THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[lonesomeloser]

Day 9

 

It doesn't seem to be getting any easier. My heart is crying out for her. I've got a text ready to send in my Drafts in my phone. I've changed it a little after reading Siberia's thread - took out the apology (makes me sound weak). And we never really "broke up" per se, she just stopped responding to me. I guess that is breaking up, but it makes it worse - I'd have been better off if she said leave me alone, go away, go f*ck yourself, anything!!....

 

Anyway, here is the text I've got ready to send. Keep in mind, we haven't spoken since late October (she told me she loved me so much then):

 

I know you deserve more than I can offer, and I want you to be happy. I won't stop loving you. I still feel a spiritual connection to you. I want to be your friend.

 

I know I should stay NC, but for some reason I really really want to send that. Would it really be that bad to send that? Talk me out of it?

[lonesomeloser]

hmmm... reading that back the "I won't stop loving you" sounds stalker-ish. Maybe take out that part?

[bish0p2004]

Day 5

 

I know you deserve more than I can offer, and I want you to be happy. I won't stop loving you. I still feel a spiritual connection to you. I want to be your friend.

 

Don't send that. You'll only reinforce the idea that she is better than you...you even admit to it. Relationships are about being equal, and you're not making that the case with this message.

 

Read the thread about "A loose cannon is never attractive." It should be on the first or second page on this forum.

[lonesomeloser]

Day 5

 

 

 

Don't send that. You'll only reinforce the idea that she is better than you...you even admit to it. Relationships are about being equal, and you're not making that the case with this message.

 

Read the thread about "A loose cannon is never attractive." It should be on the first or second page on this forum.

 

Yeah, I read the loose cannon thread. That's what got me to edit the message - I removed a part where I say I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way. Thing is, I do want her to be happy and I do want to be her friend. But I see what you're saying; especially with the 2 middle sentences. Would it be so bad if I just sent the first and last sentences?:

I know you deserve more than I can offer. I want you to be happy, and I want to be your friend.

 

Still makes me sound needy huh? - Who cares what I want right?... damn... this is hard.

[bish0p2004]

I know you deserve more than I can offer. I want you to be happy, and I want to be your friend.

 

Still makes me sound needy huh? - Who cares what I want right?... damn... this is hard.

 

Yeah, the "you deserve more than I can offer" part shows a lack of confidence IMO. If you honestly believe that you are ready to be her friend and can live with the consequences (her having someone new, not responding, the fact that she may eventually stop talking to you if she does respond), then send it.

 

Did she say that she wanted to remain friends?

[peanutbutterandjelly]

you're in the NC challenge. nothing good will come out of sending that message. there is nothing you can do or say that will change her mind, if anything it will just push her away further. Silence says more than any of that could! Stay NC, don't send anything! At least give yourself 30 days and then see how you feel.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

also, if you really feel that you "can't stop loving her" like you wrote in the original message, there is no way you can be her friends right now. I would not recommend trying to build a friendship untl you no longer feel that way.

[lonesomeloser]

Thanks, you are both absolutely right. My head knows that, my heart won't accept it.

I'm not sending it. In fact, I'm deleting it off my drafts in my phone now.

Thanks for the encouragement milkandhoney and bishop2004.

[OptomisticGirl]

Day 11.

 

I dreamed about him all night long. Geez. Can't I get any rest in my sleep now??

 

I have to work today so that should help. I really don't have that much of an urge to call him the last few days... I just still miss him a lot and am always thinking about him. Maybe that's progress.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Day 19. I dont know how im feeling worse and worse. i have not been able to concetrate on anything the past couple of days. All I can do is think of him. I want to know what he's doing, where he's living, who he's hanging out with, what he's thinking, if he misses me. I know that theres no point in contacting him and i havn't had the desire to, but i wish he would get in touch with me.

 

I told him not to contact me unless he wanted to try again with a relationship. He is respecting my wishes and i guess that is why i havn't heard from him. Even after telling him that though, i really thought he would have contacted me by now. I know that makes no sense since i told him not to, but i can't believe that he has actually been able to resist. In the past 3.5 years we have not gone more than a few days without contact. I know that if i called him he would pick up the phone, which makes it difficult. I dont know if he hasn't contacted me just because i told him not to or if he just really doesn't have the desire to.

 

I cannot beileve that he doesnt miss me. I dont think thats possible after spending nearly every day together for 3.5 years and living together for the past 3. I know he hasn't forgotten me. I'm worried that the new girl is making it easier for him to let go. And that hurts really badly.

