Chibby33 Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Last night I sent a text to my MM ending our 3-month relationship. Well I'm not even sure if I can call it a R because it hasn't met any of the criteria of a healthy one. The thing is, I am fully aware that what we have is wrong in all levels. All I got from all this is uneasiness, emotional stress from lack of communication, and it's only been 3 months but I AM SOOOO DRAINED! He says the right things and I feel that he's starting to fall for me. Problem is I think I am falling for him too which made me decide to STOP! This foolishness can't go on any further...and so I ended it last night. Via text of course because as The Other Woman, I can't call him at night. His response? He said he doesn't want to cause any more stress and he did notice that lately I seemed to be troubled and melancholy. "Hope we can still be friends." Uh...hell no! I have enough friends. Right now I don't feel THAT sad. Perhaps sometimes guilty that for having abandoned him in his unhappy marriage; but then I didn't sign up to be his saviour. I will miss him and will often wonder about him. I know my decision was right. Forumers, can you just confirm that for me? I just need to gather strength from all your support. Much appreciated! Link to comment
EQD Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Hell yes you made the right decision!!! Good for you! You deserve more than that! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 You did the right thing...good for you. At least you didn't drag the affair on and on. As for his "unhappy marriage"...well, you didn't abandon him because he used the typical line of married men who want to cheat...the claim that their marriage is unhappy. Chances are he won't leave his "unhappy marriage" unless she finds out he is a cheater and throws him out. He is probably out there now getting his sob stories sorted in his head ready to use on the next "other woman" he is now out looking for. Forget him and move on...find someone who will love you and respect you and not keep you on the back burner. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Your decision is definitely right. Good for you. You'll be so much better off. Link to comment
Chibby33 Posted January 19, 2008 Author Share Posted January 19, 2008 Um, forgot to mention...sex was terrible! I knew it was the worst investment I've ever made! Link to comment
k_1971 Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Um, forgot to mention...sex was terrible! I knew it was the worst investment I've ever made! Did this influence your decision? I mean if he was grrrrrrrreat, would the affair still be continuing? Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 "Hope we can still be friends." i'm glad you are not buying that line for a minute! he'll be trying to take your 'friendship' into the bedroom again at the first opportunity! i think the important thing to recognize about most married men who cheat is that they are not nearly as unhappy with their marriages as they claim to be. in fact, they may be FINE at home, but are selfish people who want an escape hatch and sexual variety that they don't have to pay for (in lieu of prostitute). but they know what women want to hear and know FOR SURE that a woman isn't going to take up with them if they say right up front, 'i'm happily married, intend to stay married, and just want someone convenient i can pop over and shag for a little fun when i'm in the mood or my wife annoys me.' so they are selling a false bill of goods, using you, and going back to their 'regular' life. it's not about emotion or love or freedom... really kind of sordid, a selfish guy willing to lie to two women, use the one for a maid service and caretaker of their children, and use the other for sex and ego building. no, you DON'T want this and did the right thing. aim for an available, UNselfish guy. selfish people never make good partners, and married guys who cheat are incredibly selfish and self centered to use people that way. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 You absoloutley totally did the right thing. Who wants a man with absoloutley no morals? And who doesnt have the first idea about commitment? I always think I'd never be with a man who ditched their partner for me because they would mean they were fickle and whats to say they wouldnt fall in love with someone new after a couple of years. Your well shot of him! Congratulations! You should celebrate Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 here's another vote for 'the right choice.' i think all of us know a woman who's been involved with a married man, and he keeps saying how much he hates his wife, can't stand her, but doesn't divorce her. if he hated her so much, why doesn't he divorce her? these men are filled with lies and excuses. blah. i think it is excellent you broke it off. bad sex from a married man, who needs that?!? not that good sex makes the situation morally right. anyways, you did good, stay away from this guy. i feel sorry for his wife. plenty of single men out there for you! Link to comment
toshiba Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 The reason he said that he hopes you can still be friends is because when a woman leaves a MM, he fears that, since she no longer has anything to lose, that she might just tell his wife. So he likes to keep things friendly, because you wouldn't tell on a friend, right? Don't at all feel bad about leaving him in his "unhappy" marriage. His only thought right now is that he no longer gets extra attention and sex and that he'll have to find it elsewhere. Hard thing to accept, but true. And if anyone is unhappy in his marriage, it's likely his wife who is married to a selfish man who lies to her. Most likely she's juggling her job, taking care of a house and kids while he's been spending time with you. I wouldn't feel too sorry for him. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 It's a good, solid decision. Good stuff! This guilt tho about leaving him in an unhappy marriage? Is it possible you feel guilty about something else but it's just harder to swallow? You know, your role in all this. By the by, maybe I am wicked witch, but damn it if I'd be contorting to protect his lies from his wife. I sure as hell wouldn't be hiding (unless maybe you are trying to protect yourself from the wrongdoing as well?). I commend you for this decision - yet think you have a ways to go to owning your part. Good luck and keep us updated. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 you could always send her an anonymous letter to let her know what her husband has been up to. Link to comment
