Ex boyfriend messaged her a sketchy message

[i_love_chocolate]

Since you're on an honest streak here, could you tell us some incidences where you feel an abuser is justified in physically attacking his/her partner? I am referring to someone who is the FIRST to be violent, by the way.

 

As you already applauded the OP for slapping his girlfriend (and asked him to include one for you) because she cheated, I assume that's one situation where you condone physical abuse.

 

Any others?

 

Please. I beg you. Stop this argument. I'm going through a tough time and I need some support. I don't want to argue anymore. It's useless.

[TheFoglifter]

... you're on an honest streak here, could you tell us some incidences where you feel an abuser is justified in physically attacking his/her partner? I am referring to someone who is the FIRST to be violent, by the way."

 

At the wishes of chocolate, i'll cease as well but am more than happy to respond in private if you want.

 

Chocolate: try chocolate! Its much more satisfying than cigs, but without the crystallization of lungs.

[avman]

Ok fair enough chocolate. You've heard all the viewpoints.

 

No more contact for you with this girl. Take some time for just yourself and reflect on things. Go out with your friends and socialize and get some support from them too. That will help you.

[i_love_chocolate]

Chocolate: try chocolate! Its much more satisfying than cigs, but without the crystallization of lungs.

 

Even though this may come to you as a surprise, but I don't find chocolate appealing now. I can't put it near my mouth. I wish I could just eat so I can feel better. I also couldn't sleep last night. I don't know if I will get any sleep tonight. Do you recommend sleeping pills?

[avman]

Do you recommend sleeping pills

 

Only on a temporary basis. They are easy to get hooked on and then you can't sleep without them. But for a night or three they will help.

[i_love_chocolate]

No more contact for you with this girl. Take some time for just yourself and reflect on things. Go out with your friends and socialize and get some support from them too. That will help you.

 

I can't not contact her. I'm sure she will stop by to pick some stuff and talk to me. I don't have any place to go to. I wouldn't be able to find one coz no one will give me a lease that short.

[TheFoglifter]

I have no experience with them, but I wouldn't recommend them.

[JadedStar]

I try to never condone pills, but once when i went thru a gut and heart wrenching break up my doctor prescribed me Xanax. He only gave me ten pills, with no refill, and I only took them during those moments of despair I felt like i couldn't breathe and was going to have a nervous breakdown.

 

No, pills are not always the answer, but I think those ten pills were worth their weight in gold to get me thru a rough time without having a mental collapse.

[avman]

Any friends that you could maybe crash with them for a few weeks?

How about an extended stay motel like a Residence Inn?

[i_love_chocolate]

I try to never condone pills, but once when i went thru a gut and heart wrenching break up my doctor prescribed me Xanax. He only gave me ten pills, with no refill, and I only took them during those moments of despair I felt like i couldn't breathe and was going to have a nervous breakdown.

 

No, pills are not always the answer, but I think those ten pills were worth their weight in gold to get me thru a rough time without having a mental collapse.

 

That's what I'm afraid of, that I mentally collapse. Can you get those pills off the counter? I remember when I used to be in college in the states, I bought sleeping pills off the counter.

 

Any friends that you could maybe crash with them for a few weeks?

How about an extended stay motel like a Residence Inn?

 

I do have friends that I can crash with but I have so much stuff at the apartment that I would have to move into his tiny apartment and then move again when I'm ready to leave Canada in a month. It's a hasstle but I guess it's possible. I think deep inside I don't wanna move out. I wanna be there so I can look at her stuff and smell her clothes. I loved her so much and it's so hard to let go completely off her. I know it's pathetic but I'm being honest here.

[i_love_chocolate]

What about some advice to how I can regain my food appetite?

[avman]

That will come back with time. It's common not to feel like eating when you are upset.

[JadedStar]

That's what I'm afraid of, that I mentally collapse. Can you get those pills off the counter? I remember when I used to be in college in the states, I bought sleeping pills off the counter.

 

 

 

I do have friends that I can crash with but I have so much stuff at the apartment that I would have to move into his tiny apartment and then move again when I'm ready to leave Canada in a month. It's a hasstle but I guess it's possible. I think deep inside I don't wanna move out. I wanna be there so I can look at her stuff and smell her clothes. I loved her so much and it's so hard to let go completely off her. I know it's pathetic but I'm being honest here.

 

 

I don't know much about sleeping pills and don't recommend them. My doctor prescribed Xanax for anxiety, and only ten pills. I didn't want anymore than that anyway and I took them sparingly just to help get me thru a rough time.

 

They have an added affect of relaxing a person enough to get some sleep.

 

I don't really recommend over the counter sleeping pills, mostly because I know little about them.

 

As for your appetite, that is to be expected. Stress causes appetite reduction in many people. It makes some people over eat, makes others not be able to eat at all. When I am over stressed I have to literally FORCE myself to eat something. I used to buy Slimfast milkshakes, not to lose weight, but only because I could drink the shake and at least get some nutrients and calories inside my body when eating solid food was the LAST thing I wanted to do.

 

When the mind is really stressed out like this it really wreaks havoc on the body, which I am sure you know. You set yourself wide open for stress related disorders such as an ulcer (which I have by the way). You have to take care of yourself best way you can.

 

I urge you to see a doctor. I know most people think it sounds crazy to see a medical doctor for stress over a break up, but that is honestly a good thing. An MD will recommend therapists for you should you feel it rough enough to go that route, and they can recommend something that is right for you to take the edge off. Too many people under estimate the effects that stress has on the body.

