Mythical_Suicide Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 She isn't saying people have to, after all she ASKED you and gave you an invitation she never said that you had to attend. They aren't asking anyone to shell out a fortune, they invited everyone and the ones who choose to attend, shall attend and the others who don't then they will celebrate with back home (obviously otherwise they wouldn't be planning a reception at home). I think you are the one being selfish in some ways because you aren't being happy for your friend, Link to comment
DN Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 What is more important to you - your friendship with her or one year where your usual vacation plans are sacrificed to attend her wedding? Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 ). I think you are the one being selfish in some ways because you aren't being happy for your friend, because i'm not doing what she wants? its not about just shutting up and being happy for people.. i think a lot of people getting married need to realise, for the people coming, its just one day out fo the year... not some big day i'm counting down the sleeps until! Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Because you're whining about it and calling her selfish because she is doing what SHE wants. I doubt you would be happy about her wedding even if she did have a local wedding as you keep saying "its not some big day that im counting down the sleeps until". Geez! It may just be one day to you but to her and her husband it is the biggest day of their lives. Whether she has it locally or has a destination wedding just freaking be happy for her. Geez !It isn't that hard. You're not going to change her mind so why worry over it so much? Link to comment
chigal28 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 My two cents.... Grew up in Winnipeg and LOVED it, and traveled to Edmonton by train (to go to the West Edmonton Mall, woohoo!) when I was about 10, with my family...one of the most awesome trips we ever took! Edmonton was awesome...well ok, I saw the mall. But THAT was great. And as for destination weddings...I still can't decide whether what I'm having qualifies! My fiance and I are getting married in a meadow in the Bighorn Mountains in Wyoming, with a reception at a nearby ski resort...my parents live right there, but his family lives in Oklahoma and most of our friends live in Chicago. So for his family and our friends it's kind of a destination wedding, but we fell in love with the mountains and my parents' home (they moved out there 8 years after my dad retired from the Air Force). We've told everyone in our wedding party that we'll help them with airfare, etc., and I plan to pay for all of my bridesmaids' dresses (although I scouted out good deals for months before making a selection--and though they're cheap, they're still pretty!) I think the bridesmaids and I will actually stay at my parents' house, which cuts down on costs. Shika, in response to your original post, if one of my bridesmaids had told me she couldn't make my wedding (which, although it's in my parents' town, IS still a flight away from where they all live), I would have been so disappointed that I would offer to pay her way, and make it so she would only have to take maybe ONE day off work. I don't want to inconvenience anyone, but it's really important to me to have my friends there. I wouldn't let money or time be an object. If that makes sense. Link to comment
redrose85 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I don't know if all destination weddings are like this, but we're all saving money because of this package. The regular price for the resort and flight for this time of year is over $2000 per person (based on 2 person occupancy) With the wedding package, for each guest (including the bride and groom) the package is priced at $1700. So we're all saving at least a few hundred dollars with the package deal. Link to comment
chigal28 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Oh and. I think it depends on your situation, and how close you are to the person. One of my friends was asked to be a bridesmaid in Jamaica, and she accepted--even though she had to wear a completely hideous dress, lol. Another friend was asked to be a bridesmaid (this would be her eighth time, I think?) in Arizona (we live in Chicago) and declined. This is because the friend who asked her to be a bridesmaid had spent years and years ripping on anyone who had destination weddings, saying they were selfish--then turned around and planned one of her own. Also, the girl got engaged a year ago, and my friend still hasn't seen her ring, even though they live only about a half hour apart. Lame. Link to comment
chigal28 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 And! I WISH I knew someone who was getting married on the prairies of Canada, because I'm dying to get back there!!! Does ANYONE know of a place that will ship me ketchup chips cheap? I'm on my last bag from a friend's trip to Canada last month. I'm serious!! Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Because you're whining about it and calling her selfish because she is doing what SHE wants. I doubt you would be happy about her wedding even if she did have a local wedding as you keep saying "its not some big day that im counting down the sleeps until". Geez! It may just be one day to you but to her and her husband it is the biggest day of their lives. Whether she has it locally or has a destination wedding just freaking be happy for her. Geez !It isn't that hard. You're not going to change her mind so why worry over it so much? i think you're missing the point... you're the only one getting your panties in a twist over this. