Ex boyfriend messaged her a sketchy message

[i_love_chocolate]

Okay. I may be not in the right state of mind (yeah maybe the anal sex was a bit too much) but I still don't regret slapping her. And if this was my sister in that situation, I would tell her that she deserved the slapping. However, I wouldn't want him to cause her damage. But a few light slaps I would definitely tell my sister that she deserved it. I must say that I slapped her lightly. If you feel disgusted by this then be it. Anal sex, okay I can see how I crossed the line here. Slapping her lightly w/o causing any damage after all the betrayal she did to me? I definitely don't think it was wrong. You can think of me however you want to. I know I'm a good person.

[BellaDonna]

I know I'm a good person.

 

A good person who "lightly slaps" people.....

 

Let me ask you this: How does slapping someone help this situation? Did it accomplish anything productive for you?

 

Slapping her lightly w/o causing any damage after all the betrayal she did to me?

 

 

You're assuming that you did not cause damage. Maybe you did not leave physcial bruises- but having another person invade your body space and put their hands on you in a violent way (no matter how "light") is indeed emotionally damaging. Maybe you don't care about her emotional state after what she did- but I just can't see how you can believe that "2 wrongs make a right" in this situation.

 

To me the slapping is comparable to animal behavior, or a 2 year-old's temper tantrum.

 

You should have taken the high road.

 

BellaDonna

[Dako]

Slapping someone you pretend to love is sick.

If you want out, walk away.

[i_love_chocolate]

Quote:

I know I'm a good person.

 

A good person who "lightly slaps" people.....

 

Let me ask you this: How does slapping someone help this situation? Did it accomplish anything productive for you?

 

 

Quote:

Slapping her lightly w/o causing any damage after all the betrayal she did to me?

 

 

You're assuming that you did not cause damage. Maybe you did not leave physcial bruises- but having another person invade your body space and put their hands on you in a violent way (no matter how "light") is indeed emotionally damaging. Maybe you don't care about her emotional state after what she did- but I just can't see how you can believe that "2 wrongs make a right" in this situation.

 

To me the slapping is comparable to animal behavior, or a 2 year-old's temper tantrum.

 

You should have taken the high road.

 

Slapping her accomplished a lot for me. I felt better! Yes I did. And like you said, I didn't physically hurt her but I emotionally hurt her. SO WHAT?!!!! She emotionally destroyed me and she deserved to be emotinally damaged.

[avman]

I know I'm a good person.

 

You may be a good person, but you have done a bad thing. You are trying to justify it all you can (it was light, she deserved it, she enjoyed it) but you have still become violent and you feel violence is ok. That's the kind of thinking that will destroy future relationships and will land you in prison. It's all too easy to let it escalate and continue to justify it (well she REALLY hurt me this time so hitting her with a bat was ok).

 

You think about this long and hard. Because you are dead wrong. And it lowers your value as a man. As Bella said in your earlier posts you had sympathy and respect. Now you certainly have lost my respect.

 

Go visit your local battered women's shelter and ask them how it all started. Light slaps? Harsh words? Then it graduates to harder slaps. Closed fist hitting. Then using blunt objects.

 

You are choosing the wrong path my friend. Turn back before it is too late.

[i_love_chocolate]

As bad as violence is in a relationship, the just idea of using sex for revenge is really disgusting.

 

I apologize about the anal sex revenge thing. I was just very upset. But I don't and never will apologize to anyone about slapping her.

[BellaDonna]

Slapping her accomplished a lot for me. I felt better!

 

I really suggest that you seek professional help. You had mentioned that you might in another post. I think that would be the best thing you could do right now.

[i_love_chocolate]

You are choosing the wrong path my friend. Turn back before it is too late.

 

I don't have to turn back. I'm not an abusive man. When she threw stuff at me before and almost hurt me, I didn't lay a hand on her. This one was just too big that a light slap is justified in my opinion. Think all you want. I'm sure a lot of ppl here agree with me but they won't say it because you will tell them that you lost respect for them.

[i_love_chocolate]

I really suggest that you seek professional help. You had mentioned that you might in another post. I think that would be the best thing you could do right now.

 

I suggested therapy to get over this emotional crisis, not because I have a violence problem. I know I don't.

[avman]

I'm not an abusive man.

 

Yes, you are.

[Meow18]

I'm with BellaDonna. I felt bad for you as well. Nobody ever deserves to be cheated on. I know what it's like and I would never wish that pain on anyone else.

