Are destination weddings unfair?

[annie24]

Mexican resorts are not my idea of fun or holiday at all. Yuck.

 

Besides, I have other holidays to go on.

 

Fun is different to many people.

 

ok - i was wondering if you were calling the entire country of mexico tacky.

 

i can certainly understand not liking resorts, i don't like them so much myself, i prefer vacations where i can spend time in the local culture, eating the local food, not a typical western buffet, laying on a fenced off beach. i'd rather adventure....

[Mythical_Suicide]

Just nicely decline the invitation, tell them you just can't afford it. Don't be harsh about it, it's their wedding day and it's their choice of where they get married. I highly doubt that they are going to hold it against you that you cannot come if you're nice about it.

Now, if you rant to them like you're doing on here then yes, they will probably have issues with that.

 

If I ever get married it will probably be a destination wedding but the only ones who will be involved will be the immediate family and I will cover most, if not all of there travel expenses.

 

no offense whatsoever but you seem rather bitter about this, is there other reasons than just the fact that they chose to have a destination wedding?

[shikashika]

You don't have to stay on the resort. I never have when I travelled. One of my best trips was Cuba...only time we were on resort was to sleep.

 

Mexico has tons of great stuff to do - scuba, surfing...and hey, GREAT mountain bike trails

 

 

actually i do have to stay on this resort... otherwise i have to pay to go onto the resort for the wedding.... and believe me, i've looked into it... i dont' want o be taking a bus for 2 hours in my dress and heels to go to the resort the morning of the wedding.

 

yeah i know there are other off the beaten track places i can go traveling to on my own... but if i do, its like I'mbeing forced to go to a place I don't want to go to.

[Snoopy24]

Thats what my friend said to me, she said "but you still get a vacation"

 

yeah, but its not my vacation... not where I'd choose to go. i still have to use my holiday time for it.

 

Honestly...that sounds a little selfish of YOU. I can understand someone who you aren't that close to, but someone who asked you to be her maid of honor, you should feel honored to go.

 

It's not like you have to go there every year for 20 years. It's one vacation, to celebrate your friends love.

[RayKay]

I can see why it would be bothersome if she was upset about you not being able to go, but just shake it off and tell her you aren't going.

 

You have no idea what she and her partner have discussed with their family and the like, as I said I know my family would be quite encouraging of me going on a destination wedding (with them!) and I would definitely understand if people could not come if I did have one, though I would probably only invite VERY close family and VERY close friends anyway...even then, I would not expect people whom were unable to come to come, whatever their reasoning.

 

I don't know, I just don't understand being bitter at her for choosing to have a destination wedding if that is what her and her partner have decided they would like to do.

[shikashika]

Just nicely decline the invitation, tell them you just can't afford it. Don't be harsh about it, it's their wedding day and it's their choice of where they get married. I highly doubt that they are going to hold it against you that you cannot come if you're nice about it.

Now, if you rant to them like you're doing on here then yes, they will probably have issues with that.

 

If I ever get married it will probably be a destination wedding but the only ones who will be involved will be the immediate family and I will cover most, if not all of there travel expenses.

 

no offense whatsoever but you seem rather bitter about this, is there other reasons than just the fact that they chose to have a destination wedding?

 

no.. i CAN afford it... and not bitter.. I just think these weddings are ridiculous...because although people say they understand if people come or not... then they say they are disappointed.

 

if one decides to ahve a destination wedding, then they have to take it with everything... and not be disappointed of people dont' show up.

 

Point is.. i shouldn't have to give up my life because someone else decides they want to get married on a beach.

[Dako]

A friend of mine just had to get married at an isolated place, and I scrambled to hire a private plane to take me to that dirt airstrip in the sticks.

Then I decided I'd rather send a card and save the $1000 for ME.

Like me, he's divorced now.

LOL.

[shikashika]

Honestly...that sounds a little selfish of YOU. I can understand someone who you aren't that close to, but someone who asked you to be her maid of honor, you should feel honored to go.

 

It's not like you have to go there every year for 20 years. It's one vacation, to celebrate your friends love.

 

its just a day for me.. Thats what mos people fail to realise when they get married.. i've been to weddings where the bride / groom seem to think everyone else thinks the day is as important as they do. For me, its just a day.. one little day. if they want to put a whole lot of effort into it, they can do it, and go as wild as they like, but they shouldn't put that expectation on other people, nor should they expect other people to be as excited as they are.

