THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[valentino]

I like the last paragraph in this one. Very helpful

[happyxfaith]

Day 7 (it's hard to know the day)

 

I always liked Leessang, but maybe because of you, I like them much more now... I've been listening to them (Just because I really like them) And it reminds me of you. But I feel better because it's just the right amount of heartbreak and frustration in one song. Not the silly emo things, but a nice beat. Honestly I don't even know what to say to you anymore. I try not to think about your life, and maybe how its going, I try to stay away from looking at your anything. I distract myself with my friends, and I feel happier. But sometimes there's just this prevading feeling of something not quite right. But I guess its not that unusual, it's only been 3 weeks... Hahaha I know you don't miss me yet.

 

I started remembering some of the times you didn't seem like you cared about me, even when you were here... I remember when I would roll over in bed because I was upset, and you just went to sleep. And I woke up angry, but it melted away as you turned to hold me. Maybe you didn't quite understand me, but you sometimes just got me. so easily. You knew what I liked, more than what my ex did. And I think at one point in time, maybe you really believed in us, believed that we would make it. But somehow, maybe your age, and our distance got the better of us. Haha I think everyday, its a feeling of finality, knowing that there are no cracks anywhere in my door. Because there's nothing left here. For us. It's just you. And now its just me.

I sometimes still wonder with a passing thought if you'll think of me and regret it. If you'll contact me when I'm over there.

 

But I let those thoughts go. Because there's no answer. Really. Or maybe I already know. That probably you won't be back. Because maybe I always liked you, more than you liked me.

[AngelLove22]

The End Of Day 2:

 

Its almost 12:00 a.m nearing the 3rd day of No contact. I feel pretty good in keeping busy not leting my mind wonder indle… been reading a lot of posts on relationship site's and its very helpful. I want to work on me first before anyone. I cant wait for the week to start so I can really be productive.

 

I thought about him a little bit tonight. Nothing to overwhelming… its really getting easier day by day…

 

 

I cant wait for the day when I'm completely moved on and care less about callng him or vice versa

 

Stay strong everyone

[jr22]

Day 18

 

Weekends are so much easier for me than weekdays. I fill my days up with things I love to do. More golf, a BBQ, some beers and the movie American Hustle. Is she in my thoughts? You betcha, but she continues

to become more scarce.

 

It's crazy how much I'm in the fence about contacting her again. It literally changes everyday. She made me really happy and I made her really happy. At the same time, I truly wonder if me not contacting her would keep her happy. That's the catch 22 because you literally don't know unless you try.

 

I wonder how she is feeling and thinking. I wonder if she ever gets the urge to see what I'm up to. I do still miss her and care about her. I have some decisions to make over the coming days. These decisions are far from 'life altering' decisions as I know I can fall in live with someone beautiful. I know she can find a handsome man as well.

 

To say my situation with her is 'delicate' would be an understatement. She was very disappointed, sad and angry with me. When or if I do contact her, it will be extremely light. I'm interested if limited contact can be initiated or not. Time will tell. Cheers to another day down. Sunday Funday.

[happyxfaith]

Day 8

 

I woke up this morning with thoughts of you, and I fell asleep last night with those same thoughts. But I'm glad you don't visit me in my dreams. That would be the worst. I never thought about reconciling with you, because I thought it was impossible. There's nothing I can do, because it's all you. But today I woke up thinking about second chances, and you coming back to me. I don't wanna go down that road. I don't wanna think that you'll come back. Because you really might not. But maybe you'll still think of me from time to time...

 

"Every step forward you make is one step closer to meeting the person of your dreams. It will in all likelihood, happen as soon as you have decided you respect yourself enough to take back your personal power. The power you give to your Ex every moment you spend thinking about them, wishing they would call or clinging on to them. Take back control of your life by vowing to move on. To accept what has happened. To let go completely. And become whole, to love again.

It can be done."

 

I wanna recover from you. I want to leave you behind. I move to move forward. Because looking back is always the easiest.

[littlebird]

Day 7.

 

Dreams were disturbing last night, however the day was alright!

 

Went out for some drinks last night, met quite a few new people who were all really interesting company. Flirted with one of the guys, he got my number and texted me today to meet up next week. Also two blasts from the past have been texting non stop, wanting to meet. A male friend is taking me out for dinner next week, we're just friends but he loves inviting me places, we always have a great time!

