If I am so hot then why don't men approach me?

[dtm123]

I am continuously baffled how a preference to marry someone who is educated and financially stable somehow means that I am judging that person as a person or that I lack respect for people who do not have those attributes. Nothing to do with that and I'm not sure why someone would jump to that conclusion.

 

Very true. I know plenty women around my age I respect a great deal, would want to work with them, would feel safe with my kids in their care, etc., but wouldn't date them in a million years. I'm sure many feel the same way about me.

 

It's not about who's better than whom, it's about finding the compatibility that will help love 'stick' long-term. Use whatever requirements you need to get there.

[ghost69]

is it possible you have that 'i'm hot and above all' attitude? i know women that are like that and it totally turns me off.

[EvaGina]

-applause-

Great post

supporting someone who has no desire to work is TOTALLY different to supporting someone who is out of money for a good reason (made redundent, chasing a dream, newly qualified, etc...)

 

I also take into account peoples low times... I know Mat has been on the dole when he was all messed up, thats cool... I wouldnt, however, want to stay with him if he went on it again and wouldnt get off it.

[DatingIsSoHard]

I think this is the eternal love vs lust debate, which is fallacious in nature.

Statements such as "Why does she go for wealth, can't she just go for love?" or " Why do men only go for hot girls, can't they just love you for inner beauty?" etc... make no sense.Love is ALWAYS preceded by lust.You simply cannot love a person whom you don't lust for in the first place.

(I'm talking about romantic love, not 'love of your parents' or 'love for your children' etc..)

To be initially attracted it is true that most men go for looks.Nothing shallow or unfair.It's programmed into every man's DNA.(something to guarantee good offspring)

Women indeed go mostly for wealth/status.Again nothing shallow here, just a guarantee to have a good and safe environment to raise any offspring as well.

Like it or hate it but in nature also only the animals with the best genetic make-up get a chance to reproduce.So my only advice if you're a man is rich and if you're a woman well take good care of your appearance.Idealism will not get you dates.I know this is harsh but life IS harsh.Life is unfair, yes.Just get over it.

[CaptainPlanet]

"Women indeed go mostly for wealth/status"

 

yes I know but they never say that

[CaptainPlanet]

"Women indeed go mostly for wealth/status"

 

yes I know but they never say that - it is shallow and materialistic

 

"To be initially attracted it is true that most men go for looks. Nothing shallow or unfair."

 

but it is very shallow

 

So from a lot of these posts to get back on topic I can see why a man would be intimidated by a hot woman because of lack of status.

[Batya33]

I think that's a huge generalization. I don't go for wealth or status, just compatibility. That is true of almost all of my friends and the people I know. It also presumes that a woman needs to get wealth or status - if she is a woman who wants it - from a man. That may have been true many years ago, but no longer.

[JadedStar]

I think that's a huge generalization. I don't go for wealth or status, just compatibility. That is true of almost all of my friends and the people I know. It also presumes that a woman needs to get wealth or status - if she is a woman who wants it - from a man. That may have been true many years ago, but no longer.

 

I get the feeling batya that captain planet is not getting what we are saying.

 

There is such a huge difference in a woman going after wealth, and a woman going after fiscal compatibility.

 

I don't want anything I can't also provide. And that is my right.

And the right of every other man or woman on earth.

 

I could see myself dating a man without much money if his ambitions and goals were comparable to mine, and he was on a path, but had not achieved it yet. But the path were easy to see.

 

I am not a female deadbeat, thereforeeee male deadbeats do not attract me. Can't put it in any more simpler terms than that! LOL

[sti_2004]

decent looking girls where im staying are totally stuck up and conceited [-(..they wont even turn there head in my direction - or anyone else's unless they are brad pitt look-a-likes.

 

im glad there are down to earth hot chicks out there. =D>

 

i salute you.

[Batya33]

decent looking girls where im staying are totally stuck up and conceited [-(..they wont even turn there head in my direction - or anyone else's unless they are brad pitt look-a-likes.

 

im glad there are down to earth hot chicks out there. =D>

 

i salute you.

 

Why would you expect a person to turn her head in your direction? What have you done to try to get to know people? How many women have you approached in the last two weeks and what was the context (meaning, on the street, at a club, while playing a sport, etc). Is it possible that when you approach women who you find "decent looking" they can tell you have this negative attitude? That can be a turn off.

[dtm123]

I think that's a huge generalization. I don't go for wealth or status, just compatibility.

