Hope75 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 He can just take a picture of himself and email it to you. I'll reiterate that you can stick up for him all you want, but his reasons just don't make sense, and there's no reason he can't send you a picture- and if not he probably has something to hide. You would not be the first person to be completely fooled and blindsided by someone who was not who he presented himself as. Link to comment
Portage Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Hopefully he is just really insecure about having his pic taken. I for one, hate getting my pic taken. But it does seem odd that he doesn't show you a recent shot. Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I hate how I look, but that doesn't mean that I'm not gonna take a pic of me. If the person doesn't like how I look, oh well, that's their problem Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Hopefully he is just really insecure about having his pic taken. I for one, hate getting my pic taken. But it does seem odd that he doesn't show you a recent shot. if even you, who are insecure about having your photo taken, can put up your photo as an avatar, that says something. and music guy too, i've seen his pics, even if he doesn't like having his pic taken! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I hate how I look, but that doesn't mean that I'm not gonna take a pic of me. If the person doesn't like how I look, oh well, that's their problem Exactly. If you are dating someone you show them how you look. It's not negotiable. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 If the guy is so uncomfortable with the way he looks that he won't show you a picture, why are you even expecting this guy to meet you? After a picture is just that, a picture. Meeting in person is a whole other aspect. I agree with everyone else, this is just too shady. Just because someone seems "sincere" doesn't mean they are. After all, cheaters are great manipulators. It is what they do. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 bebe - what happened - what did he say when you asked? Link to comment
lila... Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 Aww damn! I had to leave before I had the chance to ask him. I didn't want to ask him out of the blue, I was waiting for the subject to arise. Anyhow, I see him almost every night, so one of these nights I'll ask him and keep you guys posted. I tend to justify him and believe his excuses, so I'd rather have other peoples objective opinions. But I think it must be more a problem of insecurity of showing his picture rather than trying to hide something, lie, or cheat. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 if it is insecurity, reassure him that you are into him, and that you like him, even if he looks like sasquatch. if he still doesn't budge and get that webcam, then i would forget it. and don't fall for photos either, it is very easy to download photos online of random people. with webcam, you will know.... if he is that genuinely unable to reveal how he looks, especially to you, a person he claims to be in a 'relationship' with and has been talking to you for a year, then he has serious problems that he needs therapy for. i mean, how much more are you supposed to do to show you are interested in him? when i did online dating, if a guy tried to write to me but didn't post a photo, i would ask him to post a photo. if he still didn't, i wouldn't write back to him. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Aww damn! I had to leave before I had the chance to ask him. I didn't want to ask him out of the blue, I was waiting for the subject to arise. Anyhow, I see him almost every night, so one of these nights I'll ask him and keep you guys posted. I tend to justify him and believe his excuses, so I'd rather have other peoples objective opinions. But I think it must be more a problem of insecurity of showing his picture rather than trying to hide something, lie, or cheat. I wouldn't try to guess *why* he won't show you a picture or a webcam. The why doesn't really matter. I would focus on whether I'm satisfied with this or not - and plainly, you're not. Your subconscious is sensing deceit and things that don't add up with this guy. You don't need to wait for the subject to come up....just bring it up. Suppose you say to him, "Look, I need to be in a relationship with someone who isn't afraid to share their pictures with me, blahblah" or suppose you say, "I'm not satisfied with the pictures that you've provided to me. I will be happy to receive more pictures of you by such&such date or I will have to reconsider this relationship, as your behavior on this issue is creating trust issues." He will try to manipulate it as best he can...and he will be a master at it, so just stick to your guns. I know where you're coming from, I've been in your shoes. If they don't want to send recent pictures, there is a reason why. Obviously, things aren't adding up here and your subconscious is trying to point it out. Is your guy from Maryland by any chance? LOL. I wasted 1 1/2 years on my online 'love'...it was intense believe me, the only way I could end it is by starting to date in real life. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 if it is insecurity, reassure him that you are into him, and that you like him, even if he looks like sasquatch. if he still doesn't budge and get that webcam, then i would forget it. and don't fall for photos either, it is very easy to download photos online of random people. with webcam, you will know.... Amen....the guy in my online relationship (which started in an online game, not at a dating site) actually once sent me a picture that was still linked to link removed! He made up some BS story about how his brother funked it up or something, and would you believe, I made myself believe it? Even though I felt sick to my stomach? Oh yes, 'love' will make you do crazy things... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Completely agree with annie and raykay and hope. Have you done a background check on him? Also sounds like you get the benefit of having all these in love feelings without having to face the reality of knowing him in person. Seems shady and unhealthy to me. Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 besides bebe, this guy is your online buddy..not a guy you're dating Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Bebe, Deep down you know something is wrong because you posted about it and it's obviously bothering you. You can defend him all you want and believe his excuses, and bottom line, while it's a possibility, it is not reasonable that he's kept how he looks from you as long as he has and at a certain point (like 6 months ago or more) it gets ridiculous and suspicious. I hope you confront him directly about it the next time you talk to him. Link to comment
