THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[JA0371]

Day 2:

 

I felt weak last night...but I recently got my new puppy, and she's keeping me distracted. She gives me cuddles and she's so sweet! I found out she likes to sleep on her back..it's sooo cute. She's a basset hound puppy..but she sleeps a LOt. Must be all that chewing in stuff that wears her out! Lol

 

Anyway...it's still early on. I gotta get through the first week or so and I think I'll be much better.

Thank God for this forum.

[t1lersm0m1]

Keeping the door open to reconciliation was placing my insecurity in overdrive. Now that the door is closed, I feel much better. 12 days since we broke it off for good. 12 days since our last contact. I haven't reached out to him, and he hasn't reached out to me.

 

At the end of the call I asked him not to close the door, he said that's the good thing about a closed door, it can always be reopened. I didn't do something that he considers a deal breaker.

 

But, I know once I heal, I will not want him back. It's just that I am so desperate to be in love that even when I've found a good guy, if he is wrong for me I will not leave. I'd rather be with someone than alone. I want to emphasize the last three men I have dated were good men who treated me well, they just were not the right fit. But, at the end of the day, I was sacrificing what I deserve to be with the last two our to three men.

 

I want to get to a place where I will no longer sacrifice my happiness. Erik wasn't over his wife, that became clear 2.5 months into our 6 months together. He was also hugely insecure and when we had any kind of disagreement he would completely ignore me, which drove my abandonment issues into overdrive. He said he didn't deal well with conflict. I didn't ask for conflict, just a quick resolution to a misunderstanding.

 

I must say my abandonment issues have gotten much beter. With Erik and Bill, I would call/text them relentlessly to try and get them to reply to me. I even drove to both of their houses during/after the break ups to beg and plead.

 

I only called/texted Rich several times 12 days ago when we ended it for good. He normally calls me back or returns my texts within an hour. I called him at 6:30. Texted him at 8:00. Called again at 8:30. Then from 9-10 my abandonment/insecurity kicked in and I went into overdrive.

 

I know it sounds logical to say he'll call or reply to my text when he sees it/has a chance, but in an "abandonment episode"

(I have no idea if that's what it's called, but I feel it needs a name), I lose all logic, reason and rationality. I become completely irrational. And it's very hard for me to control my emotions when that happens.

 

Day 12 of focusing on me and my healing, not from the break up with Rich, but from my past. I'm so happy to be on this road to recovery.

[t1lersm0m1]

Your puppy sounds adorable. I wish I had gotten an apartment that allows pets. oh well, I hope to buy a house in a year or two.

 

Yes, I echo your sentiments....Thank God for this forum.

 

Day 2:

 

I felt weak last night...but I recently got my new puppy, and she's keeping me distracted. She gives me cuddles and she's so sweet! I found out she likes to sleep on her back..it's sooo cute. She's a basset hound puppy..but she sleeps a LOt. Must be all that chewing in stuff that wears her out! Lol

 

Anyway...it's still early on. I gotta get through the first week or so and I think I'll be much better.

Thank God for this forum.

[Seankbq]

Day 12.

 

So it's day 12 of not looking at her stuff, but today is officially one month of NC. In honor of this, I replied to her email I had been putting off about wanting to return my stuff and talk. I told her, "as for talking, right now I find it best for me to just move on." I stayed strong, and kept it short and brief, but also positive. I had quite a few people walk me through exactly how to say what I did, and I feel good knowing I respected her enough to at least be the one to tell her to leave me in peace.

 

So day twelve isn't so bad. Made up a lot of lost ground with other people in my life, and feel like things are starting to turn around for me.

 

It's been difficult, but today, even with finality sinking in, has been a good one.

[the dude91]

Day 14

 

I have to say it's been pretty hard not to text her today. Just before work started for me she sent me a text apologizing for being rude to me and that she just wasn't being herself. Then I became curious, why would she say that now of all times just as I was finishing putting myself back together and moving on? So I unfortunately checked her Facebook just a little bit ago, looks like her and that guy broke up. So I'm thinking her ego just took a hard blow, she's feeling lonely again and maybe she really did miss me? I'm unsure if I should reply back, I mean is this what people originally hope for before realizing that NC is for yourself to move on from the ex? I guess I'll talk to my counselor about it, luckily my next scheduled appointment happens to be tomorrow morning.

[TarioJC]

Day 37 - Actually ran into my ex today... she was at my job. Walked right pass each other and didn't even speak. I can't even lie, it hurt me a little. How you act like someone who tried his best to make you happy doesn't exist? I'm not perfect but I tried to be there!!

 

I'm still going to remain strong!!