[annie24]

no.. i CAN afford it... and not bitter.. I just think these weddings are ridiculous...because although people say they understand if people come or not... then they say they are disappointed.

 

if one decides to ahve a destination wedding, then they have to take it with everything... and not be disappointed of people dont' show up.

 

Point is.. i shouldn't have to give up my life because someone else decides they want to get married on a beach.

 

i know that many couples have a reception or sorts back home when they get back, i would just go to that.

 

will they be having a reception back home?

[itsallgrand]

If you were to accept, as the maid of honour, that would be extra time and possibly expense (usually!) too.

 

I know everyone has different expectations. And different limits. And sometimes, when a close friend is getting married - tensions rise.

 

If she's a really good friend though, you might regret not being involved. Maybe not? but that's something to think about as the bottom line.

 

I'm sure we all have a few tales of silly things we've found ourselves doing, and extra hair pulling in the shadows when certain friends decide to get married. Especially friends who have the day planned since they were like 5 years old, and even the cake must have the precise flower icing colour or they are freaking out.

[onewithbooks]

she shouldn't have to alter it...but she shouldn't be disappointed if people say no... thats what you get when you decide to have your wedding on a beach 1000's of miles away.

 

It sounds like you really dont want to go, and if that is the case you should back out. I can only imagine that she would want you to be there, only if you wanted to be there.

[annie24]

hmmm.... like raykay said, sometimes destination weddings can be convient. i heard of one case where a couple was from california, but her entire family lived in china, so they had a destination wedding halfway in hawaii, so her family could fly out from china, but so could the californians. i think that makes a lot of sense.... especially if you go in the off-season. i also know of couples who have had 2 weddings, one on one continent with one set of friends/family and another on the other continent with the other set of friends/family.

 

i guess it comes down to cost vs. benefit. how much is it going to cost and are you going to feel like you are getting the max amount of enjoyment with your money? if you could do the whole thing for $100 (and they covered the rest), then it sounds like a good deal. if it's going to cost you thousands, and you'd rather do something else with the money, even if that is your best friend, well, then it's not worth it.

[onewithbooks]

no.. i CAN afford it... and not bitter.. I just think these weddings are ridiculous...because although people say they understand if people come or not... then they say they are disappointed.

 

if one decides to ahve a destination wedding, then they have to take it with everything... and not be disappointed of people dont' show up.

 

Point is.. i shouldn't have to give up my life because someone else decides they want to get married on a beach.

 

I think a person can do both, be disappointed but understand. I was disappointed when a friend of mine didnt come home last christmas, but I understood. It would have been too expensive for her to do so.

[shikashika]

Honestly...that sounds a little selfish of YOU. I can understand someone who you aren't that close to, but someone who asked you to be her maid of honor, you should feel honored to go.

 

It's not like you have to go there every year for 20 years. It's one vacation, to celebrate your friends love.

 

So , is this because you are having a destination wedding?

 

Why should they have to give up their life, vacation, money because you decide to get married somewhere far away?

 

what if i wanted all my friends to go to spain where they would be forced to go clubbing every night until 10 in the morning.. wooo hoo!!!!!!

 

And then maybe if we had a night or two off i'd make them go biking or hiking for 10 hours

[Snoopy24]

well, of course, hopefully they would be having fun. and i think it's great that you will be paying most of their way.

 

of course, many people only get a limited number of vacation days a year, and perhaps bermuda (or wherever) isn't where they want to spend those vacation days or their money. and.... they wouldn't be totally free to do whatever, they still obligations to spend time with you, attend the wedding, etc... it's not like they can just take off whenever they feel like and go snorkling. many people (like shika) would rather plan their own vacations. i understand that.

 

as long as people who plan destination weddings understand that many people may not attend, that is fine.

 

My boyfriend will send out invitations at least two years before the wedding. So everyone has plenty of time to save and get vacation days. And it will only be two days anyway, which is not a lot of vacation time if any at all. And if anyone couldn't come for any reason, we would agree completely.

[shikashika]

i know that many couples have a reception or sorts back home when they get back, i would just go to that.

 

will they be having a reception back home?

 

yes they are, they are renting a big hall and having caterers and everything.

 

But she said the wedding wouldn't be the same without me there.

