lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Grrrr I'm so mad! He totally changed the subject again. I was talking to him a while ago on msn. I asked him, "My love, you don't have a webcam right?" He said, "No...but I have a microphone." Then he sent me a recorded message. I was thinking 'You're not gonna change the subject on me again'. I said, "Well I remember a while back when you told me you had one but it wasn't compatible with your laptop." He then sent me two more recorded messages that had nothing to do with the subject. I said "It's cause I would LOVE to see you!" Again another recorded message from him. He then drifted the subject to something else. He was telling me about vacation packages for us to take, and asking me where I would love to go. But I persisted on the webcam thing. I told him, "Do you think I can get a chance to see you by webcam before that happens?" He stayed silent a while. He began to see I was serious and wasn't gonna let the webcam thing go hahah. He then said, "Ok I will see if I can find one that's compatible with my laptop. I mean it's old but maybe I'll find one." Then I reminded him that that would be wonderful because I would really like to see him. So, I'll wait a while and see if it happens. I would feel bad if I knew he couldn't afford a webcam, but I know he can. So hopefully he'll go and search for one this weekend like he said. Let's see what happens... Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Uh....I still don't get why it's so hard to take a picture with his cell phone or camera (he can with all these "gifts" he sends you) and email it or send it over IM. Why in the world can't he do that? He's most definitely leading you on for some reason or another. Guarantee that he is thinking you will drop the subject and he will evade the request again. So, what are you going to do about it if he doesn't come up with something by the end of the weekend? Link to comment
Maya_A Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 "Do you think I can get a chance to see you by webcam before that happens?" ^^^ It's great that you are stepping up & being persistent, though now it is time to be insistent. He was playing games again with you... There is a huge reason for this as so many have been mentioning to you. Please take note of this, not only for your "heart" but for your safety... How do you know his age, that he is not married, mentally ill & preying, or other about him he has told you? And it sounds as though he wants to take you on some trip without your having any photos of him, just expecting to meet up with him? Wow. He could kidnap you & who knows what... It is way too creepy & has danger written all over it... You need to be insistent, telling him along the lines of "I get the feeling that something isn't right here - I need to be sure who I am speaking with or am thinking about halting our communication until I can have a live camera chat with you". "I feel too vulnerable otherwise." If he lays a trust or guilt thing on you, please don't buy into it. That is another common tactic people use to get what they want. Why should you, or any person reasonably trust someone they've never even seen? And someone making a lot of suspicious excuses, to boot. Under no circumstances, meet up with this person without a live web cam chat, minimum... Ideally you would want to take many more precautions after that, but that would be a minimum criteria... I would also let your family & friends know that you have been speaking with someone... Personally, I very strongly think you should just leave it & move on but it does not seem like something you would be willing to do. That being so, please take great care in this... Great care of you. It sounds way, way off... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I agree with Maya and RK. If you meet him - or anyone else you've never met before - it needs to be in a public place where you are not in his car or he in yours, for a coffee or lunch. Please don't agree to take a vacation with a total stranger especially one as shady as this guy. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 what do you mean, 'can't afford a webcam?' doesn't he have a good job? and like music guy said - $40. i bet you could even find one cheaper on ebay! Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 a man who is genuine will send you a CURRENT photo and get a webcam. I completely agree with that statement. This guy is hiding something. You've invested a year for somebody you haven't even SEEN? sorry but I thought I was crazy but that's just way overboard. No current portraits either? I have had a "romantic relationship" with someone online and the first thing that happened was we knew how we looked like and sounded. It was not on a dating site either. We also chatted on webcam a few times. My ex sent many many photos - even his family....yikes. But it's only because he wanted me to see the whole picture. He was THAT open and not hiding anything from the beginning. Right now, you can't trust him...without trust there's nothing. I get the feeling that the way he looks might not be what you envisioned him to be. You need to disconnect him from your life...even if he does send you a picture. Building a relationship online is just unrealistic which I HAD to learn my own way. Just listen to your gut...do the right thing - most importantly stay SAFE no matter what! Do not be in a room with him alone...not even for a second! Tell someone where you're going and do a check back every hour if you meet...and don't go on vacation. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I'm laughing because how can he talk about vacation packages when he can't even provide a simple picture??? You seriously need to get real about this. He needs to "put up" or "shut up". Forget the webcam...if he can send you photos of so-called 'gifts', then he can take a quick snapshot and send it your way. You need to bring this point up to him pronto, and let him know that if he can't provide you with some pictures (more than one) within a certain amount of time then you two can no longer continue. There is absolutely no excuse for any person that is actively involved with computers, IMing, and engaging in cyber relations to NOT have pics available in this day and age. Oh, and another thing...if he has a laptop then he can easily find a webcam that will be compatible. I have an older laptop from the year 2000 and I've used 2 different webcams on it. As long as he has at least a Windows '98 operating system, he should have no problems finding something. Link to comment