 

And obviously slapping her didn't make you feel better. OBviously you are still going through pain.

 

She may have said the slapping felt good because she felt she deserved it. But really, did you get your point accross any better?

 

I think breaking up with her was the most effective thing you could have done.

 

I don't think you are thinking clearly. You were hurt by what she did and slapping her and pushing her probably felt good at the time. I hope though that you one day see how getting physically violent with another person is not ok. I don't care what the other person does. Taking your anger out physically on someone else is not healthy, even if it's "lightly".

 

What she did was WRONG. But, you are getting your revenge now. She's obviously trying so hard to get you to forgive her. And she should feel guilty.

 

And your comments about anal sex just completely disgusts me. I don't even want to get into that.

[BellaDonna]

I agree with this 100%. The line of thinking you are operating under will put you on a very slippery slope.

 

 

 

You've made it clear that you have the potential to be, if you deem that someone "deserves" it.

[DN]

I think that slapping any one under those circumstances is wrong and I think when you feel less hurt and less attacked you will probably reach that same conclusion.

 

Here's the problem with the violence; it doesn't solve anything. It might seem like it does in the short term but in the long term it corrodes everything that is decent about you as a human being. You will eventually lose self-respect and worse, it becomes a cycle. Instead of solving problems with your rational mind and controlling your emotions the next time that something happens to upset you it will be that much easier to strike out and hit again.

 

I strongly suggest that you stop justifying yourself on here - you are not convincing most of us that you are in the right and those who had sympathy for you are rapidly losing it. It makes people wonder what else you have done in the past that may have been less than a good partner does and you lose some credibility.

 

Believe it or not - people are trying to help you - but it will not work if you become so defensive and remain angry. Few decisions are made that are wise under those circumstances so it is in your own best interests to step back and review what happened and really think about the consequences.

[Meow18]

She herself admitted to me a few hours after I slapped her saying that slapping her felt so good because she felt that she deserved it! What does that tell you?

 

She did a horrible thing, but I also hope that one day she realizes that she doesn't deserve to be physically abused.

[TheFoglifter]

... think about this long and hard. Because you are dead wrong. And it lowers your value as a man."

 

Why is it OK for a woman to hit a man then? Even for those who say "physical violence is never justified", why aren't the women who hit getting crap like "oh you are a female, but not a real woman".

 

The double-standard is way more sickening than the slap.

 

... visit your local battered women's shelter and ask them how it all started. Light slaps? Harsh words? Then it graduates to harder slaps. Closed fist hitting. Then using blunt objects."

 

Right, because abuse only starts when the man gives the woman a feather tap. All the stuff which led up to it (lying, cheating, verbal abuse, and her hitting him) is completely forgotten.

 

... you don't care about her emotional state after what she did"

 

She sure as sugar didn't care about his. What was that about cheaters only being sorry when they were caught?

 

... it be just as ok if the woman were your sister, or mother, or what about your daughter?? "

 

Yup.

 

... you are."

 

No he's not. I agree with him, there is no budging on this issue for him, so its pointless to mention.

[avman]

Why is it OK for a woman to hit a man then? Even for those who say "physical violence is never justified", why aren't the women who hit getting crap like "oh you are a female, but not a real woman".

 

The double-standard is way more sickening than the slap.

 

It isn't ok. I said that in my first post that violence against either sex is wrong. I did look up your other post and you are right, nobody posted that she was wrong to slap him. For what it's worth I agree with you on this point.

 

Right, because abuse only starts when the man gives the woman a feather tap. All the stuff which led up to it (lying, cheating, verbal abuse, and her hitting him) is completely forgotten.

 

None of that justifies the abuse. If a man is getting that sort of treatment from his partner he should leave - not hit her.

[Dako]

Abusers always blame the victim, and see nothing wrong with it.

[BellaDonna]

Why is it OK for a woman to hit a man then? Even for those who say "physical violence is never justified", why aren't the women who hit getting crap like "oh you are a female, but not a real woman".

 

It's not OK for a woman to hit a man. Had I noticed the thread you alluded to earlier in which a woman talked about slapping her boyfriend, I would have made a point of it to post on that thread.

[TheFoglifter]

... think breaking up with her is the best thing you could have done"

 

Too easy.

 

... hope though that you one day see how getting physically violent with another person is not ok."

 

I'm sure that will happen on the same day he says "I guess it wasn't so bad that she cheated on me".

