Ex boyfriend messaged her a sketchy message

[BellaDonna]

I think living together is going to just keep rubbing salt in your wound and keep you in a distressed state and a state of heightened anger and disgust.

 

You need to put yourself in a better environment. You will not be able to calm down and be level until you do. Your appetite and sleep will also continue to suffer if you're in this depressing and angering situation.

[i_love_chocolate]

I'm starting to feel that this thread is not helping me. It's portraying me as the abuser and that will just make my situation worse and keep me in the wrong state of mind. I'm going to take care of this issue by myself and make my own decisions. I appreciate your support. Thanks a lot for everyone who contributed to this thread. I have nothing against anyone but I think I just need some time alone.

[ycmanvs]

I'm starting to feel that this thread is not helping me. It's portraying me as the abuser and that will just make my situation worse and keep me in the wrong state of mind. I'm going to take care of this issue by myself and make my own decisions. I appreciate your support. Thanks a lot for everyone who contributed to this thread. I have nothing against anyone but I think I just need some time alone.

 

Keep away from her. Last night was a mistake. It did not make you feel better. Just get out and spend time with your friends.

[JadedStar]

I'm starting to feel that this thread is not helping me. It's portraying me as the abuser and that will just make my situation worse and keep me in the wrong state of mind. I'm going to take care of this issue by myself and make my own decisions. I appreciate your support. Thanks a lot for everyone who contributed to this thread. I have nothing against anyone but I think I just need some time alone.

 

Your g/f said you looked at her like you wanted to hurt her. THis is after you have already slapped her.

 

I am not sure what kind of absolution you expect to get. This site does not condone abuse I Love Chocolate.

 

You have gotten tons of support on this thread and it was very very tame compared to what it could have been on other sites.

 

I just really hope you don't go too far and end up in jail and have that be your wake up call that maybe you are in fact an abuser at this point.

 

You are turning into one fast dude.

 

Some of your posts really give me a chill down my spine. THe only advice I can honestly give you right now is stay away from this girl. Get some counseling and stay away from her.

[i_love_chocolate]

Your g/f said you looked at her like you wanted to hurt her. THis is after you have already slapped her.

 

I am not sure what kind of absolution you expect to get. This site does not condone abuse I Love Chocolate.

 

You have gotten tons of support on this thread and it was very very tame compared to what it could have been on other sites.

 

I just really hope you don't go too far and end up in jail and have that be your wake up call that maybe you are in fact an abuser at this point.

 

You are turning into one fast dude.

 

Some of your posts really give me a chill down my spine. THe only advice I can honestly give you right now is stay away from this girl. Get some counseling and stay away from her.

 

I think the pain she incurred on me has caused me to go temporarily insane. I will need to have a hard look at this. I know I'm going to handle the situation a lot better now. I have learned a lot. Please don't think of me as a bad person, I really am not. This experience has been the most difficult I have ever had to deal with and I'm learning a lot of things.

[JadedStar]

I think the pain she incurred on me has caused me to go temporarily insane. I will need to have a hard look at this. I know I'm going to handle the situation a lot better now. I have learned a lot. Please don't think of me as a bad person, I really am not. This experience has been the most difficult I have ever had to deal with and I'm learning a lot of things.

 

I and others would only think of you as a bad person if you could get this kind of feedback and ignore it.

 

I don't think you can. I think that the stress and hurt IS affecting your ability to think rationally and do the right thing. YOu seem to agree. That being said, you even know yourself that right now you can't really be near her. It is not good for you or her.

 

Please show everyone that you ARE a good person and just steer clear of her until you find yourself in a better place emotionally,.

[i_love_chocolate]

I and others would only think of you as a bad person if you could get this kind of feedback and ignore it.

 

I don't think you can. I think that the stress and hurt IS affecting your ability to think rationally and do the right thing. YOu seem to agree. That being said, you even know yourself that right now you can't really be near her. It is not good for you or her.

 

Please show everyone that you ARE a good person and just steer clear of her until you find yourself in a better place emotionally,.

 

JadedStar,

 

I have a lot of thinking to do. I will need to reconstruct whatever she had destroyed. Right now I'm just a mess. I know that I will overcome this and come out of it as a better person. I know that I may have said things here that made some people think of me as a terrible person, but I know that I'm not but I know at the same time that I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes. The time I'm going to spend after her is going to be very effective and productive. I definitely need some time alone.