 

I have a lot of work to do, but i can't get motivated. I cant do anything but sit here and think about my ex. I am in so much pain by now. I thought by 19 days of NC I would be well on my way to healing, but I feel like I did in the first week of the breakup.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

update...

 

i have a pretty strong urge to look at his facebook. I deactivated it right after the breakup and havnt looked at it since. I know i should and im NOT going to... but i do have the urge. I just think it's mostly because I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what is going on in his life right now or what he is up to. It's like he has completely disapeared off the face of the earth and i hate that feeling. it's so hard knowing that he is only a few miles and i cant see him. i miss him so much

[kt_belle]

Day 16

 

I'm having a really really hard time today. I just miss him so much. I cant believe he is gone. All i want is to hear from him, to know that he cared. To know that the past two years actually meant something, it all wasnt a lie.

 

I hate this I know it will pass but it still sucks. I just want him back. It was so hard last night because i had people over at my house and his best mate was one of those guys. Apparently my ex is 'loving the single life'. That was like a knife to the heart.

[BobbyC]

Day 14?

 

Since I didn't contact her, I'm keeping my count. Today was harder, I had a night filled with dreams about her, I reached out for her in the middle of the night and I woke thinking I heard her calling my name. It was the first time I thought I heard her voice. Now I'm expecting her to contact me again... Why did I respond to her? Why couldn't I stick to my plans? I'm regretting talking to her now. I want her to come back to me but have no idea how to make that a reality.

[OneBrightStar]

DAY 30

 

I made it to day 30. It does get easier as times goes by. Doesn't mean that I've let him go completely, though. I'm just proud to make it to 30 days! My emotions have gotten better and I'm not having anxiety attacks anymore.

 

I still miss him like crazy and I know there are going to be nights that are harder than others ... but I feel okay right now.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

i already posted in your thread, but i just wanted say congrats again! that is such a great accomplishment! i remember how you were struggling in the 2nd and 3rd week and i am hitting that right now so its great to see that you made it. im proud of you for hanging in there!

[supercalifragilistic]

Day 40

 

It's only 1pm here and the day already sucks. I feel really sad today and I even cried. I still feel like crying. I thought I would be in a better place by now. I was doing much better at this point the last time I did NC. I don't see how I will ever truly get over this. I feel like I will always have this sadness lingering...I see myself being able to move on with my life and all, even feel somewhat happy...but I feel like this will always be with me. I will never get over the fact that the person I loved the most, this person who I trusted so much and who seemed to really love me too, would just decide to leave me one day, without warning...it still makes no sense to me. The only thing that makes sense in my head right now is that he will regret doing this and come back. And this doesn't even make me feel better because I don't know if I could take him back.

[OptomisticGirl]

Day 12.

 

Dreamed about him all night. Woke up thinking about him. I even dreamed that we were haning out, started making out, and then I asked him if he was sure about his decision and he said yes.

 

So yea... I'm okay, just can't stop thinking about him.

[bish0p2004]

Day 6

 

Feeling blah

[lonesomeloser]

Day 10

 

Avoided all temptation to send a text thanks to ENA. She was tagged in a picture at an xmas party on FB today. You know, if I didn't love her I wouldn't even be attracted to her - she doesn't look well. Smiling, but it looks fake, appears to be putting on some weight too. But I still wish her well.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Today is Day 20... tomorrow will officially be 3 weeks of no contact.

 

I reallly can't believe I've made it this far. It's been pretty hard with lots of ups and downs but i can honestly say that i do feel better than when i first started. I am feeling better today after a few bad days and the feelings come and go but they are not crippling.

 

last night i had another dream that i broke NC. i keep having dreams that i break it and then in the morning i wake up and am relieved that i didnt. that's how i know that nc is right for me right now. even though i really hate it sometimes.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

i just posted all that and now all that is going through my head is that, "i can't believe this is happening"...

 

](*,)^

 

seriously that just goes to show how quickly my feelings tend to change.

[CuZiNeeDYoU]

Day 32 i believeee... Doing great! Im back baby! Got 2 dates with 2 hotties this week

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Day 32 i believeee... Doing great! Im back baby! Got 2 dates with 2 hotties this week

 

glad you are doing well where did you meet them?

[CuZiNeeDYoU]

Friends of friends in both cases lol i didnt have to do any dirty work

[bish0p2004]

Friends of friends in both cases lol i didnt have to do any dirty work

 

Good job