THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[3Tears]

Day 5

 

Slowly getting my motivation to start lifting again, bought me more supplements, got my new gym clothes in the mail. Couldn't stop thinking about her though since I had a dream with her... yeah, bad times. Nothing else really happened today I just can't believe she could be like this, I guess I'm still in the denial mode.

[bumblebee]

Day 2

After feeling suicidal when talking to him and failing to connect in any way, I decided not to talk to him anymore unless he tells me he wants me back. I really hope I'll stick to this, I've degraded to a downright pathetic mental state and need to get myself back together.

[the dude91]

Day 3

 

I have to admit one main reason why I post everyday is because I'd forget what day I was on otherwise. It's been another easy day, barely any thoughts of the ex, I think I'm starting to get back to the state I was before I talked to her last in person. I've deleted my Facebook app so I could go ghost for awhile, I remembered her saying that she was checking on me through Facebook so I figured if I give her nothing to see then it'd drive her mad, payback is a *****. But then she'll most likely not care anymore and continue moving on which doesn't really have any effect on me, NC and removing myself from Facebook is for my own healing but if it affects her also then it's a win win. I think I may have hit it in the gym a little too hard today though but I need to continue challenging myself to see the improvements that I want. I definitely feel different but I don't think I really look different yet but I guess that just comes with time. I did miss the ex for a second or two today, but that was really it. Hopefully tomorrow and the rest of my days will be just as easy.

[happyxfaith]

Day 28

 

I don't think about you as much anymore. I guess that's expected. But I think I haven't gotten used to you being completely gone yet. I think there's still some spot that feels sad because you're not around. And I think a lot of these days I try to ignore that feeling, focus on the present, and distract myself with people, my job, and other activities. And it works when things are around me. But the minute that I stop, and I'm on my own again, I know some strange entity is there. And maybe part of it is just getting used to it. I loved you. But I'll get over it.

 

2 more days right?

[the dude91]

Day 4

 

It was a bit of a difficult day, it was tough getting up and out of bed. But I made myself get up and went to the gym and pushed myself a bit harder than normal. People are starting to take notice of my progress in working out, it makes me pretty happy and feel really good about myself. I did think about the ex but it was mostly how much I don't want to be with her right now and how I don't know who she even is anymore so moving on is the best option for myself. Well hopefully I can stay asleep tonight, I'm starting my new shift at work tomorrow and in a different area so hopefully I do well.

[Hi Its Me]

Day 19

 

I do not love her anymore, realized this maybe a few days ago. I am mostly happy and whilst she does occasionally pop into my mind, she is gone just as fast. I'm going out a few times a week, on my own and with friends too. Gone on dates, had some laughs so generally enjoying my time as a single person. I do feel a bit lonely sometimes, miss the feeling of being in a loving relationship, but its fine. I sometimes wonder what she is up to but I don't spend long dwelling on it. I could say I almost "amicably hate her" cause it makes me smile when I remember all the horrible things she did to me. Maybe its because I know she didnt manage to bring me down like she expected to. Anyways, I'm going great and have a lot to look forward to in life

[the dude91]

Day 5

 

I thought starting a new schedule at work would make things better for me, it actually slightly made things worse because I thought about her way too much tonight. Bah this sucks, going almost 2 months broken up and I've been trying my hardest to accept that it's over for good, most days it's easy and then some like today just drive me crazy with thoughts of her contacting me wanting to work things out and how much I want that to happen so I could tell her no. I suppose I'll never have that satisfaction. Anyways, I'm almost back at a week and hopefully tomorrow will be easier.

[t1lersm0m1]

I can't count today as day 1 as I contacted him. We are broken up since April 15, but not because of our incompatibility, because of somethign we both can't conrol, my mother. But we are still broken up because of how I've acted.

 

I need to remain no contact. I have to stop contacting him. I have to let him contact me, and then choose what I want. Do I want a relationship with a man who doesn't want kids, when I do? Do I want a man who doesn't make me feel desired sexually?

 

UGH

 

I hate break ups~

[windingwings]

Day 5

 

Got a text from him asking, "Hey. Just checking if you're okay." Didn't respond to him.

[the dude91]

Day 6

 

It was a pretty good day until it started slowing down at work and then thoughts of her started rushing my head. But I did get a nice suggestion from a new coworker on where I should go out and perhaps meet some new women. I think I'll check into but mostly just to get out, I don't think I'm ready to date at all yet but hey, maybe somebody will surprise me. Well here's to another day of being single and not hearing a work from her and never will, I need to figure out some more ways to move on faster.

