notalady Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 Enjoy your date with Joe! I think hot gym guy might be interested. Weird disclaimer though, about not being good at relationships. It's like people give disclaimers about they take time to fall in love, it's like, well we all take time to fall in love, why does that need to be said? We're all trying to do better in relationships, I don't think anyone would say "I'm GREAT at relationships!!", we're all just figuring it out and improve as we go you know, so why feel the need to say you're not good at it? Almost feels like a cop out. Oh well. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 We'll see what happens with both Joe and Hot Gym Guy. I'll keep you all posted. Hot Gym Guy told me he had a weird, long text exchange with a woman he went on 2 dates with a while ago. He was kind of vague but said, "I wish people wouldn't become so emotionally attached so quickly." He has a point.... Link to comment
WithLove Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 I think Hot Gym Guy is giving you quite a few red flags already, but I know he's been on your radar for quite awhile, so I'm not surprised if you decide to pursue something with him. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 I think Hot Gym Guy is giving you quite a few red flags already, but I know he's been on your radar for quite awhile, so I'm not surprised if you decide to pursue something with him. I agree. Those are red flags. Obviously I love unsuitable men, lol. He knows I'm actively looking for jobs elsewhere. I think, based on my impression of him, that he's looking for a Jewish woman so I don't fit that bill either. Link to comment
WithLove Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 In that case, could be a nice FWB til you move? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 In that case, could be a nice FWB til you move? lol they made me wonder about the next thread on ENA - will it be entitled "my FWB is Toooo Nice" Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 Just got home from my date with Joe. He looked better in person. He seemed nervous at first then eased up. He was nice, polite, had interesting things to say. We have some similar hobbies. So I think we'll have another date. Lookswise, he could be better, but so could I. Personality wise, he seems like a good match. So, I'll go out with him again. No no word from Kyle. I texted him today to see if we were still on for Friday. No response. So I'm making plans with another friend now who wants to go out on Friday. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 lol they made me wonder about the next thread on ENA - will it be entitled "my FWB is Toooo Nice" Hehehe I would love to be his FWB. He's 51 but looks good. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 Joe and I have a 2nd date planned - bowling this week. Should be fun. He's been very sweet, texting everyday, just to say hi. So he's doing all the right things. In weird news, I seem to have acquired a FWB... not hot gym guy, just another guy who I met off of Tinder on Friday, who made it quite clear he just wants FWB.... he wrote to me a few weeks ago and I turned him down.... he wrote again and this time I said yes. It was fun. I don't think I'll get attached to this one though. I know in the past I've had a hard time separating emotion but I don't think it will be a problem this time. The boundaries are pretty clear. We'll see what happens. He mentioned seeing me this week. He's 28, just graduated college after a stint in the military. Lives at home with his parents until he gets a bit more settled with his life. So, he said in no uncertain terms that he's just looking for "hot sex" and that's it. That's fine. In family news, my mom wants to sell her home and move to a condo in Florida with her husband and enjoy it there. She needs knee surgery, all the stairs are hard on her. She wants to buy me a home, but I have no idea where I'll wind up. I told her that. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Does Joe know you have a FWB? Is that something you think he should know? Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 No, Joe doesn't know. I don't think it's his business at this point. I've only been on 1 date with Joe, if things get more serious, I'll cut the FWB loose. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 See Annie, I think you having a FWB is going to cloud your judgement. Wouldn't it be better to see Joe as a fully one woman, without your FWB in the back of your mind? Is it these types of flings and encounters that still have you on page 828 without finding love? Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 I actually think my bigger mistake all along has been throwing myself into relationships with guys too quickly and becoming exclusive too quickly before they really showed me that they were interested and wanting to make a relationship with me. I think in many ways, I would have been better off if I had juggled a few guys at a time without fixating on any one guy. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 The whole juggling thing just gets me in trouble. That's why I brought it up lol. Well I hope it works out! Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 We'll see - I'll keep you posted. Another thing I learned this weekend (from a friend, not from me), but that if you are over 165 lbs, Plan B may not work for you. You have to take a different product, like Ella. She said she had to go online to order it and they shipped it overnight. I guess this is widely known in Europe but not so much in the US. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 I've read that about plan B and also birth control pills. It's been in the news in the last few years. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 I seriously never knew that. It's good to know now. My friend had a scare recently. She now bought some Ella in advance if this happens to her again. So she has it handy. Which is actually kind of weird. We're about the same age. She's like me, never married and no kids. She really wants to have a baby. I was like - wait, why did you take Ella then, this could have been your chance (she said her therapist said the same thing)! Not that having a baby with a guy she's had 3 dates with is really ideal, but at our age... we don't have that much more time left if we want babies. I'm personally ambivalent - I like kids, but would only have them if I met and married a man who would be enthusiastic about having kids. She wants kids but doesn't want to be a single mom.... tick tock.... Link to comment