[3Tears]

Day 9

 

Today was a rest day in my training split, so no working out, which led me to more thinking of her but I just started web browsing and watching a couple of youtube videos till it went away then E3 was on and I had a blast watching that, so many interesting games coming out, can't wait, which also reminds me I gotta find me a job ! This summer is going to be so long.

 

Haven't heard from her in 9 days now, I guess this is really it for us, I'm slowly starting to accept the break up and accept that theres a good chance its forever. I gave her my all, and even after she destroyed me I felt love for her, I tried my best to win her back and she never even considered it. I tried, I tried. I loved her even after she left me... I gotta keep looking forward in tunnel vision.

[JA0371]

Day 3:

 

I like to post early, as it sets the tone for the day. Got my puppy here nuzzling me..and ok, chewing on me lol. For some reason she likes me more than her chew toy.

 

Im not gonna lie...the last few days have been harder than I thought...but Im going to power through it. Having days off makes it harder..so Im glad I work the rest of the week. I realized my exes Bday is a month from yesterday...so right at 33 days. I have considered just saying happy bday but Im not even close to making that decision yet. I have so much to work through emotionally in the next few weeks. I know feelings are fluid and they change day to day...just hoping I will be better off by then.

 

So...I will relish in my work and my puppy time.

 

Hope everyone stays strong!!

[John John]

Stay strong JA! I know you can do it, and it will only benefit you in the end. If you feel like texting your ex, text me!! lol

[JA0371]

Stay strong JA! I know you can do it, and it will only benefit you in the end. If you feel like texting your ex, text me!! lol

 

Awww thanks .....and I will!! Same to you!!

[janut1]

Day 9 - WOW this morning was hard! I cried and thought about him all morning. I am really in shock that he has not reached out. It took him 6 days last time, so maybe thats why Im in this mood today. Thought I would of heard from him by now. BUT, I also have a small voice that says Thank Goodness he hasn't contacted me. My phone is so quiet too. He was constantly calling and texting... seems weird.

 

I rode my bike again today, its getting easier, so I have to increase my time on the bike a little bit. My goal is to work up to it since its been so long since I did any exercise. That helped my mood and I came back feeling a bit better.

[t1lersm0m1]

Two weeks tomorrow we exited one another's lives. I know in my heart reconciliation is not something either of us should want. I will remain strong, and remain in NC.

 

I hope you are well.

[Tawny]

So long as he does not contact me later tonight, this will be day 3 if NC. The breakup was about 3.5 months ago, and he's been with a friend of his since two weeks after that. She doesn't like us to keep in contact, but the longest we've gone without some sort of interaction since then has been about 2.5 weeks (all but one have been him reaching out on me).

Should he contact me again, I'm going to ask him not to, and although I know it's good for me, that will be very hard to do. However, if he's struggling with the breakup, he will have to deal with that on his own, I need some space to continue to heal, and, if we were to talk again in the future, I want it to be without the awkwardness that pervades most of our conversations now. I am not yet back to my full self, and until we can both get past it, interacting is just not working.

Once I tell him, I will not contact him. I have no problem with not contacting him now, because we are not in the same place. We will have nowhere near a normal friendship with this girl around (having known her personally, she's a shrew, and others think the same, but that changes nothing), and as long as he's with her, I want to know nothing that's going on.

[Seankbq]

Day 13

 

Past one month of NC, and day 13 into not looking at her stuff. I'll admit, I can feel myself slipping, because it's just so hard for me to come to terms with the fact that someone who said I was worth it and that as long as we had each other, we would be ok, would have moved on and started dating someone a few weeks after breaking up. They have been together a month or so now. That's so messed up to me.

 

Still, I have managed to make it this far. I don't know what to do, but oddly enough, I know I am doing the right thing.

[JA0371]

Day 4:

 

Glad I have work all week...it keeps me sane strangely enough. Being around other people keeps me from dwelling . I know time can't go any faster, just want to turn off my mind for a while. I just want to gain some clarity and distance. Last night I was sad. Im still sad....but not in a distraught way. I know it will pass. Im prepared for the crazy emotional roller coaster the next month.

 

Sigh...I miss him.

[janut1]

Day 10

 

WOW, day 10... this is the longest we have gone without talking/texting in 19 months. I guess it is really over. I have to admit, I thought he would of contacted me by now. Why do I feel so sad in the mornings? I hate when I think of the good times, I get really sad. Work is helping me too, but I work from home, not around other people and I think I need to get out so I can see other people do exist. Maybe work from a coffee shop. Feeling disconnected right now. I'm glad I am going to my nephews baseball game tonight that will help me not think about you for a couple of hours.