[Sparkle]

Choc

 

Do what ever you have to do, to get out of the situation now.

 

This relationship is seriously dysfunctional.

 

I think its a bit crazy making.

 

Not that I condone violence in anyway, shape or form, from any gender, but I gotta ask you this, have you ever been violent to anyone before (in your adult life?)

 

If you havent, then why has this pushed you over the edge, you must have run into other tough situs in the past surely?

 

It seems your head/heart/gut have been all over the place with this girl - shes made you feel unsure of your judgement, she throws things, so youve obviously had some hum dinger fights in the past, then it turns out your gut was right, (devestating to be lied to so, and cheated on, by the way) then you get angry, lash out, then she comes crawling back after behaving like a low life, then this latest encounter.

 

GET OUT! Go stay with friends, anyone, for the best part of the time you have left where you are.

 

Yep, love is blind and illogical, but it doesnt have to be like this.

 

You are going down a very very rocky road.

 

Sometimes, some people just bring out the worst in us. Im seeing that here.

 

This is not good for either of you.

 

When you quoted that poster that would never forget those 3 slaps, what you need to remember is that every abuser started somewhere, usually because someone hurt them.

 

I wonder, will YOU ever forget GIVING those slaps, and what happens if you suspect your next GF of cheating, but perhaps she hasnt - will you slap her first just in case???

 

Im worried for you.

[avman]

If we thought you were a bad person we'd simply have ignored your posts and dismissed you.

 

None of us want you to BECOME a bad person and thats why we are pushing you so hard to examine your actions and rethink them. I believe you can change before you go down the wrong path too far. But you must realize what has happened and be willing to change.

 

Everyone that has posted here understands your hurt. Of course you are hurt, I understand that. We would like you to deal with that hurt in healthy ways though and not make matters worse.

 

If she makes you crazy then stay away from her. Never ever see her again. Nobody will question that. Thats what it takes for some people to get past what happened. They simply cannot tolerate seeing that person that hurt them ever again.

[RayKay]

I don't think you can be roommates at all in this case.

 

Not only is this too fresh, but clearly your emotions are all over, and yes, this has now become a violent situation, which was echoed even more when she recognized the hate and anger in your eyes when you were having sex with her.

 

We all realize you are hurt, I am quite sure MOST of us have been there and felt that, but clearly you are not quite in control right now and she is making you angry even being around. This does not mean you are a "bad person", but it does mean you need to learn better ways to deal with those emotions.

 

I don't think it matters if you need to sleep on a friend's floor or in their bathtub for a month, you need to get out of there, now. I know she said she would stay elsewhere, but clearly she is not willing to do that, and does not even really fully realize what has happened either. Neither I think do you quite yet.

 

Pack up your stuff, and get out of there.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Truth: Where is the truth in lieing to your GF once she cheated on you to get your own back

 

Strenght: How dos "HITING" a woman make you strong, taking the hit to your hart and standing that is Strenght.

 

Honor: Where is the Honor in what you have done.

 

We are our actions, that is what makes us good or bad.

 

you did bad becouse it made you feel good.

 

Time to stop being a lesser man and time to start to be a better one

by not doing things that feed hate or pain.

 

What we do makes us who we are.

[i_love_chocolate]

Truth: Where is the truth in lieing to your GF once she cheated on you to get your own back

 

Strenght: How dos "HITING" a woman make you strong, taking the hit to your hart and standing that is Strenght.

 

Honor: Where is the Honor in what you have done.

 

We are our actions, that is what makes us good or bad.

 

you did bad becouse it made you feel good.

 

Time to stop being a lesser man and time to start to be a better one

by not doing things that feed hate or pain.

 

What we do makes us who we are.

 

I can tell you, as of today, that I do not and will not regret slapping her after what she did to me. Everyone here can think all they want.

[Spugly Fuglet]

I can tell you, as of today, that I do not and will not regret slapping her after what she did to me. Everyone here can think all they want.

 

I do not believe you,

I think an older and wise you will see things differently

but only time can say who will be right.

[JadedStar]

I can tell you, as of today, that I do not and will not regret slapping her after what she did to me. Everyone here can think all they want.

 

You are right, no one here can make you change your mind on what happened. I just hope that we are able to make you understand that moving forward you are treading on dangerous ground.

 

Let's hope you don't find yourself in jail one day on a domestic abuse charge. If your ex decides to press charges against you, she can. I am not sure of what the statute of limitations are in your area of the world but most likely she could still do this if she wanted to.

