Ex boyfriend messaged her a sketchy message

[i_love_chocolate]

You could also manipulate her -- use her for some sex before you go, but keep her at arm's length. Not sure you want to stoop to that level, but she had no problem cheating on you.

 

If I tell her right now to come back, she would come back running to me. I know I can do WHATEVER I want to do with her now. She is so vulnerable and she wants me so bad. But I physically cannot do it with her. I'm not in the right state of mind. But even if I calm down I don't think I will enjoy sex with her anymore. It's different now. I don't wanna hurt her. I have principles, even when I am extremely upset. I actually have to admit that last night when I confronted her, I slapped her many times, pushed her around and called her all sorts of names. She didn't stop me. She actually told me later on that the slapping I did to her felt so good because she felt that she deserved it. I made sure that I did no damage though.

[TheFoglifter]

... actually have to admit that last night when I confronted her, I slapped her many times and called her all sorts of names. She didn't stop me. She actually told me later on that the slapping I did to her felt so good because she felt that she deserved it. I made sure that I did no damage though."

 

Nice x 100! Give her one for me, and another for being a liar. She is only telling you what you want to hear.

 

Well alright then. Sometimes it stinks to take the high road, but if you change your mind, you know she'd be up for annnnyyyything. Anal in a dressing room, bj while driving down the highway, maybe even a threesome.

[i_love_chocolate]

... actually have to admit that last night when I confronted her, I slapped her many times and called her all sorts of names. She didn't stop me. She actually told me later on that the slapping I did to her felt so good because she felt that she deserved it. I made sure that I did no damage though."

 

Nice x 100! Give her one for me, and another for being a liar. She is only telling you what you want to hear.

 

Well alright then. Sometimes it stinks to take the high road, but if you change your mind, you know she'd be up for annnnyyyything. Anal in a dressing room, bj while driving down the highway, maybe even a threesome.

 

hahahaha. You know what? The night before I met with her ex, I had a feeling that what he will tell me would end our relationship. So anyway, we were having sex and I swear I felt that it will be the last time we would have sex. So I thought to myself "maybe I should give her anal just so that I would feel like I hurt her in some way before we break up" but I changed my mind. Now I wish I did but I know she wouldn't have let me because she hates it. Now maybe she would let me do it. Not that I enjoy it, but I feel like it's a revenge and I can hurt her. I feel so mean now. Out of curiosity, Foglifter are you a guy or a girl? It would funny if you were a girl and telling me that lol.

[TheFoglifter]

No, I'm male tried and through.

 

If you have a chance at getting anal, TAKE IT. If she is as remorseful as you say, there is no "no", there is only "absolutely".

[metrogirl]

Wow...I can't believe my eyes.....You say you slapped her around, and think that it is ok because of what she did and you say that she was ok with it because she knows she hurt you? That is abuse... what she did is wrong, it doesn't warrant you hitting her. Then you talk about doing anal to hurt her, so now you essentially want to rape her?

[i_love_chocolate]

Wow...I can't believe my eyes.....You say you slapped her around, and think that it is ok because of what she did and you say that she was ok with it because she knows she hurt you? That is abuse... what she did is wrong, it doesn't warrant you hitting her. Then you talk about doing anal to hurt her, so now you essentially want to rape her?

 

Slapping her was something she deserved. We were arranging for our marriage this whole time she was cheating on me. I think I did the right thing. As for anal, I'm not raping her or anything. I would never force her. I just wanted to satisfy my anger in some way. I know this is mean but she did worse to me.

[i_love_chocolate]

And one thing to note, she had unprotected sex with him. I need to go check for STDs!

[metrogirl]

Slapping her was something she deserved. We were arranging for our marriage this whole time she was cheating on me. I think I did the right thing. As for anal, I'm not raping her or anything. I would never force her. I just wanted to satisfy my anger in some way. I know this is mean but she did worse to me.

 

Well maybe she felt you deserved to be cheated on, THAT DOESN'T MAKE WHAT SHE DID RIGHT, nor is hitting her right.

[i_love_chocolate]

Well maybe she felt you deserved to be cheated on, THAT DOESN'T MAKE WHAT SHE DID RIGHT, nor is hitting her right.

 

I am 100% sure that if I did the same thing to her, she would have slapped me many times. Don't you think?

[metrogirl]

I am 100% sure that if I did the same thing to her, she would have slapped me many times. Don't you think?

 

Maybe, maybe not.....it still wouldn't make it right. I'm really perturbed with the comment you made about anal though......You are hurting right now, I can understand that and I'm sure you are scared about your future and what it holds....Std's etc....but you have this disturbing idea that you could have gratified yourself by engaging in anal sex with her, knowing that it would physically hurt her. Isn't that some kind of sexual deviency?

 

She hurt you, so what is the lesson here? Don't let her do it again..

Make sure you are healthy, no std's and start the healing process without all the violent thoughts behind it.

[TheFoglifter]

... her was something she deserved."

 

If it was a woman slapping a man, there'd be no question. Let me quote this thread: (found out he slept with someone).

 

"slapped him accross the face NO LESS than three times and told him he was disgusting. I was so sick to my stomach."

 

The only person who mentioned those slaps said this: "He'll never forget those three slaps"

 

But oohhhh no, a man lays a hand on a woman and all of a sudden its ooooh my goddd, the world is ending!!

 

I say, she got off EASY.

 

... you talk about doing anal to hurt her, so now you essentially want to rape her?"

 

Oh it wouldn't be rape at all. She said she'd do anything to make it up to him. So it would be consensual.

 

... maybe she felt you deserved to be cheated on,"

 

No good deed goes unpunished. This is what chocolate gets for giving the relationship his all. She deserved the slaps and deserves anything else that comes her way.

