THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[lonesomeloser]

Hey, just dropping by to say keep the faith.

 

I was here back in the day (about 11 months ago) and although I probably still think about my ex daily, I've dated other people and don't even remember how long it has been since I last contact the ex...

 

Thanks brazilgirl. This is encouraging. Guess you never stop thinking about them though huh? Even though I know she doesn't think about me (that's kinda sad).

[lonesomeloser]

DAY 6 -- Personal Best

 

Never made it past Day 5. I'm still fighting myself to not text her a happy smiley or a 'thinking about you'. Helps immensely to find someone else to talk to. I think I can do this. Give me strength!!

[brazilgirl21]

Thanks brazilgirl. This is encouraging. Guess you never stop thinking about them though huh? Even though I know she doesn't think about me (that's kinda sad).

 

I think about him but in a "wow, I don't miss him", or "wow, i wouldn't get back"... it's just weird but I think you will always think about your exes pretty much everyday, it just doesn't hurt when you do.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Day 16

 

I woke up from the worst dream this morning. I was on vacation or something, and my ex and his new girl were in my room, lying on the floor under a blanket all cuddled up next to eachother sleeping. Apparently someone was in the wrong room. My ex saw me looking down at them, and this time he wast suprised to see me. (not like when i accidently walked in on them in real life). He looked mad and angry. He and his new gf ran into the bathroom and she just gave me this look that said, "haha, im with him now and you're not". I put my hand in the door and she kept slamming my fingers but i refused to let her close the door. She told me that it would be better for him to get over him by being with her and there was nothing i could do about it.

 

and then my alarm woke me up.

 

I hate dreams. Because the feelings you get from them are the same feelings you would have if that really happened. All of those feelings of me walking in on them came back and i felt sick to my stomach all morning. I still dont feel totally better.

 

I miss him. I want him to come back. I want to be together with him. I dont care about all the stuff he's done to me or how much he's hurt me. I just want him right now

[Nappyloxs]

I had a dream about my ex. too. It was basically her yelling at me telling me she is never coming back. The funny thing is my horoscope said something about interpreting dreams yesterday. So I think because I read my horoscope, I had that dream. I actually woke up from it as if it was real; as if she was really yelling at. Good thing is I vaguely remembered it this morning until I read your post.

 

Day 1 again, it really should be considered day 2. I only broke NC because I owe my ex some money. So I just sent her an email letting her know I sent it to her parents. I told her earlier this week I would send the money. Should have told her that then where I was sending it. I have thought about whether I should pay her back or not, or just do it down the road. But I just want to get it over with, I believe in Karma, and I don't want to give her the satisfaction of complaining about the little bit of money I owe her as she did with her ex. who owes her thousands. Plus, I do owe her the money anyway and believe in paying my debts.

[Nappyloxs]

DAY 6 -- Personal Best

 

Never made it past Day 5. I'm still fighting myself to not text her a happy smiley or a 'thinking about you'. Helps immensely to find someone else to talk to. I think I can do this. Give me strength!!

 

You can call me if you need to, pm me if you ever want to talk and I will give you my phone number, FB, yahoo, msn. I am here to help if you need it.

[Melting]

Day 4

 

Not coping too well this morn, thinking of all the things that went wrong... over n over n over

 

No desire to make contact thou, just wishing he would

[kt_belle]

Day 13

 

Well i'm up to day 13 and i'm actually amazed i have made it this far. Yesterday was probably the worst day since starting. My mum tried to commit suicide again so she was sent to the hospital unconscious. The last time this happened i turned to my ex for comfort and it was so hard not having him there. I am kinda proud of myself though for not breaking NC even though i wanted to more than anything.

 

It does hurt though that he hasnt bothered to see how i am. I was meant to go to the movies with his mum and sister last night (we are still really good friends) so he definitely knows whats going on in my family because they would have told him. I guess he really doesnt care

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Day 16 update....

