THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[t1lersm0m1]

2 days until 3 weeks....11 days until day 30. 71 days until day 90.

[janut1]

Day 15 NC Im supposed to be on a trip with him this week and took vacation days off of work. I was going to cancel my vacation but decided to keep the days and take time for myself. Had my nails done and took care of me today. I notice that I don't think about him all day, which may be progress.

[ZenZenny]

Haha this will be interesting.

 

30 day Challenge Day 1 8:44 pm!

 

Last night was the last time I talked to my ex where I brought up how I felt that she confuses me with our recent conversation and how I basically get mixed signals from her. I mentioned how I know we may have rushed things in the past, but I would be open to potentially starting things over at a much slower pace and playing things by ear if she as open to it. She declined and said she likes where we stand and I just said "Ok do your thing" and deleted the texts.

 

Today I found this site and posted my first post, got great feedback. Found a way to vent and get my thoughts out and was having an amazing day. After I got off of work I saw a tweet from her, indirectly, retweeted by a mutual friend saying "He's soooooo lame to me now! I'm like -_- nawww bruh we good lol" I couldn't help but know she was talking about me and it pissed me off so much to the point where I literally got hot and wanted to fight something/someone. As of that point forward I was just like fk her, fk her opinion, how am I lame? She doesn't know me. Who is 'better' than me? What the fk is wrong with her? Why can't she be woman enough to say it to my face when we were talking before? All type of sh*t.

 

So this is day one. I'm not going to go on her twitter/IG/or FB. and I won't have a problem not texting her cause it isn't like she actively texted me anyway. Here we go.

[JA0371]

Day 9... Weak day!! But I made it!!

 

Stay strong all!!!

[hopelessincan]

little over three days. I feel like garbage. Miss the morning and night texts. I can probably make it through the week ok.... been leaving my phone at home when I go out/to work to lessen the temptation......but i may work from home this week, cause Im really not sleeping well and hate faking happy.

 

I will be fine till you get back this weekend....then Im not sure how well I will be able to control my emotions..... Here's to hoping. Heres to hoping you cave first...I know youre thinking of me...but I know youre really busy too, and have other things to focus on......boooo this stinks

[Seankbq]

Day 19.

 

This sucks.

[3Tears]

Day 16

 

I was going through a damn emotional rollercoaster today, it got pretty bad at night... I just gotta keep on keeping on, keep moving forward. 16 days and a lifetime to go.

[ZenZenny]

Day 2

 

I don't find it hard not to directly contact her. My bad habit that I allowed myself to fall into is periodically checking her twitter account or IG account to see 'what she's been up to'.

 

I think I do it to see if I'm being mentioned in any of the posts or tweets, but needless to say I never have been and then I go on about my day. Probably subconsciously wondering why she wouldn't be thinking about me. It hurts me to see and feel that she has become such a different person, I don't even recognize that woman anymore.

 

I'm going to remain focused on not going onto her pages and keep it pushing. Hopefully I can reach the point where 'what she's up to' no longer TRULY matters to me and I couldn't really care less. Right now I just want her to be unhappy and to feel regret, but that's malicious and selfish of me to feel and only hinders my progress.

 

One day at a time. One day at a time.

[ZenZenny]

Day 2

 

This happens every now and then, right now I'm just like fK it. Like an epiphany moment. I'm doing things with myself. I don't have time or the IQ low enough to be worried about somebody that couldn't give a damn about me.

[JA0371]

Day 10 !

[jalways44]

Day 8

 

Feeling really sad right now. The most we've gone without talking is 11 days, i'm on day 8. I have to say I am very sad right now. Makes me think he has already forgotten about me. Honestly I feel if he doesn't contact me within 30 days then it's def. time to let go.

[janut1]

Day 16 NC I cannot wait until I stop waking up in the middle of the night in a panic. I am not sleeping well. As soon as I wake up, I think of him. I try to stop myself and go back to sleep but it takes me way to long to fall back to sleep. Then I have to wake up again and feel the same panic. OH PLEASE STOP!!!

 

I called a therapist today, finally.