Shiranai Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I just think it's funny a guy who travels all over the world for his work can't travel to see you after a whole year, and you STILL believe him. I also have doubts about OP's age. Since OP's still living at home, are you of legal age yet? I hope he's not one of the guys who prey on younger women. There's no reason to assume he's not married, unless if he can show you proof, and all that you mentioned are not proof. You need to visit his HOUSE, his parents, before you can be sure. People can say too many things that are lies online, and there's not even facial expressions to help you determine if they're lying. Sometimes people do string others along online for fun. I know, my friends do that! and we laugh about the silly people that fall for it. Sometimes sick people looking for a potential prey look for dates online. It's known that sex offenders often look for their next prey on Myspace or in chatroom. Personally, I won't care if I get a picture or not, since a picture means nothing to me. It can be photoshopped or faked. I won't even consider dating a person until we meet face to face. If you don't meet him, how can you ever know if he's genuine or not? What if he took a pic of his handsome buddy and sold it as a picture of him? I know of ugly obese girls who send pictures of their pretty skinny friends and say it's themselves. It happens all the time. You need to MEET him before you go any further with him in this relationship. Remember to meet him in a public place, like a mall. Don't go anywhere secluded with him. When I was in college, a girl from my univ met her online boyfriend from a near by univ. He raped her, and dumped her on the spot. He's now on the sex offender's list and she's a rape victim. Things happen, protect yourself, don't trust everything you hear online. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I'm 5'7 DD's long blonde hair and baby blue eyes and pouty lips. I'm not married and I don't have a boyfriend. You believe me right, because this is what I'm typing so it must be the truth. I just don't want to post a pic because I'm too hot....... Believe me. I'm telling the truth.... Ok, do you get my point? Why on earth would you believe someone that can't back up what they are saying, or better yet WON'T back up what they are saying? Link to comment
lila... Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 You see, sending pictures and our physical appearance is not really important for us either, that's why I've never insisted on him sending me a picture throughout our relationship, and he hasn't insisted me either. However, he does see me at least once a week through webcam, I'm not the one who brings it up...he'll tell me he wants to see me. And as time passes and we become closer...well I'm curious to see him too! But when I try to give to understand that I'd like to see him...he says something like "I'll see what I can do"...or changes the subject, and then never brings it up again. That's why I stopped telling him, I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Btw I'm 20, so he's not one of those men that 'prey on younger girls'. In fact our relationship started very slow...we were friends first and he would never insinuate anything indecent or something that would make me uncomfortable. I will, however, tell him I want to see a recent picture of him or to at least buy a webcam so that I can see him. I'd like to see what he's like before I actually meet him. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 You are only basing him not "preying on younger girls" on what he has told you about being 30 though.....to be quite blunt you have no idea if he is or isn't as he could be far older than he is telling you. I know of a poster on here whom "met" a guy (not on an online dating site either) whom told her he was in his early 20's....they talked for weeks or months and he provided some blurry pictures of a younger seemingly 20-something. He certainly SEEMED to be whom he was saying he was. They had firm plans to meet and everything. Before they did..she found out the truth. Turned out he was 50+, married and the pictures were of his son or something. He had a fake myspace profile and everything. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 You are only basing him not "preying on younger girls" on what he has told you about being 30 though.....to be quite blunt you have no idea if he is or isn't as he could be far older than he is telling you. I know of a poster on here whom "met" a guy whom told her he was in his early 20's....they talked for weeks or months and he provided some blurry pictures of a younger seemingly 20-something. He certainly SEEMED to be whom he was saying he was. They had firm plans to meet and everything. Before they did..she found out the truth. Turned out he was 50+, married and the pictures were of his son or something. He had a fake myspace profile and everything. That is exactly what I'm thinking. They are rarely what they claim to be. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that he was either terribly unattractive, a registered sex offender of some sort or an extremely bored 12 year boy with too much time on his hands. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Well, i must admit to being age-biased.....So, when i hear of a 30 year old trying to be with a 20 year old on the internet, I see nothing but a big ol' red flag. This is what you should do....next time he asks to see you on webcam just say that you will no longer get on cam until you see a recent photo of himself. End of story. I have a question though. If you live with your mom and don't want her to know that you have a cyber relationship.....how in the world are you two going to ever have an actual real relationship??? Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I really think you need to step it up here and put your foot down. You're doing what he asks by going on webcam on his request and he can't even send you a picture or go on himself? you're trying to tell me he bought an incompatible webcam for his laptop? thats a bit stupid would'nt you say? I don't reckon you need to be subtle about asking, you've waited long enough for this you are'nt being pushy. You need to say you'd really love to see him before you meet, and were wondering why you have'nt yet, if there is something wrong. He sounds like he's either very self conscious or he maybe, like you say, afraid you may go off him if you see him, or something is'nt right. Either way he's taking the piss a bit, and messing you about considering you have high hopes and big feelings about meeting him eventually at some point, so if he's stringing you, its best to find out now. Link to comment
Portage Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I think Bebe gets the gist and will pursue it NOW. I couldn't handle the anticipation after one year. I really hope for your sake he turns out to be legit. Link to comment
Maya_A Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I'm about 99% sure he is not 30 years older than me and married ^^^ How/Why? And have you ever spoken on the phone at all? Link to comment
Aleadragonhawk Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 You see, sending pictures and our physical appearance is not really important for us either, that's why I've never insisted on him sending me a picture throughout our relationship, and he hasn't insisted me either. This isn't as much about appearance as confirming identity - when it came to my husband (we met online) I had no qualms about asking for and providing pictures and actually insisted on seeing his drivers license. Link to comment
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