 

I'm feeling really lonely today. I really miss him and havnt been able to focus on anything the past few days. I felt like i was really feeling pretty good last week, but this week has been hard. I have been really stressed out with school, so im sure that isn't helping... but i just miss him i want him to come back. I miss his voice. I miss his smile. I miss everything about him. I miss my old life... i miss my life with him. i dont know who i am anymore.

[supercalifragilistic]

Day 16 update....

 

I'm feeling really lonely today. I really miss him and havnt been able to focus on anything the past few days. I felt like i was really feeling pretty good last week, but this week has been hard. I have been really stressed out with school, so im sure that isn't helping... but i just miss him i want him to come back. I miss his voice. I miss his smile. I miss everything about him. I miss my old life... i miss my life with him. i dont know who i am anymore.

 

I feel the same way. It's day 36 today.

I'm home alone now and I would give anything to be back with my ex so I could call him now. He would likely answer if I called him but I'm not going to break NC over this. It would only set me back. Specially if for some reason he doesn't answer or I find out something I rather not know. This really sucks

[OptomisticGirl]

Day 7.

 

Ex contacted yesterday and I was okay, handled it pretty well. Then i got to thinking about something he did with our cats without asking and I got so mad last night.

 

Was pretty mad today at work but finallly talked it out. Didn't call yesterday or today, even after he called. I did text his mom's phone but that was regarding the cats. I don't count that as breaking NC. It's not like I texted him i miss you or something like that.

 

I have a migrain from over thinking our conversation (which I promised I wouldn't do but I did). No real urge to call. I dreamed about him all night last night. I wasn't ready to break NC yesterday (which I didn't, he called me and I didn't know it was him). Next time he calls, i will not pick up. I refuse.

 

I am here for anyone. Pm if you need my cell or facebook or whatever. I am always needing someone to talk to late at night!

[peanutbutterandjelly]

holy crap.

 

so i own a message board... we have around 2000 members and lots of people from the board have turned into real life friends of mine and my ex's. they live all over the country, we've visited them, theyve stayed with us, we've gone to concerts together, etc... that was one of the biggest thing we shared together.. when he broke up with me, he told me that he wasnt going to visit the board anymore. the last time he logged on was oct. 26 (6 days after he broke up with me)...

 

anyways, so i go onto the site, and guess who logged in and is on my board?? my ex!

 

i know this means absolutely nothing, but at least i know he still exists and is thinking about me.. theres no way he isnt. theres no way he could visit it and not think of me. I own the damn thing. None of our "real" friends had anything to do with this board.

 

EDIT: and he only stayed on for 3 minutes. which kinda leads me to believe that he was just seeing if i had logged in recently. but im bias. maybe he was seeing if one of our other friends was on. probably.

 

cant. let. this. effect. me.

 

can't look into it and grab for bits and pieces and try to make sense of it all.

 

Edit again: he's back and now my log says he's been on for 20 minutes.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

oh great. i just looked at the operating system and he's using a mac. he was staying at his cousins house before and he has a pc. The new girl he is with has a mac (i saw it when i walked in on them together). So that either means a) he is at her house right now. or b) he is living with her. last time i talked to him, he said he was getting kicked out of his cousins house in about a week and was scrambling to find a place to stay.

 

 

 

lkjadsflkjasdflkjglkajdsflkjdsfklj

 

now i feel sick to my stomach.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

ok. i need to calm myself down. i have no idea if he is defintely with her or at her house or what. even if he is living with her now, it doesnt even matter. there is no point in getting upset over who he is with or where he might be. at least i know that toinght i crosssed his mind.

 

sorry i got a little crazy on here, i just needed to post it somewhere... back on topic

[BobbyC]

Day 11....

 

I think I might have slept better last night. I remember dreaming about her though. she was the last thing in my mind before I fell asleep and the first thing on my mind when I woke up. Still had to walk away from my desk a few times because I could feel my eyes start to well up if I had been thinking of her too much. I still miss her deeply and want her back. It's not just the companionship or comfort of a relationship, it's her. It's her smile, smell, idiosyncraies, laugh, etc...