 

Got quite a lot done today, a bit of work and also house chores. Cooked a lovely meal. Need to send off a CV now, been recommended by a friend for a potential new opportunity. Then sit back with a glass of wine and a good magazine to catch up on current affairs. Seriously, with this whole break up story I have had trouble following what goes on in the world - time to get out of the bloody bunker haha!!

 

To be honest, this break up has done a world of good to me. Don't get me wrong, I still feel incredibly heartbroken. However, I also feel more like myself every day.

[the dude91]

Day 6

 

Man my little brother made it hard on me last night. He came to visit me and then started asking all these questions about the ex, even after I told her we weren't together anymore. I guess 10 year olds don't come as they used to. So now I'm missing her, a lot. But strangely I have very little drive to contact her, at least at this moment. I keep reminding myself that it's over and she's not coming back and that she's happier without me which should be good enough for me. I truly did love this woman, I wanted to give her my last name and start a family, but of course I had to let my anger and stress get the best of me. They say the best times to keep mouth closed is when you're swimming and when you're angry, I wish I would've heeded that warning. But it's a lesson learned for when the next woman of my life comes. My new puppy is definitely keeping me busy though, I took him on a car ride today and he behaved very well and had a few people that wanted to meet him, even a cute lady. I'm looking forward to getting him his final shots so that I can really take him out on walks. Can't believe it'll already be a week tomorrow, I'm almost back to my last point before I broke NC to return her things, that whole day was very strange with her and I've been trying not to read into it...

[happyxfaith]

Day 8.5 (9)

 

Haha I know I'm being silly but I worry whether I'll find someone that I like as much as I liked you, as much as I loved you. I wonder if he'll be just as cute, but treat me even better, to where I'm a priority, instead of an option. Yeah, I miss you, but I know I'm stronger than that. Because I've never needed you, and because I feel good about myself even though our relationship ended. Because I know you missed out on something great. Because I was everything you could ask for in a woman.

 

I know I'm young, but you were young too. We could have grown together. But all these crappy 'could have's' gets thrown out the window when you shut my door behind you. But because I know I treated you well, I am at peace with my choices. I am by no means perfect, and I have a lot of growing up to do to make my next relationship healthier, but the truth is, really, there was nothing wrong with us. And then I remember, you're still a guy, and really, you're still young.

 

I don't really have the feeling like we'll date again, maybe because so many things were destroyed in the process. But I feel like I'll see you again. Maybe you'll contact me again. Maybe I'll contact you again. But there's just the feeling like we'll meet in Seoul. Maybe as friends to catch up and say bye and never speak to each other again until I leave for good, or maybe just a quiet smile in passing. Maybe you'll have found another sweet girl by then, but at the same time maybe its not that easy to just meet somebody. But then again, maybe it is.

 

You're a sweet guy, who is handsome by most standards, and I hope you find what you're looking for, because you're really going to miss me. And that in itself is kinda comforting.

 

OKAY I gotta clean tomorrow! My room's been a mess, and I keep finding excuses not to do so... NO MORE EXCUSES.

[AlienQueen]

Day 28

 

Found outfrom my exs best friend that he was wondering why I wasn't replying to his message, and that he was worried, he has another 2 days to wait

 

It's going really well with this other guy, I am hesitating a bit though, it's still to early for anything, but hes so nice!

[jr22]

Day 19

 

The weekends definitely go by way too fast. Out to grind another work week and today starts the business month of May as my business month of April came to a close on Friday.

 

I've found this forum to be therapuetic. Most everything I read on here is 'doom and gloom' but there are positives to take out of it. I'm a young guy in his mid 20's... She was the first girl I ever loved and I clearly didn't know how to handle that. I struggled with simple decision making.

 

I have a lot going for me... I own and operate my own insurance agency, I own my own home and vehicle. I'm completely independent. My largest issue is that I've been so busy making a career that I've forgotten all about making a life. I think I'll change that moving forward. She may or may not ever want to talk to me or give me another chance. I've accepted all possibilities in the equation. Too many variable to predict what will happen. But nothing will change the fact that I'm a pretty damn good guy. I just made some silly mistakes. Live and learn.

[happyxfaith]

Day 9

 

I had a dream about you today, I saw your smiling face, and heard you talking to me. And when I woke up it felt a little strange. Haha I see your smiling face in my head, I used to not like you smiling that much, but now it's grown on me. Sometimes I wonder since I'm doing pretty well with coping, I wonder if you're the same. If you'll ever look back and reach out to me.

