Maya_A Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Maya: If he was an online stalker, he wouldn't act the way he does. For example when I dumped him, he would have done something drastic to keep me, but he didn't, he was cool with it. He didn't insist. Bebe - just be sure to tell your parents & friends okay? I won't say anymore on all of this... I sincerely wish you well & safety... Take very good care.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 so, i think you should call the company he works for tomorrow morning, and ask the receptionist to connect you to him, give the name. if she says they do not have anyone under that name, then you know right there he is lying. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 My fiance has a VERY common name, works as a contractor for a company, and I just googled him and there he is! Honey, do what Annie says. Call his company tomorrow morning. You have no proof of what you would like to believe. This sounds more and more like you are being taken for a ride. You are right to worry- you would not be first to be duped by someone over the internet. Link to comment
lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Thanks you guys, but honestly I have a gut feeling everything is fine with him. In the past he has sent me software of the programs he works with (he's a telecoms engineer), he's sent me pictures of the towers he's designed, and I know for a fact he does do this as a living...but why would he be lying about where he works?? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 hm....... he sends you all these things, yet doesn't know how to work a webcam and can't afford it.... that makes me feel really safe that he 'designs towers' yet doesn't know how to work a webcam. wake up and smell the coffee!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Thanks you guys, but honestly I have a gut feeling everything is fine with him. In the past he has sent me software of the programs he works with (he's a telecoms engineer), he's sent me pictures of the towers he's designed, and I know for a fact he does do this as a living...but why would he be lying about where he works?? All things that can't be traced back to him- easy stuff to send, but where is his picture? I think you are being a bit too naive. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 ummmmmm........ and why would he be sending you software of the stuff he works with and giving you info on projects? most of that information is very confidential. i think a person who is actually working on that would NOT share. i know i would not reveal such details about my work. Link to comment
lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 hm....... he sends you all these things, yet doesn't know how to work a webcam and can't afford it.... that makes me feel really safe that he 'designs towers' yet doesn't know how to work a webcam. wake up and smell the coffee!!!!!!!! I never said he can't afford it. I said I would feel bad asking him to get a webcam if he couldn't afford it, but I know he can, so that's why I don't mind asking him to get one. He said he will look for one this weekend, and I will bring it up to him. Oh by the way, in one of the early pictures he sent me of one of the towers he designed, there is a second picture attached to it (it was scanned) where he appears in it. However that's the one I mentioned before where he's very small and blurry. He also sent me one that's more clear but when he was about 17-18, so very old. He's never given me confidential info on the project. He sent me a link to the software he works with, just to give me an idea on what he does. Link to comment
desert_rose26 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Yes you should confirm with the company he works for. AND also you should ask for more info about him like drivers license. Remember 1 confirmation is not enough..you need at least 2 or 3. "And I can't ask him, it's gonna sound like an interrogation!" - just say something like "hey, since we are going to meet, I will feel more secure and safe if I have this info ___ and your drivers license info. I trust you, you know that, but I need to be cautious - it can be quite scary for a girl to meet a guy off the internet. I hope you understand. So can you send me those info?" This is what I said to the guy I "dated" for 6 months online before he flew into my country and met me at the airport. Btw, after I asked him for his work address and telephone, he replied saying that since he was in the military, the address and numbers won't make sense to me. But I said I don't care I want it. And he sent all his info to my email without any further questions. I hope the same goes for you! Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 yes, a man who is genuine about meeting you will give you any and all information you ask for to make you feel safe, so you can verify who he is. if he is who he says he is, then there should be no problems with telling you who he is, giving you vital information, and webcamming. if he waffles, he is lying. Link to comment
Maya_A Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 annie 24 wrote; hm....... he sends you all these things, yet doesn't know how to work a webcam and can't afford it... ^^^ And apparently is a telecommunications engineer! Yeesh... Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 ok, so he can afford it, but i don't believe the 'not compatible with his laptop' crap. especially if he really is an engineer, he should be able to hook up a webcam to a tin can and a pineapple and get you his picture. it's not so difficult. if it were, then how come so many teenagers have and install webcams all the time? Link to comment
Maya_A Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 bebe - I said I didn't have more to comment on but I do have one question... If you could answer really honestly.... Did he ask you not to tell anyone (like friends, family) about your & his relationship? Maybe he didn't ask you that - I'm just curious... Link to comment
lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Honestly, if he was an online predator, would he have waited sooo long to actually meet me?? He's been very patient. There have been many times when there was a risk of losing me and he's always been very calm, cool, and collected. I would think an online predator would be all obsessive and controlling. He is NOT like that. Link to comment
lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 bebe - I said I didn't have more to comment on but I do have one question... If you could answer really honestly.... Did he ask you not to tell anyone (like friends, family) about your & his relationship? Maybe he didn't ask you that - I'm just curious... Nope. He's never told me that. In fact I'm the one that tells him I'd rather not have anybody know, especially not my parents, because they don't understand this internet thing and wouldn't understand about me having a relationship with someone here. So I tell him it's better they know about him until after we meet and things become more 'real' and not just an online thing. Link to comment
Shiranai Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Bebe, have you ever met a predator before? If you haven't, how do you know how they act? Criminal psychology says, most predators, are actually the nicest people you can meet. They're polite, courteous, with strange strange logics and will go the distance to achieve their goal. link removed When this guy was found to have abducted Shawn Hornbeck and Ben Ownby, his neighbors said, it's impossible. Mike is too nice a guy to do something like that. His boss at work described him as a genuine and kind person who won't hurt anything. Many priests lurk after young boys too. You think the parents would suspect something if the priests acted "funny" around the boys. One of the American Bachelors that appeared on the show, was recently accused of raping multiple women. He's a kind, rich, handsome guy no one suspected would ever rape anyone. Link to comment