 

She has more than ample grounds to take out a restraining order against you, and I honestly think given the slapping and the way she said you look like you wanted to hurt her, she should. If she were the one here asking for advice that is what I would strongly encourage her to do. That does not mean I condone her cheating on you, it just means that she should not have to be fearful of physical abuse and given the volatility the two of you are experiencing with one another you should stay far far apart.

 

We don't own anybody chocolate. If someone hurts us to this large degree the recourse we have is to maintain our dignity and get away from them. Being in a relationship is always based upon one's free will and they can take up with somenoe else at anytime, even before breaking up. Now that does not say much for their character, but they are entitled to do this. You can't become violent (legally) because of this. You have really besmirched your own reputation.

 

Cheating is the ultimate form of betrayal so I understand your anger, but to try to offset that act with violence is going to land you in some serious trouble. I have been hurt before to the point that for a moment in anger I felt that really whopping someone in the face would make me feel better, but my good sense and conscience would quickly direct me in the opposite direction and I would just remove that person from my life and emerge from the situation as the more respectful human being.

 

You started out in this saga as the victim. Do you really feel better about this situation by turning her into the victim? Is that really the most desirable outcome for you?

[Spugly Fuglet]

Well put JadedStar

[sandyv]

Yes, JS well put for sure. As a abused person at my son's father hands I can totally relate to this whole situation.

 

I feel bad for you Chocolate... sometimes love certainley does hurt. Been there, done that...

 

But the thing is here hurting someone can never make things better, you can't change things by physically injuring someone, just won't work...

 

And another thing, next time you get angry with someone's who's hurt you, you might do something even worse.... oh that thought frightens me badly..... because I remember to well....

 

My son's father was a good guy basically but he lost it much like you did, and I was a fool to hang around... but I did... please don't be someone like him.

[viox]

I don't wanna hurt her. I have principles, even when I am extremely upset. I actually have to admit that last night when I confronted her, I slapped her many times, pushed her around and called her all sorts of names.

 

 

How can you sit there and preach about how you have "principles" and that you don't wanna hurt her... but then you turn around & admit that you physically and emotionally abused her? That principle claim just went right out the window. How you can have so much disrespect for a woman is beyond me. But the fact that you do is disgusting. Yeah she cheated on you, but be thankful that you found out before you married her. However, that still doesn't mean she deserved what you did to her. And the fact that you hit her, tells me that you aren't any better than her.

 

A woman is not supposed to hit a man, but when a man hits a woman it's worse because they're normally so much stronger than us. Which means they can do far more damage physically than we can. So naturally, when someone hears of a woman getting hit by a man, it gets such a negative reaction.

[Jake11]

Good luck choco...heal up man.

[i_love_chocolate]

Good luck choco...heal up man.

 

Thanks Jake. I'm feeling a little better but the pain is enormous. She's trying so hard with me. She wrote me a detalied letter explaining how everything happeneded. It's very long so don't read it unless you're interested. Here it is:

 

"

It started on March 15, 2004. That was our first date with Ex-bf. We ended up being together for 2 years and 3 months. Of course, on and off. He broke up with me countless times,

but every time I took him back. I was never introduced to a single member of his family while we were together. They didn't know that Ex-bf was in a relationship until almost the end. Well, I don't think that's 100% correct, I think the whole time they felt it.. but even when they found out I don't think they ever knew my name. Those days I spent most of my time sitting at home by myself, waiting for him. And he was always at least an hour late. Even when he was with me, he was absent.. his family members were calling him constantly, and he lied to them every time about where he was. Our dates usually ended up with him having to leave abruptly because his mom needed a ride somewhere, or his sister was mad at him because she didn't know where he was. He didn't allow me to hold his hand in public, he didn't want to be seen with me in most places. The one break-up that I remember most clearly was when I thought I might be pregnant.. I wasn't even that worried about it but Ex-bf started panicking. He told me that if I turn out to be pregnant after all, he'll never see me again. I shouldn't try and contact him because this is not how he wants his life to be. I don't know how the subject ended up changing in that conversation, but when I brought up that he should tell his family about me, he told me I wasn't worth it. Needless to say, I took him back even after that. I loved him like I have never loved anyone before. No one has ever made me cry like he did, either. Not before and not ever since. It's that utterly helpless cry, the way children do. I know, even though things were under his control, he loved me. I have no doubt about that. Our relationship caused him a lot of stress as well. He got to know me so well. He paid attention to every move I ever made and analyzed the reason for every little thing I did. And most of the time he was right. He watched my favourite TV shows with me, loved The Simpsons as much I do.