Yeah I still love you, and I miss you, but the days are getting a little easier. I cry less, and think of you a little less.

I hope you'll be happy. I'll really have to stand on my own after all my friends leave in May.

 

Haha and sometimes I feel better when i remember you're just a guy, a human, a person. I'm secretly hoping that you'll think breaking up with me was a mistake, but who knows how you recover in a LDR.

Maybe it'll just be relief for you from the beginning to the end...

[t1lersm0m1]

We aren't together because I live with my mother, I am codependent. I enable her. She doesn't approve of him because of his race. But we care deeply for one another.

 

I contacted him Saturday. texted him and asked if we could talk. He said yes. So we talked for over 40 minutes later. He said he misses me, he would love to have me there with him right now but we can't be together in our current circumstance.

 

The stupid landlord still hasn't called me back on the apartment I found.

 

Our call brought me tremendous peace. I was feeling so much uncertainty. In all aspects of our relationship he initiated, but now that we are broken up I am the one initiating. I have to understand that he is hurting as well, and he asked for emotinal space. I can give that to him. So I needed that call on Saturday, but I can now give him his space.

 

Therapy was good on Thursday. I go back Friday. I need to solve my problems. I will never be perfect, I will constantly grow and evolve, but I have to figure out why I allow my mother to mistreat me. I need to find the best version of me before I can offer her to a man. This separation will also allow me to decide if I want to move forward. Although I love him, we are not compatible inside the bedroom. Outside the bedroom everything is perfect, but I've been frustrated with the sex.

 

This is my time. It's time to truly get to know me. I can't wait to be out on my own. I will probably discover things I never knew about myself. Like how strong I am, and how capable. I've had so many doubts for so long.

 

My therapist suggests I have my 16 year old son work to help out. That's not a bad idea. He's been spoiled for so long, it will teach him responsibility, and also the value of a dollar. Even if he earns money to do things for himself...that will help. It will be less that I have to give him.

 

I can do this. I can be free and independent. I can make it on my own, and still give my son a good life.

 

The first thing I want to do is have dinner together at the table every night. That's not to say I will cook every night, but we can eat together as a family every night. We can go for walks, go out and enjoy the warm weather together.

 

This is all a good thing. Everything happens for a reason.

[the dude91]

Day 7

 

I made it to a milestone, one week. I actually rarely thought about her today, it's kinda weird when I think about it. But I'm sure tomorrow I'll think about her a bit more, hopefully not though. The puppy is definitely keeping me busy between my workouts but he is helping me a lot. I just can't wait until he has enough shots to take him out on walks and workout with me, maybe I'll even find a girl who loves Pit Bulls. There is unfortunately still some hope of her coming back, I can't wait to get past that point seeing as I don't need her I just want her. I know I treated her the best I could and far better than many other men would. So in the end, it is her loss more so than it is a loss for me. You never know what you have until it's gone and boy am I leaving, but at the end of the day I truly did love this woman with everything I am, for the first time I wanted to begin laying down the groundworks for creating a family. But oh well, life isn't over for me quite yet and someone else will appreciate what she did not.

[jr22]

Day 20 -

 

Today is a milestone day as I'll hit 20 days on NC. I can honestly say, the best part of NC is that it releases toxic emotions. By that, I mean those desperate and panic attacks you have in the first week post break up. I struggled with the anxiety big time. It's so silly to think that your ex is going to forget about you. They very well may move on, but their life has been impacted as well.

 

I'm definitely a better guy than I was 20 days ago. Even 40 days ago when the Break Up happened. My emotions and feelings have reached a calmed state. When I write in my journal, it's no longer focused on my ex, it's focused on goals and things I want to achieve in life. The journal has truly been the biggest saver for a couple reasons. First, I wrote in that instead of texting my ex. Looking back at these entries and I'm sure half they didn't make it to her. Second, it provides a safe way to exhaust my feelings.

 

This process has completely sucked to be honest. It's even worse knowing that a direct action and decision that I made is why I'm in this circumstance. I'm done beating myself up over that though and I've forgiven myself.

 

Overall, I feel pretty good... A tad anxious because I'm not certain what lies ahead for me and her, if anything. I'm anxious for a conclusion or a new beginning. I'm honestly ready for any outcome. I think of it as a 'no lose' situation. I've never been afraid of rejection and trying to get back in touch with my ex after it feel right, if she rejects my attempt it will be much like the times I've been rejected by a girl in the past. It'll be time to move on to the next one.

