ZenZenny
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Posts
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ZenZenny's Achievements
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Day 29 Tomorrow I'm going to reach the 30 day mark of no communication and it's interesting how this whole process happened. I'm probably going to reach out to my ex at the end of the 30 days and check on her in a friendly way and just see how she's been. And then leave it alone. I'm in a much stronger place mentally than I was before I started this challenge and it's funny because I didn't think much would change in 30 days but it did. When I first started I couldn't stand to see her name or even think about her. I couldn't stop wanting to look at her stuff. I couldn't stop wanting to know what she was doing who she was doing it with or why. Now 30 days later I look at life, her, relationships and my emotions a lot differently. I am not as obsessed with her for one. I'm not as over bearing in a emotional since any more. Kind of like, if it happens it happens if it doesn't? Life goes on and I'm just fine. If you like me cool. If you don't that's cool too. I won't be affected negatively. Interesting feeling. About to get off work, smoke a black, hoop and reach out to my good ol ex. I think it's something we both need.
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Day 23 NC still going well. I'm glad that I decided to not text or reach out to her. Yesterday she re-tweeted something that I posted. I know it doesn't mean anything but that tells me that she is or has been looking at things I post to a certain extent for whatever reason. I first it felt like a big deal to me and then with time I stopped thinking about it as much and stopped caring that it even happened.
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Day 22 I had a conversation yesterday with a friend of mine that made me really consider texting her and ask is she's okay. That was the first time I actually considered contacting her in a long time. I was very very tempted but I did not do it, yet. And I don't think that I will but I was definitely considering it heavily. I also had a crazy dream last night about going to the club and seeing her. Weird. 8 days away though. Don't feel too much of a change but it is what it is.
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Day 15 Nothing has changed, still going strong and living the way I want to. She tends to be on my mind when I'm driving or have a lot of down time, other than that she just pops up randomly after me seeing/hearing something that reminded me of her for a brief moment. Still no contact, no social media and no reaching out to one another on either end. You would think we had a horrific break-up the way that we're ignoring each other.
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Day 12 I been in my feelings this morning lol. Tweeting stuff about my past relationship and just venting about how it's funny how things can change and how you can meet the right person but at the wrong time. I think I'm tweeting this stuff with the subconscious intention that she see it and it make her think or make her feel some type of way about it. But the fact that I can admit that to myself doesn't make it subconscious I guess. But at the same time putting my thoughts out there help me vent instead of holding all of it in. People always say "don't let them see you sweat", but I don't think this is her seeing me "sweat" idk. I just am tired of holding thoughts in and I don't always have someone in particular who I want to vent to so I take to twitter and let them come out a bit, but still not very extreme. NC still going good. I wish I had a message from her to ignore lol. As childish as that sounds I just kind of wish there was some sort of sign that I'm not the only one still concerned about the friendship ending at all
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Day 11 Things have been going pretty much the same. Yesterday was her birthday so that day was a little rough for me with having that on my mind. I sometimes find myself tweeting things with the hope that maybe she'll see it. But at the same time, not really caring too much whether or not she does see it. I do miss the thought of possibly talking to her but I know it's best just to leave it alone. I haven't been tempted not 1 time to call/text/look at her social sites since I've begun this little challenge. I just mostly find myself having thoughts of her and wondering if she's thinking about me. I often also re-run different scenarios and conversations in my head wondering if there were any signs I missed or anything I could've said/done differently. But nonetheless NC is good.
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Day 9 Things have been going well. When I chill and smoke sometimes my mind goes to what she's doing but not a strong enough urge to want to look at any of her stuff. I've been through a few decent experiences with women since I've broken up with her and I'm becoming more desensitized to BS as time goes on and I am learning how to chop feelings off and thoughts off for people who aren't worth the heart ache. Looking back on our last conversation I wish I would've told her more of how I truly felt in a sense that when she goes out there and gets played a few times or when she finally is looking for a good guy to really be with and not just a temporary fling she's going to look back on me and realize that she once had someone who not only deeply cared and looked out for her but for her family as well and anything related to her life. And when she's wanting that and thinks of what she once had she'll realize just what she let go. That's the only thing I would change about the way that the last conversation went.
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Day 8 I haven't had a problem with not contacting her. I've been pretty busy with a new friend on mine and have been enjoying myself. I still do however think of her often in a sense of, I wonder if she ever thinks about me kind of way. What does she think? Does she feel bad? Does she feel like she's missing out? Did she see my last tweets etc. Still haven't wanted to reach out though or check her social media surprisingly. That feeling went away after like day 3-4. I also find myself having her in my dreams from time to time. Last night in the dream I had somehow become friends with a guy she used to talk to and she called him saying how much she missed him while he had her on speakerphone so I could hear. Feeling: Happy, still have her on my mind, not so worried about what she's doing/who she's doing it with, I don't get excited or still mentally plan about possibly seeing her. Unfortunately I still wonder if she'll text me.