toshiba Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 you could always send her an anonymous letter to let her know what her husband has been up to. The question that arises from that is: why now? why not before when she was involved with him? In essense, if she feels it is wrong to be with a MM, then why wait until after it's over? Telling the wife after it's over, makes the OW look bad because it shows that she was only looking out for her own interests. In addition to that, the MM usually gets out of it anyway. He will mention to his wife how some woman had a crush on him and that he told her to leave him alone and that now she is sending the wife this letter about an affair due to sour grapes. The wife doesn't really want to believe that her husband is having an affair. This would be too much to deal with (especially if there are kids involved) so she'll believe him. So, unfortunately, telling the wife, doesn't do much good. The wife has to find out on her own when she's ready to accept it, although it can take them years. And even then, some choose to stay with their cheating husband anyway out of fear of being alone, finances or children. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Yeah, the whole mess of what to do once you decide to get out. And to tell or to not to tell, and if to tell, how? My suggestion is to not rush in like a madwoman (as I sort of implied I might do, but never have been involved with a married man, and honestly, the idea in my head was if it was UNKNOWINGLY tricked). My bad. I guess the OP KNEW he was married and did it anyways. I suppose it simply bothered me that it hadn't been addressed that she is bound to feel some natural normal guilt (if, and seems like she does, has a moral compass inside). And that the guilt is because she has done wrong and she knows it - and it's not to do with saving that guy or anything that looks pretty to say, but something ugly. Oof, I'm having trouble being articulate this fine day. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 well, some people grow and change. you know, maybe before the experience, you thought that it was ok to do, and then afterwards, you realize that it was a bad mistake. i was in that situation, not with a married man, but with a man with a gf, and i can tell you that i'd never do it again. she found out about it, but didn't break up with him. they eventually broke up, but due to other factors (and i think there might have even been another woman after me!) if nothing else, i believe the wife should know so she can get tested for diseases. who knows who else he has been sleeping with. op should get tested for diseases too. i agree, the MM might spin it to make it sound like she is a delusional woman who just had a crush on him or something like that, and maybe the wife will believe him. but, who knows. i think she does have a right to know what he's been up to. Link to comment
Chibby33 Posted January 19, 2008 Author Share Posted January 19, 2008 THANK YOU! THANK YOU ALL!! I'm not sure if I want to tell his wife because our kids go to the same Catholic school and I don't want any scandal lingering around my daughter - it's bad enough for them Alpha Catholics that I'm divorced. From the moment I sent him that goodbye text, I cut all associations with him. He can say whatever he wants to to his wife, that I pursued him, etc. At this point, I don't give a rat's ass because I can live with my decision, he will have to live with this affair and I'm sure he will have more. I suggest he finds a professional OW, not someone with a moral conscience. This week I will go to confession, both with the priest and my OBGYN! Hahahahaha! I mentioned the bad sex he delivered because in the beginning he warned me that I may need a week to recover because it was going to be THAT good. He got me all prepped up then when we finally had sex, it sure took me a week to recover...from how bad it was!! Link to comment
stella74 Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 You did the right thing by ending this Chibby! Good for you. I hope you've learned never to get involved with a married man. My vote would be for not contacting his wife. Just let it go and move on. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Right on, Chibby! Good luck at your 'confessions'. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Right now I don't feel THAT sad. Perhaps sometimes guilty that for having abandoned him in his unhappy marriage; but then I didn't sign up to be his saviour. I will miss him and will often wonder about him. Chibby... Please...DON'T feel guilty... My husband cheated on me with so many woman that he doesn't even remember how many there were. I am no idiot, but believe me, I did NOT see it coming. He's not missing you, and his wife is NOT SO BAD. She's home, with or without kids, taking care of his house, taking care of him, doing everything she promised to do. Meanwhile, he's getting you AND her. Basically, he's havin' his cake, and eatin' it too. Trust me...he'll move on to someone else after you. If you feel bad for anyone, feel bad for his wife. For I am sure, all the horrible things he told you about her? They are not true. He told you those things to make it easier for him to be with you. To ease his OWN mind and HIS own guilt. Remember...he promised you nothing...he promised her forever. Move on and find a real man...not an *ss like that. As far as telling his wife? Don't bother...she'll end up finding out eventually. Poor thing. Good luck to you...and good for you for ending it. ~Allie Link to comment
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