[JA0371]

Hi Janut....I had an issue with sleeping too...not because of this, but just general reasons. Im taking Wellbutrin now...and it seems to help me go to sleep and stay asleep. It took a couple weeks, but I don't feel like a zombie anymore..

[t1lersm0m1]

3 weeks tomorrow we ended our relationship for good. He wanted to "be friends and see what happens." He didn't feel he "knew me as well as he thought he did." Being friends was killing me. I'd go over a week without hearing from him, and it was making me anxious. I still think of him, but I'm no longer anxious. So we broke it off for good three weeks tomorrow.

 

20 days. I'm focused on school and spending time outdoors on the weekend. I'm currently in three classes, plus working full time, plus raising my 16 year old son alone, plus doing volunteer work. Thank goodness my Statistics class ends in a week. It's literally killing me. He gives a 50 problem homework assignment weekly. One week it took me six hours, this week it took me eight hours.

 

I'm so grateful someone on ENA told me about Adult Children of Alcoholics. I feel like I was drowning and someone threw me a life vest. I could never understand why I acted/felt the way I did. Now it all makes sense. And working the 12 Steps will help me improve. I'm reading the Big Red Book through once, and then I will start the 12 Steps.

 

This is the first time I haven't gone through a difficult break up and tried to find a new man as soon as possible to get me through the last break up. I am waiting at least three months before I start to date again. Hence why I plan on posting here for 90 days.

[t1lersm0m1]

That happened to me in 2012 when I went through the first break up with a good guy since my ex husband (I dated a lot of losers before the first good guy).

 

I would fall asleep a few hours, then wake up and be wide awake for several hours. I found Melatonin. It's over the counter. It's relatively inexpensive. I'd try starting with 1 mg and see if that helps, if not, try 3 mg.

 

Day 16 NC I cannot wait until I stop waking up in the middle of the night in a panic. I am not sleeping well. As soon as I wake up, I think of him. I try to stop myself and go back to sleep but it takes me way to long to fall back to sleep. Then I have to wake up again and feel the same panic. OH PLEASE STOP!!!

 

I called a therapist today, finally.

[GoogilyBear]

20 days here...we broke up at the end of February. I made all the classic mistakes the first month, including constantly texting/calling. 2nd month I backed way off and went LC. Took another shot at her mid-May and was rejected again. Decided to do NC for my own benefit, as I could not truly move on while occasionally contacting her to be friendly...plus, it was always me reaching out to her. She very rarely initiated contact, but would always reply.

 

The longest we have gone without speaking was 2 weeks during our LC phase. It has now been almost 3 weeks, and I think I'm ok with it. The first couple weeks were rough, but it is starting to get easier. She jumped in to a rebound a month and a half after, and has had no real time away from me since the BU. She actually did reach out to me a few times during LC when she hadn't heard from me in a while, so I know she will reach out to me again, but I find myself not even worrying about it that much anymore.

 

NC has helped me tremendously, especially now that it has gone on for a time, and I have found myself getting my life back finally. I've got back on the wagon as far as working out goes, and have started talking to a few girls and gone out on a few dates. I would still like to be friends with her, as no matter what I still care for her, but I've decided I can't do that until I'm over it...plain and simple. I will reply if she does reach out, but will not initiate the contact. I've put the ball in her court as far as reconciling in the future if things don't work out with her rebound or if she wants to try...but I will deal with that if/when the time comes.

 

It's been hard at times not to text her, but this period of NC has really allowed me to get my focus off of that and back on myself right now...exactly where it should be.

[ZenZenny]

day 2

 

About to get off of work and I notice that when I have downtime when there's nothing much going on I have the urge to check her ish. Haven't done it though and I wont. And after talking to a few people about what's been bothering me lately it helps me realize just how foolish it is for me to be soo bent out of shape over her in the ways. But I should also realize that it takes time. I'm just focusing on it not taking an excessive amount of time by me not doing s*** that won't help me. Like looking at her page or talking to her.

[janut1]

That happened to me in 2012 when I went through the first break up with a good guy since my ex husband (I dated a lot of losers before the first good guy).

 

I would fall asleep a few hours, then wake up and be wide awake for several hours. I found Melatonin. It's over the counter. It's relatively inexpensive. I'd try starting with 1 mg and see if that helps, if not, try 3 mg.

