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Everything posted by t1lersm0m1

  1. I had no idea there were so many pages of replies when I replied, so I apologize if I gave duplicate advice.
  2. I had a beautiful reply composed and instead of hitting Post Quick Reply I hit Reply to Thread and POOF, away it all went. So I'll try summarizing: I have a best friend. We tell each other everything; the good the bad and the ugly. I still love her and think she's a great person. A lot of people are our own worst critics and enemies. That's especially true of women. But we all deserve happiness, and not forgiving yourself prevents you from being happy. We only get one life, wouldn't you rather be happy? I have abuse in my past and therefore struggle with shame. Do you have abuse
  3. Your coworker is married, you were dating. I wouldn't discuss a big purchase with someone I was dating unless we were cohabitating or engaged. But yes when you become a couple in the long term, you are a team and big decisions like a big purchase should be discussed. Being busy is one thing, but everyone has to eat, why does it bother you to sit and eat a meal for an hour? I mean in a restaurant with a friend or romantic partner. Are you really missing out on something in life in that hour? Sometimes you have to stop to smell the roses. Some guys don't buy flowers. If you're not t
  4. My mom will be 62 soon, she's 20 years older than me and I just turned 42. She can physically care for herself. She's bipolar and I'm pretty sure not on her medicine. She basically sits around her house feeling sorry for herself most of the time. In the past if I asked her questions that made her upset or uncomfortable she would just shut down, and I never pushed because I didn't want to upset her. This year we didn't speak or see one another for over two months because I needed that time to realize my life is about me, not making her happy. It's impossible to make someone else happy. S
  5. Sounds like grass is greener syndrome. As a woman, I notice the men I am not interested in want me even more. It sounds like the fact she wasn't into you romantically probably seemed like a challenge to you and yes you had a crush. It sounds like you were and still are interested in her romantically because you said "Even if I wanted to be with her she does't want to be with me." So I think deep down you'd love a shot with her. You are just in denial about that. Trust me, if the relationship you're in is great, then treasure that and focus on that. When you think of the coworker, thin
  6. I'm in the midst of reading the book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do. In there it mentions that to the contrary, time does not heal all wounds. That it's what you do in that time that depends on how long it will take you to heal and move on. So what are you doing for yourself? Get a new haircut, join a gym, socialize with friends....it sounds like you are not over the ex so I wouldn't say look to jump into a relationship, but date with the intent of just dating....... Basically are you keeping busy? Part of my problem with a short relationship (mine, not yours), is I'm cu
  7. I have seen an LSCW in the past. Once I have health insurance I'd like to see a psychologist. I'm trying hard to work on my relationship with myself. That's definitely what needs the most work. I'm a great person, I am a great friend, mother, daughter, sister (although again I struggle with my relationship with my mom). So I didn't sleep well last night, and what I think I came up with early this morning was the fact that my mom is a very unhappy person. For so long, I've felt responsible for her happiness. My Dad died in 2011, my brother moved across the country in 2012. My m
  8. The abbreviated story is I have sexual abuse in my past, as well a mother who was an alcoholic who was and still can be verbally and emotionally abusive. I was separated in 2009 and divorced in 2010. I met the 1st good guy to treat me well in 2012, but I never realized I was very insecure and pushed him away cuz I didn't believe I deserved the happiness he was bringing me. I then went crazy and chased him. After that I dug deep and worked on my self esteem. I had two other relationships with men and did well in the relationships until the break ups when my abandonment issues kicked
  9. I am done with her....I just wish I could stop thinking of her. I'm not sad or depressed, I don't sit and intentionally think of her and the memories, but she'll pop into my head randomly throughout the day. I also feel like those thoughts of her are stopping me from moving on. It was a 2 month thing, we ended things in June so apart now longer than I knew her. And I totally get we were in the honeymoon phase and I didn't even know her. But of course we had great chemistry, and she was my first romantic/intellectual connection. So I feel like my mind doesn't want to let go of her.
  10. You two were on a break, which was his idea. He has no right to tell you who you can hang out with pin those breaks. He also can't accuse you of cheating on a break. He is very controlling and this is an unhealthy relationship. Let him go.
  11. Listen, you can't prevent a broken heart, and love is always a gamble. Once you've healed from this you'll be grateful for the lessons. You also can't punish future prospects by putting a wall up. You need to enter dating knowing you can end up with a broken heart, but saying to heck with it! Love is worth the risk. Time really does heal....it's cliche but oh so true. Be kind to yourself and let time do its thing.
  12. I tried coming out in high school but family shut me down. I just met a woman this year who piqued my interest. Things didn't work out, but I'm definitely bi! If it makes you feel better, I'm divorced since 2010. I've had 4 short relationships since then, nothing long term. I'm about to turn 42.
  13. Thanks! I was reading it....interesting...
  14. Yes, I actually told myself as I got to know her better we were going to have to discuss her finances because that was a big deal to me. She drinks wine daily and gets her nails done, but pays her rent late. She also owns and pays for horses that she never spends time with. And she's9 years older than me. She has been separated 2 years but isn't divorced because she can't afford a lawyer. She's 51 and has no money saved for retirement because she took it out for a house that ended up being foreclosed.
  15. Wow, just wow! Your words are so powerful and helpful! I think you might have even said something on another post I found helpful and texted it to myself... When a relationship doesn't work despite our best efforts, that's usually a sign that we're trying to force a fit. That's not only a dismal wheelspin, it delays us from finding the right match. Thanks, this is very helpful...
  16. Thanks, I'm really going to ponder this. I am grateful for the short time we spent together and the lessons I learned. I know I did the best I could at that time, and I've been working on myself so next time my best will be better. And I know not to get so swept up that I ignore red flags. She gave me plenty to work with. If she were a man I would have broken things off within 2 weeks. And that's not my ego speaking, it's me being clear headed. I really want to ponder your post and look inside.
  17. Thanks, I had a feeling that was the reason. I've struggled with self esteem, been working on it but clearly need more work. The toxic part making it harder to move on makes perfect sense!!!! I agree 100%. What I've decided for the future is that I need to go no contact even if I'm the one ending things. I ended things because it was the right thing to do....then my fear of abandonment and fear that this is my last shot at love kicked in. Logically I know that even if I'm with someone a year or several years but they decide they no longer want to be with me, I need to be ok
  18. I think the answer to my question is to be kind to myself, and give myself time, but here goes: I decided to be single for nearly four years. I started dating again in November 2017. The only genuine connection I felt was with a woman (it was my first bisexual experience). Our short-lived relationship consisted of 6 weeks of HOURS on the phone, followed by nearly 2 weeks of in-person dating with too many hours together (what's that saying, the candle that burns bright burns quickest?) I basically ignored all of the dating advice found in books about taking things slow. This woman
  19. Honestly, horny men will drive pretty far for sex so driving an hour is nothing. Also the chit chat after was just him being polite. If he was interested in more he'd be taking you out on the town and calling you on the phone. Sorry to say you were sex and nothing more.
  20. Thank you guys! Every day is a great day but it's even better when great people are wishing you a happy birthday all day Oh and I'm grateful for pumpkin beer.... Well just about all things pumpkin
  21. HUSH! It's not my favorite holiday yet, Halloween! I too love Thanksgiving, and even Christmas, but hate the fact that winter follows. YUCK
  22. A dear friend is having me over her house fro dinner after work. I love learning to cherish the little things like this. I love my friends and am so grateful for them being in my life.
  23. I'm grateful it's Wednesday and hump day. I'm grateful for a roof over my head at night. I'm grateful for a bed to sleep in. And I am always grateful for my son, the light of my life. I cherish him so.
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