Maya_A Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 I know. I think I'll tell him I'm back with the guy I used to like and that I don't want to "cheat" on anybody. I'm going to be very firm so that he doesn't try to convince me otherwise. This time I'm going to erase him from my contacts so I don't see him online and have the tentation to talk to him. I'm actually feeling so much better, it's like taking a burden off my shoulders. No more worrying about pictures, webcams, or torturing myself when he doesn't call or send a message, no more of that That sounds great... And yes, after you tell him that, like immediately after you send the email, without waiting for his reply (because yes, he will try to talk you out of it & you'd like to avoid that) you can remove all of his means to contact you & also your means to see he is trying to, so you aren't tempted. This will very much help both of you move on. You may realize somewhat now, but maybe only years later might you realize just how wise this decision was. A big hug to you for doing this! I'm really so glad for you. Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Don't tell him the truth...because he probably already knows the truth even if he acts like he doesn't. He hasn't been completely honest and open with you so he deserves the same courtesy from you. You want to avoid telling him the truth because you don't want to risk offending him in any way. People can turn into monsters. I think your original idea is good. Just make up an excuse or just fade away. That is the safest way and make sure you get off on his good side so he won't lose his mind and assault you. Just continue with your excuse of dating another guy...and tell him like you really mean it - time for real acting here - he probably knows you pretty well and can pick up any poor lies. Just keep it short...don't let him probe you. Simply say sorry and that it's what you have to do. then say, hey!, something came up and I gotta go... you can do it - you say you know him well...use that to your advantage and kick him in the you know what. g'luck. Link to comment
lila... Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 Hello all. I just wanted to update in my situation . I just ended it last week with him because I caught him in a lie. I was very hurt as this is the first lie I could actually prove. So in the end I didn't have to use a lie to breakup with him, I had a real reason to. I'm a little sad... I miss him so much, but as the days pass I'm feeling better and getting used to not seeing him anymore. We did end it on somewhat bad terms because he accused me of calling him a liar and a false person, which I did not...in fact I was being very fair with him giving him a chance to explain himself, but his arguments were really patethic and in the end I knew he was lying. He then said he didn't even want to remain friends because I really hurt him, then he signed off and deleted me from his msn account. I was very hurt, but I tried to stay calm. I think it was the next night that I was really missing him and telling myself that maybe he was right and I was wrong in my accusations, so I sent him a text message. I said 'Do you really not want to hear from me again? It really hurt me that we had to end this on bad terms, do you think some day we can talk calmy?' He didn't answer it, but now I'm really glad he didn't because I sent that message in a moment of weakness. So...yeah. I won't lie... I miss him...but it's better this way. He lied to me and if we continued I wouldn't be able to trust him. I feel like a burden has been taken off my shoulders Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 hugs!!!! good for you!!!! what was the lie, i am curious, if you want to share? no, i don't think you did the wrong thing. like you said yourself, you gave him a chance to explain, you've given him dozens of chances to show he is genuine! don't feel bad. he sees now that he can't keep pulling the wool over your eyes, so that's why he's walking away. you aren't a liar, you're just smart. i am sure you miss him. i understand. i was in a situation similar to you recently, where i was dating a guy and stuff he was saying didn't add up. i walked away too. it's hard, but how can you be with someone who won't tell you the truth? if you don't have the truth, then you have nothing. hugs Link to comment
lila... Posted April 28, 2008 Author Share Posted April 28, 2008 It's a long story but I'll tell it. We were talking online one night as usual, and my internet was acting up and it kept signing me off from msn. Then it just wouldn't let me connect at all, only to the internet but not msn, so I sent him an email asking if he could go to the chatroom where we met so that we could continue talking. He wrote back OK go to (name of chatroom), I'm (his nickname). So everything's going fine, we're talking, and then suddenly some girl in the chatroom starts commenting on his nickname. He then told me she opened a private chat with him but that he closed it. I said ok Later that night that same girl kept on talking about him and I teasingly told her to leave him alone because he was mine, and I told him not to talk to her, he told me of course not, and I knew he wasn't because he was talking to me pretty quickly, he wasn't distracted at all. So everythings ok, the next day we're talking on msn and the subject of that girl comes up. He tells me how she had asked him a couple of questions and I said, I thought you said you didn't talk to her? He said I didn't, she asked me these questions all at once and then I closed the private chat. I'm like OOOk...if you say so. I wasn't believing him because honestly, how can she have asked