Shiranai Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Do NOT go on a vacation with this person. You don't know him at all! You don't know his real name, what he looks like, how old he is, where he works, you don't know anything about him! How can you go on a vacation with a complete stranger? For all you know, he might have a group waiting to gang rape you as soon as you arrive. Don't think it's ridiculous, it has happened before to unsuspecting victims. You need to cancel this vacation with him, and meet him at a PUBLIC place, and stay at a public place. Make sure you have your own means of transportation if something goes wrong, and make sure everyone, your parents, your friends, your boss, your teacher, they ALL need to know where you are, how they can reach you, and when you'll be back. If you insist on going on this vacation with him, you NEED to see his driver's license, AND forward a copy of it to your parents before you go anywhere with him. I don't mean to sound like your mom, but this is crazy! You need to learn how to protect yourself, and you're not doing it! I'm sorry that I have to say this, but you are NOT acting like an adult, you're acting like a 16 year old who's love struck for the first time with the wrong guy. Link to comment
Shiranai Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Oh my goodness, do you realize, if you were to go on a vacation with this man, and if you happened to get raped or killed or kidnapped or sold into a sex ring, no one will know where to find you or how to find you? No one will know who he is, how to get a hold of him, what he looks like. No one will be able to provide a description of him to the police or tell the police what his real names are. Do you realize how vulnerable this makes YOU? Don't trust him. Not the way you're trusting him anyway. That's blind trust. If he can't get a picture of himself, tell him to scan his driver's license and e-mail it to you. There's a picture, with an easily confirmable identity. Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 If he can't get a picture of himself, tell him to scan his driver's license and e-mail it to you. There's a picture, with an easily confirmable identity. I disagree but it's a clever idea. I disagree because if he can't send you a picture of himself in any way - why go on? Forget the driver's license - unless you want to test him out. I think it's a waste of time. Maybe if you dump him, he'll start stalking you..even keylogging your pc. Or even threaten you. You are putting yourself in danger. Please be extremely cautious. Link to comment
Shiranai Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 ^ I'm being totally serious about the driver's license thing. It's not to test him, it's for her safety. If anything happens to her on the vacation with this total stranger, a driver's license is the fastest way to track him down. It doesn't have to be a driver's license, it just needs to be something that'll help police identify who he is, and figure out where to find him. Link to comment
lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 I appreciate your worriment over this, but I think you guys are exaggerating a bit. I do know about his job, I know what he does for a living, I know the company he currently works for, and I do know his age. I've talked to him a couple of times on the phone now and I know he is a sincere guy. He is certainly not the stalker type, nor some creep that goes after younger girls on the internet. Let me give you guys a bit more background info: When we met we started off as friends. This went on for a couple of months. He never insinuated anything indecent nor did he make me ever feel uncomfortable in any way. We both wanted a more-than-friends relationship, he never pushed me for anything. I have dumped him once, when I met this guy from my city. He was pretty sad about it and tried to convince me not to break what we had over someone I had just met, but finally accepted it. After a couple of days after I realized I didn't feel anything for the other guy, I came back to him, because I truly do love him. He has never EVER pushed me for anything. He has never obliged me to send him a picture of me, he will tell me when he wants to see me through webcam but never forces me to. I don't have any gut feeling that anything is wrong with this guy, I really feel him sincere and honest. And I do plan on going on vacation with him. I'm not stupid and would never put my life in danger, but I know enough about him now to feel secure enough. Link to comment
Shiranai Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Have you ever called his company and looked him up in the directory? Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Have you ever called his company and looked him up in the directory? I was going to ask the same thing (though of course, he could claim to be someone else too....this is why seeing HIS picture is important). Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 You may THINK we are overreacting, but I posted earlier about a poster whom had a VERY similar situation to you and also believed he was honest, sincere, and everything he said he was...she is a very intelligent, smart girl.....and he wasn't. People whom want to deceive you, can deceive you. Link to comment