 

i think when she planned this destination wedding, she never expected that her friends would decline.

 

I remember before she even got engaged, and she was talking about a destination wedding, i told her I didn't like them and i wouldn't want to go.

 

She thought i was kidding and said, "You'll come, you'd do it for me"

[annie24]

My boyfriend will send out invitations at least two years before the wedding. So everyone has plenty of time to save and get vacation days. And it will only be two days anyway, which is not a lot of vacation time if any at all. And if anyone couldn't come for any reason, we would agree completely.

 

yeah - but who is going to fly out to bermuda for 2 days only then fly back? most people aren't going to hop on a plane for 2 days only, they'd probably want to stay the week.... then they have to find a hotel, pay for food, entertainment..... that's where the costs add up.....

[shikashika]

My boyfriend will send out invitations at least two years before the wedding. So everyone has plenty of time to save and get vacation days. And it will only be two days anyway, which is not a lot of vacation time if any at all. And if anyone couldn't come for any reason, we would agree completely.

 

this is the point... why should they have to save for YOUR wedding???

 

That is what i find obnoxious!

[Mythical_Suicide]

Personally, I think maybe you're having more of an issue with this then she will if you decline the invitation.

If she is such a good friend she will understand that not everyone can make it.

You don't want to go, tell her that.

[Mythical_Suicide]

this is the point... why should they have to save for YOUR wedding???

 

That is what i find obnoxious!

 

if they want to come, it will be for more than just a wedding. Most people will see it as a chance to take a small vacation maybe to some place they'd never go otherwise.

[annie24]

yes they are, they are renting a big hall and having caterers and everything.

 

But she said the wedding wouldn't be the same without me there.

 

i think when she planned this destination wedding, she never expected that her friends would decline.

 

I remember before she even got engaged, and she was talking about a destination wedding, i told her I didn't like them and i wouldn't want to go.

 

She thought i was kidding and said, "You'll come, you'd do it for me"

 

would she be willing to foot the costs to get you there?

 

i do sort of agree with you. frankly, i would feel embarrassed to have a destination wedding and then expect the guests to pay for it. i'd likely pay for the hotel and their food, vouchers, airfare, etc.... but then again, i don't have that kind of money. but if i won a few million in a lottery and wanted a destination wedding, that's what i'd do.

 

of course, even if you get married in your hometown, it will always be an inconvience for someone to come, especially if they live far away. but, that's life. they can always send a card.

[DN]

So , is this because you are having a destination wedding?

 

Why should they have to give up their life, vacation, money because you decide to get married somewhere far away?

 

what if i wanted all my friends to go to spain where they would be forced to go clubbing every night until 10 in the morning.. wooo hoo!!!!!!

 

And then maybe if we had a night or two off i'd make them go biking or hiking for 10 hours

Don't you think that saying "give up your life" is a tad over the top?

[melrich]

why should they have to save for YOUR wedding???

 

They don't HAVE to. They can say "no".

 

I don't like destination weddings. I do think they are somewhat indulgent and subtley impose an obligation on close friends and family.

 

But at the end of the day, you don't have to go. And Shika, the sooner you tell her you are not going and get that weight off your mind, the better you will feel about the whole thing.

[shikashika]

I can see why it would be bothersome if she was upset about you not being able to go, but just shake it off and tell her you aren't going.

 

You have no idea what she and her partner have discussed with their family and the like, as I said I know my family would be quite encouraging of me going on a destination wedding (with them!) and I would definitely understand if people could not come if I did have one, though I would probably only invite VERY close family and VERY close friends anyway...even then, I would not expect people whom were unable to come to come, whatever their reasoning.

 

I don't know, I just don't understand being bitter at her for choosing to have a destination wedding if that is what her and her partner have decided they would like to do.

 

Because if you choose to have a destination wedding, there shouldn't be any expectation on people to come, nor should she express her disappointment. She made that choice by getting married in Mexico. Some people like her brother and dad can't afford to go .. and none of HER friends are going... all his... even though she has become friends with them.. NONE of our/ her friends are going..

 

I don't think she expected that to happen, but i dont' know why she is surprised... if family and friends are so important... then don't get married in a place where people don't want to go.

[annie24]

what if i wanted all my friends to go to spain where they would be forced to go clubbing every night until 10 in the morning.. wooo hoo!!!!!!

 

oh, i am so there! i'll be your maid of honor!