If I am so hot then why don't men approach me?

[RedPenguin]

Speaking of being intimidated by women, did any guy here ever really get intimidated by a girl, then either get like mad at yourself for it, or just not even understand why in the first place you were intimidated?

 

I sometimes do that, where maybe I get nervous around a girl, and I know there is nothing to fear, but I still get nervous, then later, I have to say to myself, why was I nervous?

[Leonhart]

Speaking of being intimidated by women, did any guy here ever really get intimidated by a girl, then either get like mad at yourself for it, or just not even understand why in the first place you were intimidated?

 

I sometimes do that, where maybe I get nervous around a girl, and I know there is nothing to fear, but I still get nervous, then later, I have to say to myself, why was I nervous?

 

Sort of. I get mad at myself, but I know why I get intimidated by beautiful girls. And it's warranted since they don't like me much anyway.

[RedPenguin]

See, that's how I used to be, like I didn't really care that I was intimidated because in High School all the girls acted like I was nothing to them.

 

Now, I sometimes get mad, for not doing something, because it seems like I get way more positive signs now, and when I get positive signs from a girl, I hate myself sometimes, when I just don't do anything about it, like if a girl is obviously flirting with me, and I like her, I feel stupid for getting so nervous and just ignoring it, which I've been known sometimes to do.

[RedPenguin]

where do you go to community college? is it far away from where you grew up. well there aren't that many girls that seem too into me around here, since i am asian and in this place either your white preppy/trendy, white artistic(tattoos, goatees), asian artsy, or asian gangster... unfortanutely i'm asian trendy. i also notice when i've flirted with girls on the internet from another area of the US they seem to be more receptive of me. so maybe its in the culture of where you are. i do notice when i travel to the closest major metro area asian girls tend to notice me more. i don't know... i think i gotta move...

 

What do you do online anyway? I've tried MySpace, and girls used to talk to me, and flirt, but once the "spam age" where people were like see my nude videos and stuff like that, no one ever really seems to talk to me on MySpace really anymore. It's like dead. I have much better luck in person then I ever do on MySpace anymore, when it used to be the other way around.

[TheRedQueen]

i agree. i am not sure where these girls are going where they are not getting male attention, but for crying out loud I am 40 and married and I cannot go out alone without getting hit on all the time. So if they are young and hot, i am not sure what vibe they are giving off if they are not getting attention.

 

SOME men are intimidated by a really attractive woman but more than not don't care. their hormones creep in and they can't control it.

 

And I do not think I am one hot mama or anything so if i am hit on regularly, not sure why my younger counterparts are not. I get hit on by men from age of 20 to 60. I find it entertaining. LOL

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's perplexed by these claims.

 

Where I'm from, for every man who happens to avert his eyes when confronted with an attractive girl, there seems to be a baker's dozen who instead honk their horns, ask for digits, cat-call, and shamelessly stare.

 

And on a side note, I checked out your profile, and saw your pic, and believe it or not, you are in fact one hot mama!

[RedPenguin]

See I always thought girls, wanted the guys who worked a little while to get the girls number, not just be like, hey baby, can I have your number or something, LoL.

 

Oh yeah, I seen JadedStar's profile before, and I think I could approach her, don't think I would have a choice, even if my part of me would say no, the other part would be like, GO GO GO! LoL.

 

That split mirror look is probably how some guys look at girls anyway that are cute, they probably are so amazed to cute a cute girl, their eyes go nuts, and they aren't sure what they are looking at, LoL.

 

See, I know some people say never really look at the certain areas, but I always feel I need to look at least once, because I feel, why should I hate what I'm looking at, LoL.

[AloneAgain2006]

TheRedQueen and JadedStar, thanks for agreeing with me.

 

If a female is genuinely physically attractive the offers will be pouring in assuming you do not just stay at home. Whether it's at work, the gym, coffee shop or even local grocery store men will hit on you if you are indeed attractive. Don't give me that intimidation excuse. It's BS.