notalady Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 bought some Ella in advance if this happens to her again. So she has it handy. Which is actually kind of weird. We're about the same age. She's like me, never married and no kids. She really wants to have a baby. I was like - wait, why did you take Ella then, this could have been your chance (she said her therapist said the same thing)! Not that having a baby with a guy she's had 3 dates with is really ideal I thought not purposely or accidentally "entrapping" someone to become an unwilling parent is a good thing? Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 I don't think she wants to entrap him. She has a good salary and could afford to raise the baby on her own. I was just curious why she was freaking out to the extent she was about being pregnant by a virtual stranger if she does want kids and is pushing 40. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 I should add, the condom broke. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 I seriously never knew that. It's good to know now. My friend had a scare recently. She now bought some Ella in advance if this happens to her again. So she has it handy. Which is actually kind of weird. We're about the same age. She's like me, never married and no kids. She really wants to have a baby. I was like - wait, why did you take Ella then, this could have been your chance (she said her therapist said the same thing)! Not that having a baby with a guy she's had 3 dates with is really ideal, but at our age... we don't have that much more time left if we want babies. I'm personally ambivalent - I like kids, but would only have them if I met and married a man who would be enthusiastic about having kids. She wants kids but doesn't want to be a single mom.... tick tock.... Because wanting a baby is only one part of the decision -and not the most important part IMHO - if the person's values don't justify creating a child who will be born outside of a stable, committed relationship with 2 parents. When you put in that factor (or many other "best interest of the child" factors) then creating a child in her situation wouldn't be consistent with that. If the entire focus is "I want a baby" and the person is fine with "single parent by choice" and either doesn't consider "best interests of the child" or does but prioritizes "I want a baby" over that, then sure. And of course there are women who quote statistics that the best interests of the child doesn't require a two-parent stable committed family (statistics and articles I don't personally agree with). It's just about different balancing, perspectives, and values. "It's not ideal" doesn't really factor into it if "best interests of the child" is the top priority -and then it can be "it's not ideal because I wanted the best private schools and fancy vacations several times a year for my child but I truly believe the life we can offer is considering her best interests first". Obviously you see how my thought process went when at age 37 I considered "single mother by choice" for about a month and sure it might come across a tad judgmental because of how strongly I feel about focusing on the best interests of the child but, in short, good for your friend for not creating a child (maybe she can adopt as a single person and at least be the person who is giving a child who is already here with zero parents the chance to have one great parent who really wants him instead of choosing that life for a child not even born yet). I would have been freaking out too but only, stupidly, put myself in her situation in one short relationship -where he said he would have wanted me to abort if I got pregnant and wanted me to agree to that. I did since I used the pill plus condom every single time. Except one or two times, tops -and that was a ridiculously bad decision on my part, taking that chance. Nothing happened. I would not have aborted. I completely regret even taking that chance. Every other time I didn't use double BC it was because my partner and I decided we would be fine or incredibly happy if I were pregnant and would be married if that were to happen, happily. But yes I made that really dumb mistake. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 When I was working at a hostel in South America (lol - the good old days I heard that a woman who had worked there before me had gone to Europe specifically to get pregnant (wanted a white "father"). She had sex with some guy in a hostel, then came back pregnant and had her baby. Doesn't even know the guy's name. I just about died when I heard that. Funnily enough, a girl I met in that same town is now pregnant, due quite soon. She got many congrats when she posted about the pregnancy on Facebook, but not one person mentioned any sort of father/boyfriend, so I assume she is totally single? Not sure what happened there. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Batya said everything I was thinking nearly word for word. Lol I had a scare earlier in the year, no real reason for me to worry but birth control isn't 100 yknow?! And I was with my boyfriend at the time, love him dearly, committed, plan to be with him a long time. But I was still freaking out, even though I'd be happy to be a mother and I know he would like to be a dad. But with all the stress I was under, I was worried about how that would impact a pregnancy and welcoming a child. So I was relieved when the scare turned out to be that - a scare. I'm in my thirties so things do get more complicated if/ when we plan for pregnancy. If it doesn't happen that way, we'd both be happy to adopt. So like Batya said, it really does come down to values and how you see things. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 She said her top priority is not being a single mom. I totally agree with her on that, it sounds like no fun. Very hard. Financially, she could afford a nanny and all the best for her child so I think she could give a child a good life. She'd make a great mom. She just has my dating track record, lol. She recently met and went on a first date with a guy like Joe - she's not crazy about him but he's doing the right things so is going to give him a chance. Link to comment
WithLove Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 We'll see - I'll keep you posted. Another thing I learned this weekend (from a friend, not from me), but that if you are over 165 lbs, Plan B may not work for you. You have to take a different product, like Ella. She said she had to go online to order it and they shipped it overnight. I guess this is widely known in Europe but not so much in the US. Yeah, I learned this too like last year, after years of thinking that Plan B would work for me if I ever had need of it. Yikes! I was shocked. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.