[i_love_chocolate]

I know how harmful stress can be. I have been stressed out for the past two years now. Some times stressed and sometimes overly stressed. I just went to the pharmacy and bought sleeping aid pills. They cause drowsiness. I hope it helps. I have lost weight too (I'm skinny to begin with). Maybe I should start doing slimfast so I can get the nutrients and the calories my body needs. The thought of food right now disgusts me.

[sandyv]

Slimfast is good Chocolate, thats what I do when I'm too stressed to eat... it'll help.....

 

I hope you feel better soon, I've been through alot of trauma myself and know how tough it is....

 

Sandy

[caro33]

i_love_chocolate, when did you make your plan to leave the country? Was your girlfriend going to go with you before things turned sour?

[i_love_chocolate]

i_love_chocolate, when did you make your plan to leave the country? Was your girlfriend going to go with you before things turned sour?

 

Yes she was going to go with me.

[caro33]

Are there issues for you and her to resolve there about the plans? That was a pretty major step. And you are still definitely going?

[ycmanvs]

You are depressed. Your apettite will come back in a couple of weeks. Until then, try to go out and exercise. Talk to friends. Go to a movie. Keep busy, and stay away from her.

Eventually, you will feel better and you will be moving away.

[i_love_chocolate]

EVERYONE IS SO GONNA THINK I'M SUTPID FOR DOING THIS. I made a huge mistake. I don't know what's wrong with me I'm just not making the right choices anymore. I'm definitely not in the right state of mind.

 

I saw her last night. She came home. She started crying and telling me how much she loved me and how much that guy can influence her and play with her head. She said he knows exactly what to tell me and he did it. She said that she hated the moment she met him and she wishes she never did. She continued crying and begging me to give her one more chance to prove it. I told her I was done with her and there would be no way to get back together. Anyway she knew that I was not giving her a chance so she said "ok fine. But can we please just live in peace together coz you will be here for the next month?" I said yeah sure we can just be roommates. Anyway, we had a walk and then came back to the apt. Before bed time, I held her hand and hugged her. She cried like a baby. I told her it was okay and that you made a mistake and you should bear the consequences. I told her to come sleep with me. She was like "Are you sure?" I said yes. She said I don't wanna hurt you I don't think it's good for you. I said do you want to sleep beside me? She said of course but I don't think it's good for you. I said why. She said trust me the human mind works in a weird way. I said trust me I'll be fine. She came to bed. She said what do you want from me? I told her that her and I are over and we won't have a future together but we can just be there for each other. Then I made the big mistake. I thought to myself, I wanna use her for sex so I told her I wanted to have sex. She said are you sure? I said yes it's not like we're having a future together we're just going to have sex that's all. We had sex. When I was having sex with her, all I can imagine was that this is what the guy was doing to her. This is what he saw and did to her. I FELT SO DISGUSTED. It was the worst sex I ever had. After I finished she said I'm scared of you. I said why. She said it looked like you wanted to hurt me. I said I was so disgusted by you. It felt so damn wrong.

 

I woke up this morning and I still felt so damn disgusting. I made the wrong decision. I texted her a message telling her that I was disgusted by her last night and that I don't ever wanna do it again and don't ever want her to touch me. I said let's just be roommates and that's it. She said "I told you it was a bad idea. I didn't wanna have sex but it was so nice to have some affection from you. Please stop trying to hurt me. It's still me and I love you so much. I can's stand this, I feel like dying. How can you tell me you don't wanna hurt me and then tell me you don't want me? Why do men insist on playing with my heart? You know, it felt so good to touch your hand, you have no idea, but my favourite part was seeing you smile. I know you can't just stop loving me. But I also know so much affection at once was a bad idea. Please let a little time pass without making any harsh statements and just do what your heart desires. Even if you come to me every night to caress me only to tell me in the morning I'm disgusting it's still worth those few moments where it feels like you again. I miss you so much and I'm suffering like never before".

 

Okay you can bash me with your responses. I know it was a mistake. I don't know why I did it.

[avman]

I thought to myself, I wanna use her for sex so I told her I wanted to have sex. She said are you sure? I said yes it's not like we're having a future together we're just going to have sex that's all. We had sex. When I was having sex with her, all I can imagine was that this is what the guy was doing to her. This is what he saw and did to her. I FELT SO DISGUSTED. It was the worst sex I ever had. After I finished she said I'm scared of you. I said why. She said it looked like you wanted to hurt me

 

Ok even she sees that you LOOK like you want to hurt her.

 

Is any of this getting through to you at all?

[BellaDonna]

I said let's just be roommates and that's it.

 

You need to do NC with her. I don't think being roommates is a good idea at all. You need to physically separate yourself from this situation.

 

Frankly, it sounds like it's just getting more volatile and dangerous.

[i_love_chocolate]

Ok even she sees that you LOOK like you want to hurt her.

 

Is any of this getting through to you at all?

 

Why do I feel like you're attacking me all thoroughout this thread? I feel like you're making me the abuser and I'm not the victim.

[i_love_chocolate]

You need to do NC with her. I don't think being roommates is a good idea at all. You need to physically separate yourself from this situation.

 

Frankly, it sounds like it's just getting more volatile and dangerous.

 

I know what you mean. I'm going to try this roommate thing for a few days. If I see that it's not going to work then I will move out.

[JadedStar]

Victims can easily become abusers. Happens all the time. That is how many abusers get that way. Does not make it any less dangerous.

 

YOu need to NOT see this girl because it is getting close to being dangerous.

 

I honestly think you should talk to someone. You don't sound entirely stable enough to keep seeing her.