Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[annie24]

I'm sorry to hear that. The past few years (and never before really) I feel really accomplished when I do certain cleaning tasks -like changing all the bed linens and especially when I scrub the floor. Weird because that never used to be a thing for me. I hope tomorrow is much better.

 

Yeah, it's really nice to come home to a clean home, have fresh bedsheets, clean floors, etc... I'm rarely home during the week so I get most of my cleaning done during the weekends.

 

Carol points out to me that this (while I'm job searching) might not be the best time to meet a guy and fall for him. She said she doesn't want me to throw away a dream job over a guy I had 2 dates with. I haven't deactivated my dating profiles because in truth, we really don't know what the future holds. I could get a job in the area. Until I have a contract in my hands that has an official start date on it, it's just not real.

 

My friend Ewok unfortunately had an experience where he had an unofficial job offer and then he posted about it on Facebook and told everyone, and over the next few months, they were kind of weird with him, and eventually rescinded the offer. He was disappointed but moved on to different applications, but now that institution is trying to lure him back in. I said it's like the ex-bf who breaks up with you but wants to keep you on the hook, lol. Seriously though, I really believe that until you have it in writing in your hands and it's on official letterhead, you don't really have an offer.

[Batya33]

I am totally against making anything public until it's a done deal. I didn't change my linked in intil my first day of work when all was signed etc. I had the offer and accepted it ten days earlier. Its exciting and you want to tel people I get it but it really is nothing intil it's official.

[annie24]

I totally agree. I think Ewok does now too after this experience. There might be a person who wants to hire you, but if they don't get it cleared by their higher-ups and HR and other things, it just might not work out. And in his case, it didn't. Though now they are talking about wanting him back but not giving him an explicit offer in black and white. It's like the ex who comes back with the breadcrumbs. Says they miss you, but don't come back with an offer to get back together and get married.

[WithLove]

I'm sorry to hear that. The past few years (and never before really) I feel really accomplished when I do certain cleaning tasks -like changing all the bed linens and especially when I scrub the floor. Weird because that never used to be a thing for me. I hope tomorrow is much better.

 

I feel the same way! I feel like if I get all my dishes done and change the linings on my bed, I've gotten so much done... lol! There's a certain pride I take from looking after my own things in my own apartment.

[annie24]

Been writing to one guy online. He doesn't have really interesting to say apart from wanting to show me his "naughty pics." I've already told him twice I don't need to see it at this stage. I mean, it must be nice if he keep insisting on sending a photo, but really, his conversations don't seem to have much more depth. I don't think this one will be a match.

 

And of course my friend Carol just points out that it's stupid I'm even looking to date now while job hunting. Most of the jobs I'm looking at will take me away from the area. Some nearish (50 miles away), some thousands of miles away....

[annie24]

I was deleting old Okcupid emails and saw that "Tom" deleted his profile. Makes me wonder if 1) he's not ready to date and took it down, or 2) he met someone and is in a relationship. I was in his neighborhood 2 weeks ago (not stalking I swear, lol! I needed to drop some things off at a business a few blocks from his apartment). I thought I saw him walking hand and hand with someone but then again, it was far away and my distance vision isn't great even with glasses (that and he looks like kind of a typical white guy, nothing memorable like he has green hair or huge dreadlocks or something).

 

Hot gym guy and his gf broke up. Though he doesn't act interested in me beyond friendship. Which is fine. I'll be seeing him tonight, a group of us from the gym are going out for drinks.

[annie24]

Why is it so hard to see things objectively for yourself? I could easily say to someone on ENA or a friend in real life - "forget that guy - you had 2 dates with him, he's fresh out of a long-term relationship, and bi-polar. The guy is a train wreck" but part of me still blames myself for doing this or saying that and that's why he never contacted me again.

 

In the meantime, life goes on. Still working, making fun weekend plans, meeting friends, going to events, learning new things....

[annie24]

went to the dr today for a routine checkup and bloodwork. I need to lose weight for health reasons. We talked about it for a while. I'm good with exercise and my bp is great (100/80). But the weight has to come off. I've rejoined weight watchers today. It really helped before. I went to meetings on campus a few years ago, but I didn't like how they were run. I'm going to try going to a meeting downtown on weekends. Maybe it will be more of a formal group. The one on campus was very informal, drop in, weigh in, leave. There wasn't a lot of group discussion or motivational talk. Let's see what happens. Hopefully a good start. I've had a pair of jeans hanging in my closet for a year that I've never worn. I would really like to wear them soon. They're only 1 size smaller than what I'm wearing now so it shouldn't take long to fit if I am on track.

 

Dating wise, I still manage to get a decent number of dates even at a larger size. I guess part of it is being in a big city. I felt much more self-conscious in grad school about not being skinny and dating. but here, don't know what it is, or if I've just gotten more confident, or there's just more men in general, but it's not been a problem to find dates. Finding quality dates and compatible men has been a problem though. My friend today was saying "there's no good single guys over 25." I hate to be that cynical. I don't think it's true. It certainly does get a bit harder to date when we all have baggage....

[Batya33]

Weight Watchers is a great program -good for you!

[WithLove]

I did try WW and for me it didn't work out. A lot of stuff on it has more carbs than I really thought and it wasn't until I started the keto diet that I realized how different diets really are and how they impact you. I'm large, too, and I also did cardio while doing WW, and I still didn't really lose anything. I hope it works out for you, though! For me, following a diet did not work until I tried a very radical one, like keto.

[annie24]

Weight watchers previously worked for me. I tried the extreme low carb thing and it turned me into a witch, haha. And I could actually taste/smell the ketones on my breath which made me very uncomfortable. I need some sugar and carbs to feel good. Mainly it's the portion control and tracking and accountability that help me. I think I'm already a few pounds down but will let you know soon.