Now, I was never the type of girl who was "wedding-crazy", even though I'm a hopeless romantic. But he awakened this feeling in me. I felt like no one would ever want to be with me. Like I wasn't worth marrying. In the time we spent together, I could count on one hand the amount of times he told me I was beautiful. When I asked him about it, he said he just can't say that to me. He didn't have as much of a problem commenting on my weight, though. He wouldn't let me spend time with my male friends and refused to meet them. So I was forced to see them behind his back.. of course nothing ever happened between me and any of them. Towards the end of our relationship, he started making me promises of marrying me.We were planning on moving to Amsterdam together. We were picking names for our children. But every promise he made, he backed out on. And it hurt me even more.

He even tried to get me to meet his sister, and come to his parents' house, but at that point I no longer believed him and had lost all hope. It was too late.

The last time we broke up, it was my decision. And for the first time, I was doing fine. And I can only thank Chocolate for that. I met him at the restaurant a number of months before for the first time, it was a brief encounter but he captured me somehow. He tried to get my phone number but I knew it would be wrong of me so I avoided it. Next time I saw him, it was just after one of our last break-ups with Ex-bf, when I was starting to get fed up. So I gave him my phone number. When he called me later, I wasn't intending on picking up the phone, because I felt guilty. But when I listened to the message he left on my phone I felt I had to. So, we ended up seeing each other, spending more and more time together. But before we surpassed the "friends" level, I broke it off with Ex-bf. I wanted to take things slow with Chocolate, because I knew I still have feelings and issues I needed to sort out. And at the time an open relationship was exactly what I needed. I didn't want to be hurt the same way again, because I knew that Chocolate, just like Ex-bf, would never marry me.

I enjoyed Chocolate's company so much, because he opened up the door to the outside world again. Instead of being at home by myself, I was going out to bars and clubs, meeting new people and socializing more than I ever had before. I was also allowed to get back in touch with my old friends who were male. I felt free for the first time in a very long time. Our open relationship worked out incredibly well but eventually we ended up falling in love. I didn't think I was capable of it, but my love for Chocolate surpassed what I had felt for Ex-bf by far. He allowed me to be myself and treated me a 100 times better. But, as I fell in love, the same feeling started to come back. I wanted him to love me in a way that would make him want to be with me forever. I felt like he didn't. I felt that he didn't want to put in the time and effort to really get to know me, the way Ex-bf did, because he was going to leave me anyway. He didn't pay attention to the things I said, especially about myself as much as I paid attention to him. I would shock him often, because I knew what he was thinking, and yet, he couldn't remember, for example that I can't stand perogies. And this time there was an actual time limit. And as it got closer and closer, and nothing changed, my pain started getting stronger and stronger. Two relationships, right after each other, and neither of them wanted me. I felt like there was something wrong with me, like I wasn't good enough. For years, I was waiting for a miracle. Being a hopeless romantic, I imagined countless times, with both men, that one day, it would all change, and all the sudden, when I least expect it, he would confess that he can't live without me and wants me to be his wife.