 

I don't think CaptainPlanet is saying that women only go after elite earners, say the top 5%, because it isn't practical. Just like all men can't be so picky that they only go after the top 5% best looking women.

 

It's a matter of degree. If you are pursuing a woman and you both make X, that's one thing. If you make 2X what she makes, you have a greater chance of success, as you can better provide for her and her offspring.

[Lily04]

hey... i totally feel the way u feel a lot, and i am goodlooking as well... i don't know. I think it may be my 'look' now to be honest. I'm 22 years old, but have a really mature look to me sometimes (i.e. my haircut makes me look older which i actually hate.) BUT before when I had longer hair that framed my face much better, and a really thin figure I didn't look mature -- I looked "Cute". American Eagle model type of cute. guys would approach me all the time then, thinking i'd be easy i guess. now I sort of want to lose weight and return to that... but still wear more mature clothes just because i don't really like how i look and i think that lack of self-confidence may also exude through without me really noticing... do you lack self-confidence at all, or are you happy with yourself? guys tend to pick up on that as well. just make sure you're going to appropriate venues as well.......i.e. with my 'cute' look i could go to any club but likely only the guys around my age would hit on me....now i feel i should go to more 'mature' clubs. i went to one that only teens go to before which i actually hated, and hardly any guys would hit on me... also might have been because i wasn't having fun and hated it there so maybe they picked up on that.

[Batya33]

I don't think CaptainPlanet is saying that women only go after elite earners, say the top 5%, because it isn't practical. Just like all men can't be so picky that they only go after the top 5% best looking women.

 

It's a matter of degree. If you are pursuing a woman and you both make X, that's one thing. If you make 2X what she makes, you have a greater chance of success, as you can better provide for her and her offspring.

 

Not in my case or in the case of most of my friends (most of us are professionals and financially stable). All else being equal, I would presume that the guy making 2x more than me would have to put in far more hours - or have to be available much more of the time for his work - and so that would go on the negative side of the equation. Also, since I don't need a provider - just someone who can hold his own like I do - that would not tip the scales for me. One of the reasons I went into the line of work I am in and decided to be an aggressive saver is so that I would not need a spouse to be a full time provider for a long period of time if we decided to have a family.

[Lily04]

scorpio i always take time to appoach guys now and they are interested for a few days and then drop me lol

 

My current boyfriend actually thought there was no way he could have a chance with me and didnt even take me seriously for the first year of our relationship, he thought i was to good to be true. lol

 

you know what happens to me? something like this... I find a guy I like but I am hotter than them and they think "oh, well if I could get her then i want to see how many other hot girls i can get." i.e. they're not necessarily players but getting a girl way out of their league turns them into one... because they have the personality of one i guess, they don't like to settle. they are the 'alpha male' type -- great job, successful, happy for the most part, and young, witty, but may not be the hottest guy. getting a hot girl makes them think 'why settle for just her?' and go off and try to find others. when they realize i was the best they could possibly get because i only liked them for their personality, not looks, and most hot girls don't think that way esp. in a CLUB setting (idiots, honestly) then they try to come back but by then i'm seriously unimpressed with such immaturity.

 

so yes.. this may also be your trouble? the guys get all excited getting a hot girl but don't want to just settle for one at that point, thinking they can become those 'alpha' players they always see in movies/TV shows (Entourage) and all that.... lame IMO.

[Batya33]

But that is not an example of a man who is looking for a relationship - just a notch in his belt. And that is not an example of a man not approaching a hot girl - from your example, he does approach, he just doesn't stick around for the relationship phase. And in the OPs case that also could be because he learns early on that she has a boyfriend.

[Lily04]

Not in my case or in the case of most of my friends (most of us are professionals and financially stable). All else being equal, I would presume that the guy making 2x more than me would have to put in far more hours - or have to be available much more of the time for his work - and so that would go on the negative side of the equation. Also, since I don't need a provider - just someone who can hold his own like I do - that would not tip the scales for me. One of the reasons I went into the line of work I am in and decided to be an aggressive saver is so that I would not need a spouse to be a full time provider for a long period of time if we decided to have a family.

 

i don't really know all of this discussion as i'm just tuning in now... but I think it really depends on the people, something like this you cannot generalize. Batya, if you and your friends are all professionals and financially stable, then of course they're not really going to seek those alpha type of males.... actually, you'll probably be turned off by it as most of those type are egotistical *sshole CEOs who think they're the best, etc.............but anyway. i know enough of them to be turned off by it i guess... but there are some who may be attracted to that. My cousin is one of them -- she is looking for a 'sugar daddy' so to speak, after a failed marriage, isnt a professional, but is a model and in business... and just wants financial stability at this point i suppose.