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Day 3 I found myself having dreams about my ex last night. I can't really remember what exactly was happening in the dream but I do remember it being a type of vibe insinuating that her and I were 'talking' again. Or at least trying to. I haven't had too strong of urges to check on her pages or anything, but I do find myself running old tweets and posts through my head 1000x over and drilling myself to think about why she would say/think those things. Were they about me? Is this new person 'better' than me? And if she were to that 'this' I would come back and say 'that', type of thoughts. I feel hurt to know that someone I once gave so much of myself to and someone I was had so much of can seemingly turn and be so different of a person. It begins to make me wonder what was real and what wasn't while we were together. Because no one can mentally check out that easily without it having been started a LONG time before it was brought to my attention. But nonetheless, NC is going well, for day 3 at least.
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day 2 About to get off of work and I notice that when I have downtime when there's nothing much going on I have the urge to check her ish. Haven't done it though and I wont. And after talking to a few people about what's been bothering me lately it helps me realize just how foolish it is for me to be soo bent out of shape over her in the ways. But I should also realize that it takes time. I'm just focusing on it not taking an excessive amount of time by me not doing s*** that won't help me. Like looking at her page or talking to her.
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Day 2 This happens every now and then, right now I'm just like fK it. Like an epiphany moment. I'm doing things with myself. I don't have time or the IQ low enough to be worried about somebody that couldn't give a damn about me.
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Day 2 I don't find it hard not to directly contact her. My bad habit that I allowed myself to fall into is periodically checking her twitter account or IG account to see 'what she's been up to'. I think I do it to see if I'm being mentioned in any of the posts or tweets, but needless to say I never have been and then I go on about my day. Probably subconsciously wondering why she wouldn't be thinking about me. It hurts me to see and feel that she has become such a different person, I don't even recognize that woman anymore. I'm going to remain focused on not going onto her pages and keep it pushing. Hopefully I can reach the point where 'what she's up to' no longer TRULY matters to me and I couldn't really care less. Right now I just want her to be unhappy and to feel regret, but that's malicious and selfish of me to feel and only hinders my progress. One day at a time. One day at a time.
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Haha this will be interesting. 30 day Challenge Day 1 8:44 pm! Last night was the last time I talked to my ex where I brought up how I felt that she confuses me with our recent conversation and how I basically get mixed signals from her. I mentioned how I know we may have rushed things in the past, but I would be open to potentially starting things over at a much slower pace and playing things by ear if she as open to it. She declined and said she likes where we stand and I just said "Ok do your thing" and deleted the texts. Today I found this site and posted my first post, got great feedback. Found a way to vent and get my thoughts out and was having an amazing day. After I got off of work I saw a tweet from her, indirectly, retweeted by a mutual friend saying "He's soooooo lame to me now! I'm like -_- nawww bruh we good lol" I couldn't help but know she was talking about me and it pissed me off so much to the point where I literally got hot and wanted to fight something/someone. As of that point forward I was just like fk her, fk her opinion, how am I lame? She doesn't know me. Who is 'better' than me? What the fk is wrong with her? Why can't she be woman enough to say it to my face when we were talking before? All type of sh*t. So this is day one. I'm not going to go on her twitter/IG/or FB. and I won't have a problem not texting her cause it isn't like she actively texted me anyway. Here we go.
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
ZenZenny replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I'm going to be great, just you watch. You will realize when it's too late on what a great thing you threw away in the trash behind some sorry niggas and a few dollars. But I hope you have fun getting played. Getting bust down. And going nowhere with your life because that's the path you chose and this seems to be what you so desperately want. If you do manage to perform a miracle and turn your life around you'll find yourself in a search for a partner that has EXACTLY what you already had in me you idiot. But hey it's your life and I gotta learn to just say eff it and stop being so concerned with what you're doing, like I had been doing for years. I don't understand what you're getting out of this new strip club/prostitution life that you're involved in.....but I hope it's worth it. I wish your father would've been in your life and that your mom had a few slivers of common sense and better parenting skills because maybe then you would've been able to appreciate yourself more and have a higher sense of self worth than to auction off your body for the highest drunk bidder, who will then go home to his wife and kids and leave you with a few shots of tequila in your system, latex in your pu ssy (i hope) and a false sense of self worth that will wear off faster than the lipstick you put on when you go to work. I felt like you and I had it all but apparently something was more appealing to you about a strip club and strange men than someone who actually had your back, gave a damn and would've done anything in the world to see you smile.