Shiranai Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I was actually thinking, once she confirms he actually works for the company, she can send an e-mail to the work e-mail address (without telling him before hand of course), that way, it'll help her identify the guy based on the e-mail response she gets. Link to comment
lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Have you ever called his company and looked him up in the directory? How should I do this? By the way he is not a fixed employee in the company, he is temporarily working there under contract until the project is done. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 google his name. do you know what company he works for? you should be able to find him easily online. or ask one of us to do it for you. we are excellent cyber-stalkers. Link to comment
Shiranai Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Different companies have different policies with those, but most should still put him in the directory and/or give him an e-mail address. Just look up the company's website, find the "contact us" number, call during business hours, get the receptionist to pick up, and just say, you're looking for ____ _____. You might need to tell the receptionist which department he's in, which division, and which project. Link to comment
lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 google his name. do you know what company he works for? you should be able to find him easily online. or ask one of us to do it for you. we are excellent cyber-stalkers. His name is so common!! I have googled it but no luck. I just tried searching it in the Company webpage's search bar, but it didn't appear. Well of course, it's not supposed to right? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 ummmm.... do you want to give us his name by PM and the company and i'm sure we can find it. just call the company tomorrow and ask to speak to.... so and so. or...... could be that he does not WORK for the company at all, another reason why his name didn't come up in the directory. Link to comment
Maya_A Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Sorry, bebe, you can't know these things as fact, just by what he tells you.... It's impossible. What concrete proof do you have? I think Shiranai is right on with everything.... And do you realize that people trying to hook or fool someone follow a certain set of very predictable behaviors? No, he wouldn't force you or appear overbearing, etc... That is often part of the whole plan on fooling someone & gaining their trust. It's been done millions of times to unsuspecting victims. And the fact that you don't get any gut feeling that something is wrong here, is extremely worrying... I say with respect, that you are just not wanting to see... If you are insistent to go along with this, at least be sure to tell your friends, parents, etc. all about what you are doing... Someone mentioned something about checking out where he worked. Why not call him at work to verify? Or at least mention that to him. If he starts getting like about the photos re. your mention of calling work, I wonder if that might nudge you a little... Unfortunately I don't think anyone can say much to convince you to see otherwise, try as we might... I just sincerely wish you well in your safety in all of this... Link to comment
lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Different companies have different policies with those, but most should still put him in the directory and/or give him an e-mail address. Just look up the company's website, find the "contact us" number, call during business hours, get the receptionist to pick up, and just say, you're looking for ____ _____. You might need to tell the receptionist which department he's in, which division, and which project. Ok I don't know specifics. All I know is the name of the company, what he does...but not what department/division/project he's working on. And I can't ask him, it's gonna sound like an interrogation! Link to comment
Maya_A Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 His name is so common!! By the way he is not a fixed employee in the company, he is temporarily working there under contract until the project is done. ^^^^ Of course his name is common, of course he is only working there as a temp. All of these make him untraceable... I'm sorry bebe - I don't normally say things this bluntly but this is so ridiculous... Do you not see that all of these things together... The hesitancy of the photo, his common name, his unattachment to work in terms of being found... He is trying to hide his identity from you. Why? If he wants to do something criminal to or with you he won't get caught... You are thinking in an incredibly naive way - Again, I'm so sorry for putting it that way. I'm so rarely that blunt. It isn't meant as an insult but an observation... Have you not heard common stories of predators acting the exact same way he is? And I can't ask him, it's gonna sound like an interrogation! ^^^ Goodness -- I'm not even going to comment on that... Just be very sure to tell the people around you what is going on, including your parents. If you believe all is above board you will have nothing to "hide" in sharing with them. Link to comment
lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Annie I've already sent you a PM with his info. My God I feel bad for doing that. I do trust him! Maya: If he was an online stalker, he wouldn't act the way he does. For example when I dumped him, he would have done something drastic to keep me, but he didn't, he was cool with it. He didn't insist. Also, he worries a lot about me, and he's always giving me sensible advice when I get in an argument with my mom or when I have some problem. He doesn't control me, in fact he gives me a lot of freedom and is not the jelous type. Cause you can still be the jelous/controllling type over the internet, but he is not. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.