him so many questions without having an actual conversation? I don't know if I'm explaining myself clearly but anyway...haha. So seeing that I'm still not believing him the next day he sent me an email telling me that he has a program that saves EVERY conversation on his computer, including the ones from chat rooms, and that he spent hours looking for them but that he finally found the private chats. He sent them to me, I opened them, and at first I was very relieved because they looked so real, but when I looked closely I noticed the name of the girl was not the same. Also, he had sent me the "supposed" private he was having with me, and the things I was telling him there were not the things I had said that night! They were similar but slightly different! So the only explanation was that he had created those private chats to back up what he was saying! He actually thought I would fall for it. I was really shocked. I mean how can he think I'm so stupid that I would actually fall for it? Besides, I don't think there is a program that exists that saves conversations from chatrooms. I don't know. Anyway when I pointed this out he started getting very defensive, telling me that just because I don't know anything of computers or programming didn't mean these programs don't exist. He accussed me of not trusting him and calling him a liar, he said he had always been an honest person with me, etc., etc., and one of the last things he told me was that he hopes I can have peace of mind after that coarse trick I played on him. What!! I think by that he was insinuating that I set up a trap. I would never do something like that, he was the one who told me which chatroom to enter!! But whatever, at least I'm at peace knowing I didn't lie to him, I don't know if he is after those lies he made up. I did notice that after I sent him the text message that night he added me back on msn. I was tempted to talk to him again, but I deleted him. And I'm not turning back! Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 wow. did you ever actually call up and ask if he worked at the place where he said he did? i bet that would have been another lie you could have caught him in.... in any case, yes, he is certainly hiding something, and he is clearly a bad liar!!! if he went and 'made up' all these conversations and even got the girl's screenname wrong? blah. what a scuzbag. that's not cool. a person who has nothing to hide wouldn't have done that. i think you caught him red handed, something is not right with him. stick to your guns, don't ever talk to him again! delete him off your MSN, asap. Link to comment
Catflower Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 as someone who's followed this thread since the beginning, i'm very glad to hear you're ending contact with this guy. stay strong in the knowledge that you've made the right decision. Link to comment
RayKay Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 I think you absolutely did the right thing bebe......the fact he tried to turn it around on you is a sign he is also used to being able to manipulate and get his way/for one to believe him. He's an ass for trying to convince you that you don't "know enough to know" or that you were "trapping him". Shows how controlling and manipulative he would be even if you ever did meet. I still suspect he is way older than he has said he is and married or something equally as disturbing. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 I agree with RK and Annie and I am not at all surprised he would lie and be such a bad liar at that. Good luck to you and stay strong. Link to comment
Portage Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 I'm glad you are moving on Bebe. i've been following this thread from the get-go. You can now have some closure in knowing you MOST DEFINITELY did the right thing. Sometimes fantasy is fun...but when it comes right down to it, well, one is really just wasting their time and energy when it can be the real deal. I wish you luck. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Bebe! good to see you posting again.....Glad you were able to catch him in a lie and move on so quickly! Once you get used to a certain situation, it can be hard to walk away from it.... I think you're a lot stronger than you realize... ;o) good luck to you!! Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Good for you Bebe......I knew you would figure it out eventually....A lot of us may have come off quite harsh, but I promise you it was because we could see what was going on and that this was a train wreck waiting to happen. Stay strong..... Link to comment
Maya_A Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 Another long-time follower of this situation... What can one say - so very relieved for you that the whole thing is over... Good for you, for seeing & believing what you did see.... I wish you well - you will meet someone else who is open & honest with you, & you will look back & be so thankful in so many ways... Dating locally can help complicate things less in certain ways also... Anyway - 100 cheers Bebe Link to comment
Whiplash Girl Child Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Good ending. I hope it stays this way. Link to comment
headunderwater Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 Just a note, a little late though. Any person that you meet online and you are "in love with" and they are "in love with you" won't hesitate to help show u something to prove who they are. And if they don't, they aren't worth it! I'd like to know what country this guy is from. Bebe- good for you in standing up for yourself! Link to comment
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