missmymikey

Day 4......i wish i never started this......my boyfriend.....my best friend.....sent me about 100 texts .....he teased swore and blamed me for everything that ended our relationship......including getting drunk....L.A. Recovery program encouraged him to go on drinking binge which they claimed ok and legal .....so he broke 4 month sobriety .....and his schitzophrenic rages and attacks threw me out of our awesome home. His parents hate me and control him. 2 days ago he texted me someting different than his usual parent inspired hateful attacks... He texted me that he loved me......he said im a beautifl woman.....that this is my summer.....and that i should be happy smile and enjoy life. He said there was a problem with his probation......and now hes in prison. He went to prison the last time he broke up with me and ran to his parents. I know i should detach from this hateful sociopath family....but i have to be honest.....i love him and wish i had ne er dine nc to him. He had found us a new home and he was workinv and he asked fir my help.....and i said nothing..... I will never see my dog again.....and my true love is indefinitely in prison. Im gonña go struggle to fi nd shelter and money.,.bye y all...... I SuperDave71

I'm not going to lie and tell myself that I am not in love with him... ....I'm just going to love myself more.....

62 Hours (2 1/2 days) of NC He left more unanswered texts on my cell last night: - I think I have some art frames? (bribery) - U really cut me off - - Thanks - Having fun ignoring me? - Really? - Thanks - Fine at like we never met - You on your vacation with your boyfriend? - Well hope your at least doing good its hitting me hard I do miss you. - Well guess you moved on....I wish you the best - Please say something - Something anything I remain silent. He kicked me out, took all my money, threatens and hate texts me WITH his family. calls my being broke, working, hungry, struggling & homeless "vacation".....and he continues to falsely accuse me of sleeping around with dudes. He doesn't ask about me, my health, or my school that he hated on and sabotaged these last few months. And he still has my puppy.....who has probably grown into a dog....without me, his mama. I feel sad, alone, tired, and hungry. I'm going to panhandle for coffee...... I'm not sure how long I am supposed to do this NC. Is there a point when I will know it's OK to meet and talk with him? Probably with this guy.....never. He seems too narcissistic, attached to his crazy mother, and incapable of treating me any better than his parents and my ex-abusive family do. Im beginning to believe he will never be the friend he was when we first dated.....he will never treat me the way he treats everyone else.... Theres more to life than being treated like the scapegoat, prisoner, slave, punching bag, fall guy, and doormat. I love what he used to be, what I thought he was, and what he refuses to be ever again. Its so sad. I hate this.

"No ones opinion of yourself is more important than that of your own"

It's been 40 hours NC.....and I received more texts this A.M.: 6:16 - "Somebody kill me" 7:16 - 7:37 - "Wish you were in my life" 7:46 - "Help me (my name)" What a change from his jealous, hateful threats, lies and insults. Before NC, I told him he didn't respect me....he laughed and told me to leave him alone and go get some self respect.....so I did.

OK...its been about 30 hours of NC. I received 2 missed phone calls that I refused to answer; and 1 voice message asking me for $10.00 fuel money! Sheesh...... These are the text messages I received: "Will you post stuff on eBay for me" "Hope your day is going good....Last two days made close to $2000" (which is strange when 3 hours earlier he left phone message asking me for $10.00 fuel money). "I still love you...haven't forgotten about you" "God forgive me..." "You don't love me though whatev" "I hate my f___ing life" "Talck your s___"

I'm was really happy to find this response on ENA this A.M. It's nice to know that there doesn't have to be hatred, denial and negative connotations in every NC situation, which I have grown used to reading in ENA over the years......but today, this challenge and response below has talked me into the NC challenge. Yesterday, after struggling through hours of hate texting, which made a long excruciating day at work, I placed my ex on the blocked list on my phone. It has almost been 24 hours. I feel rested from an uninterrupted sleep....something I cannot remember feeling for 2 years.....I love my Mikey....and our puppy.....and my heart strings call out for them.....but I am going to remain silent for a while. Today I feel sad....but without the twisted insults from my schizophrenic ex, and the death and prison threats from his crazy family who made him this way. Good idea, missmymikey