 

... did a horrible thing, but I also hope that one day she realizes that she doesn't deserve to be physically abused."

 

Oh come ON! Its not physical abuse. It was a couple of slaps -- a light payment on pain that will last this guy a lifetime, and create an element of mistrust in every relationship he has from this time on.

 

... will eventually lose self-respect and worse, it becomes a cycle."

 

She chose to cheat. Personally, I am sick of having to "turn the other cheek" and internalize pain. I think he has given himself an important gift here -- every time he thinks of what she did to him, he can also remember the way he took back his dignity. Better she, the person deserving of this rage receive it than some girl in the future who had nothing to do with the situation.

[TheFoglifter]

... not OK for a woman to hit a man. Had I noticed the thread you alluded to earlier in which a woman talked about slapping her boyfriend, I would have made a point of it to post on that thread."

 

I'm fine with it. In both cases, the victim (him in this case, a woman in the other thread) found out about the infidelity, and dispensed revenge.

 

Changing your stance and lambasting chocolate by focusing on the slap in this case is like finding the perfect job candidate in a phone interview, but then denying them the job when you find out they are a certain race.

 

... a man is getting that sort of treatment from his partner he should leave - not hit her."

 

In this case, one of each would be just fine.

[BellaDonna]

Better she, the person deserving of this rage receive it than some girl in the future who had nothing to do with the situation.

 

That just it- it could easily be another girl in the future. If you operate under the contention that it's ok to hit people when they "deserve it"....that's a really slippery slope. The hitting can get harder, and the behaviors which you think "deserve it" or push your buttons can get less and less severe (for example: it might not take something like cheating next time, to trigger the violence- it could be something more minor that a person does like arguing with you, etc.)

[sandyv]

I can't help but post this Chocolate. Violence is wrong, and yes it does lead to worse problems in the future.

 

Believe me as someone who has experienced abuse from a man (or so-called man). He thought I was after his brother, he thought I was flirting with the lifeguard etc....

 

It began as light slaps with him (my sons father) and it escalated into his getting more violent. It ended with him breaking my nose as I was holding his newborn baby...... it ended with him (my ex) in jail for 18 months.

 

It truly doesn't get better once it has happened.

 

Get help....

[avman]

Baloney Foglifter. You are now justifying all kinds of violence and minimizing it. "It's only a couple of slaps"

 

Violence is never ok. If you are getting badly treated in a relationship THEN LEAVE. It is that simple. Nobody should put up with poor treatment male or female. But violence is never justified, I don't care how poor the treatment is. You always have another alternative and that is to leave.

 

Nobody says turn the other cheek and internalize the pain. We are saying to leave and choose healthier ways to deal with the pain. You want to hit something? Then buy a punching bag and hit that. Hit it until your knuckles bleed. But you hit your significant other and I'm sitting on the jury - then I'm locking you up.

[Meow18]

 

Oh come ON! Its not physical abuse. It was a couple of slaps -- a light payment on pain that will last this guy a lifetime, and create an element of mistrust in every relationship he has from this time on.

 

He also stated that he pushed her a few times.

 

link removed

 

I'm not sure I want to know what you consider physically abusing another person then if you don't consider slapping or pushing part of it. It may not be an extreme form, but it is still a form of abuse.

 

And you can see that throwing things at another person is also a form. So, she isn't innocent either. But that still doesn't make it right.

 

 

And I also don't believe it's ok for a female to get physical with a male. The only time I think it's ok is when a person's life is in danger.

[TheFoglifter]

... just it- it could easily be another girl in the future."

 

If future girl does the same thing, I can totally understand him having the same reaction. All she has to do is choose not to cheat.

 

 

... you operate under the contention that it's ok to hit people when they "deserve it"....that's a really slippery slope. "

 

Fine, lets never punish anyone for anything. Lets NEVER express our feelings. Someone hurts you, go ahead, hurt me again. Someone steals from you -- here, take more of my stuff. This is the kind of garbage that drives the whole "politically correct" concept. God forbid anyone anywhere ever has to be inconvenienced, or wronged -- much less as a consequence of their behavior.

 

... hitting can get harder, and the behaviors which you think "deserve it" or push your buttons can get less and less severe (it might not take cheating next time to trigger the violence- it could be something more minor that a person does like arguing with you, etc.)"

 

A distinct possibility, duly acknowledged.

 

Another is that the same punishment will get the same crime. Hell, maybe he'll be so burned by this, that the next girl can cheat and he won't even blink an eyelash.