[TheFoglifter]

... really perturbed with the comment you made about anal though......engaging in anal sex with her, knowing that it would physically hurt her."

 

Hey now, the anal was MY idea (post 52)!

 

... that some kind of sexual deviency?"

 

Your use of the word "deviancy" is fitting. Since she did indeed deviate from the relationship, she deserves deviancy in return.

[i_love_chocolate]

She just admitted to me kissing him when he first came back from overseas and she told me she wanted to go out with him and I was sitting at home waiting for her. I think that she deserves anal and getting slapped too. I don't care. She did me wrong. However, that doesn't mean I will act on it (I guess the slapping part has already been acted on).

[avman]

Physical violence against either sex is never justified. And I take exception to anyone that says different. I'm appalled at both of you thinking slapping and violent anal sex is a great idea. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

 

All this does is perpetuate the cycle of domestic abuse that destroys people from the inside and rips families apart.

[RayKay]

Physical violence against either sex is never justified. And I take exception to anyone that says different. I'm appalled at both of you thinking slapping and violent anal sex is a great idea. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

 

All this does is perpetuate the cycle of domestic abuse that destroys people from the inside and rips families apart.

 

Agreed.

 

What she did was terribly hurtful and selfish, but it does not condone violence....EVER. What you did was physical abuse, and she would have every right to file charges for it.

 

It does not matter to me whether it is towards women or men or children or animals, domestic violence is NEVER justifiable.

[TheFoglifter]

I still say that since she wants to make it up to him, she can show how serious she is.

 

We all know its an empty promise, and she'll probably welch when he tells her what he wants. It just further proves her character.

[avman]

Making it up to him is fine. But advocating violence as the way to do it is completely wrong and morally irresponsible.

[i_love_chocolate]

We have had fights before and she had thrown stuff at me, so don't tell me what I did was wrong. It felt so good to slap her and she even admitted that. I know she would have done the same to me if I cheated. I however made sure that I don't physically hurt her. I just wanted to emotionally hurt her by slapping her.

[TheFoglifter]

Well when I originally suggested anal, my thought process was that he should get while the getting is good. I know some girls you have to shower with gold and butter up for months to get something. Might as well take advantage.

 

It doesn't have to be sexual though -- if she is soooo sorry, maybe she can put down a deposit on his next place, or buy him things he wants, or whatever. I think she should get a tattoo that says "cheater".

[avman]

We have had fights before and she had thrown stuff at me, so don't tell me what I did was wrong.

 

I will most certainly tell you what you did is wrong. Violence begets violence as you've so aptly shown. She was wrong to throw stuff at you. You were wrong to hit her. You're both wrong and you are better off apart if you are going to do that to each other.

 

This whole attitude about "she deserved it" is dangerous and you will no doubt use it to justify the same behavior again. I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself.

 

I am not saying she was right and that she didn't hurt you terribly. For this, you have my sympathy. But your actions in retaliation were wrong.

[TheFoglifter]

Maybe it'll be better to just let someone else avenge this one. Some day, she'll be cheated on. Perhaps one day she'll go a few steps too far, and the consequence will go far beyond angry words on a message board.

 

I have always felt there is some therapy and catharsis to typing these things out though. Better to type that you'd smack and ream her than to actually do it.

[i_love_chocolate]

I will most certainly tell you what you did is wrong. Violence begets violence as you've so aptly shown. She was wrong to throw stuff at you. You were wrong to hit her. You're both wrong and you are better off apart if you are going to do that to each other.

 

This whole attitude about "she deserved it" is dangerous and you will no doubt use it to justify the same behavior again. I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself.

 

I am not saying she was right and that she didn't hurt you terribly. For this, you have my sympathy. But your actions in retaliation were wrong.

 

She herself admitted to me a few hours after I slapped her saying that slapping her felt so good because she felt that she deserved it! What does that tell you? Her mistake was too big. She betrayed me for a long time and that's why she felt that she deserved the slapping. I didn't cause her any damage and would never do so.

[avman]

She herself admitted to me a few hours after I slapped her saying that slapping her felt so good because she felt that she deserved it! What does that tell you? Her mistake was too big. She betrayed me for a long time and that's why she felt that she deserved the slapping. I didn't cause her any damage and would never do so.

 

That tells me she felt some regret, that doesn't tell me she deserved to be hit for it. It tells me she's got self esteem problems and probably has been hit before.

 

You DID cause her damage. You hit her.

[metrogirl]

Here is a question to the males who thought this was ok.....

 

I would have said to the "men" but a real man would never hurt a woman physically or sexually.

 

Would it be just as ok if the woman were your sister, or mother, or what about your daughter??

 

Yeah tell your daughter, you deserved to get slapped around since you cheated and by the way, you should let him degrade you by giving him anal sex since he is angry.

 

SICK SICK SICK........

[BellaDonna]

I Love chocolate,

 

When I first read your post, and about the terrible news that you found out- I felt really bad for you and thought "wow....this woman really hurt a good guy"

 

Now I've come back to your post today and have read more and I can't believe what I'm seeing! Maybe you are not in the right state of mind right now- but physically slapping someone and your comments about anal sex are way out of line.

 

(BTW she should not have cheated or thrown things at you either)

 

Domestic violence is never "deserved". If you feel it is- then perhaps she is better off not getting married to a person who feels that way.

 

Violence is not the answer to your problems. You had mentioned previously that you think you needed to seek therapy about this breakup. I agree with you 100%. Please go get help- this is turning you into a monster.

 

And for anyone that encouraged I love chocolate and cheered on the abuse- shame on you. What I've read on this thread is absolutely disgusting.

 

BellaDonna