[t1lersm0m1]

I am not going cold no contact. But I will not initiate from here on out. I was so angry Monday night that I texted him trying to start a fight. Then yesterday morning I texted asking if we can talk last night. He said last night was no good, we could talk Wednesday or Thursday.

 

I do better when I let him come to me, I go into crazy mode when I contact him.

 

He said he needs time. He was hurt by all of this. He doesn't feel like he knows me as well as he thought he did.

[the dude91]

Day 7

 

I'm making it through another 1st week. Today was pretty awesome though, work kept me on my toes and my new coworkers and I have been joking around a bit more today along with me just talking to different women felt pretty good. I don't think it was flirting or anything but just having a talk about things and learning about each other, when I was with my ex I never did that because she was a little insecure so I didn't want to really make things difficult. I also ran into a good friend of hers at work today, I didn't know she worked the same shift as me also and she didn't recognize me so I'm not sure if that's good or bad. But I kept things upbeat and fun with her and teased her a little bit, I'm actually not sure if she and my ex are even still friends. Oh well, not really my concern. Tomorrow will be the start of my weekend and I have quite a few things to take care of so hopefully it'll be another good day.

[t1lersm0m1]

Back to Day 1 of not initiating contact

 

I'm going to stick to it this time. I texted him a quote yesterday. When he didn't reply I said "Are we not talking?" He said he was still working on a project and we would talk later. I said not now, but in general, I texted you. My insecurity was in overdrive.

 

I need to work and focus on me. We are just friends now, and I have to stop pushing for more. I need to take this time to focus on me, not to get him back, but to get me back. To find the real me. I did so much work in 2012, but I still struggle.

 

I have been seeing an LCSW, but now I have an appointment with a psychologist for Tuesday.

 

Operation Find Myself is in full effect.

[Beduldac]

Last day of contact was 20 March, the first day of Spring. We broke up on 8 March but I did not know until she finally called on the 16th. She left for me for a temp coworker at her job. Their first date was the 7th of March and she broke up with me the next day. Since she wasted no time, I believe it is a rebound. She told me he surprised her with a dozen roses and asked her to be girlfriend in the same week. She gained an Insta-boyfriend. Any normal woman would have run away screaming when a guy is moving that fast.

 

But she is not normal. She told me many stories of how men used her for sex and abused her. She was a wounded woman when we met and I should have broke up when I realized I could not overcome it. Unfortunately, I started to have feelings for her.

 

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder at least on my part. I miss her terribly. I have not made any attempts to get her back. If she reached out to me and tried to reconcile, I would probably take her back against my better judgement. If we got back together, I would encourage her to get the therapy she needs.

[t1lersm0m1]

Back to day 1 again.....and again, and again. LOL

 

I contacted him Sunday about the fact I was moving. When I asked if he wanted the break up to be permanent, he initialy asked if anything changed, when I told him I was moving, he said the whole situation is screwed up. That wasn't the answer I wanted. I thought we would get back together right away. So Monday I got angry and texted him looking to start a fight. Then Tuesday AM I texted asking if we could speak that night, he said that night wasn't good but Wednesday or Thursday worked. Wednesday I moved and we were moving late into the night. Wednesday I sent him a quote through text. When he didn't reply I sent an insecure "Are we not talking" text. He said he was still working on a project and we woudl talk later. I said "No, not now, just in general." So everything was fine, I was feeling insecure.

 

We spoke last night. He called, he initiated the contact. I feel much better after our talk. So I am back at day one of not initiating contact. I asked him again if he meant that he doesn't WANT our relationship to be over. He said he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it. I explained to him my insecurity is in overdrive, and he said I'm becoming my own worst enemy. I said I know that, but it's not something I can control.

 

Anyway, after our talk, and me trying to explain the person I am with what has happened with my mom being an alcoholic, and how I react in situations, I feel much better. He cares for me. I know that in my head. I just have to keep my emotions in check.

 

I am back to not iniaiting contact. I need to work on me and focus on me. I'm trying to do everything right at the moment, the only thing I can't seem to get a handle on is our relationship/break up.

[radamanteis]

Just had a work in progress meeting, and everything was good. The team has been busy for this for a few weeks. I finally got time for a break. My mind was suddenly empty. And she was the first thing came up in my mind. She is in London and I am in Beijing.

 

My parents are not getting along very well. A little sad and I don't know if theres anything that I can do.

 

Just hope everything will go well.