[CaptainPlanet]

A womans looks are a lot more important than a mans, her worth is based a lot on how attractive she is. It is a sad an unfortunate fact for women and thereforeeee an attractive woman is intimidating because it means she is worth a lot and thereforeeee is likely to hold a strong position in society so that she might motivate or control more powerful men who could hurt the man in question.

[RedPenguin]

A womans looks are a lot more important than a mans, her worth is based a lot on how attractive she is. It is a sad an unfortunate fact for women and thereforeeee an attractive woman is intimidating because it means she is worth a lot and thereforeeee is likely to hold a strong position in society so that she might motivate or control more powerful men who could hurt the man in question.

 

See I've always heard that, but I don't do it like most guys I don't think. I maybe am the exception. I mean, if I see a hot girl, yes, I will defiantly look at her, but if I see that she is stuck-up and/or similar, I will just move on, I can't stand stuck-up girls and especially those who act like, they are way way too good for any guy.

[TheRedQueen]

A womans looks are a lot more important than a mans, her worth is based a lot on how attractive she is. It is a sad an unfortunate fact for women and thereforeeee an attractive woman is intimidating because it means she is worth a lot and thereforeeee is likely to hold a strong position in society so that she might motivate or control more powerful men who could hurt the man in question.

You're either a biologist or an evolotionary psychologist, so which one is it?

[EvaGina]

I really like this thread, as it cements what everyone on this site says... looks dont actually mean that much.

 

Not to say that you hot girls have bad additudes... but being shy can come accross as being snobbish...

[Edak]

I have a theory, call me what you want because yes, this comes accross as lame, but bare with me..

 

When playing a popular online game "Gears of War" on my Xbox 360 and trying to join a game, you will see a match with 7/8 players. Now when you join a game that is already full ( 8/8 ) you will get a stupid screen, have to wait 2 minutes for stuff to load, yada yada, bascially, if you join a 7/8 game, your chances of having to deal with a lot of crappy stuff should be high right? WRONG I look for games that are 7/8 and I join then. 95% of the time I never get put into a full room... and I don't have to deal with the crappy loading. Now if you had a hard time following this because you're a girl and don't play Video games ;-) what I am trying to say is, people don't join because they are so sure they will fail, since by the the time they hit OK to join, they think someone has already filled that 8th spot.

 

Which I think applies to so many things, it's completely relevant here. Guys don't approach because they are so sure they will fail. It's not always low self-esteem, or they are stared/intimidated. They just have their mind made up that they will fail, so why bother?

 

 

Man, I hope I made some sense to a few people.

[theartofruin]

I'm single and I'm 100% sure it's because I'm really, really good looking too.

 

As for approaching hot girls... well my last ex was pretty damned hot but she knew it. When I met her she was down to earth, didn't realise it, but after a couple of years of hanging around with 'guy friends' and going clubbing and stuff she began to realise that men wanted her. I wouldn't go there again, arrogance isn't sexy. Plus I hate having to pretend I'm okay with her hanging around with all these guys, when truth is I know they're all trying to get her drunk and nail her. I'll go with an ugly girl next time.

[CaptainPlanet]

I have been on dates with hot girls before and had several multiple dates but never enough to call the girl my girlfriend. If anything I have noticed the hot girls to be calm, pleasant and generous. One girl even kissed me despite refusing a second date, it made rejection that much easier on me. Not to say they do not have their fair share of crazy but I think it is better concealed and they tend to be adjusted just a little bit better than normal.

 

A hot girl to me is a status symbol if you are out it indicates that you are successful enough, particularily if you are ugly to have attracted a gorgeous woman. If the guys are hitting on her thats good because at the end of the day it reflects onto how good you are and you are the one who takes her home and does stuff to her.

 

That being said no woman of that calibre has ever been interested with me beyond a single date or a drunken late night pash.

