

The day we broke up (April 15), I asked him if he thought he would find another woman like me, and he said no. I don't know if he was just saying it to be nice, but honestly, he will not find another woman like me. I was wonderful to him.

 

I am staying single for at least 90 days to work on myself, so I will continue posting here after Friday, when I reach day 30.

[missmymikey]

It's been 40 hours NC.....and I received more texts this A.M.:

6:16 - "Somebody kill me"

7:16 -

7:37 - "Wish you were in my life"

7:46 - "Help me (my name)"

 

What a change from his jealous, hateful threats, lies and insults. Before NC, I told him he didn't respect me....he laughed and told me to leave him alone and go get some self respect.....so I did.

[missmymikey]

"No ones opinion of yourself is more important than that of your own"

[janut1]

Day 24

 

It's getting easier with each day. I have times that I totally forget that I am heartbroken or that I miss him. There are still times that I cry, but they are getting less and less. I know that if he really wanted to work on our relationship, he would of told me by now. I was asked a couple days ago if I want him back. It took me awhile to think about it and then said NO, not if he is the same person. He needs to go to therapy and work on his issues. I am not willing to allow him to drag my heart around as his rebound gal.

 

I am looking into volunteering so I can get out and help others and take the focus off of myself. Therapy starts tomorrow

[hurtinheart]

Day 35

 

Did a 4 hour drive today round trip. Had a rough time being inside my head that long. Fluctuating between playing every thing over, questioning why, and getting resentful. Some way to spend my vacation.

[t1lersm0m1]

Woo hoo, tomorrow will be day 30. I have 17 problems lying between me and finishing my awful statistics class. I have one assignment left for my easy Philosophy class. I'm going to do a load of laundry tonight and one tomorrow. I may drop a class that's coming up in July.

 

I love my new life.

[ZenZenny]

Day 11

 

Things have been going pretty much the same. Yesterday was her birthday so that day was a little rough for me with having that on my mind. I sometimes find myself tweeting things with the hope that maybe she'll see it. But at the same time, not really caring too much whether or not she does see it.

 

I do miss the thought of possibly talking to her but I know it's best just to leave it alone. I haven't been tempted not 1 time to call/text/look at her social sites since I've begun this little challenge. I just mostly find myself having thoughts of her and wondering if she's thinking about me. I often also re-run different scenarios and conversations in my head wondering if there were any signs I missed or anything I could've said/done differently.

 

But nonetheless NC is good.

[missmymikey]

62 Hours (2 1/2 days) of NC

 

He left more unanswered texts on my cell last night:

- I think I have some art frames? (bribery)

- U really cut me off

-

- Thanks

- Having fun ignoring me?

- Really?

- Thanks

- Fine at like we never met

- You on your vacation with your boyfriend?

- Well hope your at least doing good its hitting me hard I do miss you.

- Well guess you moved on....I wish you the best

- Please say something

- Something anything

 

 

I remain silent. He kicked me out, took all my money, threatens and hate texts me WITH his family. calls my being broke, working, hungry, struggling & homeless "vacation".....and he continues to falsely accuse me of sleeping around with dudes. He doesn't ask about me, my health, or my school that he hated on and sabotaged these last few months.

 

And he still has my puppy.....who has probably grown into a dog....without me, his mama. I feel sad, alone, tired, and hungry. I'm going to panhandle for coffee......

 

I'm not sure how long I am supposed to do this NC. Is there a point when I will know it's OK to meet and talk with him? Probably with this guy.....never. He seems too narcissistic, attached to his crazy mother, and incapable of treating me any better than his parents and my ex-abusive family do.

 

Im beginning to believe he will never be the friend he was when we first dated.....he will never treat me the way he treats everyone else.... Theres more to life than being treated like the scapegoat, prisoner, slave, punching bag, fall guy, and doormat.

 

I love what he used to be, what I thought he was, and what he refuses to be ever again. Its so sad. I hate this.