[annie24]

I've had 2 experiences this week with men who contacted me, seemed very enthusiastic, but then disappeared when trying to schedule a first meet. Like they said they wanted to meet me, but when I try to nail down a time/place, no response. I actually just called out one of the guys on it: "Just curious - why did you write to me if you don't actually want to meet in person." He read it, but no response. It's very odd.

[annie24]

Interaction with a new guy today on okcupid:

 

Him: "I like your hobby, but I only date blondes." (I'm not blonde)

Me: "You need a better pickup line."

Him: "I made you laugh, I know."

Me: "No, I'm not interested, just trying to give you a tip."

 

sigh.

[notalady]

So the guy's first message was "I like your hobby but I only date blondes"? Bleh... clearly some PUA BS...

[annie24]

So the guy's first message was "I like your hobby but I only date blondes"? Bleh... clearly some PUA BS...

 

yeah, exactly. Which is why I told him to use a new pickup line. He's also 20 years older than me and I would have thought that he would have learned how to say something better by now.

 

I guess that the "neg" is only supposed to be used on the really hot girls (which i don't consider myself one of the 9/10s of the world). So it's just annoying. It doesn't even "throw me off" or make me feel bad, it's like, "ok, you like blonde girls. go away then."

 

I've gotten some really nice messages from guys, but I just don't like something about them (either their photos or something in their profile). Sometimes I write back nothing, sometimes I just say thanks for writing but we're not a match. Some men have really ugly facial hair and I'm not into it. I don't mind neatly trimmed facial hair, just hate the scraggly out of control beard/mustache. Not my thing. Maybe I should tell them that too, lol. But some girls like it too.

[notalady]

yeah, exactly. Which is why I told him to use a new pickup line. He's also 20 years older than me and I would have thought that he would have learned how to say something better by now.

 

I guess that the "neg" is only supposed to be used on the really hot girls (which i don't consider myself one of the 9/10s of the world). So it's just annoying. It doesn't even "throw me off" or make me feel bad, it's like, "ok, you like blonde girls. go away then."

 

I've gotten some really nice messages from guys, but I just don't like something about them (either their photos or something in their profile). Sometimes I write back nothing, sometimes I just say thanks for writing but we're not a match. Some men have really ugly facial hair and I'm not into it. I don't mind neatly trimmed facial hair, just hate the scraggly out of control beard/mustache. Not my thing. Maybe I should tell them that too, lol. But some girls like it too.

 

I think "negging" only works on women with self-image, self-esteem issues and possibly rejection / abandonment issues (ie always becoming attracted to and try to win over people that reject them).

 

I get what you mean about things you don't like about the men that message. Sometimes they seem really nice and worth a shot, but then something about their photos or profile just turns you off. I did meet a lot of guys that weren't "my type" looks wise or profile wise though. And meeting didn't change that in the most part, I didn't make a couple of friends that way though (no chemistry but they are nice).

[annie24]

I think I totally have some rejection/abandonment issues but I'm working really hard to get over them. Like today, I went and had a deep tissue massage. I love my therapist, we just girl talk the whole time and laugh and stuff. I swear, I cried to her for 30 minutes over Tom - about how confused I was about us having a great date to not hearing from him for a month at all. At first she told me to call him and see what he was up to, but then she changed her mind against it when I told her I didn't hear anything from him on Valentine's day either. Then she's like, "forget it." Anyway... that was nice to have the massage, I kind of had a lot of emotions I needed to cry out during the massage.

[WithLove]

I do actually really like facial hair. Most of the men I've dated have had it. But I agree that a lot of men's faces just can't handle/aren't made for facial hair.

[annie24]

Beards and other facial hair are increasingly popular where I live. I really do prefer the clean shaven look. If the facial hair is neat, I can deal. I don't like scraggly facial hair and neck beards that look like pubes.

[WithLove]

I think I don't like clean-shaven because eventually, the guy gets lazy and doesn't do the upkeep involved, and then it does become that scratchy, messy mess. And it feels awful. So I prefer a full-out beard/mustache to anything because then at least they can use beard balms/oils to keep it clean and smelling nice. Mine does, anyway!

[annie24]

I don't think I've ever met a man who used products in his beard.

[annie24]

I think I'm getting burned out from dating. I really don't enjoy most of the dates I go on. I honestly have a better time out with friends or even at the gym.

[WithLove]

I don't think I've ever met a man who used products in his beard.

 

My bf has like a mountain man beard. He makes his own oils and balms to keep it maintained and smelling nice. He even shampoos it, lol! It's hard not to like it when he goes through such pains to keep it nice for himself (and me!).

[annie24]

I think shampooing the beard is a great idea. Needs to be kept clean. Logan had a Van dyyke. It looked nice on him and he was always neatly trimmed. I think some guys just look like the cookie monster when their hair and beard are just unkempt.

[notalady]

I don't think I've ever met a man who used products in his beard.

 

My boss once told me that his nephew (probably 20s) keeps a full beard (the hipster look), and use balms and oils on it, he said he asked him to touch it and he did, it was very soft lol...

 

A lot of guys I know like to keep very short stubbles, so you're not spending too much time trying to shave it clean all the time but also not letting it go crazy, I do like the stubbles look.

 

Personally, I'm not a fan of beards. I think for me it's stubbles, then clean shaven (or the other way round depending on the person, sometimes one suit better than the other), then anything longer than that.

 

One of my friends told me her dad always had a big moustache since her mum met him, and one day, after being married for years, she was curious what he'd look like without the moustache, and she encouraged him to shave it off, so he did. And...they both regretted it immediately lol! Some people just suit certain looks you know..