 

TO CONTRAST... however, i don't think as many young/pretty girls go for that as you think. my cousin is in her mid-30s, where financial stability is more important to her. hot 21 year olds aren't going to really care -- they just want a hot (and whatever other characteristics they may desire in a bf -- nice or hard-to-get) bf to take out as well. To illustrate, I'm 22 and my coworker just turned 18... we were both sales associates at this company. Our 43 yr old boss who looks almost half his age tries to act like the 'sugar daddy' type... but you can honestly tell under that he's not really the alpha male type just tries to act it. Anyway, he kept making sexual comments around us (my coworker is absolutely goooorgeous btw) and after I quit just this week, he asked me out to one of the most exclusive clubs here... i suppose in an effort to woo me or whatevr. yet both me & my coworker arent impressed by that... she has a hot bf who's a construction worker (so she obv. doesn't care about $$ but he's actually around her age and they enjoy the same thngs..) and I look for guys who aren't so desperate and just... more my type. so it really depends on the person... you can't genearlize as 'all young girls want sugar daddies' because its so no true.

[Lily04]

But that is not an example of a man who is looking for a relationship - just a notch in his belt. And that is not an example of a man not approaching a hot girl - from your example, he does approach, he just doesn't stick around for the relationship phase. And in the OPs case that also could be because he learns early on that she has a boyfriend.

 

the OP has a bf -- then why does she care if guys don't approach her? maybe they also know this, and rightly back off

[Batya33]

the OP has a bf -- then why does she care if guys don't approach her? maybe they also know this, and rightly back off

 

Yes, that has been asked several times on this thread with no response from what I can tell.

[Lily04]

hey also i was wondering... where do you hope guys WOULD approach you? you say they never do... but at school, grocery shopping, just on the street? at clubs they don't approach you? just wondering... i sometimes wish i were hotter... so that i would get approached at more random places but i'm not sure it will happen...

[Batya33]

In my experience - and friends' experiences, often what motivates someone to approach someone else is not whether the person is hot but a friendly smile, warm vibes, positive energy, etc. or even something the person is wearing or carrying that says something about them or their personality - a book, a t-shirt, etc.

[CaptainPlanet]

I don't approach a lot of women because I know from experience that I am very intimidating (because I am a huge person) a lot of not hot girls that I know I have the confidence to form a relationship with are just plain scared of me. So I tend to approach the semi hot girls, and I do the best with them because they are not scared of me. Also the hottest girls tend not to be scared either, but I never really get anywhere with them. I tend to like the more shy type of woman but the problem I am having is that the shy types do not respond to me well at all, they look down on me like I am something that just fell out of a tree. While the more outgoing women seem to love me, but just as a friend - or I lack the social skills to identify and act when/if a hot woman likes me.

 

My approach is really really good, believe me I can be super smoothe when I need to be for a very limited set of conditions - and I have been unable to carry it over into working life. I am also incapable at of forming proper romantic bonds with a woman.

[DatingIsSoHard]

I think that's a huge generalization. I don't go for wealth or status, just compatibility. That is true of almost all of my friends and the people I know. It also presumes that a woman needs to get wealth or status - if she is a woman who wants it - from a man. That may have been true many years ago, but no longer.

 

I think that's wishful thinking. I'm no hunk. When I had a job I was married. After my divorce and after I lost my job I've been miserable for the past 5 years. I'm now thinking of starting a company and work hard to make myself wealthy coz I know that with few wealth and no good looks to compensate my being poor I won't ever get a girl again. It's that simple. I don't complain that girls go for wealth (I do complain a lot that i'm ugly though, but who can I blame?) but rather I try to BECOME wealthy, to compensate my bad looks.

[dtm123]

Also, since I don't need a provider - just someone who can hold his own like I do - that would not tip the scales for me.

 

Perhaps you are able to think your way out of a few million years of human evolution, but most of your sex can't.

 

If a man makes twice as much money, his living conditions are likely twice as nice, his car is twice as nice, etc. How you feel in those environments helps influence how you feel about the person you are sharing them with.

[dtm123]

something the person is wearing or carrying that says something about them or their personality - a book, a t-shirt, etc.

 

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[JadedStar]

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TxTodd you are a freakin Hoot!! CHEERS!!!