 

Thank you! I have Melatonin and it works for awhile then stops working. I will start it again tonight to see if it works.

 

90 days is a good plan to wait till you date again t1lersm0m1 . I think I will do that too. I am starting therapy, working out for the first time in years and its actually getting easier every day, although I do still miss the companionship and dinner/movie partner.

 

JA0371 - I'm glad Wellbutrin is working for you! I was on Wellbutrin after my dad died and was on it for years, it numbed me out though so I don't want to go back on unless absolutely necessary.

[jalways44]

Day 9 12:00 am

 

Having a tough time tonight. I find myself thinking a lot about him tonight. Saw him on gchat, no message from him. Dont' know why I even thought he would send me one. Trying to stay really busy, traveling for work a lot, working out 2 hours a day to get my body right. I really really miss him. It would be so easy for me to text him but it would also make me look weak and i'm really trying to heal this time and break this addicton from him. I have been going strong for 8 days, but tonight I feel really really sad. I miss him a lot tonight, more than the past 8 days. I miss talking to him/I miss everything, but I know I have to get over him to find someone better. We want different things in life, I want the marriage/relationship thing because my career is set, he wants to build his career and doesn't want marriage yet so I had to let him go. Hopefully I get back to my strong self soon. Tonight though I feel really sad.

[3Tears]

Day 17...

 

Nothing to say, it was just another day, another number.

[Seankbq]

Day 20.

 

Please give me my stuff back. I feel like you are holding on to it to buy yourself some time... for what I don't know. Please let me let this go, unless you want to talk through this. Either way, please.

[t1lersm0m1]

April 13 - you asked for time to think

April 15 - you said you can't see how we can be together while I live with my Mom

May 18 - I tell you I'm moving and want to hang out Memorial Day weekend - you tell me you don't know me like you thought you did and can't go back to where we were, you want to be friends and see how it goes

May 28 - this is killing me, being friends when I want more, we close the door to reconciliation so I can heal and focus on me

 

May 29 starts Day 1 NC - today I am on Day 21 NC.

 

I am healing, not from the loss of you, but from the loss of my childhood due to abuse and alcoholism. I am working on me.

 

This journey began 2 years ago when I lost Bill. I thought I had "fixed myself" by working on my self-esteem. Then with my break up with Erik, I realized through someone's wisdom on ENA that I have abandonment issues. I worked on those and feel so much better about how I react in a break up, but still have work to do. Someone else on ENA told me about ACoA, and I'm so happy I found that program, and a group in a nearby big city. I finally feel like I have a guide to help me heal my past and work on becoming the best me possible.

[ZenZenny]

Day 3

 

I found myself having dreams about my ex last night. I can't really remember what exactly was happening in the dream but I do remember it being a type of vibe insinuating that her and I were 'talking' again. Or at least trying to.

 

I haven't had too strong of urges to check on her pages or anything, but I do find myself running old tweets and posts through my head 1000x over and drilling myself to think about why she would say/think those things. Were they about me? Is this new person 'better' than me? And if she were to that 'this' I would come back and say 'that', type of thoughts.

 

I feel hurt to know that someone I once gave so much of myself to and someone I was had so much of can seemingly turn and be so different of a person. It begins to make me wonder what was real and what wasn't while we were together. Because no one can mentally check out that easily without it having been started a LONG time before it was brought to my attention. But nonetheless, NC is going well, for day 3 at least.

[JA0371]

Day 11!!!

[janut1]

Day 17 NC -getting out exercising, riding my bike and thinking of a better future is helping. Still cry a few times a day and I still wake up in a panic, knowing he is gone. I still miss my good morning and good night text from him. I check my phone before bed and when I wake up like I always did, but there is nothing from him. I do see some improvement in my thought process around the relationship even if its small its better then last week.

 

I am working on me finally and will feel better soon, that I know. SO much of how he ended it with a text that said "maybe you should go find someone else to make you happy" was not really a break up, but I had had it with the constant hot/cold games. Going from a very loving relationship to a very destructive one in a matter of months, was so hard to watch and deal with. I know he needs to get help too, but that is his business not mine.