After a full year of never having heard from Ex-bf, I ended up thinking about him.. so I emailed him. He was in South Asia at the time, and suprisingly he replied to me and told me I have been on his mind all this time. Our conversations over the net started getting deeper and deeper and he made me feel like he realized we were meant to be together. That he couldn't live without me. He came back to Canada in the spring of 2007. Of course, Chocolate was very uncomfortable with me seeing him again, but I did anyway. And when we spent time together, Ex-bf knew exactly what I wanted to hear. He literally predicted my following moves, knew my thoughts and brought up old memories that I haven't thought of in a long time. He knew me so well, and this made us have a really strong connection, because even after a year, I knew him just as well too. When he first saw me, having lost weight, he told me I was beautiful, and in the following times we spent together he never ceased to remind me. He said it in a week, more than he said it in over 2 years. He eventually tried to make physical contact with me, and I pushed him away for a long time. Until he demanded that I give him affection, or else he won't see me. He demanded that I sleep with him, otherwise he never wants to hear from me again. I didn't want to lose the feeling he was giving me, so eventually I gave in and we kissed. I didn't feel right, and my body didn't agree with it but for some reason I couldn't stop it. It was around that time that Chocolate and I broke up. I loved him, not Ex-bf, so I panicked and became devastated. But Ex-bf was there to comfort me and tell me how much he loves me and wants to be with me. The night of the day that Chocolate and I broke up, Ex-bf, Angi, Mike, Bob and I went out clubbing. Ex-bf ended up introducing me to his brother for the first time at the coffee shop beforehand. I was surprised. He told me that his brothers are also in relationships, and one even told his parents about it. Ex-bf said he didn't care anymore about what his family told him, he was free to do what he wished. That night, Ex-bf and I ended up going home together. You can guess the rest. I felt wrong, and it made me feel sick to my stomach, but I told myself that this is what I had waited for in all the time I spent with Ex-bf, and he finally realized he made a mistake. Even though I didn't love him, the fact that I felt I was finally getting what I wanted so bad impared my judgement. I ended up even more miserable than I was, and when I started to realize that Ex-bf's intentions with me had not changed, I decided to never see him again. I missed Chocolate terribly, and he missed me too so we got back together. I never told him about what had happened between Ex-bf and I, because I knew it would be our end. Eventually, Chocolate started making similar promises as Ex-bf had before. He told his father about me, but his reaction made him changed his mind on more than one occasion. The same thing was happening again, and the same old pain came back. I believed Chocolate more than I ever believed Ex-bf, because Chocolate is a much more straightforward and respectful person, but this made it hurt even more when he changed his mind every time about pursuing a future with me. All the pain had built up over the years and I didn't feel like I had control anymore over my life, my feelings or my actions. I felt worthless. We continued the relationship, with my secret that was haunting me through the days. My thoughts became jumbled and I didn't know what was right or wrong anymore. I didn't know what I was put on Earth for, I questioned my whole existence. Once in a while Ex-bf would step back into my life, he was always glad to see me, and he made me feel good for a short while by telling me what I wanted to hear, but every time he was so persistent about physical contact, I became uncomfortable and confused. I didn't know what he wanted from me. I didn't know what either men wanted from me. And it came too close a couple of times, I was sure Chocolate would find out the whole truth, and I tried with everything I had to make sure that doesn't happen since that risk was too great, because again, Chocolate told me that he decided to try for a future with me. But only if I met certain requirements, and made certain changes. After some thought I decided to try it. Even though I was sceptical about his commitment and I knew he would break my heart once more. We started entertaining thoughts of moving to his country together, raising our children there. That was the only way we could be together. I would take on his country’s lifestyle. This made me a little frightened in the beginning, because I knew it was going to be difficult. But I trusted Chocolate entirely and I knew he would take good care of me no matter what. So, I became more and more sure, and one day came to the realization that that was what I had wanted all along. There was a reason why I was so attracted to these Arabic men. When I imagined growing old as a muslim woman, it seemed right. I was too afraid to admit it because it was too strange and people would think I was insane, but the thought became more and more appealing, the more vivid it got. And a little later Chocolate and I started discussing the specifics. The wedding, the rings, outfits, guests and not long ago, we chose a date. March 1, 2008. I was happier than I have ever been before. Finally, everything I had wanted was coming true and with HIM, with Chocolate, I couldn't have asked for more. And for the first time I really believed that it will happen. I KNEW it. And I was more sure that it would work, than I have been about anything else in my life. I decided that there was nothing better that I could do with my life, than to make Chocolate happy, to be the best mother and wife I could be, to love people and to be a better and more peaceful person. I wanted to be religious for such a long time but I always felt like if I tried to take on a religion that is not characteristic of my own culture, I'd be a fake, and it'd be disrespectful. Now it felt right. I was more determined than I have ever been before. So I sent a message to Ex-bf, telling him I never want to have any form of contact with him, and that I decided to give Chocolate what he deserves and be his wife. He never replied to me, but a day or two later Chocolate came home furious. Turns out, he came in contact with Ex-bf and he told him everything that has happened. Showed my messages that I had sent to him as proof. It was all over. My brief happiness, my hopes, my dreams, my determination, my future. Of course I know what I did was wrong, but I just couldn't believe, that after all the time I spent with Ex-bf, and how well I thought I knew him.. he'd decide to ruin it all for me. He knew all to well that I was about to receive what I had been longing for, for years, and Chocolate was going to give me what he never did. Ex-bf knew how bad I felt about cheating on Chocolate, because I had told him so many times it was wrong, and it had to stop because Chocolate deserves better. He knew I was determined to make a change to devote myself to Chocolate. At one point, Ex-bf told me, literally, that it was ok to cheat on Chocolate. He told me not to worry about it because it happens all the time, and he's leaving anyway. I couldn't believe my ears! It did not sound like him at all and I couldn't figure out the reason why he would say such a thing. Now I know. My life was finally going in the right direction, I had found my purpose and I was sure that everything that had happened would be in the past, left far behind, forgotten. I made a mistake but I was going to devote the rest of my life making up for it. I wanted it all to be over so bad. Now, everything has come tumbling down. I had gained everything and in a matter of days, lost it all. Now my life is emptier than it was before. I betrayed Chocolate's trust, and hurt him so bad, I can't even imagine. I wish I could take it all back. And this helpless feeling has consumed me. I love Chocolate insanely and I just can't let it go. I can't forgive myself for ruining it all. I feel like he doesn't know me, like he thinks I'm a different person than I really am. A horrible person. I only wish he knew how much love I have for him, and how bad I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. No words can describe it."