 

I feel as though I could reach out today and be alright. But I'm going to wait at least 30 days as that was the commitment I put on this forum and it's a commitment to myself. Cheers to nearly 3 weeks.

[Monkey ai]

Day 79

 

I am writing here not for my ex but for myself, it is first time in my life that I use NC to heal, before I always go with my flow, but I have learned from previous break up, I want clean BU and move on...

I think NC did help me to move on, I still miss him, but I do not see there are anything that I need talk with him about it, I do not think he is in love with me, I accepted the fact not delusion...I can see the relationship start with too much chemistry, we both too serious for this relationship, but he is emotionally unstable, do not know how to handle relationship… as much I want try, I cannot. As much I want to working on our relationship, but with his unstable emotion and immature, it did not work!

NOW- I have this incredible feeling, the free and want be free feeling, I feel sexy and confident, I want be in relationship and sametime I don’t want, I felt liberating and happy

I have met a guy J, he is soo sweet, I like him, want spend time with him, but I do not want in relationship at this moment, I want be free…

[happyxfaith]

Day 1 (I almost made it to day 10 but the stupid ex sent me an email and I replied out of obligation)

 

Why the hell did you think it was okay to email me and ask to be friends? What made you think things were okay 3 weeks after the breakup? I don't care that there is a weird feeling in your chest and that someone I might be one of the most important person in your life. Screw that, I'm not a utility tool for you to use to make yourself feel better. Seriously, you even knew it was for selfish reasons. I've done this breakup thing way too many times to go through this whole crappy friendship. So I told you nicely what I wanted, with nothing explicit, telling you I want a relationship, and that I wasn't settling for anything less. That I'm not trying to convince you of anything, just that this is what my convictions are.

 

Thank you for not replying. Because I know you don't have anything more to say. And out of spite I told you we could be friends (if that was really what you wanted) once I started dating again. Yeah, I'm being a little sneaky, and I kinda wanna rub it in.

 

Don't email me anymore! Seriously! I've laid out everything I want plain as day, and I DO NOT want to get an email from you unless it pertains to anything along those lines of "I'm sorry, it was a mistake, I wanna try again." And even then I still have my doubts of, why did you break up with me in the first place?

 

Anyways, you need time to think about things. And you obviously don't know how to cope with this breakup. Man I think I really hit it spot on when I thought you were a little emotionally immature, and maybe a little unavailable too.

 

We'll see. and wherever you are, I hope you can get this telekinetic message: "DON"T EMAIL ME UNLESS YOU"RE DYING, DROWNING, OR WANTING A SECOND CHANCE." because in the other two, you can't send messages anyways... Jesus I hope you get the message. Go recover and think about things in your own way. After you're done, maybe then we can talk.

[jr22]

Why did you feel the need to reply? If she didn't say anything you were interested in, you could've just not said anything back.

[the dude91]

I don't think you have to start back at day one if you just reiterated what your conditions are to her and there was nothing else said.

[t1lersm0m1]

Her pusued me. He loved me. We broke up because of my mother. Now I am doing the pursuing. We broke up on a Tuesday. He texted me Thursday to ask how my day was. Saturday and Sunday I sent him texts about feelings and stuff. He said he needed space. He is hurting in all of this too and I was being selfish. We didn't communicate for 6 days. Saturday I asked to talk. We talked. I texted him afterward saying it was nice to talk and hopefully we can talk again in a week or two. He said we will talk again soon.

 

None of this is strategy. I just need to give him his space like he asked. And if/when he thinks of me and reaches out, I want to let him come to me. I don't want to be the one constantly reaching out to him.

 

Called the landlord of the place I looked at. I went to high school with the woman that looks next door and she assures me I have nothing to worry about. But he still hasn't called me. I'm so excited to start this next chapter of my life. I want to focus on me and my son. I went to get moved in and settled and start the first day of the rest of my life.

 

Therapy appointment Friday. Volunteer work Thursday after work. I start a training class Monday, so that will keep me busy at work for a few weeks. I'd really like to still take my son on the summer trip my ex and I were planning (my dream national park trip), but I'll have to see if I have the money for it.

