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Are destination weddings unfair?

shikashika

By shikashika
in Friendship and Friends

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Snoopy24 Enthusiast

Snoopy24

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So , is this because you are having a destination wedding?

 

Why should they have to give up their life, vacation, money because you decide to get married somewhere far away?

 

what if i wanted all my friends to go to spain where they would be forced to go clubbing every night until 10 in the morning.. wooo hoo!!!!!!

 

And then maybe if we had a night or two off i'd make them go biking or hiking for 10 hours

 

My family and close friends ARE my life. I am paying for airfare, rooms AND of course all of the expenses for the wedding. So basically everyone will pretty much be paid for.

 

Do they have to go? No, of course not. But most of them will WANT to go. If someone I invite doesn't go, I wouldn't be mad at them. That's why it is an invitation. They are inviting you to go.

 

If someone invites you to go to he movies, dinner, a baseball game...etc. do YOU have to go? no. If you do, most likely you would have to pay money unless it is a date.

 

It's not selfish for them for asking you.

 

You don't HAVE to go.

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Mythical_Suicide Experienced

Mythical_Suicide

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nor should she express her disappointment.

 

Just like you have the right to be upset that she chose a destination wedding that you can't attend she has the right to express her disappointment that you can't attend. Does that mean there is a problem? No! Have you even talked to her about it?

 

Like others have said, if someone has a destination wedding planned they know to expect that not everyone will be able to make it. I will be very disappointed and upset if people can't attend my wedding but i'm not going to take it out on them, I will suck it up and realize I risked that by choosing a destination wedding.

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shikashika Mentor

shikashika

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Just like you have the right to be upset that she chose a destination wedding that you can't attend she has the right to express her disappointment that you can't attend. Does that mean there is a problem? No! Have you even talked to her about it?

 

Like others have said, if someone has a destination wedding planned they know to expect that not everyone will be able to make it. I will be very disappointed and upset if people can't attend my wedding but i'm not going to take it out on them, I will suck it up and realize I chose that by choosing a destination wedding.

 

i've been talking to her about it for 7 months!!

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Snoopy24 Enthusiast

Snoopy24

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yeah - but who is going to fly out to bermuda for 2 days only then fly back? most people aren't going to hop on a plane for 2 days only, they'd probably want to stay the week.... then they have to find a hotel, pay for food, entertainment..... that's where the costs add up.....

 

They don't HAVE to stay longer. If they chose to stay longer they have plenty of notice to save and stay.

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RayKay Grand Master

RayKay

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As I said, I don't think there should be an expectation of others to come. If they can't come, they can't come. For me to be honest, the only people I care about being there are my partner and our immediate family. If our CLOSEST friends & family could not afford it I am sure I would figure something out to get them there and I certainly feel that I would actually pay for my wedding party and parents/siblings and one close friend anyway - that would be part of the deal in my opinion about having such a wedding as I would not do it if my mum could not come for example! Granted, my destination wedding would probably be more something like "the Rockies" rather than Mexico...but it would still mean travel and time for people.

 

My idea of fun is not laying around on a resort either. But I don't think it is necessary to do so either even if you go someplace usually "resort like" - when I went to Cuba with family we went to Havana, I went running on the beach, we went snorkeling...it was a very active vacation as I hate laying around.

 

It sounds like she is having a party when they get back anyway.

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Mythical_Suicide Experienced

Mythical_Suicide

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i've been talking to her about it for 7 months!!

 

Have you told her that you're not attending or have you just been trying to get her to change her mind and not have a destination wedding. If you've talked to her about it, then it's said and done. No reason to keep going over and over about it. I know it sucks but you said they're having a reception back home, attend that and make the most of it.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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i've been talking to her about it for 7 months!!

 

did you tell her no? i agree with melrich - if you don't want to go, and don't think you'll have fun, and won't be a happy maid of honor, just turn it down and give her the opportunity to ask someone else. then of course, show up to the reception in town and get her a big gift with a big old bow on it.

 

is she offering to help you pay for it? what would you have to pay for?

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Snoopy24 Enthusiast

Snoopy24

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No sorry, it is different. I do understand the imposition that Shika is feeling.

 

Yeah it's different, but same concept.

 

If someone invites you somewhere you don't have to attend. But if you do, most likely have to pay...whether it is $20.00 or $2000.00. And it's up to the person if they want to go, and if they can afford it.

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shikashika Mentor

shikashika

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did you tell her no? i agree with melrich - if you don't want to go, and don't think you'll have fun, and won't be a happy maid of honor, just turn it down and give her the opportunity to ask someone else. then of course, show up to the reception in town and get her a big gift with a big old bow on it.

 

is she offering to help you pay for it? what would you have to pay for?

 

 

I'd have to pay for it all. We are close friends, so basically, i've told her how i feel about everything.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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Yeah it's different, but same concept.

 

If someone invites you somewhere you don't have to attend. But if you do, most likely have to pay...whether it is $20.00 or $2000.00. And it's up to the person if they want to go, and if they can afford it.

 

yeah, but you can always go to a movie another day... a wedding is different..... hopefully they only have one in their entire life, and if you are close to them.... well, there is pressure for you to be there.

 

my cousin was getting married abroad (not exactly a destination wedding as that is where our family is from). she asked me to be her maid of honor, but i said no, i just couldn't take the time off of college and it was during finals week.

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Snoopy24 Enthusiast

Snoopy24

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No kidding, Snoopy, that's top notch paying the way to have everyone there.

 

We are only inviting about 20 people. And my dad is paying. .....before you call me a spoiled brat, he is only doing it for me because he hasn't done anything for me my whole life and he has a lot of money. haha

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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I'd have to pay for it all. We are close friends, so basically, i've told her how i feel about everything.

 

fair enough. so, it seems she is dead set on this destination wedding, tell her no, wish her well, and have fun at the reception!

 

not sure what she means 'it won't be the same without you there...' the wedding isn't really about you, is it? i mean, it's about her and the groom, right? if HE weren't there, then it really wouldn't be the same!

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shikashika Mentor

shikashika

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If i went to all the weddings i'm invited to this year, i could still go..but basically i have 5 weddings this year. I don't want to spend all my money and holiday traveling about to everyone's wedding. its nice i have so many friends who want me to be there, but what about my holiday time?

 

if my friend really did say "Thats no problem!" but its not like that.

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melrich Grand Master

melrich

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But if you do, most likely have to pay...whether it is $20.00 or $2000.00. And it's up to the person if they want to go, and if they can afford it.

 

I don't think it is as straightforward as that. If it's your best friend getting married and you know the trip is going to cost your $2000 plus and force you to use up time you may not want to use up then it is nopt easy to just say no. Best to, but not easy.

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RayKay Grand Master

RayKay

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By the way, even if I and my partner were to get married her a LARGE portion of our family and friends would have to spend time and money to travel to get here. I think most would rather travel somewhere a bit fun where they can get a vacation if they are going to travel then to the Canadian prairies

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shikashika Mentor

shikashika

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By the way, even if I and my partner were to get married her a LARGE portion of our family and friends would have to spend time and money to travel to get here. I think most would rather travel somewhere a bit fun where they can get a vacation if they are going to travel in then to the Canadian prairies

 

 

Whatever... as if Edmonton isn't the most fun, progressive, tropical city on the planet!

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