Maya_A Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Nope. He's never told me that. In fact I'm the one that tells him I'd rather not have anybody know, especially not my parents, because they don't understand this internet thing and wouldn't understand about me having a relationship with someone here. So I tell him it's better they know about him until after we meet and things become more 'real' and not just an online thing. ^^^ I know you will not like to hear this, but it would be very easy for him to "prime" you to come to that conclusion without your even realizing that he was going for that... Depending, it can be very easy to do with people. Just the fact that it is being hidden is not good at all... Tell your friends then - someone (a trusted friend) needs to know what is going on as a safety measure... Do that for yourself... Friends your own age will understand the whole Internet meeting thing of course... p.s. Shiranai gives some very excellent advice & important things to think about.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 why would he send you links to the software he works with, but won't send you a recent clear photo of himself? don't you find that more than a little odd...? Link to comment
lila... Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 why would he send you links to the software he works with, but won't send you a recent clear photo of himself? don't you find that more than a little odd...? Because...it's what I've been saying all along...he doesn't like pictures, feels insecure and might not feel that attractive, and besides, since I've never insisted he send me one it's not like he's had to. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 What kind of man sends a 12 year old photo to someone he plans on spending vacation time with anyway?? It's just insanity.... All I'm saying is....do not meet up with him until you have seen many photos of him. That should be an automatic condition before meeting this guy. Why are you even considering on going vacation with him and this part hasn't even been done yet?? I mean if he's only hiding his photos because he feels he is unattractive...then so be it....but he needs to show and prove that's all it is. Until then his actions will appear to be suspicious.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Because...it's what I've been saying all along...he doesn't like pictures, feels insecure and might not feel that attractive, and besides, since I've never insisted he send me one it's not like he's had to. more likely, he is not who he says he is. if you are going to be on vacation with him, then you need to know how he looks like, and you will see him every day. he needs to suck it up. tell him you won't speak to him unless he gets a webcam. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I get some big red flags from the idea that he is telling you he designed towers - even telecoms towers - at 30. I know many engineers (and have been in a relationship with one for a long time), and I can say you don't come fresh out of school, design a couple towers and they get built. You would not even have your P.Eng yet to be able to stamp any such thing. Here it takes four years AFTER your engineering grad to be able to do such things. If the pictures are "old and blurry" it would mean they were taking several years ago - or that is what he is telling you, right? I call a bit B.S. on either the fact he designed them...or his age being 30. I have a picture of me in front of the Eiffel Tower....I sure as heck did not design it! I think you are being very naive. Maybe you don't want to hear that...but you are. In the best case scenario after the weekend he sends you tons of pictures, webcam and he is everything he said he is. I hope that is the case.....but I seriously DOUBT that is the case. I think there is something else going on. And yes, online predators can be very sweet and patient - because it works.....why would anyone meet someone whom was pressuring, hostile and mean about it? Before I met my boyfriend we had exchanged about 10-15 pictures....and that was only a couple days after we first talked online.....we met a few days later as I was comfortable being able to pick him out (and we met in a PUBLIC PLACE) of a crowd and could verify he was whom he said he was. All sounds VERY VERY SHADY. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 besides bebe, this guy is your online buddy..not a guy you're dating true dat......no picture means he is hiding something....... Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Everyone here has made some really interesting points. Regarding the part where you said that he is not a cyber stalker, because he is patient and kind and blah blah blah, has it occurred to you that he has time to be patient because he is probably working over other females right now? The whole scenario sounds ridiculous. I did the online dating/chatting with me years ago and pictures were always exchanged. I would never want to engage in an online friendship/relationship for a duration of a year and not know how they look. What he is doing is all very well scripted by him. I really hope that you are not silly enough to believe that what he says is the absolute truth and please don't be naive enough to think that you are the only one that he wants/talks to. I can bet the change in my piggy bank that he is probably working some other young naive girl, maybe even more than that. I'm just wondering how the crazy vacation idea is going to work...He's gonna put you on a plane to no-whereville, you have no clue what he looks like and you are going to do what...meet him at the airport and just go on your happy journey from there? Or maybe just sitting down for a cup of coffee will be more than enough time for you to decide that he is a decent guy and take off with him? Does anyone see where I am going with this? I really hope that you smarten up and send at least Annie or Ray Kay his info so they can see what he is all about. Someone needs to contact DR. Phil on this one. Link to comment
Aleadragonhawk Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Honestly, if he was an online predator, would he have waited sooo long to actually meet me?? He's been very patient. There have been many times when there was a risk of losing me and he's always been very calm, cool, and collected. I would think an online predator would be all obsessive and controlling. He is NOT like that. I can share some of my experience on this - like I mentioned earlier, when I was thirteen I started talking to a man I thought was nineteen over the internet. He talked about meeting, etc, but talked to me steadily over a period of two years and then on-again-off-again until I was eighteen. I thought that if he wasn't genuine there'd be no way he'd spend that much time with me, and that he had to be real. But when I was older I saw how things didn't add up, so I IMed him and told him I thought it was time he came clean with me. He did. He's sixty. The man that he pretended to be was a great guy. One who cared about the things that I'd cared about - who loved a lot of the things I loved. He made me not feel so alone - comforted me when I was down - and hey, if he talked about sex with me, that was normal, right? He was never controlling, never possessive, and never acted in any way that wasn't supportive. And he was a bald-faced liar and, as I grow older, I think a dangerous pervert. Link to comment
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