[t1lersm0m1]

Her pusued me. He loved me. We broke up because of my mother. Now I am doing the pursuing. We broke up on a Tuesday. He texted me Thursday to ask how my day was. Saturday and Sunday I sent him texts about feelings and stuff. He said he needed space. He is hurting in all of this too and I was being selfish. We didn't communicate for 6 days. Saturday I asked to talk. We talked. I texted him afterward saying it was nice to talk and hopefully we can talk again in a week or two. He said we will talk again soon.

 

None of this is strategy. I just need to give him his space like he asked. And if/when he thinks of me and reaches out, I want to let him come to me. I don't want to be the one constantly reaching out to him.

 

Called the landlord of the place I looked at. I went to high school with the woman that looks next door and she assures me I have nothing to worry about. But he still hasn't called me. I'm so excited to start this next chapter of my life. I want to focus on me and my son. I went to get moved in and settled and start the first day of the rest of my life.

 

Therapy appointment Friday. Volunteer work Thursday after work. I start a training class Monday, so that will keep me busy at work for a few weeks. I'd really like to still take my son on the summer trip my ex and I were planning (my dream national park trip), but I'll have to see if I have the money for it.

[t1lersm0m1]

Oops, I posted twice. I'm on day 3, not day 2.

[windingwings]

I do want some clarification though, I'm okay just wondering because this is my first big relationship lol. I'm only worried because I do generally care about him and I hope he knows what he was doing. So my ex of four years met this guy two weeks after our BU, they talked and added each other on some IM, the guy made the first move and the first thought in my exs mind was, "Why not?" So he made the choice to stay where he loves and date this guy. Now they love each other, started the whole tweets where he was basically tweeting sweet nothing to go the guy about how they had a magical day the first week of dating, with little heart emojis and all that stuff. So yeah it went a little fast and I'm worried that if it ends up in the s he'll try contact me. Remember we were together for four years despite the distance we made sure we saw each other a lot. Situation changed after I broke up with him and I was too late. The guy is 18 years old and my ex is 24, I don't know if it's a rebound or not and it worries me because it seems like he's overcompensating to make it work. I kind of hope it does last for him though but when I was 18 I wasn't even ready for a big commitment lol. What do you guys think is going on?

 

Oh, he's also following a lot of gay guys on instagram, so it's like, how committed is he? Right now I'm actually talking to a guy and going out next weekend on a date, it's been a month and I feel like I'm ready, really excited!

[the dude91]

Day 8

 

Well the first week is over, I didn't think about her very much today but when I did I thought about how this will be the first time in almost 6 years that I wouldn't spend with her and her family. But oh well I suppose, all things are temporary and must eventually come to an end. Still, it'll be a little strange this year but I'm sure I'll find something to do with the new puppy. I also took him in for his first checkup and round of shots, I was pretty nervous and I have to say I did not even think about the ex once for almost 4 hours strait. Thankfully he's in excellent health so I took him on a walk down by our waterfront. I had a lot of cute women come up to me asking to pet him and stuff, this guy gets way more action than me! Well another day down and a lifetime to go.

[jr22]

Day 21

 

Second straight milestone day? Yup! Today not only marks the 3 week spot, but it's also the best I've felt. I know you cannot control feelings but I've made it a goal not to dwell on the past. By doing this, I've continued to feel a tad better each day.

 

I think about the position I was in emotionally 3 weeks ago compared to today and it's literally black and white. I just missed my lofty business goal for the month of April, it's ok because it was still a good month. May is off to a nice start. I've been golfing so much it's ridiculous, although I haven't and won't be able to go out this week due to Mother Nature.

 

So... The last couple weekends I've golfed there has been a cute girl cruising around in the beverage cart. We've done some playful flirting. On Saturday I gave her my number and yesterday she texted me. How fun! I'm not really in a position to want to date anyone right now. I've already made one really big mess and the last thing I want is to hurt someone else. I'm still not over my ex. Nevertheless, I'm going to meet this new girl for coffee on Saturday morning. I thought that was casual enough.

 

As I stated, I bounce back and forth between what to do with my ex... Whether to contact her or not. I still have that burning flame for her.

I do still miss her, but I'm getting really close to being 'me' again. The last thing I want is to jeopardize my happiness. This hasn't been a pleasant experience and I do. It wish to go through it again. Cheers to 3 weeks down the drain.

[t1lersm0m1]

I am a strong, amazing woman. I just have some issues to work out. When I'm ready, I will begin dating. From this day forward, my life is about me, and I will answer to no one.

 

Moving out of my mother's house will be the best thing I ever did for my son and I.