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 And! I WISH I knew someone who was getting married on the prairies of Canada, because I'm dying to get back there!!! Does ANYONE know of a place that will ship me ketchup chips cheap? I'm on my last bag from a friend's trip to Canada last month. I'm serious!! Haha - I can invite you to my wedding if I end up having it here! Are you looking for Old Dutch ones? I can look around.....if there are no laws against it I am sure I can send some to you too.....if you are that in need! Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 What is more important to you - your friendship with her or one year where your usual vacation plans are sacrificed to attend her wedding? our friendship wouldn't be sacrificed if i didn't go to her wedding. I think its too much to ask to expect other people to give up things because they decide to get married. its just one day! Link to comment
DN Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Well, you see the problem is that you see it as just one day whereas many people see it as one of the most important days of their lives. Neither perception is wrong but they are equally valid. I didn't mean that you would lose her friendship. But simply that for some friends who mean a lot to us we are prepared to make some sacrifices, sometimes fairly big ones. because that friendship is important enough. It's all about weighing up the friendship versus the cost and inconvenience. You don't have to lose the friendship necessarily but something will be diminished either way. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I think it's totally fine if technically you can afford it but choose not to go for whatever reason. My friend who did one invited immediate family and a few close friends (not me, at the time) and then had larger reception where she and most people she knew, lived. I think that's fine. I heard of a friend of a friend who had a destination wedding planned, decided to postpone the wedding a week before because they were not ready to get married, and told people she would still have the party if they wanted to come. I am not sure if flights could be canceled (I wouldn't think so). In that case, it becomes a vacation without the wedding. People did go and partied down there. But it is an interesting twist that shows a big downside of a destination wedding..... If I did one I would either elope or do what my friend did and invite immediate family and my few best friends who are like family. And not expect anyone to come! I am not a big fan of "you can make it a vacation' because I prefer to choose my own places to vacation. Link to comment
tmp0620 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 To be honest... it sorta sounds to me like you just feel guilty about not wanting to go. It's not selfish for them to want to get married where they want... it's about them afterall. I'm sure they know that a lot of people aren't going to make it too... No one's forcing you to do anything. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I never would of guessed you were from the 'Peg my dear...I am sure you would of been happy not to be here last week though....it was -37 some mornings...before windchill! We had our first "Riel Day" here today (now a provincial holiday). Here are some great shirts, etc that might make you feel at home wherever you are: link removed I remember taking a similar trip too when I was about 10 or 11 to Edmonton (and West Edmonton Mall...way better than Mall of America IMHO!). Yeah, as I said, whether it is a destination is all relative. I said earlier my idea of a destination wedding would be going to the Rockies or something which for shika would NOT be very destination like since she is right there...but for my family it would be. Yet if we had it here, it would be a destination wedding for HIS family! It's all relative. I don't know, I guess in my experience some people are going to have to travel no matter what (I know some of my Chinese & Japanese friends have relatives and friends whom had to come from China/Japan!) and it is usually the case at most weddings I go to where the bride/groom go around and introduce the ones whom came from afar and say thank you. And yes, I would do the same...figure out a way to get them there if it was that important for me that they were there (of course, I plan on having a PRETTY small wedding anyway so it would not be that nuts to get cheap tickets for everyone...LOL). I would do the same if the wedding was HERE and I wanted someone to be here. Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Well, you see the problem is that you see it as just one day whereas many people see it as one of the most important days of their lives. Neither perception is wrong but they are equally valid. I didn't mean that you would lose her friendship. But simply that for some friends who mean a lot to us we are prepared to make some sacrifices, sometimes fairly big ones. because that friendship is important enough. It's all about weighing up the friendship versus the cost and inconvenience. You don't have to lose the friendship necessarily but something will be diminished either way. I understand it will be important for them...but most of us attend a multitude of weddings in our lifetime and they aren't the most important days of our lives. I wonder why it is up to me to make the sacrifices. I have 7 weddings to go to this year and probably more next year. don't those getting married understand that the wedding isn't the most important thing for everyone else. If they are going to make their weddings more than a day (like in this case... over a week) then i think that is making the guest make a huge commitment. Sure, id love to go to every wedding..but if i were to go to all the weddings this year, i'd use up this year and next year's holidays as well as having to dip into my savings. i guess i don't think that the bride and groom should expect their guests to sacrifice that much. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 i'd just prioritize which ones you want to go to, which ones you don't, and of course, send really lovely cards to all. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 If i didn't have the extra money I wouldn't go. And call me selfish myself, but even if a close friend I would tell her sorry babe, I can't fork out this kind of dough for this wedding. Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 I am not a big fan of "you can make it a vacation' because I prefer to choose my own places to vacation. I agree... just because its a vacation for them, doesn't mean its a vacation for me. Very different when I'm flying to another city for a wedding and i may have to take the Friday or Monday off work for travel Asking your guests to go for a week is totally different. And going scuba diving with the groom's great aunt is not something i'm choosing to do for a vacation. Everyone is saying 'don't go if you don't want to', sure thats fine and easy to say...but my whole point in this thread isn't to ask if i should go, but that i don't think its fair to have these kind of weddings and EXPECT people to show up... or be disappointed if they can't come. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 It is their right to get married wherever they want, but if they get disappointed that some can't come, then that is when it is wrong. Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 If i didn't have the extra money I wouldn't go. And call me selfish myself, but even if a close friend I would tell her sorry babe, I can't fork out this kind of dough for this wedding. What if you had the money, but it would mean you giving up some other things... and she wanted you to be her maid of honor? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I agree... just because its a vacation for them, doesn't mean its a vacation for me. Very different when I'm flying to another city for a wedding and i may have to take the Friday or Monday off work for travel Asking your guests to go for a week is totally different. And going scuba diving with the groom's great aunt is not something i'm choosing to do for a vacation. Everyone is saying 'don't go if you don't want to', sure thats fine and easy to say...but my whole point in this thread isn't to ask if i should go, but that i don't think its fair to have these kind of weddings and EXPECT people to show up... or be disappointed if they can't come. well..... i'm sure that they will be disappointed - obviously, she wants you there, otherwise she wouldn't have invited you..... but she can't be TOO disappointed. obviously, that's a risk you take when planning a wedding, that someone might not be able to do the place/location where you would like. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I agree... just because its a vacation for them, doesn't mean its a vacation for me. Very different when I'm flying to another city for a wedding and i may have to take the Friday or Monday off work for travel Asking your guests to go for a week is totally different. And going scuba diving with the groom's great aunt is not something i'm choosing to do for a vacation. Everyone is saying 'don't go if you don't want to', sure thats fine and easy to say...but my whole point in this thread isn't to ask if i should go, but that i don't think its fair to have these kind of weddings and EXPECT people to show up... or be disappointed if they can't come. Well, I don't think you can ask people not to be disappointed. If someone wants you there, of course they may feel a bit disappointed! I mean would you not feel disappointed if someone you cared about could not come to your wedding for whatever reason (even it was local but say they had a conflict of sorts with the day?). However, they cannot "expect" people to come and need to factor in some won't (and other than your friend....I think most do...as I said I have turned down such invitations without much problem from their side before; very understanding). There is a big difference between being disappointed and giving a guilt trip...former is normal, the latter is selfish. Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 It is their right to get married wherever they want, but if they get disappointed that some can't come, then that is when it is wrong. glad you agree with me.... lots of people say 'well they wil be disappointed" Well, that does make me feel bad.. i don't like disappointing people..but i feel disappointed that i'm made to feel like that too! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 What if you had the money, but it would mean you giving up some other things... and she wanted you to be her maid of honor? I guess i am a strange one. I don't plan my vacations (they are too sparse) to match someone's wedding destination. If this happened to me i'd have no qualms aobut declining the invite. I am too old to do things I don't really want to do. LOL My friends know this about me. Link to comment
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