[amandamarie]

Day 6

Pretty good day today. Ex sent me a text tonite, telling me he had a question and not to ignore him. I ignored him. If it is something important, I guess he will let me know. I didn't want to ruin my good mood by responding, and he knows exactly how I feel about things since I wrote that letter.

[OptomisticGirl]

Day 9

 

Personal best. I went a little crazy yesterday with over thinking our conversation but I had a good cry and I am good to go!

 

Bobby C, I know what you mean. It's not the companship.. sometimes it is. But tonight, it was him. It was just him I missed.

[Melting]

Day 4 Still!

 

Well he just contacted me, the usual hi, how are u and i was pleasant. Responded too his answers and then I said bye

 

Have I broken NC? Cos i was doing so well

[lonesomeloser]

Day 7 -- Wow... Never made it close to this far before. I sent a smiley face text to her on Thanksgiving. No response. That was a week ago. So, NC for a week. It's hard man, hard to lose a friend you know? She was my friend. I've known her since the 4th grade!! Now I'll never get to talk to her again? I don't get it..,,,

 

We do "poke" each other on facebook, but I don't really think that means anything. I sooo want to reach out to her, but I;m pretty sure I would be ignored

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Day 17. Today feels really crappy. I feel like ive taken a step backwards. Last week I felt like I was doing so good and now I feel so much worse. I dont think it helps that i saw him on my site last night, but i was also feeling pretty bad before that. Last week I was debating whether or not i would take him back and i was almost to the point that I thought I wouldnt. That changed too. Right now I feel like I would take him back pretty much no questiosn asked. im falling

 

I feel like i cant breathe today. i dont know if it's because i miss him or because i have to give my thesis presentation tonight. probably the latter. well, probably both.

 

i hate this. i just want my old life back im so miserable

[BobbyC]

So I understand the rules of no contact but I need clarification on one thing. I don't have a facebook account but she does. I google it everyonce in a while just to see what picture she has up and if she has deleted my brothers as friends. She hasn't deleted them and her picture is from a time when we were at a wedding together. It isn't one of us, but it is one she took down immediately after we broke up. Now it's back up. Am I overthinking things? Does that count as contact?

[lonesomeloser]

So I understand the rules of no contact but I need clarification on one thing. I don't have a facebook account but she does. I google it everyonce in a while just to see what picture she has up and if she has deleted my brothers as friends. She hasn't deleted them and her picture is from a time when we were at a wedding together. It isn't one of us, but it is one she took down immediately after we broke up. Now it's back up. Am I overthinking things? Does that count as contact?

That's not contact, and yes you are overthinking things.

I don't consider the facebook poke as contact - maybe it is, but I poke and get poked by a lot of people and don't even think twice about it. I actually like getting poked by her, to me it means she still knows I exist, which, sadly, is good enough for me right now. I really like it when she "likes" some of the stuff I put on there. I don't know, Facebook is the Devil.

[OptomisticGirl]

Thank God my ex hates Facebook. lol I don't have to deal with that...

 

Well, he has this gamebattles thing for when he had internet to play xbox live and I still know the password so I log in every now and then. Probably shouldnt.. but... never said I was perfect lol

[OptomisticGirl]

Forgot. Day 8.

 

Had a weak moment last night, called my mom at about 1 in the morning and cried. It helped. Was tempted to call or write a letter but now I'm okay. It's been awhile since I cried about him so I guess a cry every now and then is okay.

 

got the whole rest of the day to go. geez.

[supercalifragilistic]

Day 37

 

Somehow I'm starting to feel bad again. I keep thinking about what my ex is up to, how he is feeling, I think about checking his facebook, myspace, etc. And this makes me really anxious, sad and afraid. That's what keeps me from looking. That and the fact that what I find there means nothing really. It is no indication of anything. It will only make me upset, no matter what it is. Ugh.

 

I still can't believe he did this...my brain still can't process this. And today I'm kind of feeling like he just broke up with me, minus the inconsolable crying.

 

I wish I could just forget all about him and not want him back anymore. It would be much better. But no, I'm back to missing him again and wishing I could see him and talk to him. I keep wishing he would call to tell me he misses me and wants me back. And the day isn't even close to being over yet.