 

tom

[PearlHarbor]

Day 17 NC, 2 months (62 days) since BU

 

This sucks. It is not getting any easier. It's easy for you because you've got your other to distract you. Numb you. It's pretty sad. And i sit here trying to pat myself on the back that I've successfully refrained from communications - which is a lot easier than refraining from having you in my thoughts. I am hoping these three weeks NC and a trip back east will lesson the pain and remove you from my thoughts. So if I do hear from you after your marathon I will be able to be strong. Stronger than I feel right now. Although I am so committed to NC. Is that really "strength"? You don't deserve me and I don't deserve what you did to me. At times I envy you that you can not experience what I feel in this painful emotional state - but then you couldn't either experience the incredible high when I was in such a happy emotional state. It was heaven.

 

I'm hoping these amino acids will help balance me more and take away the pain so I can have a more realistic emotional experience.

[Reeree]

I am on day 5. At first I started the NC rule as I had read so much about how it would make my ex miss me and want me back. But now after some straight talking from people on this site I realised the most important thing and that was my ex would not have broken up with me unless they did not want to be with me. Living with the small bit of hope that an ex will miss you and will want you back, maybe, is soul destroying. No reason they give is good enough. Someone who truly loves you will not leave you.

[Cherry009]

I am on day 5. At first I started the NC rule as I had read so much about how it would make my ex miss me and want me back. But now after some straight talking from people on this site I realised the most important thing and that was my ex would not have broken up with me unless they did not want to be with me. Living with the small bit of hope that an ex will miss you and will want you back, maybe, is soul destroying. No reason they give is good enough. Someone who truly loves you will not leave you.

 

This is so true!

 

I am on day 14, deleted every trace of him & am feeling good!

[Hi Its Me]

Day 27

 

Which also is 2 months since we broke up. She is completely out of my heart and very close to being out of my mind. I have grown so much as a person and re-discovered the things which make me, me! I do sometimes miss having someone close but at least I am going on dates with a few women and really enjoying myself. Got a new apartment on the seafront in one of the best areas of my country and I move in this weekend, so looking forward to that as well. I must confess I unblocked her from FB but only to test myself in seeing pictures of her having fun without me, even with other men. All I could do was smile because I am over her She immediately rebounded so I know it will hit her eventually and I will not be there to support her, although I wish I could be there to smile even more NC does work. I thought I would die when she broke up with me over nothing. I wanted to marry this woman. But NC, although super tough at the start, is really the cure if you have the self control and strength to stick to it. Good things will come!

[Reeree]

Day 6, had a bit of a bawl last night (well a serious melt down more like!). feeling a bit stronger today and ready to keep going. thanks for this thread

[Reeree]

Its now Day 7 of NC. I woke up this morning to find that he had send me a text at 2:30am, now I would love to flatter myself that he was up all night thinking of me but common sense must prevail and admit that he often goes to bed late. There was no I miss you or anything like that rather it was an admission he knew he should not text me like that but he was so sorry. And while some might think that this was the case, I read his text so carefully and the words that he did not consider my feelings like he should was another jolt to me. What was he on about, consider my feelings' he had been contacting me prior to break up, up to twenty time plus a day with declarations of love. So I think considering my feelings should have been top of his agenda. It is like he is feeling guilt at his behaviour and a response from me would absolve him of that. While I think that not responding to him will make him think that I want nothing more to do with him (as I told him that by just not getting in touch with him again would be my way of moving on) I also think that this is not a text from him wanting to get back but rather wanting to be made free of any guilt that he is feeling.

 

If anyone has any thoughts or experience on this I would love to know as I would appreciate the advice of what to do next. Thank you.

[Cherry009]

DO NOT REPLY. You are spot on there with the fact that he is just trying to ease his guilt, if you reply you will go back a few steps in your recovery, remember what you said to yourself before.....he wouldnt have broken up with you if he wanted to be with you. Keep strong and stick to NC, you will regret it otherwise. My ex did something similar about 10 days ago and i didnt reply, i feel so much better now and soooo glad i didnt reply.

[Reeree]

DO NOT REPLY. You are spot on there with the fact that he is just trying to ease his guilt, if you reply you will go back a few steps in your recovery, remember what you said to yourself before.....he wouldnt have broken up with you if he wanted to be with you. Keep strong and stick to NC, you will regret it otherwise. My ex did something similar about 10 days ago and i didnt reply, i feel so much better now and soooo glad i didnt reply.

 

Thank you, your words are what I need to hear to confirm that my instincts were accurate. It feels so much better to know others have had similar experiences and to know that I am on the right path. Sometimes I feel like I could easily fool myself again and just let myself believe thoughts and scenarios in my head that do not even exist. Thank you again for your support, I appreciate it very much.

[radamanteis]

Really lost count in days. I don't want to live like this anymore, but how can I get out of this? I miss London and her.