[Tawny]

Day 13

 

Past one month of NC, and day 13 into not looking at her stuff. I'll admit, I can feel myself slipping, because it's just so hard for me to come to terms with the fact that someone who said I was worth it and that as long as we had each other, we would be ok, would have moved on and started dating someone a few weeks after breaking up. They have been together a month or so now. That's so messed up to me.

 

I understand exactly what you're going through, and I don't understand it either. I know it'll be a rather long time, if ever, before I could contemplate a relationship with someone else, and it only took my ex two weeks! Granted, he'd known this girl for about a year beforehand, but knowing what kind of person she is, it's like an extra stab in the back. She's super immature, a brat, and when she has an emotional meltdown, she blames it on her hormones, instead of admitting that she simply lost it. When we were dating, he told me that he had the better girl, and while I know I made mistakes, it really grinds my gears that he may think this girl is a better fit for him (apparently she's good to him, whatever that means). They've already fought, and there was a point where he thought it wouldn't last (that way maybe 2 months in). Apparently things got better, but everyone else steers well clear of her- including guys, because she was desperately looking for pretty much anyone before they started dating. I don't get it.

 

Had the worst night last night that I've had in a while, where I just fell apart and bawled- I haven't done that in a few weeks. Sometimes I wish that I could just rent a house somewhere else, snag a couple of friends, and spend the summer "rehabbing" in a place with no memories.

 

I've done a lot of contemplating as well, but for some reason, when I go to type it up here, I lose the desire to bring it up.

 

Such begins day 4.

[t1lersm0m1]

If you loved me the way I deserved to be loved, you would still be in my life. You wouldn't have broken up with me for something that was completely out of my control.

 

I don't know, I blame my mom for our break up, but truth is, you were responsible for your own actions. Yes, you are a grown man, and must do what you feel is best for you, but you once thought I was good for you.

 

I know I'm in denial. You had your own issues, I realized that slightly while we were together and then after the break up you told me something you never told me when we were together which made things so much clearer....so much more clarity.

 

Yes, I should have moved out in December, but I didn't. I moved out now. And yet, we are not together.

 

Let go, let God. I'm not very religious, but I am spiritual. I need to learn to let go, let God. If we were meant to be together, we would be together. I wouldn't be posting on a message board about going 14 days with no contact.

 

Let go, let God.

[JA0371]

Posting again...twice in one day. Been busy with my new puppy and work but the week is dragging. Im not just sitting around. Maybe I need to realize I need a good week to mourn this loss and realize its over. I want to have hope but that is likely holding me back. It's hard to accept he doesn't want to work this out, but I guess I need to.

[Seankbq]

Day 14.

 

You haven't paid me yet for the Bonnaroo ticket I gave you money for, that you took your friend too this weekend. I am so mad at you right now.

 

I want to look at your stuff, but the thought of how fast you moved on sickens me. I'm disappointed in you.

[JA0371]

Day 5:

 

I think I realize that the first week after any breakup there is isnt going to be much 'progress '...besides the distancing aspect. There has to be distance in order to gain real clarity. Staying busy is definetely imperative. If it weren't for work right now I would be pulling my hair out. Thank goodness for that.

 

I haven't been able to work out this week with the new puppy...I need to sit down and write up some new goals. I will make time to do that this weekend.

 

Happy Day 5

[hurtinheart]

Day 22.

 

Don't want to contact her...but still feeling a little KrAzY. I guess still processing the whole thing.

[janut1]

Day 11! I made it through two really tough days of missing him terribly, today is better so far. But every time I go to a place we went to it hurts the most. We had so much fun together its hard to believe that is truly over. I rode my bike again yesterday and that seems to help clear my mind.

[Tawny]

It's funny how I thought a couple of months ago that, by the time we got to June, I'd be mostly better. It was kind of a mixed bag of thinking that I'd never be better at all, and thinking that I'd be drastically more healed by this point. I am probably leaps and bounds better than I was, but at the same time I'm not as healed as I thought I'd be. It seems like, when I feel like I'm getting particularly better, I soon after suffer either a relapse of a few days, or a night where I have a panic attack.

I sometimes wonder if my ex thought that breaking up with me and dating someone right after would go more smoothly than I has for him. His previous longest relationship before me was 7 months (compared to our two years), so not really long enough to really reach the attachment phase with anyone.

I know he misses me and has suffered quite a lot for the breakup, but all the missing in the world isn't likely to make him leave the new girl. I feel as though that relationship will have to come to it's natural conclusion, if there is one. There is nothing I can do about that, no matter how many red flags she throws up, because he tends to be a very forgiving person who doesn't want to see the bad sides of people.

Good grief, it's been a melancholy past five days.

[Chinafish]

Back again, after two years. Shared a text yesterday so I guess this is DAY ONE. Finding it so hard today, want to text him about the football. I know he's an Assclown - doesn't make the missing any less hard.