[JadedStar]

Chocolate, I would like to read that, but too long, couldn't hold my interest....

 

 

I just hope things are getting better.

[RayKay]

Well, I read it (and yes it was long) and my impression was it is all about her, her, her. I question why she felt compelled to send you a letter like THIS, rather than a letter of SINCERE apology. This is more about trying to convince you she is "poor pitiful me" needing your "rescue" once again - because it sure sounds like that is how she saw you originally - as her rescuer.

 

I am sure she does feel bad for what she has done, but that does not mean you need to fall into her guilt trip.

 

And I still think you need to stay away from her simply on pure fact of the anger/violence, and you need to address that on your own.

[JadedStar]

Well, I read it (and yes it was long) and my impression was it is all about her, her, her.

 

Yes, I got that impression too, but didn't want to say it since I only skimmed the letter. since you read it in its entirety and still get that feel, then yea it really does seem that way.

[i_love_chocolate]

Well, I read it (and yes it was long) and my impression was it is all about her, her, her. I question why she felt compelled to send you a letter like THIS, rather than a letter of SINCERE apology. This is more about trying to convince you she is "poor pitiful me" needing your "rescue" once again - because it sure sounds like that is how she saw you originally - as her rescuer.

 

I am sure she does feel bad for what she has done, but that does not mean you need to fall into her guilt trip.

 

And I still think you need to stay away from her simply on pure fact of the anger/violence, and you need to address that on your own.

 

I can't help but say that this is exactly how I felt when I read it. It was all about her. It's all about her feelings, her life, her happiness and what she wants.

[annie24]

wow. it's all her her her her her (just like raykay said). she sounds very narcissitic. I was reading the first half of the letter as if I were you and thinking, "Ok, and WHY do I care about your exbf?????" this woman is a headcase. she doesn't care about you, all she cares about is herself. And this exbf of hers, heaven forbid she gain 8 pounds, because he will leave her again.

 

i think you need to run and stay away from this woman. she is a drama queen and doesn't love either you or the ex, only herself.

[WhiteForest]

I must agree, I only got through about half and stopped reading because I lost interest in her pitiful little life. She wants you to feel sorry for her and she is trying to justify her actions. I'm so glad you can see that the letter is all about her.

 

I also want to add that revenge will not help you. I know you are angry and right now it feels like it will make you feel so much better to get her back or hurt her just as she hurt you, but it's not what you need. You need time to heal and move on. Revenge only allows you to stoop to that persons level. Don't do that, take the high road and you will never have to question why you let your anger take over. In the long run you will feel better about yourself for handling any situation with grace and dignity. Personally, I think back on times when I've acted harshly out of anger (everyone does at some point) and I feel regret. But, when I look back on the times I held my head high and let clarity and calmness take over my anger, I feel so good.

 

I'm very sorry you are hurting right now. It does seem like she's a bit self-centered. She's behaving the way most guilty people do. She wants to justify herself so she doesn't look as bad. She wants to blame someone else for her mistakes. The point is things didn't work out between her and her ex, she was with you. Their relationship had nothing to do with yours and hers. This letter is irrelevant to the situation. She is simply hoping you will feel sorry for her and forgive her.

 

I recall you stating earlier that you will not be the one who she had to take as a second option. Keep that in mind. Go out and have some fun with your friends. Invest your time in things you enjoy and keep focused on work.

 

Best wishes.