[Batya33]

Luckily in my social circles "hot" looks are not a status symbol - what comes close to it - if there is one - is the person's down to earth and genuineness around people particularly where there is a strong spark of intelligence and humor as well as reasonable self confidence. I don't ask my friends who first meet my bf what they think of him (because I am secure in what I think of him, and don't need validation) but people often share with me what they think of him. Obviously I'm never upset to hear that they think he is "cute" or "handsome" but I much prefer to hear how much they liked him as a person and enjoyed hanging out with him. If all I heard was "oohh he's cute!" and the person was over 15 years old I wouldn't take that as a positive impression overall. I feel very proud of him when we are out - sure, looks are part of it in that I like the way he dresses and presents himself with confidence - but 99% of it has nothing to do with looks.

[CaptainPlanet]

Yes but you are not a man and you are not talking about young women who are idolised in our society as symbols of beauty and sex. In your circle which is not working class there is probably a dominant culture of Intellectualism that is not present in the majority of society as by definition it applies only to the upper echelons. Having a hot girlfriend or a hot wife is a massive status symbol especially if applied to the right circumstance.

 

I'd also like to point out how many women on this site say that it is important for a man to have ambitions, goals and an amount of financial stability or career success. A hot partner is evidence of mentioned attributes and when conveyed to other men, or potential female mates is indicative of success and thereforeeee status.

[Batya33]

I was referring to both adult men and women. It sounds like you are referring to teens/young 20s and the club scene and are making generalizations from what you see in the media (I am talking about many people I know and know of - not what I see in the media). When I was in high school and for most of college looks often were a status symbol. Those are not adults, however.

[CaptainPlanet]

Ok back to the OPs question. I just thought of a few examples that might help you.

 

I have a friend, he is single very fit earns heaps of money has a good career in mind, is generally a nice guy most of the time. I will give two examples.

 

We're dancing at a bar. He approaches a girl, she looks at him like he has a growth where his face should be. I tap him on the shoulder and tell him not to worry about her. Within a few seconds she has come up to me and is thanking me for getting rid of that creepy guy.

 

I remember another time we're sitting at a bar. There are a group of girls all of them are attractive. He won't approach one of them we saw checking him out. It doesn't take much to understand why. He is expecting the same kind of harsh treatement and seeks to avoid pain.

 

Another friend of mine I don't know what is wrong with him, a woman comes up to us with a lit cig and asks him for a light. All he said is no. Then tells me how hot that girl just was.

 

Then there is me. I do approach hot girls, but honestly sometimes I don't know why I bother, they're effort, you might get a date a phone number a kiss whatever, but to make it more than that is so much work. I often cannot be bothered. The chance of success low, chance of humiliation high. A mans ego can only handle so much battering. I'm guessing they're just out of my league.

 

Theres a really cute girl who serves me my pasta I buy almost daily, waste of money btw. I will never ask her out or try to start conversation with her beyond 'carbonara and coke plz" because I have lost the will to care. There are just too many girls out there looking to tease, humiliate, be nasty, or just plain unsocialble that after a while the whole thing just becomes a hassle. Especially the girls who clearly are not interested in men despite being obviously single, give me a chance. So it is partly the fault of men and partly the fault of women.

 

In answer to your question it is very plausible that you are not approached by men because you are hot. I have had very attractive women whom I was far too friendly with (in a non-sexual way) tell me sometimes they do not get hit on at all. My natural reply, its probably because so many men are so used to brutal rejection and complaints from women who get hit on too much. Many men start to believe hitting on girls is wrong. Her reply was that those women are spoiled and do not deserve the attention. I agree with her.

 

My initial advice would be to approach men but some of us are so far gone that you could come up to us and tell us we're cute and we wouldn't have a clue what to do. I guess the best you can do is to send out as many signals as possible and struggle like the rest of us in a dating world where there is no clear system to follow.

[Clarity]

IMHO, this thread could easily be retitled: "If I think that am so hot and it shows then why don't men approach me?"

 

Not to say this is always the case, but very hot girls often have an intimidating look about them. Unless they give clear welcoming signals, most guys are going to assume they are taken, or they won't be given the light of day because of the aura the girl is giving off is "I am good-looking and I know it.".

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Approach?

 

Well, I can't speak for hot guys, which I am sure is what a majority of hot girls want. But for us average/below average/ugly guys, it goes on the thinking of my previous sentence. It's an unfair assumption, but it's what we see around us.

 

If I am checking out a hot girl and I smile, I get no positive feedback. None. Sometimes, I see positive feedback given to guys better looking than I. So I have my answer before words are spoken.

 

If there was a smile, I'd think differently.

[Miss M]

If a female is genuinely physically attractive the offers will be pouring in assuming you do not just stay at home. Whether it's at work, the gym, coffee shop or even local grocery store men will hit on you if you are indeed attractive. Don't give me that intimidation excuse. It's BS.

How can it be BS when this message board is filled to the brim with guys saying they are intimidated by attractive women? I think there is no one definitive answer to this. I've been told I'm sweet, nice, and approachable, and I've also been told I'm intimidating and scary. I've been told I'm down-to-earth and unassuming, and I've also been told I'm stuck up and a snob. I've also had a lot of people admit to me that they first thought I was a stuck-up snob because of how I look, but then they apologized for making that wrong assumption after they took another look. And I've even had friends who told me (many times) that someone else told them that I was a snob, but my friends would defend me and inform that person that they were making a wrong assumption and should take another look. I've had guys approach me because of how I look, and I've had guys avoid me and run away because of how I look. A lot of it depends on the person making the assessment, and sometimes that person is the one who can't see straight. So yeah, it varies.

[theartofruin]

If I am checking out a hot girl and I smile, I get no positive feedback. None. Sometimes, I see positive feedback given to guys better looking than I. So I have my answer before words are spoken.

 

Yeah this happens a lot, bugs me. But from my own perspective the 'hot' guys who get the pretty girls aren't even all that. I think I'm better looking than them. They just have the image that the girls want - spikey hair, trendy clothes, a curious little ear stud. Whatever. I dress in baggy shorts and death metal t-shirt. When I tart myself up, girls look. It's so dumb. Why do they care what I wear?

[Miss M]

Well, I can't speak for hot guys, which I am sure is what a majority of hot girls want.

KO!... You accept that you can't speak for hot guys, but then you go on to assume you can speak for the majority of hot girls about what they want? I've had a lot of people tell me what I want, and they were WAY off base. No one can really say what someone else wants.

 

I've written it many times, don't assume that you know what a woman wants when you haven't asked her. And also, don't dismiss it when she tells you.

 

 

If I am checking out a hot girl and I smile, I get no positive feedback. None.

So does that means you've stopped looking away? And have you stopped looking at the ceiling?

[CaptainPlanet]

KO!... You accept that you can't speak for hot guys, but then you go on to assume you can speak for the majority of hot girls about what they want? I've had a lot of people tell me what I want, and they were WAY off base. No one can really say what someone else wants.

 

I've written it many times, don't assume that you know what a woman wants when you haven't asked her. And also, don't dismiss it when she tells you.

 

 

 

So does that means you've stopped looking away? And have you stopped looking at the ceiling?

 

In my experience a woman will say she wants xyz then go out with guys who has abc. IMO you've either got it or u don't if u don't have it worry about other things and become rich then u will get women because they will be dependant on u. Thats only if u haven't got it and u want a hot one.

[Miss M]

In my experience a woman will say she wants xyz then go out with guys who has abc.

I'm sorry you've had an unsatisfactory experience with that, but for me, a guy's unfavorable experience with another woman is still not a good enough reason for him to assume he knows what I want, or to dismiss me, ignore me, or to attempt to think for me.